Discontinued

by mar ssung

Original HIATUS Adventure Comedy Fantasy Mystery High Fantasy Magic Male Lead Multiple Lead Characters Portal Fantasy / Isekai Strong Lead
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Author
mar ssung

mar ssung

Ionian

Achievements
I Am Taking Off (IV)
Word Wielder (I)
1st Anniversary
Group Leader (II)
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Table of Contents
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Unique style of writing, but not my taste

A review by The Reviewer:

Style and Story:

The style of writing looks horrendus to me. Very little prose and descriptions, and the diologue is written without expression. There's just a name and then what that character says. No, "excclaimed Joe in surprise." It's just Joe: Wow. Also, using * to describe actions is not a good way to do it. Use adjectives and descriptions to flesh out actions! It seems like your're not putting a lot of work into this at all!

The story is ok. The idea behind this whole novel is kind of intresting, but with this style of writing. I don't think anyway would want to read it and actually find out more about the plot.

Grammar and Character:

In the prose, there's very little grammar mistakes. BUT in the diologue. I'm just taking stars off for the fact that the diologue is written how it is.

Character is doing ok. There's enough conversations so that the character develpoment is ongoing, BUT. It seems like they're emotionless human beings. As I said before, put expression into the diologue to make the characters seem more realistic!

There's a lot of things to improve on, and if you do make these changes. I can guarantee your writing will be a lot better. I know you're particuarly new at writing, but I'm not going to hold back just beacuse of that. 

Hope this wasn't demotivating in any way!

-The Reviewer