Isekai Avenger

by Wayne

Original ONGOING Satire Grimdark Magic Non-Human lead Portal Fantasy / Isekai Strategy Villainous Lead

There are many tales of an ordinary person travelling into a 'fantasy world' and getting cheat abilities and saving the world from a demon king & collecting women like they were trading cards while bumbling comedically around.

This is not one of those tales. This is what happens when the reverse happens, when an extraordinary person travels into the 'mundane world' as revenge for a life times work ruined by some highschooler.

Read what happens when the Lich Lord, the undead mastermind behind the Demon King travels to Earth for payback. 


*******
Cover art does not belong to me, stock photo for a necromancer, think it looks okay, slight modification made to original text. 

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 17,087
  • Average Views :
  • 1,005
  • Followers :
  • 166
  • Favorites :
  • 49
  • Ratings :
  • 37
  • Pages :
  • 171
Advertisement
Remove
Go to Table of Contents
Rate it
Fiction breaking rules? Report
Advertisement
Remove
Author
Wayne

Wayne

Achievements
I Am Ascending (IV)
Great Review (V)
Word Wielder (III)
Rising Star
Good Reviewer (V)
Group Leader (III)
Great Commenter (V)
Advertisement
Remove
Reviews

Leave a review

l nimbus
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Hold off o' them pitchforks, bois.

First off, I want to say that the author requested this. Not the review, but this particular level of brutality. I went over it with him in the PMs, and he asked me to be this brutal/nitpicky/willfully cruel. This isn't my usual style of reviewing, so don't form any images of me through this. I'm usually much nicer.

Now, let's get on to the actual content. Again, I'd usually say what I'm going to say in a different tone and voice..but he wanted me to cut loose and be the assholiest asshole out there. So, that. Now, on to the review.

Content:

Okay..so, when I read the title and sypnosis, I was expecting another story. More professional, something deeper. I was disappointed with what I got. Yeah, sure, it has a good idea behind the story, but the actual execution is flawed. See, this doesn't read like a story in the action parts of the book, it reads like a top-down SRPG like Red Alert: Command and Conquer..except with all the fun parts. More on that later.

Story:

Okay, great prologue, if short. really sets the tone..and then flubs it. The chapters after that felt subpar, to be honest. No struggle or danger on the MC's part, just him mowing down people in the thousands or so with little effort and no threat to himself. Being killed or maybe even having his body destroyed presents on only minor inconveniences to him. So, there's no sense of tension to keep the audience, well, tense. He starts off as a superpower, right from the get go.

This is stuff thats making the story come apart at the seams. There's no concrete magic system to speak of, just stuff being added at the author's whims/MC's needs. Undead classes, powers and whatnot are constantly snowballing into more and more. See, if there were pre-fixed evolution classes and paths that the reader knew of, there'd be some feeling of satisfaction as the MC creates new classes with time and effort. But, no, more and more problems are instantly resolved by undead tailor-made for just that.

First invasion failed because of US army and superior firepower? No problem, let's make a soul virus out of thin air to turn them all into puppets. Never mind establishing any limits to the MC's powers or telling the reader what types of magic he can do beforehand. That would be spoiling and not at all help set limits and expectations for the MC. Let's ignore all that silly stuff, completely throw reasonable limits and maybe and tension, suspense and feelings of achievement out the window.

Researching things like real-world scenery, distance in geography, cultures and other subjects that help give life to a story? That seems like too much work. Let's just go with country and city names, and hope the readers gloss over everything else.

But what about actual 'action' scenes? Oh don't be silly. Why write those when you can just have the MC internally monologue and explain his superiority in magic and then effortlessly finish off anything opposing him. Actual threats to the Main Character to help build tension and suspense? Pshaw, who need those. The MC should be nigh-unkillable and always have a solution to anything, given a bit of time.

Why yes, there is a tiny bit of foreshadowing to powers when Blight is used early on, but even the powers that are used in conjunction with it are pulled from thin air. Hah, take that, reader!


Style:

Passable, at best. You leave out many thing that make a story, well, a story. Little to no descriptions of anything, from enemies to undead to scenery. Some foreshadowing, but even that is kicked under the bus by the rest of the plot. The MC spends far more time mentally monologuing his powers and how they will work that there is actual plot advancement happening.

And when the plot does advance, it's at a dizzying speed. You think an undead lich invading the world could be made entertaining and exciting, or horrifying. Nope, not here. We see no other POVs that might serve to flesh out the story, or see the terrifying lich army through the eyes of someone from Earth. Nope, nothing. We aren't even treated to the action or wholesale slaughter. I stead we just get facts that the army is bulldozing everything in sight.

