Welcome to the Dungeon

by Justin K

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Fantasy Romance Dungeon Low Fantasy Magic Male Lead Mythos

[Welcome to the Dungeon: Black Tower, weary traveler. System update will commence.]

When I heard this message, I thought I was in a dream. I was wrong. This was not a dream, and I soon found out I would play an important role in the future of the planet, even though at that time I thought it was just for fun. Along with Blackmail I will fight in this dungeon, meet a new friend, and hopefully save the planet

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 40,778
  • Average Views :
  • 886
  • Followers :
  • 86
  • Favorites :
  • 37
  • Ratings :
  • 44
  • Pages :
  • 596
Advertisement
Remove
Go to Table of Contents
Rate it
Fiction breaking rules? Report
Advertisement
Remove
Author
Justin K

Justin K

Achievements
25,000 Views
Group Leader (V)
10 Comments
Fledgling Reviewer (III)
5 Review Upvotes
1st Anniversary
Word Count (11)
Advertisement
Remove

Leave a review

Reviews
Sort by:
Wilberforce
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Story : the idea is good. A high schooler trapped in a dungeon within his mind (or should I say dream?). It makes you want to know more.

Style : this is the weakest link imo. Too much telling and not showing. Show don't tell, as they say. 

Take this paragraph for example: 

"After my father went back inside, I decided to mow the lawn. The rest of the day was uneventful. I drove my sister to her friend's house and did some chores my mother forced me to do. I also went to open gym and practiced my martial arts for an hour."

Instead of telling, you could instead show us how he practiced martial arts for one good hour. It will be far more interesting than reading the paragraph above.

Different fonts make it difficult to read. Consider making it uniform.

Grammar : okay but needs editing. Consider using Grammarly and Prowritingaid.

 Character: I haven't read enough to judge the mc but he seems to ignore his surroundings. There were questions he should have asked from the very beginning. Well, this could change in the subsequent chapters.

 

BlueOnceMoon
  • Overall Score

D&D meets real-world is a fun idea. In some places I was reminded a bit of Goblin Slayer. This story feels like it's full of things the author loves, and that's always really nice to see. It's also really cool to see a longer-term project still recieve updates. I hope to see this one keep going. 

ILeaveAReviewWhenIDropIt
  • Overall Score

The concept is good.

But concept is concept. Writing skill is another.

Not grammatical errors or wrong use of vocabulary.

You simply can't read it. 

blindfox
  • Overall Score

This has alot of points where it seems that it can be good but just falls short he powers way to fast even for op char its insanly fast he meets a fairy marrys her without knowing cool stuff instantly they start saying i love you no sence just confusing amount of skills needs boxs for skills honstly he just uses smaller text kinda hurts my eyes i was hoping for it to get better read to 20 before i couldnt anymore