My Girlfriend, the Necromancer

by chelanite

Original ONGOING Action Drama Fantasy Romance GameLit Male Lead Post Apocalyptic Urban Fantasy
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

The power of the Orb cleaves the skies and shatters the earth. It heralds the advent of a new era, one where humanity is no longer at the top of the food chain and we must rise to the challenge when faced with our own extinction as a species.

I could hardly care less. All I ever wanted was to love my Allie, to grow old and wrinkly by her side as I held her hand before taking my last breath on this green earth. To have our love echo through the ages, an ode to the last great love story on the planet, one that would endure the end of humanity, the breaking of the world, and even defy the dread summons of Death itself.

It’s said that when the gods unleash their fury upon mortal kind, they grant their wishes.

Well, crap.

 

This is an end of the world survival story with modern fantasy/romance/game-like elements in it. Please be advised that you will find both light and darkness within these pages, laughter and tears, betrayal and honor, cruelty as well as love.

This is a work in progress and I deeply appreciate any helpful suggestions, so please don't be shy with input!

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Wayne
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I'm at chapter 14 at the moment and I'm compelled to write a review to point out 3 glaring flaws in this tale so far.

First of all the prologue, it ruins any sense of suspense or stakes for chapter 1-14 as we all know they'll be fine for a certain period of time. Admittedly most readers expect the MC to be fine due to plot armor, but there's always the potential for a co protagonist to die or a main character switcheroo to happen. With the prologue, the reader knows that all these 'dramatic' tense action sequences are meaningless. Chapter 12 would have been way more intense without the prologue for instance. 

Second of all the title ruins what could be a heart breaking if premature end of a couple in the prologue as we are all now aware of what class she'll choose to 'save' her boyfriend. The only real question that remains with that spoiler is what kind of summon he'll be and what kind of damper it will put on their relationship.

Third of all the male Main Character displays a tiresome lack of survival instinct, not only is he passive, he seems to want to crawl into a ball and die which while dramatic in an emo kind of way is mind numbingly boring. Admittedly he shows some spine in chapter 12 which is refreshing but he goes back to whining in a couple of chapters about random strangers.

If the prologue is removed and the title is changed to something a lot less spoilery, my vote for a new title goes for "Hell Hath No Fury" as a reference to the kickass girlfriend & the death games not bringing them down. If the prologue remains, at least change the title and the class options at the end of the prologue so as to provide some kind of mystery about her choice of 'solutions' to the dead/dying bf.

I think this is a well written story but it would be a hundred times better if at least the first two flaws were corrected. 

l nimbus
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A real Powerhouse. Moar please?

Reviewed as of chapter 11.

I want more. I desperately want more. I want more so bad that I'd join this author's patreon if there was one. Very few stories can make me feel that way. I've read stories that I've liked, stories that I've loved, but this is one of the rare ones. One if the ones that leave me bouncing in my seat for the next release.

When I saw the title, I expected a halfway trashy story, one that would inevitably promise much, but fail to deliver. It blew past all my expectations, knocked my socks off and had me searching for more. That shows something. Quality, plain and simple. This story isn't just different, it's thought out and well executed, layered and engaging. It deserves whatever praise it gets, and then some.


Story:

We might have seen this plotline, or the idea of it before, but none have done it so well as this. It artfully combines survival, tension, elements I hesitate to call LITRPG-like, excellent story telling and wordplay, an outstanding cast, humor and well written action into something that makes me want to go and write more myself.

It provides a well structured and engaging backstory, believeable reasons and drives, mystery, brutality and some romance. In short, the setting for great things. I've written shopping mall survival myself, but I don't hesitate to call this better. I can't find flaws in it, no plotholes exsist, the pacing is great, the humor actually made me laugh when it was supposed to, and the tackling of dark subjects like rape and the like was handled well.

While the prologue may turn some people away who see it and expect something that has been often fumbled within the genre, the opening chapters are powerful, leaving impressions on the reader and neatly filling in everything. Best of all, this is done in an entertaining and engaging fashion, never feeling like it was info dumped on us. Characters reasons and morality are well thought-out, as are their actions and psyches. With no flaws, and all quality, I hold nothing but praise for the actual story. There is no critique or advice I can offer to make this any better than it already is.

When I read the title and first chapter, I fully expected you to spend a chapter or three setting things up, then jump straight to the title content. Instead, I was surprised by, and enjoyed what you wrote. No matter how I look at it at, I feel like this will be one of the stories that will eventually be the bar, the standard, the example of this sub-genre.

