The Abandoned City

by Lutra777

Original COMPLETED Fantasy Tragedy High Fantasy Magic Multiple Lead Characters
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

One hundred years ago the Elysian Empire pacified the world, subjugating or demanding tribute from all the known nations. For decades, peace reigned through the land.

Then, a few years after the death of Kogon Satore' of Elys, a courtesan who dreams of being an adventurer, a young soldier, a disabled migrant trying to make ends meet, the new Koga of Elys and a young man seeking vengeance for his people's humiliation will cross paths in unexpected ways...

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  • Pages :
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Lutra777

Lutra777

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
1. Sena - Roen Sur Forest, Jomura ago
2. Nelle - The Great Lagoon, Breor ago
3. Loden - Turix Sea ago
4. Midore' - Elys, Capital of the World ago
5. Breori Reconnaisance Wing - South Turix ago
6. Sena - Roen Sur Forest, Jomura ago
7. Maxeon - The Great Lagoon, Breor ago
8. Loden - Minia, Jomura ago
9. Sena - Unknown, Jomura ago
10. The Prophet - Aprion, Breor ago
11. An Old Woman - Ureon, Jomura ago
12. Midore' - Elys ago
13. Sena - Unknown, Jomura ago
14. Efon - Prion Forest, Breor ago
15. Loden - Minia, Jomura ago
16. Midore' - West of Elys ago
17. Nelle - Ureon, Jomura ago
18. Loden - Roen Sur Forest, Jomura ago
19. Sena - Unknown, Jomura ago
20. Efon - Prion Forest, Breor ago
21. Nelle - Ureon, Jomura ago
22. Midore' - Elys ago
23. Loden - Roen Sur Forest, Jomura ago
24. Sena - Roen Sur Forest, Jomura ago
25. Miren - Minia, Jomura ago
26. Efon - Mt. Mahala, Breor ago
27. Nelle - Aprion, Breor ago
28. Efon - Mt. Mahala, Breor ago
29. Sena - Unknown, Jomura ago
30. Efon - Mt. Mahala Summit, Breor ago
31. Midore' - West of Elys ago
32. Efon - Mt. Mahala Summit, Breor ago
33. Sena - Unknown, Jomura ago
34. Nelle - The Great Lagoon, Breor ago
35. Loden - Unknown, Jomura ago
36. Nelle - The Great Lagoon, Breor ago
37. Sena - Unknown, Jomura ago
38. Midore' - Elys ago
39. Nelle - Mt. Mahala, Breor ago
40. Loden - Roen Sur Forest, Jomura ago
41. Midore' - Turix Sea ago
42. Nelle - The Great Lagoon, Breor ago
43. Loden - Minia, Jomura ago
44. Jure' - Reo City, Reoa ago
45. Sena - Unknown, Jomura ago
46. Midore' - Turix Sea ago
47. Loden - Minia, Jomura ago
48. Sena - Unknown, Jomura ago
49. Nelle - Aprion, Breor ago
50. Jure' - Reo City, Reoa ago
51. Loden - Minia, Jomura ago
52. Nelle - Aprion, Breor ago
53. Sena - Unknown, Jomura ago
54. Midore' - Reo City, Reoa ago
55. Nelle - Turix Sea ago
56. Loden - Minia, Jomura ago
57. Sena - Unknown, Jomura ago
58. Midore' - Reo City, Reoa ago
59. Nelle - Qente ago
60. Loden - Minia, Jomura ago
61. Sena - Unknown, Jomura ago
62. Midore' - Elys ago
63. Nelle - Aprion, Breor (Ending Rewrite) ago
64. Loden - Minia, Jomura (Ending Rewrite) ago
65. Sena - Roen Sur Forest, Jomura (Ending Rewrite) ago
66. Efon - Breoa, Breor (Ending Rewrite) ago
67. Sena - Roen Sur Forest, Jomura (Ending Rewrite) ago
68. Nelle - Aprion, Breor (Ending Rewrite) ago
69. Loden - Minia, Jomura (Ending Rewrite) ago
70. Miren - Minia, Jomura (Ending Rewrite) ago
71. Sena - Roen Sur Forest, Jomura (Ending Rewrite) ago
72. Loden - Minia, Jomura (Ending Rewrite) ago
73. Poril - Roen Sur Forest, Jomura (Ending Rewrite) ago
74. Efon - Breoa, Breor (Ending Rewrite) ago
75. Mika - Aprion, Breor (Ending Rewrite) ago
76. Midore' - Elys (Edited/Reorganized) ago
77. Loden - Minia, Jomura (Edited/Reorganized) ago
78. Sena - Minia, Jomura (Edited/Reorganized) ago
79. Loden - Minia, Jomura (Ending Rewrite) ago
80. Efon - Reoa Strait (Edited/Reorganized) ago
81. Nelle - Aprion, Breor (Edited/Reorganized) ago
82. Tureon - Outside Minia (Ending Rewrite) ago
83. Loden - Roen Sur Forest, Jomura (Ending Rewrite) ago
84. Efon - Reoa (Edited/Reorganized) ago
85. Nelle - Aprion, Breor (Ending Rewrite) ago
86. Loden - Unknown (Chapter renumbered) ago
87. Sena - Minia, Jomura (Edited/Reorganized) ago
88. Efon - Reoa (Edited/Reorganized) ago
89. Nelle - Aprion, Breor (Ending Rewrite) ago
90. Mika - Minia, Jomura (Ending Rewrite) ago
91. Birte - Minia, Jomura (Ending Rewrite) ago
92. Efon - Reo City, Reoa (Edited/Reorganized) ago
93. Midore' - Elys (Ending Rewrite) ago
94. Mika - Turix (Ending Rewrite) ago
95. Birte - West Jomura (Ending Rewrite) ago
96. Midore' - Aprion, Breor (Ending Rewrite) ago
97. Mika - Near Ta'al, Reoa (Ending Rewrite) ago
98. Birte - West Jomura (Ending Rewrite) ago
99. ??? - Minia, Jomura (Ending Rewrite) ago
100. Mika - Near Ta'al (Ending Rewrite) ago
101. Birte - Korem, Jomura (Ending Rewrite) ago
102. Mika - Reoa (Edited/Reorganized) ago
103. Midore' - Turix (Ending Rewrite) ago
104. Sena - Minia, Jomura (Ending Rewrite) ago
105. Sena/Midore' - East of Minia (Ending Rewrite - Final Added Chapter) ago
106. Nelle - Unknown ago
107. Loden - Unknown (The End) ago

