From the 8th Circle of Hell

From the 8th Circle of Hell

by Palt

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

Down in the dark, dreary deapths of hell, in the very deepest circles of hell, where only the most crooked and disgusting of souls reside, only the most powerfull and deseprate of demons can survive, and if they don't... they just get reborn back into hell. Nobody can escape. 

That is, unless you join the military, and get to go out on the frontlines and battle angels and humans alike! On Earth, all your demonic nightmares can come true! 

And this is exactly what Arthur, a relatively weak and unassuming demon from the 8th circle of hell decides to do. And since demons from the lower circles of hell are seen as badasses, he gets to join the military, no questions asked! And here begins his journey to get to Earth and serve the good Lord in any way he can, even if he has to spill some blood and take a few lives!

If only he wasn't so queasy about blood... 

 

Edit:

 

Hello everyone! I'm the author, Palt! This fiction will begin as an adventure/fantasy, but will slowly and surely turn into a psychological cop thriller with supernatural elements, so if you're into that kinda stuff, this if just for you! Plus, if you've ever read/enjoyed Dexter, I'm sure you'lll enjoy it as well! That's all I had to say, hope you give it a chance! 

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Author
Palt

Palt

”Human"

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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
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 Hello, Palt!

I was asked by you to leave a review on this fiction, so I'm going to do my best to do so.

I find that the writer of this fiction falls into utlizing infodumps. This was very apparent in the first chapter - which is what I'm basing this review on.

And the reason why I only review first chapter is because flaws from the first chapter are usually replicated into the next one. 

The beginning is also kind of unappealing because the story presupposes the readers already know who Arthur and Agares is. And don't get me wrong, I do realize that the synopsis already kind of introduces that. But if the story is basing the information that readers get from reading the synopsis first, that is a bit of a pointless thing to do because synopsis' is where you're supposed to lay down what the readers can expect from the story, not introduce plot or character elements, you introduce them in the Introduction. The synopsis also uses 'telling' though it is more understandable than the story itself because there's really nothing to show yet because story elements has not yet been introduced.

There was also a jump in scene in the first chapter that sort of threw me off. The first scene was pretty ambigious in the settings and all of that and it just sorts of assumes that the reader knows where the main character is.

And the infodump in many paragraphs after the 'introductory' paragraph in the first chapter makes the introductory paragraph obsolote as an introduction.

Regarding the style of the writing, I think the writer is condensing too much information and dialogue with each other. There were many times when I tried to read the dialogue and I had to go back to re-read it because I simply lost track of the conversation like who's talking. Now this very much could be caused by my reading skills, but as a writer, I believe one should take into consideration the readibility of your story so I'm just putting this one out here.

Regarding the grammar, I don't have a particularly specific bone to pick. So far, the writer has shown a remarkable grasp of English. Though, it can be hard to see this because of the way the writer writes.

Summary: Writer should improve his storytelling and writing skills.