Margrave's Divinity

by Endemus

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Fantasy Dungeon GameLit LitRPG Magic Male Lead Mythos Strong Lead Supernatural Urban Fantasy
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

Unlike his father and brother, Lyle Margrave wasn't blessed with power when the Towers rose outside the population centers of the world seventeen years ago. However, with his father imprisoned and his brother killed in the Fall of New York, he is alone in helping his mother to provide for their household and get his sister Helen through her last couple years of college. Quitting his job probably wasn't the smartest move to this end, but he wasn't helping anyone as a mistreated secretary. This is followed by even more bad luck in the form of a beating from an Empowered directly outside his girlfriend's apartment and an ultimatum not to return. 

Lyle's fate of being doomed to drudgery is altered when he steps into a Secret Gate and a figure from out of Greek mythology gives him the opportunity to make a difference. Something's strange about his gift, though, and if he's not careful, it could get him killed.

Currently on hiatus.

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Endemus

Endemus

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Prologue ago
Chapter 1: The Golden Gate ago
Chapter 2: Kirke's Test ago
Chapter 3: Certification ago
Chapter 4: It's Something ago
Chapter 5: The Second Floor Gate ago
Chapter 6: The Superhero Effect ago
Chapter 7: Difficult Conversation ago
Chapter 8: The Labyrinth ago
Chapter 9: The Guardian ago
Chapter 10: Egg-splanation Time ago
Chapter 11: Just Rewards ago
Chapter 12: Confrontation ago
Chapter 13: Resonance ago
Chapter 14: Nervous Energy ago
Chapter 15: Once More unto the Breach ago
Chapter 16: From the Depths ago
Chapter 17: Mana Infusion ago
Chapter 18: Capital Surprise ago
Chapter 19: A Friendly Transaction ago
Chapter 20: Stormbreak ago
Chapter 21: Cast Adrift ago
Chapter 22: Options, Options ago
Chapter 23: A Leap of Faith ago
Chapter 24: Hawaii? Hawaii! ago
Chapter 25: The Warmest of Welcomes (Rewrite) ago
Chapter 26: The Bargain Struck (Rewrite) ago
Chapter 27: Strikepoint (Rewrite) ago
Chapter 28: The Blaze (Rewrite) ago
Chapter 29: Recovery (Rewrite) ago
Chapter 30: The Spark of Creation (Rewrite) ago
Chapter 31: Plan of Entry (Rewrite) ago
Chapter 32: The Healing (Rewrite) ago
Chapter 33: Homecoming (Rewrite) ago
Chapter 34: Meetings ago
Chapter 35: No One Cared Who I Was Until I Put on the Mask... and Still No One Cares ago
Chapter 36: The Troll King ago
Chapter 37: Fabe's Offer ago
Chapter 38: The Ghosts of Sleepy Hollow ago
Chapter 39: Questions Unanswered ago
Chapter 40: Escape from Notice ago
Chapter 41: Stephen Margrave ago
Chapter 42: A Musical Recovery ago
Chapter 43: The Vicerats ago
Chapter 44: Revisit ago
Chapter 45: Resistance ago
Chapter 46: Alice ago
Chapter 47: Secrets of the Hidden ago
Chapter 48: Precise Destruction ago
Chapter 49: DOER Chicago ago
Chapter 50: Battlefield Downtown ago
Chapter 51: The Monsters in our Minds ago
Chapter 52: Foreshadowing ago
Chapter 53: The Anticipation is Killing Me ago
Chapter 54: Contact ago
Chapter 55: Fight or Flight ago
Chapter 56: The Cost of Corruption ago
Chapter 57: Missing (End of Act One) ago
Chapter 58: An Ocean of Dunes (Beginning of Act Two) ago
Chapter 59: Lightning and Stone ago
Chapter 60: Transmutation ago
Chapter 61: Chaos, Divinity, and the Dreams Between ago
Chapter 62: Endurance ago
Chapter 63: The Underdragon and the Mountain ago
Chapter 64: The Souls of the Lost ago
Chapter 65: Faceless in the Dark ago
Chapter 66: Regrets, Regrets ago
Chapter 67: The Root of All Evil ago
Chapter 68: Housekeeping ago
Chapter 69: Asking Assistance ago
Chapter 70: Oversimplification and Overthinking ago
Chapter 71: The Calm Before the Storm ago
Chapter 72: Direction ago
Chapter 73: Filling Out ago
Chapter 74: Suits ago
Announcement (Hiatus) ago
Chapter 75: Interrogation ago
Reviews

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Mistelteinn
  • Overall Score

Like dry chicken, okay, could be better. (Ch. 23)

I'm not quite sure how to describe it, but to me Lyle feels like a layabout, the entire thing reads like much ado about nothing. He went there did this, then went over there and did that.

There's no hook, no excitement of going into a dungeon and surviving by the skin of your teeth or simply just overwhelming everything. All I got was, he went into this labyrinth, killed a bunch, got some trinkets. Done.

It didn't FEEL like he put his life on the line. Didn't FEEL like there were consequences for failing.

