ON INDEFINITE HIATUS
This story (and any others I write) now has a DISCORD!
Thousands of people around the globe randomly find themselves "hosts" for alien technology that allows them to alter their minds and bodies in an instant through holographic menu systems. With the touch of a button, any of the hosts can become super strong, gain magical abilities, purchase a giant robot, or become a master in any of an almost infinite number of skills that range from advanced combat techniques to fidget-spinning. However, the hosts also become targets for nightmarish, shape-shifting creatures that have come to Earth following the newfound extraterrestrial tech. The menu systems can grant their hosts great power, but it may not be enough to survive the horde of murderous beings hunting them down.
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I love these kinds of novels, but in this story the world feels twisted and wrong. The people are making bad decisions for the wrong reasons and are simply too stupid.
I will only list the complete big deal breaker for me.SPOILER: Spoiler
It starts with the guy Anya meets in the beginning (who dies to aliens). He wants to have money and be a poser, but why is he so damn stupid. Apparently, people can buy spaceships, why did he not buy one and go asteroid mining? The only reason we are not doing that right now is that it is too expensive to get all the stuff into space. The distance from earth to the asteroid belt is ~3,8 AU (astronomic units), reachable in 1 hour if you travel at 50% of the speed of light. Some asteroids contain several kilotons of platinum and other rare metals. He would have made at least several million dollar per hour, up to several billion per hour (depending on his ship and skills). Maybe he truly was stupid, but you cannot tell me that of over 10,000 people nobody thought about that. Especially those who need metals for robots would absolutely profit from infinite resources.
The second deal breaker is the fact that 60 hosts meet each other and nobody thinks it is necessary to trade the data streams they got from killing aliens with each other. The main problem of hunting aliens are these 3: you should not hunt them alone, you should rest after each kill and you need to know where they are. If 60 hosts split into groups of 5 and If every group hunts 1 (or more) alien every 4 hours they would effectively get 1 data stream every 20 minutes. This would have worked until the aliens grouped up together.
Next deal breaker is the fact that the aliens are a complete joke. Anya killed one without having a class, randomly spending her skill points, hoarding shop money and without a plan. How in the world did 98% of the hosts even die to aliens. 30% of the world population is above 50 years old and therefore should have had access to 2 classes and the respec-tokens. If only 60% found out they had a system and half of them chose a class, you would have around 800 people with 2 classes and 100 with 3 classes.
You can get clones, summons and robots. You can absolutely fight from a safe distance and if you take regeneration and healing skills on top of that, you cannot even realistically die. Just look at how Anya fights and she survives.
The last deal breaker are the tactics in fighting. There are so many scenes where people behave like they just woke up and are suddenly fighting an alien, not knowing what they should do, even though they have been planning for that fight for hours. An example is where they use the second antimatter bomb to kill the 15 aliens in the ocean. After the antimatter bomb explodes, why are all the hosts rushing to get the data streams. Why didn't 2 hosts go there in a mach 10 flying car, ready to leave if anything seems odd. Surrounded by hundreds of robots with another antimatter bomb ready. 1 AI would decode the map data and the other would decode how many aliens they have killed.
I only read up 1.1.10 as time of this review. I think I'll take a break from it because the last chapters were just too stupid.
The story flows pretty well and is enjoyable to read. The MC Anya feels alive and has a disctinct personnality. The setting is interesting and you want to learn more about how the plot will evolves. Who are those invading aliens, the helping ones ? How does this menu works ? Etc.
Unfortunalty the decisions and actions of the MC were so stupid, I coulnd't take it anymore. Firstable, if I believe the stats, the MC is supposedly relatively smart and not mentally impaired. To give you an idea without spoiling she has a genius plan on par with the plan to capture a white walker in GOT. Here it is:
She learned that aliens just landed and want to kill her. However she is afraid to go the autorities because since she basically became a superhuman, she thinks she'll be kept captive or whatever else. Genius plan! Go search for one with buddy, keep it busy while waiting for the cops. They'll see the alien and in that way she can stay covert. So much genius so much wow. Oh crap my buddy died to the alien. Who could have seen that coming ??????
Another thing that is pretty stupid is her dilemna on which autorithy to contact about the alien invasion. It honestly doesn't matter. Everyody will come to now pretty quickly but ok whatever.
Plus, her hesitation itself is weird but I think americans have less trust towards their government. So weird to me as a belgian but makes sense. However, if she is not mentally impaired and afraid to contact autorities, we are in the information age! Film a video and post in on reddit, facebook, youtube, etc. Hell, go in a crowded area make Felix appear and say that he is a message from aliens warning humans about the incoming invasion. You don't even have to reveal yourself or post anything. There has just been weird radiowaves detected. That video would spread like wildfire!