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Reviews
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Arthicern
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A thought out fantasy world, with a lot of moving parts

Reviewed at: 63. Nelle - Aprion, Breor

The abandoned city, is a story taken from the perspectives of several characters, each from a different culture and location in the world, and as such each offers insights and depths to the world that one would not normally see in just a few characters, as they explore the world.

Admitably at times, because there are so many different characters switching about, each with their own sub-plot going on, and that can make it a little difficult to keep track of it all early on, though as the story continues the distance between these characters does slowly shrink.

That said, with such a thought out world and characters inhabiting it, The abandoned city is worth reading for anyone enjoys a fantasy world with deep world-building.

Mejiro
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A world of depth, hidden in the prose

Reviewed at: 4. Midore' - Elys, Capital of the World

There's an interesting world in here, with appropriate thought given to things like the existence of translators and cultural relationships, and a variety of characters.  It's unfortunately a bit hidden in rather a lot of omniscient narration and slightly dry info-dumping along with a lot of specialised terminology and specialised terms, which can be something of a barrier to easy reading. It is also paced closer to a novel than a webserial, so might be better binged than read an installation at a time.

The grammar and spelling is functional - it makes sense, but it could do with shakedown to tidy it up, and also tidy up and straighten out some of the messier bits of sentence structure.

SuperSayu
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Very good, with some reservations

Reviewed at: 54. Midore' - Reo City, Reoa

As I write this I'm about halfway through; the story is definitely very good, and the characters are excellent, even in the places where I don't really agree with them or where I find myself reading a character arc I don't really want to read.  Without exception, the characters are believable, although their motives are unclear, and that makes it a worthy read all on its own.  Similarly, the world is cohesive and makes a certain sense--very difficult given how many pieces are working in parallel--without feeling like any plot points are being forced for the sake of a particular narrative.  I have no issues with the grammar, syntax, or other technical aspects of the writing, although if it were going to be published the author would want to have an editor smooth over some of the rough edges.

The most serious flaw in the writing is that it is a little too monotone given that it is several very different stories woven together  If it was a graphical novel the characters and settings would look different, and if it was an audible medium they would sound different, but all we have is text.  Because the narrator and to some degree the characters have the same even tone throughout the writing, the jungle city doesn't feel substantially different from a warship or a volcano.