I like how you presented the backstory in unique and entertaining ways. A television broadcast over a bowl of soggy cereal and self loathing told three different stories at once, and not once was it confusing. No, it was fascinating to watch. Getting the hints of a world crisis, Kaizer's current mental state, and what pushed him to that was all told to us in an excellent fashion. This is what I've come to expect from MGTN, and that's what you've been delivering.

Another subject I want to congratulate you on is the looks. Too often, I find that physical beauty is used as a replacement for worth in web serials. But you didn't stoop to that. Instead, you went and detailed all the problems this could cause, the unsavory attention, very real possibilities of abuse, things you wouldn't see in a story where the MC is always 'astoundingly handsome' and the main romantic lead is 'astonishingly beautiful'. I congratulate you.


Grammar:

Flawless. I'm not advanced enough to critique you on sentence structure, breaks and all that other shtick no reader on RRL will ever care about, so I'll just shut my trap and forget about that. Instead, I stick to the basics. Correctly spelled words, proper quotation marks placement, NOT mixing up exclamation and question marks.

You passed with flying colors. I have nothing to say in this section, only that your grammar will likely never be what turns people away.


Style:

This is yet another section you have going for you. Your writing style is well-paced and addictive. It hits all the right points, even goes above and beyond at time. Again, there's not much I can critique, since you're very obviously better than my own writing style.

You've shown that when you talk about a subject, you know what you're saying. You've done your research, and it shows. Your dialogue is excellently done, always feeling new and refreshing. Scenes are well built, with the framework laid down, and just enough details added that the reader can fill it in however they like. Your action scenes are fast and tense, exactly how I feel they should be.

For instance, the terrorist gunfight was a very good example of an actual one. Fast, confusing and deadly. This is what can truly make an author shine. By accurately portraying something, and at the same time making it exciting for the readers.


Characters:

This is the section of MGTN that truly shines. The characters are so well formed that I'm wondering if you're a professional author in disguise or something. Allie and Kaizen's are a joy to watch. Their dynamic is amazing, and one that is both entertaining and heartwarming to watch. They actually FEEL like they're a couple, and one that loves each other. Their traits stand out, their flaws are there, as are their strengths. I especially liked the tossups in little things you gave them. Stuff as little as their taste in movies, opinions on firearms, willingness to escalate.

These are what make a great cast. Not a bunch of people who go along and agree with each other, or blindly follow the MC, but people with differences, opinions and morals. How clash at times, and work together in spite of that. The lengths these two are willing to go for each other is something that I truly enjoy. And best of all, it's well written and entertaining to read, not some tragic, star-crossed romance novel.

Allie is something that RRL often sorely lacks. A strong female character, who doesn't need someone to prop her up. She's also proven that she isn't a glass heroine, or one that falls apart as soon as her destined one walks into the room. Honestly, I've never liked those type of characters, and appreciate what you've done with her. You've SHOWN that she's strong and intelligent. Not just told us, but showed it yourself. She can be brutal at times, justifiably so. Those moments are the ones that make a great character.

Kaizer isn't the opposite, like some people would expect. Never liked the whole two people in a couple having to be the exact opposite of each other thing. He has his story, traits, flaws. His moments of weakness, and times when he steps to the plate and delivers when under fire.

Everything about these two works. Their reactions, their thoughts, opinions, history. It all just clicks.

There is something I have to say, though. Be very, very careful here. Far too often, I've seen author's use 'characters' to express their own political and religious views. I've seen author's muscle this bullcrap into stories and try to feed it to the readers. If you bring up these subjects, make it very clear that this is the 'characters' view, not yours.

Even then, it might not help. Some readers don't understand the difference between a character saying it, and the author forcing in his own views. I won't name names, but I've ditched more than one story after the author pulled that shit.

Now, skipping past that...

So far, we don't have too large of a cast outside these two. We've met several side characters, all of whom actually went and made impressions (the nameless Asian kid and the newscasters were great), provided more context and setting through their word Ms and actions. I know he's probably going to be a stepping stone, but I already hate Charon. And best of all, none of these characters felt unnecessary. They provided new insights, plot advancement, and no filler along the way.

You did a phenomenal job with the cast so far, and I hope you continue to produce this level of quality all the way to the end.


Conclusion:

I don't expect this story to blow up and get hot. I expect it to go supernova. You have everything a reader could want. You skillfully combine genres, keep it tense, fulfilling, dark and amusing. Your grammar is excellent, action scenes flowing smoothly, all topped off by amazing characters. Honestly, I can't think of a single thing to critique, other than making sure to keep your views separate from those expressed by your characters.