His entire personality feels like reactive rather than proactive, reading about him keeps making me feel like "CMON, Do MORE, stop faffing about, you have freaking powers! figure them out, experiment! Go crazy!" but no, he just goes about his day as if his entire life hadn't been turned around by gaining powers.

Some guy comes up and beats your ass, probably stealing your girl and you're like, eh, I'll just send her an email? Like what? That's not the reaction of someone in a relationship.

 

As an adult, you'd think he'd understand the value of money. He needs money for his sisters college and I assume to give his mother a better life, but nooooooooooooooo......

Let me settle for this 4 mil and just sell away this rare artifact, becuase reasons.

I mean if he needs money, why is he not bargaining for more? If he is trying to impress Morgan, why do you not impress this upon the readers?

That money could been used to do so much? you could've bought new gear, bought gifts for your family, funded Abes inventions, bought a space ring that could store all your valuable shiny drops people would kill you for, hired someone to investigate Emily and the guy who probably cucked you.
If not that a favour from an S ranker would've been nice.

But No. Because REASONS. I just don't get it.



In other words, his character feels bland and not too interesting, and most events reads like dry chicken. Add on some personal gripes and it's not to my taste, but the grammar is fine, plot seems fine etc etc.


Maybe you could do with a bit more descriptive language to help readers visualise things, be more dramatic.

Give the character more motivation to explore the limits of his powers.

Give the character a purpose, personal goals to achieve rather than just completing system-granted quests.

Perhaps I haven't read far along enough, but good luck on your story!

Eltrebor
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Fun Start, Falls Off

I had fun reading the first 20 or so chapters, but then all the little things in the story that annoyed me made it so I had no desire in continuing to read the story. 

Story is obviously their take on the story of the Manhwa/Webnovel Solo Leveling, and while I saw a review saying that this story was better, I would have to disagree. The story lacks focus and meanders about with no real goal in mind. Main character gets ridiculous items for doing the simplest of tasks just so he can have cool stuff and become rich, completely ridiculous. The main character is gaining power way too quickly and never tests what he can actually do.

Style sometimes was enjoyable, but the fight scenes could be better written and pacing improved.

Grammar was fine as far as I could tell, wasn't really looking too hard.

Characters are dull and lack common sense. The main character gets a system where he levels up and can add to his attributes, he doesn't take the time to think about how he should apply the points and just spur of the moment applies them, short sighted, but not unforgiveable. What I can't forgive is the logic of him nearly dying in a labyrinth, and then deciding to go back in without any second thoughts for no reason at all. There is no driving force behind him getting stronger. The reason he entered the portal where he got his super powers is because he was going to kill himself so why not go into this never before seen portal. For a quick second it looked like that he would be working to make money for his family, he then gets a ton of super items from a dungeon and sells one for millions. The main character is told that you can empower yourself with mana and then never attempts it or trains with it until he is in a life or death situation. Main character was one dimensional and the side characters were not any better.

Overall it was an okay read, but nothing special.

TheBreakernew
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I'm Conflicted Edit: 5/30/2019

Edit: 5/30/2019 after recent rewrites

So far the author has done a good job of giving Lyle a sence of agency. This has been done through rewrites to chapters that sorely needed them. 

Really, I have nothing but praise for an author that can take criticism and come out better for it.

Pre-rewrites:

I enjoy the premise of this story, as well as the grammer, style, and story. The only point I feel conflicted about is the main character, Lyle.

He continues to act in passive/non-reactive ways, he just doesn't seem to want to take control of the happenings of his own life or his family.

Here's an example from Ch.44 on in the story:

Spoiler: Spoiler

 Really, my confliction comes from Lyle being unable to react to things quickly, even though he has superhuman perception, agility, and intelligence. He is also easily overwhelmed by emotionaly intense or unexpected events, which is normal for a regular person, but Lyle isn't a regualr person anymore. So his poor choices really feel restricting and frustrating to the reader.

TL:DR

Overall I like the story, but the main character despite being strong and superhuman doesn't act or feel like it.

 

KoboldPatrol
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Has potential but needs some work first

(as of chapter 57, i.e. first arc completed)

Style: The story is told in third-person style. Most is from Lyle's point of view but there are some short sections as seen from other people. Or you could say there's an omniscient narrator that focusses mostly on Lyle. The sentence structure is okay.

Story: On one hand the story is about leveling up sword-and-magic fantasy abilities and stats n "gates" (=dungeons) (i.e. fantasy LitRPG), on the other hand it takes place in the near future with superpowered individuals (i.e. Superhero story). Both parts are nothing special but that is fine, it's impossible for each author to invent something radically different. There are some interesting developments but I'm missing excitement in many scenes that should have it, instead it often feels rather bland (except for the dungeon dives, those are very good). Pacing is a bit quick, but not overmuch so. The author successfully avoids infodumps but at the same time leaves many questions open for the readers. 'Margrave's Divinity' is the author's first story and so there are shortcomings that can be attributed to experience but the author tries to improve, listening to advice.

