Homicidal Aliens are Invading and All I Got is This Stat Menu

by JayAck

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Fantasy Sci-fi Female Lead LitRPG Magic Space Opera Super Heroes
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

Thousands of people around the globe randomly find themselves "hosts" for alien technology that allows them to alter their minds and bodies in an instant through holographic menu systems. With the touch of a button, any of the hosts can become super strong, gain magical abilities, purchase a giant robot, or become a master in any of an almost infinite number of skills that range from advanced combat techniques to fidget-spinning. However, the hosts also become targets for nightmarish, shape-shifting creatures that have come to Earth following the newfound extraterrestrial tech. The menu systems can grant their hosts great power, but it may not be enough to survive the horde of murderous beings hunting them down.

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Filipzajac
  • Overall Score

At first i expected it to have some balancing issues but my expectations were off. 

With what the characters will have to possibly face, even mechas seem like not that much of an overkill.  

One other thing i liked is the fact that characters are quite reallike and very easy to identify with.

I hope for more 

  1. Spoiler: Spoiler

     

kjoatmon
  • Overall Score

I can't take it, she seemed to say...

This MC is a 100% absolute idiot. Claims to know games but goes and makes changes before opening the damn help that is in front and blinking. Then, even though she HATES the changes that were made, and she has the points for a reset so she can at least fit in her clothes, she goes on a buying spree! IDIOT! If you HATE things, reset them. Then do your careful exploration. But nooooo... let's make this buying spree happen so I don't have the resources to reset.

If you MC hates something have them hate it and work towards getting rid of it. Is skilled, let them be skilled. And stop thinking all these changes are great, when she constantly complains about them. She is like, "THis is horrid," but goes and makes more changes! Oh, and lets buy a steak and waste points that I don't even know what they are for and stuff.

proofreader
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I liked a lot of things here, and it was fun. I have to agree the MC is an idiot, and it was painful to watch her waste points so friviously. That said, it is also a little refreshing to not have a game-genius this time around. 

My biggest concern would be the menu and options. It is too complicated, and I think it will make the story damn difficult to write for you. I'd also encourage you to use less F**&*&s in your writing. Swearing, especially fuck after fuck really doesn't come off well in writing - it's boring and unimagnitive. At the very least, have your MC swear creatively/outrageously. Like "Potato Penises!" or.... such... but then you have to build this into their character, sometimes this works in comedy. 

Title:

It could use an updating when you have a more consistent theme. The more I think about your story the more I want to re-work it as a comedy, instead of the serious tone it has. 

She choose yoga as a superpower, amongst everything. Lots of funny material there. That said, keep going where you are going it is also good. If you get stuck, you can always write a super power satire. 

StormWhiteHd
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Potential but needs work.

 I like the style, and the title is catchy, but the author could work on proper grammar and formatting, had potential tho.

Spoiler: Spoiler