I picked this story up on a whim, just randomly selected it from the Latest Updates list, and I'm glad I didn't so. This is writing I'd expect from a seasoned WFG writer, not from someone publishing their first serial on RR. I impatiently await more. Just as soon as find my socks.

DrAlt
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Excellent Prologue, but pacing too slow

The writing quality is high, but the pacing is too slow for me.  I feel like this could be rewritten with a much tighter plotline, or alternatively, the prologue should be a lot later in the story.  Still I understand putting a super great cliffhanger 'in media res' prologue in front for many chapters of boring background is a style choice.  It isn't a style I prefer to read.   I could see myself coming back and reading this later when the prologue is caught up to the actual story, because premise looks good but is drowned 10+ chapters of unimportant background.  This is the type of novel I would skip around in, but that isn't possible with an online presentation like royal road.

MDW
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Great story, great setting, weak POV holder

There are some reviews complaining about the long prologue, but in a web novel, aiming for the long run is not wrong. who cares about 20 chapter-long prologue if you are going to have a thousand chapters?

The world is crumbling and some "trials" to empower worthy people appeared. However, all of them are secret and most of them are sadistic deathmatches. Instead of starting after the apocalypse, this novel will show it happening.

That said, the setting is interesting, the premise enticing and the eponymous main character relatable and well-defined. A girl that fought for her place in a crumbling society, that will fight to the bitter and to defend her SO, Allie feels human.

The same cannot be said about the POV holder. So far (ch 21) we can't make heads or tails of what he is or wants and he is the POV of a 1st person narrative. This is the biggest flaw of this novel. He feels like a 3rd person limited most of the time. I can't feel inside his head.

But once more. This is a web novel. They have the marvelous habit of evolving and growing by leaps and bounds once the author gets the creative engine running. I bet 100k words that the POV holder will begin to make sense and get a lot better-defined after chapters 25 and onward.

I think it is worth the time to read it. It was worth my time. I can only wait for the novel to bloom into a spledid piece of pre-apocalyptical LitRPG.

Dylan Sandy
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Gotta say. I love what you did for the first few chapters.

 

Can't wait to see their relationship evolve over the course of the story.

 

The part I'm anticipating the most is the change (or lack thereof) in the boy's behavior towards his Allie.

Animan
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Reviewed as of chap 14.

I desperately want more of that skilfully narrated survival dance of two characters, whose dynamic expressed in dialogs has become my recent drug.

If dark stories with some LitRPG elements and wise, strong-willed characters are your thing, I strongly advise joining this entertaining journey, which probably will leave you wanting more, and more. Just as the best writing should. 

Style:
Pretty damn good. It was a pleasure to read. Superb choice of words. Awesome dialogs between characters, which correctly show their personalities. Places which should be funny are funny. Places which should be grim are grim.
Action scenes are well directed (though sometimes I had trouble with comprehending what had happened in which order).

Grammar:
Only once a red lamp had lighted in my mind. For that amount of text that's pretty awesome, as far as I'm concerned.

 Characters:

- Main chars are intelligent and interesting. Especially the woman, Allie. She takes what she wants, and quickly adapts to every situation. The male lead, from whose point we see the story, Kai... well, he stands up to the challenge when a situation requires it. He is likable and relatable.

Story :
The beginning (after the prologue) is a bit slow. However, as we proceed further, the story just gets more and more interesting, leaving some tasty unknowns along the road (Especially the weapon shop chapter).

TL; DR: My girlfriend the necromancers is a well-written story about the survival of two strong-willed, intelligent, and unique characters, that is really worth reading.

LightningShadow7
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I have read the first 4 chaps as that is all that is available right now. This story seems extremely well done even though I generally hate stories that start in the future for the first chapter as it spoils the rest of the story. However, this story somewhat makes it work even though I think it would have been for the better without the spoiling start. I highly suggest you read this story.

Craig Kobayashi
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  1. I gave this story a follow about three chapters in, then finished the rest of it in one sitting. 
  2. Great story/characters/development
  3. Constant freaking action

In short, this is the first novel on RR that has completely captured my attention from start to finish. 

Well done and I hope to see more!

SimplyaZombie
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A start that draws the reader in and suggests great things to come, while the story is still young. I honestly think this is going to be one of the new big ones for the site.

Aelem
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Love the ideas! I'm excited to see where this goes. Hopefully Kai starts wising up soon, Allie has been doing most of the work so far.

Here's to their reunion!