Wood and Iron

by Jerick

Original ONGOING Adventure Drama Fantasy Female Lead High Fantasy Male Lead
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

A great tyrannical empire has fallen, its dark empress defeated. But peace remains elusive. The hero that had brought down the empire has vanished not long after their victory and what is left of the free western kingdoms reel from what they lost. They are left with empty thrones and eager claimants. The once mighty empire has shattered into pieces. It is a time of change, it is a time of political chaos.

Not that Elise could care. All this eccentric wand maker cares about is her craft. In a world where everyone has magic, hers is perhaps the weakest of anyone alive. Yet despite this, she will end up dragged into the political struggles created in the aftermath of the Undying Empress's fall. Though weak in magic, she is among the best at making wands and staves. Strange and sometimes belligerent she holds many secrets. This is a story about the shape the world took when the empress fell, this is a story about the proprietor of a small magic focus shop called 'Wood and Iron'.

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Jerick

Jerick

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Techman
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Fascinating story with a well thought out world, ingenious magic system, and characters that feel real. Blending the big picture kingdom stuff with people and relationships is done very well.

Only gripe is that the grammar could use some work. There are some run-on sentences and odd phrases that make me have to read things twice to understand.

All in all, a really promising story (only 18 chapters so far). The author has created a fantastic world with a unique twist on magic and I'm hungry to read more. Definitely recommend.

Edit (Aug 8): Making this an advanced review because this story is too good to not be trending. Doing my part to get it noticed.

Forksandknives
  • Overall Score

Flawed but worth a read

Interesting story so far, but with some pretty big flaws in its structure. The author uses very long sentences. Longer than they should be. Especially in dialogue, the lack of indicated pauses makes it seem like everybody is speaking like a robot. I would suggest that they try speaking their dialogue out loud as written to get a feel for good punctuation points. This is less of a problem in the rest of the text, but is still a bit jarring. Run on sentences are hard to read, and harder to write grammatically.

This leads into my next issue: exposition. The author likes to explain things about the world in lots of detail. This is fascinating, and displays an impressive depth of worldbuilding, but doesn't mesh very well with the pacing of the story. When there's a giant block of text that has absolutely no bearing on the plot whatsoever, something's gone wrong. With the common run on sentences, these expositional paragraphs really fuck with the flow of the text. I would suggest, especially if the author intends to do some editing, that they cut out information that doesn't really pertain to the plot at hand. Run-on sentences are rarely necessary. There's bound to be some superfluous info gumming up the story's flow, and even if there isn't, there are defnintely sentences that cover too much information. Break those up, and group related information together. Exposition will flow more smoothly.

My last problem is mostly a grammatical one, but important nonetheless. Keep tenses consistent throughout the text. There are times when the author slips into present tense out of nowhere, or otherwise screws with the grammatical context of the narrative. This is really important. Inconsistent tenses can be really immersion breaking if a reader notices them. 

When it comes to the actual content of the story, I don't have many complaints. It isn't professional level storytelling, but I don't expect that from royalroad. It's interesting, with thought put into the characters and the world, and that's enough to hold my attention, and far better than alot of the shit on this site.

Given that, I can't give this better than a three, because of the aformentioned problems. Better proofreading, and spending more time on constructing realistic dialogue, would easily bump my score up to a four or five depending on how the story progresses.

j03man
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Great world-building

Story: The medieval fantasy world-building is amazing and is worked seamlessly into the narrative rather than dumped as exposition. The story is mostly told from the perspective of commoners with occasional chapters focused on nobility or soldiers to give the context of world events. Unlike many medievil fantasy novels, while there is conflict in the story it never ventures into misery porn or grimdark territory.

Grammar: Some chapters are proofread better than others. Sometimes the grammar's perfect other times there are missing words, extra words, or oddly arranged sentences, that made the chapter tough to parse.

The characterization and style are both very good I don't have any detailed thoughts on them as of this review (ch17). 

SanicStrafe
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So i will just give some early thoughts on the story. I will come back to it when hopefully there are more chapters and the grammar and spelling mistakes are fixed. You got a great starting point good luck author. 

 

Great story needs major edits

Cold_Sun
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A gem of a writer. With no boxes and systems, this story stands a class apart. 

 

qfarjad
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Very unique and detailed magic system

Wonderful, absolutely wonderful. It's a very unique novel, and seems to have a lot of world building done for it. Please keep writing.

The depth that the author goes into explaining the technicalities of the wand making craft is cool, and I was very disappointed to see the greyed out next chapter button

 

Roguish wizard
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Fascinating background and world, interesting characters and a massive amount of potential. What's not to love!

Bioniclegenius
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Excellent, but needs editing

The story has an excellent plot, strong characters, and the makings of a masterful story. It draws you in and immerses you, and you can't help but want to figure out what's going on.

That said, the author needs an editor. There are frequent run-on sentences, and at times it's as though they haven't heard of commas. For me, every time I hit one of these, it forcibly breaks immersion, which just adds to my frustration because there is such a good story hidden behind these flaws. This could truly shine with some minor, easy cleanup.

If lines like the following don't bother you, welcome to your new home:

"Keeping precise track of the time was a great way to avoid unpleasant surprises for instance soon these green hills would be replaced with a forest. Perfect he could work with this."

Nobody4548
  • Overall Score

 This story has potential, very nice steps telling so far. Looking forward to goes this goes...