The Power of Systems

by Pandalicious

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Comedy Fantasy Anti-Hero Lead GameLit High Fantasy LitRPG Magic Male Lead Portal Fantasy / Isekai Reincarnation Ruling Class Secret Identity

And—he’s dead.

Ryan, a 5’11” young man died. Sadly, he couldn't be put at rest just yet. To his utter surprise, he’s reincarnated in a new world, but not as a baby. Ryan’s body is still in the same condition from before he was killed! What a lucky day!

This courageous young man finds himself in a new world full of kingdoms, adventurers, and mysterious magical creatures, but he doesn’t quake in fear. He faces it head on like a classic hero from stories! How will this adventure continue? Well, something important ends up happening within the first few minutes of his reincarnation in a new world. He dies to a petty goblin, unlike how one thought the events would flow.

His luck with surviving things unscathed is not so great, but with some help from an unknown power, he will prevail over all! In the near future, It’s very possible that this power will also allow him to control everything from behind the scenes.

Taking over kingdoms with thought out plans, fake identities and most important of all… overwhelming strength!

Check out “The Power of Systems” today!






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DefinitelyAGiraffe
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You should at least try it!

I'm writing this review at the end of Chapter 5.

 

Let me preface this by saying that my opinions are not fact. What I think about this story is not law, and by all means, you could have the polar opposite opinion. So please, look at what I say but don't treat it as the final verdict; make your own opinion by reading the story as well.

 

IMPORTANT: I will be putting spoilers in this review. Read at your own risk, obviously. However, the more important ones (imo) will be put in the spoiler tag, others won’t be. Please remember that this is written at chapter five. There are likely things I put in here that get explained later. Anyway, let's begin.

 

Style:

 

I have no queries with the style. If anything, it's actually quite easy to read. In my opinion, this is an improvement from your older story. However, I don't particularly like the time-skips but I understand why they'd be necessary. It keeps things fast-paced, but I personally don't believe this is the sort of story that should be fast. Although, that is my opinion and clearly you know what you're doing and where you are going with it.

 

Spoiler: Spoiler



Story:

 

This is where I struggle. The story has promise, and I like how it changes over time with how the MC's opinion changes. An immortal person with a hellish, anti-hero intent. That's pretty fun. But first, I need to unpack the prologue.

Spoiler: Spoiler

 

Altogether though, I like the idea of the plot. It varies from other stories that I've read which makes for a nice change. (Please be aware that I do not read this genre often, so I'm not that well-informed.) Every time Ryan dies, he has the chance to get a new skill on his resurrection?




Grammar:

 

I haven't noticed that many flaws, and they certainly don't take my immersion away. The only reason I have noticed them is because of me writing this review, and I was specifically looking for these sorts of things. It could be a little more imaginative, but that's not a flaw in the slightest.




Character:

 

Ah. The big one. Ryan, by the end of Chapter 5, should basically have no emotions. Yet, his compassion or 'calculation' made it so he didn't kill the scientists. After dying 100 times, the weird effect should've taken full control at this point. Especially when you consider that him dying three to four times had him noticing the change. Is he immortal? He feels like Captain Jack Harkness. Able to die and regrow limbs when he gets resurrected. Makes me wonder where the threat is, considering it reads like he can't permanently die.

 

Personally, I'm not a fan of the whole emotion thing. Sure, it's explained in the story, but it doesn't change the fact that I cannot relate to Ryan in the slightest. He doesn't seem human, he doesn't really think human either. Everything is said through his thoughts, so we get his opinion on things, yet we still get situations where it doesn't seem realistic. If memory serves me correct, there was a moment where he predicted something that shouldn't have been possible.

 

Side characterisation aggravated me. The farmers not believing that he was human means that there must be really cool monsters. Monsters that can wear human costumes, or shape-shift, or impersonate. That opens up for a whole lot of potential. Except, they have no way of telling them apart. You'd think that the humans would've adapted, and found a way to tell a real human from a monster one. But that's a negative, because Ryan has to die in that hole due to the farmer.

 

Then, back in the village, the very same farmer sees him again and kills him. In a public area. No one tries to stop this. So it begs the question: are people backwards, corrupt, or plain idiotic? I have to go for all three when the tax issue comes up. It just annoyed me. I felt separate from the situation because I couldn't put myself in Ryan's shoes, so it just felt like I was reading an injustice. Unable to help. (That's good writing though, I'll give you that. If you can make a reader feel something, you've succeeded. I just didn't like the method you used to get there.)

 

The characters didn't feel real in the slightest with their odd motivations. This was something that I noted in your older story, was the focus on predefined roles. Obviously, it's necessary for the story and the classes, but it still makes me feel weird. One thing that confused me was the stealth skill in chapter five. Did the scientists not notice that he just disappeared? Usually stealth works in the sense of 'they can't see me' but that doesn't really work when they were staring directly at you. Additionally, the room was full to the brim with people who wanted to see him. Surely they'd notice that he just slipped away (unless the skill made a projection of him, but that's not explained or stated so I don't think so).