You also need to commit to memorizing from the very beginning who is a part of which storyline, and which brand new proper nouns are relevant to which places, characters, and setting elements, all of which can be a burden on the reader.  In particular, I am not sure if we were supposed to understand from context that Nelle from chapter 2 was one of the explicitly unnamed people in chapter 5 when she is missing in chapter 7, and is therefore the same Nelle from chapter 11.  I got the throughline from 5 to 11 but I didn't connect her back to 2 and 7 until I was told about it much later.  Yes, they were all stories from Breor, but... maybe I was expecting those dots to be connected a little more directly.

In general, I do enjoy it and I plan to finish it.  I suppose in a sense I am a little sad because I came in knowing the story was already finished; some of my favorite web fictions are forever ongoing and you never know where they'll go next, but there is an undeniable virtue to knowing that you won't be left hanging and things will get wrapped up eventually.

abdirahman
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The story takes place in a great, interesting fantasy world. Already I wish to learn more about it, its mechanism, and its people. I have to give you(the author) props for taking the time to build a map, that is something I always enjoy having on hand when I am reading a novel that takes place in a sprawling world. 

Now the issues I find is that there are a lot of characters who we change into their perspectives, now there are some pros and cons to this. The pros-- we can get insights from different people and explore the world from their point of view. The con-- it sometimes becomes difficult to follow from their view since you become confused. 

TwinLampSky
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The Abandoned City is a story told through many viewpoints and many characters. Sometimes, it will be many thousands of words before you see a character again, but usually the story flows well enough that you don't feel too disconnected by the time you return to them.

Now, for the writing itself. As the title of this review states, this is high fantasy, and it deserves the tag. There is a world that has been built and there are different cultures at war. There are long paragraphs that describe things in explicit detail. Thankfully, the story has excellent prose, so it's rare that the text feels dry or stagnant, which is very important with this genre.

The story is far from straight forward and admittedly at points can be a bit confusing, potentially only spurred forth by the large gaps between character chapters, but it still manages to grab onto your interest and keep you hooked through those rough patches.

If you enjoy well-written stories, definitely give this one a shot.

Sigurd
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Style:

Elegant and comfy, but also gritty and direct when it needs to be. The only weakness I would like to point out are the sometimes excessively long paragraphs that are a little difficult to read and the wildly length of the chapters, which are notoriously hated by some readers.

Grammar:

Throughout all the book, the prose reads fairly well. There are, however, some problems with repetitions and typos. Nothing a quick edit couldn't fix, but it must be taken into account. Dialogue structure and format is much better, though.

Story:

This world is painted of many shades, and you can see this from the very first chapter. For those readers who like complex cultures and religions with a lot of lore, this is certainly their bread. Maybe it's more a personal judgment, but I can safely say that even if this setting is fictional it certainly feels alive enough for me.

Without spoiling anything, let's just say that the story takes its time to start, introducing the reader to its main characters, their daily struggles and their goals, and each chapter is a scene from the point of view of one of them. While the onslaught of names might be difficult to remember at first, the cross-narration between the multiple protagonists works well and it's very satisfying.

Characters:

The characters and their respective introductions are done with great taste, I especially like how their non-human features are treated like something you would see in everyday life (mostly). Nobody jumps in horror or turns away in disgust by seeing a lizard-woman because it's normal. If anything, there's curiosity.

Believable interaction and growth, maybe some repetition in the descriptions that makes certain traits often feel the same, but overall a job well done.

Overall:

Would I read it? Yes, definitely. Would I recommend it? Yes, but it's not for everyone. This story isn't as immediate and action-packed as many others on this website, and it's a good thing. Still, for those who can bear with its small problems and have the patience to let it develop, it's a great read.

 

CherShootX
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Good World Building and Character Build Up, just simple problem

Reviewed at: 3. Loden - Turix Sea

Although it had a good grammar that was especially better than the average novel on Royal Road, the long paragraph makes me quite hard to swallow it.

The characters are fine with a solid world building. Unfortunately, a lot of obscured explanations make it need to be searched as it seemed to be a bit hidden?

The dialogue didn't have quite a lot of expression of the character when saying it although it may be intentionally done so.

For anyone looking for a fantasy with a solid world building and multiple characters, this might be a good choice.