Grammar: Very good. There are almost no typos. 

Characters: This is where the story really needs work. Lyle is presented as being very intelligent but his actions often lack even the slightest bit of common sense (e.g. family struggling for money, MC suddenly gets rich, leaves $100000 on the kitchen table without any explanation and leaves the region). This makes reading some parts a chore and threatens to turn readers away. The side characters are an interesting mix of personalities.

In total, 'Margrave's Divinity' is a nice story that I recommend reading if you're a fan of LitRPG and/or Superhero stories, but it's not overwhelming. The author listens to the readers' feedback and has already addressed some of the problems so I think that it will be better after some rewrites. Then the full potential of the story could be realized.

Inorai
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Caught me off guard - in a good way!

Honestly, this story really impressed me, and caught me off guard with that.  If you're curious about this sort of thing, I really do recommend giving it a go.

Just to hit on a few key points that I had with Margrave's Divinity (MD) -

  • The story does an excellent job of hinting at an overarching story and making it feel like there's more going on - without spoonfeeding you or whapping you across the face with the details.  It's a tough balance to walk, and I really liked the way MD did it.
  • On the flipside, then, MD didn't leave you hanging around twiddling your thumbs.  I haven't run into anything that feels at all like fluff or filler, and everything happens for a reason.  I really appreciate that xD
  • Grammatically, MD is top-notch.  I have a quite difficult time getting past stories that have deep-seated technical issues, and it was a physical relief to start reading this story and realize they're doing everything right.
  • I found the characters plausible and relatable.  It's hard to write younger characters without coming off like an ass, sometimes, and to still have them feel young.  This did a really solid job with Lyle, so kudos.

If anything, I would say that my biggest critique is some minor stuff with pacing and fleshing out the combat aspects as a counterpart to the story elements.  But, the combat that is written is fluid and enjoyable, and I'm eager to see more of it as I read farther in!

I thoroughly enjoyed this, and I'm looking forward to reading more in this story and from this author.

Pabloypablo
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The author is doing a good job writing interesting content each chapter.  Unlike some web serials, I haven't found a chapter that felt written just to punch the "I posted today, didnt I?" vibe that so many other writers fall prey to.

Keep up the good work. 

 

More pls.

EldarZecore
  • Overall Score

Exactly what I needed, but needs a little Work

The start of this story is very similar to a manga called Solo Leveling, which was exactly what I had been looking for when I found this story. I absolutely love the amount of world building and the authors ability to weave it into conversations and the MC's thoughts without needing large exposition dumps. I am very happy to say that as this story continues on its depth does so as well. 

At the same time, I fully believe that Endemus can do more with his universe and will do so as time goes on. I can't wait to see more of the adventure that turns Lyle from a reletive unknown, into the person we heard being talked about in the Prologue.

angryfan
  • Overall Score

Boring, MC makes bad desisions

I agree with Mistelteinn the MC just runs around doing nothing and doesn't make good desicions. He tells his secrets to random people. Why is the MC risking his life in dungeons when he already has enough money to support his family. He could be using his time to support his mother by buying a house or building it himself.

This light novel is about a MC who just wants to risk his life fighting monsters fo no reason.  His dad was jailed and his brother killed fighting monsters.  His family ended in bad situation struggling to pay bills. I don't understand why he doesn't try to ensure a good base for his family by building them something that will last. Instead of risking his life as the only breadwinner in his family.

nf_zeta
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Well this is mostly to get the ball rolling so it'll be pretty succent.

 

Style:

Its the common but effective PoV narration, it works nicely with what the story is and allows for the information to be easily trasmitted to the reader and for the characters other than the MC to be expressed in a more direct way.

 

Grammar:

Actually grammar wise its great, there were few errors and the ones that were probably there were missed due to good sentence flow, as your brain fills in the rest in those cases. There are a few iffy sentences here or there but nothing too distracting.

 

Story:

Now while it isn't super original it has its own path and is well thought out. The beginning may be a bit faster than I prefer but its not rushed. Lyle's journey into new territory and his actions within the expanding world are nice to read.

 

Character:

So far no character is that outstanding as their own entity but the characters put together and the dialogue they have with each other tends to raise my evaluation of them. We haven't gotten that deep into the characters yet but for the most part you can already feel their individual personalities and even quirks.

 

Overall, Its definitely in the 'give it a try' category and even if it turns out not to be to your taste I don't think it'll make you regret giving it said try.

Ringostrauss
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It's a fun dive into a genre I already love, and it is well written.  If you like modern world overlaid with fantasy elements and a system, you will enjoy this.  There are some small errors that a professional editor would catch but nothing that distracts from reading it.  The characterization is quite good and the personalities of the individual introduced comes through clearly.  Overall I look forward to reading the whole story.  Some people might argue the main character gains power too quickly, but I think that is only in comparison to other stories on this site where sometimes progression and the stories go on forever.  This I believe is paced at what I would expect in a novel which I hope this gets turned into as I think the good authors deserve to be paid for their work.

TLDR: If you like modern fantasy or LITRPG then read it you won't regret it.