 

I feel like Ryan hasn't thought about what he should do by chapter 5. Everything seemed to rush by in the blink of the eye. After being subjected to the clear class-discrimination and fatal flaws in the punishment system, he still wants to rule everything from behind the shadows. Not burn it to the ground and start anew - a literal immortal leader. Or take over the quadrants and make them fix their issues. He just wants to be untouchable and let others go through the same pain he did, except without the safety cushion of immortality. This is where I struggle to relate and emote with him; why should I want to follow the story of someone who's motivation is 'something they read in a light novel'?

 

Because Ryan seems like the kind of person with compassion. Is he really going to subject people to torture just so he can try and live his dream from a light novel?

 

However, I do have to admit that this is quite good for building up the anti-hero side of it; so I commend you Panda on that front.

 

Personal things: why are there so many references to Japanese culture (the whole 'otaku side of me' thing)? It makes me feel like this is targeted towards a Japanese audience, because I had to google what those words meant.

 

Would he really think of the letters 'XD'? It made me feel like I was reading a 2016 internet forum page, rather than the inner monologue of an anti-hero MC.

 

Lastly, would Ryan actually censor himself? Just by using an asterisk? In my personal opinion, if you're writing speech, or thoughts, either commit to cussing and write it full, or just don't swear at all. I don't know anyone who thinks a swear and puts an asterisk in it for censorship.




Overall:

 

It's new. It's unique. It's full of promise. Now that I enjoy. There is vivid imagery that I adore, splattered throughout the first five chapters. It really helps in setting the scene and feels like the strong suit of Pandalicious. The style compliments how the MC thinks and makes it feel wholly more natural, so I congratulate you on that front. The story makes me wonder, but as I'm five chapters in, I am seriously not in a place to dismantle it. There's always room for change and adaptation. Keep up the good work with the grammar.

 

Continue writing this story, you've got a lot to build on and you've built up a great premise. I expect good things from you. Even if I have pointed out a few weird things, they're 1) my opinion, 2) could be explained easily, and 3) probably me over-analysing something that shouldn't be analysed. Go and read the story and enjoy it. Otherwise you're missing out.

Is that a reference
  • Overall Score

What doesn't  kill you makes you stronger or in this case what does kill you gives you new skill to play around with

I feel that the events in prologue might happen in the near future not close  but it might be much farther in

honestly like the take on the skill taking mc type hope this gets more attention in the future

comedy is ok  not much to say right now (chapterr 4)

Try reading it  This might turn out great 

blabuc
  • Overall Score

Very funny, more imagery

The story while seemingly not set on one goal, at least yet, is funny and nicely paced.

It's very satisfying to see the character progress, especially since we don't see much grinding.

I'd suggest using more descriptive language for the city, for example, describe the dirt / clean cobblestone roads, the tight alleyways littered with recruitment papers for the knight tournament, it's not a big thing but it makes the story more immersive. :)

Escape Velocity
  • Overall Score

 Im speechless. Thats it. This has incredible potential, and the amount of detail and effort put behind it is incredible. Great job, and I hope to read other works by this amazing author in the future!

The Reviewer
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The Reviewer on another novel:

Nice job on your second novel man! (I noticed on your fictions tab) Continue to write and I guarantee you'll get somewhere. Review as of Chapter 1.

Style:

Personally, your style of writing is pretty creative and I enjoy it. The funny remarks Ryan sometimes makes is enough to bring a smile to my face. If you continue to write in this styel, you got me to support you, but if you decide not to. It's fine by me, I'll just update my review then!

Story:

I'm liking the story right now. I know others might say isekai is overdone, but I can't get enough of it. I've read all the good ones and been looking cosntantly for more. If this can become big like the more well known novels posted elsewhere, notify me when you do.

Grammar:

Easy and concise. Perfect, can't see any mistakes.

Character:

Once again, the character has already made an impression on me within the first chapter. He's a funny and cool guy. I don't know if you'll change his personality later on, I'll just wait and see.

Conclusion:

Nice job on the start of your second novel! It's been a great read so far, and make sure you don't stop until the end! 

P.S. Hope this wasn't demotivating in any way.

-The Reviewer

Avid reader 79
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Awesome attempt at a second novel!

This novel is so much better than your first one I think! After reading the reviews of Omega System and then seeing this novel instead really makes me wonder how easily someone can improve!

Style:

Way better than before. Storytelling is unique, kind of like first person japanese novels which isn't very common this site. Great work!

Story:

Story is good so far and you can tell was more planned out than Omega System. This time, everything that happens has a reason behind it and not just random thing.

Grammar:

Perfect, nothing else to say about that.

Character:

Character is ongoing and doing well. I would've loved if those characters like Dochet and Chiyian had more screentime beacuse I would've loved to see their character develop alongside Ryan's. Don't know if they may come back in the future though.

Nice job writing a second novel man!

NobodySpecial
  • Overall Score

Chapter 5 and i'm dropping it

 so far the story can be summarised as, MC gets stronger by reviving after death and if there is any way the MC can die he will

Spoiler: Spoiler

 by the end of chapter 5 i was very convinced this novel is basically just a wish fulfillment powertrip, anybody looking for a well thought out story should look else where because it most certainly isn't here