Oh, before we go on. I'm going to point out these two, as I feel they go in Style instead of Grammar. Immediately go back and take out ALL the '&' symbols and replace them with the actual word. Doing that in a story is an affront to immersion.. the same with numbers. Instead of 500, actually say 'five hundred'.

Grammar:

Again, passable. You don't misspell, so there's that. But, you're prose and wording are nothing to write home about either. Dialogue, what little there is, is so-so. Gets that job done, but does not inspire.

Characters:

 .....There seems to be nothing here. In the eight chapters I read, there was little to no characterization. The MC gets some tiny backstory and a future goal a few chaps in, but nothing else. No personality traits that become obvious, no real flaws, no quirks, no..nothing. Some other characters were flimsily fleshed out, but that's about it. So, what's to keep me reading? I can't connect to a character, so I'll just get bored and drop the story along the way. I mean, a story just isn't a story if you don't have character. Well, oh, that's fine, I guess people will take him being a lich as good enough. characterization. I mean, it's not like manga and anime have done the same thing at this point.

Maybe you could pass it off as lich-like. You know, barebones.

Closing: Sorry to say, Wayne, but this story just didn't live up to what I hoped. So, there's only one way to do this: Get Gud, of courses! Check out Terrible Writing Advice on YouTube, and find what videos you think you need on the channel. Watch those, think on them, then come back and re-write everything here.

RatTorture
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

To start, I will give a slight amount of charity in saying that the concept for this story is interesting in the least, but that is about all the favor I will grant it.

To start, the simplest thing is grammar, The grammar is servicable but word selection and sentance structure is nothing notable and quite blocky at times. Occasional missing periods and other such errors bring it below 3 stars.

While style is low simply for the fact that I have no idea about anything. 

By that I mean the utter lack of descriptions, I will use the first chapter as an example since that is where an impression is supposed to be struck.

Besides for the fact that within the first six paragraphs we see tenses switch within 5 words with "I was severely limited right now" directly contradicting itself, We also have the fact that you can barely tell that you are japan besides for the reference to the Security Defense Force.

Until chapter 2 I will be honest in saying I had no idea about anything existing besides a room in a location with an asian nurse that might be in japan but SDF could just as easily be mentioning something like Supernatural Defense Force or another alphabet soup styling on a handler of supernatural events.

Then we have the story, which besides for its unique concept is quite boring. World conquest undead style with no real opposition and a lich running unopposed on earth who are completely helpless before a hint of opposition or somebody calling the nuke department.

And now characters. or lack thereof. The "character" of the main lich is about as dead as the body he possesed was. That is to say there is little to none. He is seemingly a mass of bones and magical knowledge animated solely by his desire for power with an eventual aim at godhood.

A book without tension, an ambition unopposed, and characters without characterization.

A recipe for absolutely nothing good coming out of this.


Quaint
  • Overall Score

 I like how not easily the heros "defeat" the demon king, in a lot of novels its total bullshit how he loses but in this one its completely logical, it also plaays to my sadistic tendencies.

Quantum_Mechanic
  • Overall Score

Interesting concept but, meh.

The biggest problem I have with this story is that it fails in the adage: Show, don't tell.

The entire story up to where I've read (Ch. 7) has been a monologue of the MC telling us what is happening. Sometimes a little repetitively if I'm not confusing this with another story.

It's also a bit boring since there is no perceived peril to the protagonist. He has no weakness. There is no visible method of winning against him.
Nuked from orbit? Body hop as seen in Prologue.

BasileusRex
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Great plot, great characters, great development not only that but very realistic which most novels/stories lack, one thing that could prove devastating to the story in the future is the pace of which things are going, it feels as if in a few days/weeks/months humanity will be all but wiped out with no resistance, if you completely get rid of the whole human element and make the story about fighting magical creatures and the sort it would make me less inclined to read the story but then again Iā€™m only at chapter 7, hoping for the best though šŸ‘šŸ‘

fanobody
  • Overall Score

I love story of total war and this story is the embodiment of it.

The mc learn and do error, even better, his ennemi learn.

Necro army vs human can we evolve to beat them?

sisisu
  • Overall Score

Spoiler:

In the beginning I thought how is this going to transition into him not immediately conquering Earth and that went really smooth

End of spoiler

It is really nice and awkwardly funny.

For me the only thing missing are updates.