Varnoth: The Black Blade (A LitRPG Story)

by Lavelle Jackson

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Fantasy GameLit Grimdark High Fantasy LitRPG Non-Human lead Portal Fantasy / Isekai Slice of Life Strong Lead
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

Book One is now on Amazon, you can purchase here or read as part of your Kindle Unlimited subscription -- https://www.royalroad.com/amazon/B07VB2933J

Varnoth’s journey through the lush fantasy world of Albattara continues. After the defeat of the Derelict Gang’s crime boss, Atlas, all seems well for the countryside. However, a horrific event occurs that forces the shadow panther into leading a massive group of diverse refugees as they search desperately for a safe haven. This time around Varnoth is not alone. Interesting, fleshed-out side characters join the fight alongside the Black Blade. Varnoth will battle terrifying monsters and go on amazing quests as he grows into one of the most powerful heroes in all the land. Will this power be enough when retribution knocks on Varnoth's door? Will he be able to keep his people safe?

 

Disclaimer -- This story contains graphic violence and mild profanity 

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Lavelle Jackson

Lavelle Jackson

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Garrdor
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Hasn't decided what kind of story it wants to be

This is a summary of all my comments I posted on chapter 18, it worked pretty well as a review though so I copy and pasted it here and just kept adding to it, mostly so people like me who see three vague 5-star reviews will have some warning before reading the story. There aren't any real spoilers cuz I don't get too specific (except when I do), but it is mostly just a list of complaints from the 18 released chapters, and it is not brief.

Spoiler: Spoiler

  I guess a third suggestion would be try to have an actual plot, one that happens within a story that has real characters in it. That sounds meaner than it is, here's what I mean:

Actual spoliers ahead:

Spoiler: Spoiler

That's all I got for ya I think most of this is pretty constructive, definitely at least highlighting some areas you could work on. My reviews always spiral out of control as I add more and more stuff. Hopefully there's something usefull in here and you don't just think I'm a jerk, and the low score hasn't hurt your feelings. The way I see it though, you're not getting anything out of those 5 star reviews because this definitely isn't a 5 star story (yet!), 5 star means it's the best of the best, who's gonna hit a home run the first time they step to the plate? 

LordxLaw
  • Overall Score

Cringy Dialogue and Endless Critical Hits!

DNF (Did Not Finish) at Chapter 17. The bulk of this review is from my comment on that chapter, and contains most of my gripes and issues with the story as a whole. Minor spoilers ahead!

Spoiler: Spoiler

[My comment from Chapter 17]

I am utterly baffled by this. Is Varnoth not going to go after Atlas at all to avenge Isabella and Geneva?? He is just doing random side quests for anyone with a mouth at this point. I was expecting him to at least feel some hatred and anger and malice towards the man who literally beat one of his friends to a pulp and cut out the eyeballs of the other, but NOPE! Gotta help Mrs. Canterbury now! 

 

What is the main questline of this story? Do you have a clear direction where you want this story to go? Or are you just writing blind and hoping things will work out in the end. It seems to me like you just created this character, threw him in this world, and are letting him run wild. 

 

Also, the endless Critical Hits have made me abandon this. At this point Varnoth is never going to be in any danger of dying or having his health bar depleted below halfway. He is super OP, the enemies are super under-leveled, and I just can't get invested in anything here. He still hasn't questioned how or why he is in Albatarra, if Albatarra is a game or an actual world, or how to return home. He has no personality except for saying Friggers whenever things go bad. 

 

I think the main issue with this story is the lack of focus. It needs a main plotline. The idea of him hunting down Atlas was a good change of pace because he actually had a goal in mind, but then you seemed to just abandon that in favor of more fetch quests.

 

The dialogue can be very stilted and cringy at times, as well. You keep forgetting about the relationship point mechanic  you introduced a while back.

 

I think you should focus on trying to piece this all together with a main questline. Who crucified Varnoth? Have him go looking for answers. Introduce powerful NPCs and heroes and bosses and villains. And for God's sake have him avenge those two dead girls!!!

For those who want a spoiler free review, I will say this. If you don't mind pointless fetch quests, an OP as hell MC, cringy dialogue, Critical Hits every 30 seconds, an MC lacking a personality or backstory of any kind, hollow NPCs, and a plotless story where things just kind of happen, then give this a read. It's the kind or story you can turn your brain off and enjoy without thinking too far into it. Besides, who doesn't want to read about a Shadow Panther ripping a guy's throat out??

 

EDIT: I did end up finishing Book 1, and am currently reading the updates for Book 2. The story somehow keeps me coming back. I must give the author his dues for keeping things entertaining, at least.

mihai
  • Overall Score

quite the addictive story

Currently at chapter 6 , quite the addictive story even if a little hurried in my opinion. 5 stars for the big black cat .

RadKat
  • Overall Score

GIve it a read! You won't regret it.

It's addictive, and you can't wait for more. Even though it doesn't end in cliff hangers. You still want to read more, and anticipate the next chapter!

RyuNaga
  • Overall Score

This is my first review but I've been around this site for quite some time now. I fancy myself as a lover of fantasy if anyone one has followed the same stories I follow, so we all love a good start to a story with a character build up. 

For Varnoth, he is essentially an isekai hero placed into a world he is unknown to. The start of the story keeps you focused on the character and not so much as to the why but this simply the start to a worldly adventure. He isn't quite the overpowered MC as one would expect but he does fall into a couple of cliches that the author quickly hashes out but introduces some minor cliches which are acceptable in a grand adventure. The characters don't quite feel 2D and bland as they are developed through the chapters.

Although the chapters are short the story is only beginning so I would highly recommend giving Varnoth a shot and maybe his tale can attract you enough to stay and join the journey to find out when he truly earns his title and why.

booitsjwu
  • Overall Score

Non-stop Action; No Annoying Stuff

This is exactly what I look for in a web novel: non-stop action and no annoying characters/sideplots. I dislike constantly switching POVs, I hate sycophantic side characters, and I absolutely loathe harems. If you feel the same way, give this story a try.

Mister Bill
  • Overall Score

Good, action-packed story

Good story so far. It has a neat quest for a unique class, good MC, lots of action, and the MC has a different race, to boot. Well written and well worth reading.