I think the author has something pretty good here and I like his writing. However, this needs polishing. I see that he posted new chapters relatively quickly. Maybe it would be better to spend a bit more time thinking if the actions and decisions of the MC makes sense and make sure she doesn't appear to be dumber than a 8 year old. You don't have to rush the story because you have star wars to do next.
* I’m amending my review, author was kind enough to take the criticism and roll with it. MC’s more consistent and less jarring, 👍🏿
Let me just start with: I like this story, sticking to it. Everything is well thought out and interesting. The only bad thing is the MC. She’s been over thoughtout, and yet never made it to where the author wanted her to be, I think. She’s introduced as a tough cookie who doesn’t take shit from strangers on the subway, or her own mother, moved out on her own and supports herself, and yet she throws up and passes out from shock and fear after being introduced to the system........ ummm wtf, you can’t have both sides, pick one, be more consistent. Either she’s an independent adaptable gamer, or a fearful timid maladaptive little mouse with no common sense, and yet here we have...... both, wrapped into a hot red headed olympian body. I understand why other reviewers are raging.
Sorry, half stars could be mine it happened by accident. Please keep writing, I really want to see the continuation. In fact, I read this story in a little less than a week, spending all your free time to learn the sequel. What is surprising, since I do not speak English well. Even this review was written using google translate. Regardless of your decision, I will try to keep reading. Thank you!
decent premisis... but her choices make no sense whatsoever... i mean what modern person, when given the choice to buy skills and weapons would decide on polearms instead of markmanship and the best rifle money could get you? and you are going after aliens who can kill you, and instead of using up all your stats and skill points you just get the basics and leave it? this is not a game...
For those bored of the common tropes with the systems and all that, this is a breath of fresh air.
The style is puurfect.
The story, well it's exactly what the description... Describes... But that's just the general plot, so even if the idea doesn't sound great, try it and you'll see what means, came looking for sand but found gold.
Grammar is also perfect, though there are some rare mistakes reminding you of autocorrect.
These characters are more alive than I am... Well, not happy kind of alive, just realistic.
Generally the story is very well written and any mistakes or shortcomings you find, if you tell the author, he'll fix it up better than a hydraulic with a 20cm least buttcrack does to a pipeline. If you didn't know, the skill of a hydraulic IS measured through how big his buttcrack is.
I hope you get how good of a story this is now.
Seriously enjoyed the heck out of what you've made. Sorta confused by the
this story has a discord right below indefinite hiatus (does that mean it isn't being updated here?) but still I totally loved what you wrote. gonna start reading other stuff done by u if there is any others.
I've finished the first arc in one sitting. Yeah that's over 1000 pages.
The last story to make me do this was Ghosthound from a couple years back.
I love the blunt humor combined with an intelligent, caring female lead. She is a wonder to behold and a terror to face, but she still feels oh-so human. The diverse cast is similarly well fleshed-out and easy to love (or hate).
The aliens do not [feel human]. They are positively terrifying. The closest comparison I can make is to the aliens from Kiseijuu (Parasyte), though there are many differences.
It's original, well-executed, and rewarding. I love it and it's now one of my favorites from this site. Give it several chapters to warm up; it steamrolls the rest of the way.
Note*: I find the reviews of the MC's "poor decision making" in a crisis to be highly overstated. If people want an MC who makes perfect, balanced, planned decisions at every juncture, they can go find one of the thousands of self-insert novels elsewhere. She is believable and lovable.
The author has an intriguing world with an apocalypse that is not just everyone gets a game system and they must adjust. I enjoy that she struggles to make sense of what is happening. Where it needs to improve is in expanding the world as the world is being built right now it is extremely claustrophobic focused tightly on the main character. This needs to expand to give a bit better understanding of what is going on. Also some better understanding of time needs to be applied. Sometimes it is not clear how long is passing between specific actions. There is some more polish needed and I am not sure exactly what is needed.
This story is really good. I have some minor quibbles that didn't ruin my enjoyment of the story (mainly the stats part) but overall, the story is brisk, and exciting with a couple funny bits.
For the quibbles, this may have been mentioned before, but some of the stats seem under thought. Take for instance brawn vs speed. A sufficient amount of strengh directly translates to more speed (putting more effort behind a swing adds more speed, putting more effort behind a crouched start in sprinting or kicking off the ground harder for more speed). How could fortune be quantified and how would increasing it effect real life? Same for charm? Does it give more instinctive eloquence? How would an alien species understand human eloquence?
I think you could safely cut out charm, speed, and fortune and not impact the story at all. I would also consider removing intelligence or awareness. Alternatively, you could combine stats under a general category as is the case for something like "Ritualist". Combine Brawn and Dexterity under a physical category, combine something like Processing and Awareness under Intelligence, Combine Fortitude and something like Comeliness under a Health category, combine Charm and Fortune under an Eloquence category (or something like that). Just a suggestion, but I think it would help solve the problem that only three or four stats are really explained.