Execute Order D20

by Eldrin

Fan Fiction HIATUS Action Adventure Psychological Sci-fi Anti-Hero Lead Grimdark LitRPG Strong Lead
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore

A clone trooper is wounded both mentally and physically in the Battle of Geonosis. Upon his recovery, he discovers he has an ability which turns his life into something similar to a video game.

How will a man so close to collapsing handle such great power?

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  • Ratings :
  • 90
  • Pages :
  • 22
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Author
Eldrin

Eldrin

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A terrific read. Best fanfiction I've read!

Get your head out of the cockpit and give this masterpiece a go! No? I find your lack of faith disturbing.

After I read the other star wars fictions on Royalroad, I chanced upon this work of art while it was still sucking on the author's teat. With the other fictions as my basis of what to expect, I started the first chapter without a whisper of hope. Never before have I followed a story that quick.

Execution Order D20 is Eldrin's first, but sadly that is also its downfall. While I'd love little more than to rate this splendid fanfiction 5/5, it would be deceiving for those impartial to the Star Wars universe. This story is in no way a great story—with faults and problems ample—but a good read if you got the free time.

Story:
As of chapter five, I would say the story is intriguing to some extent. The setting takes place in 22 BBY, the cradle of the Clone Wars. The readers follow our quirky main character, Marks, as he escapes from the clutches of the Republic to become a free clone. The reason behind our MC's motivation and hatred is cliché, nothing to mention. There are lore inconsistencies, but these are unnoticeable unless you're a no-lifer Star Wars enthusiast (totally not me).

Nevertheless, I adore the concept of the story, and can only hope the author will continue to keep the story interesting. Sadly, there is essentially no world building as of yet. We are, however, only 19 pages into the story, so who knows what the future will deliver?

Style:
The crown of this novel must be its aesthetic boxes with such a pleasing Star Wars atmosphere to it. I have never been a particular fan of the blue boxes, or whatever hue the authors decided on, but now I am in love. It's a pure eyegasm, and worthy of reading solely for those.

Other than that, I have some issues with the author's style, and especially his decision on distinguishing speech from thought. As Eldrin employs quotation marks on both, I find it challenging to immediately differentiating which is which before completing the sentence. This breaks the immersion, something the author otherwise handles well.

Grammar:
Your eyes can deceive you. Don't trust them. But from what I've seen, nothing glaring or worth mentioning. I'd have personally appreciated a more sci-fi themed language and terminology, but that's merely my preference.

The vocabulary is also the reason I find the dialogues a bit lacklustre. They need the military jargon one would expect of clones bred ten damn years for war and war alone. But I guess this counts more as style?

Characters:
Mind tricks don't work on me, author. I understand your reasoning for his hostile disposition, but your execution makes the MC appear quite out of character. I cannot find myself to like Marks because I perceive him as a fool and foolhardy. The entire idea seems so artificial and forced.

Overall, I think this novel is a do, or do not. There is no try. Once you start reading it, you won't drop the computer or phone and demand more. I read the few chapters with pleasure, and will likely continue to do such. Great work, Eldrin. Stay on target!
Onorath
  • Overall Score

Good grammer, easy to follow along too. Interesting premice and plot.

Reads well for fanfiction.