Superhuman Princess

by Iori Angel

Original ONGOING Adventure Fantasy Romance Sci-fi Female Lead Low Fantasy Magic Martial Arts Portal Fantasy / Isekai School Life Super Heroes Supernatural Urban Fantasy War and Military
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content

Since World War 2, superhumans and supernatural beings have been making waves on both sides of the law. Elissa has watched from the sidelines since she was a child. She has always been happy with that; but after a superhuman student with a grudge uses his Pyrokinetic powers to terrorize her school, Elissa has some decisions to make.

Just what do the fates have in store for young Elissa? You just have to read Superhuman Princess to find out!

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l nimbus
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Brutally honest, but not assholish review.

 Superhuman Princess is a conundrum. Truly. On one hand, it's a good, solid, even enjoyable story, one that should no doubt please RR readers to no end if it fits their tastes. On the other, it has serious flaws, and little things about it that make me want to bang my head, then sit you down and explain some things to you before I allow you to so much as touch a keyboard again.

 Do note that what I say here is my personal opinion. As such, take it with a teaspoon of salt. The flaws I point out, the critique and criticism I give aren't to belittle you as a writer, to lord my own skills over you or to make fun of you. No, they're there to provide honest and genuine advice in order to help you further your career as a writer.

 I may seem harsh at times, cutting, even. But, looking back, I find that the people who were harsh with me were what improved my writing the most. (Most were outright assholes, though.) I'll try NOT to be that bad.


Story:

 Superhuman Princess might not be unique, or it just might be. I haven't read every single book there is, so I can't say for sure. But what I can say is that insofar as what I've read on RR, it's different. Someone born on a different world being brought to Earth and raised there, to one day go back and save her own world. That's some creative thinking right there. Reverse Isekai? Maybe. It dares to be different, and that always gets points in my book.

 It does move at a good pace, and mantain that pace, so far. Very little filler, which is awesome, and it's always expanding on something. Again, that's something I like. It sets a good backstory, simple but effective superhuman ranking system and good future goals. It's more than had it's core down to pat.

 The action scenes, while not my cup of tea, are quite good and still better than a lot on RR. The author also doesn't shy away from subjects like bullying, racism, xenophobia and sexism. Iori comes out swinging and doesn't let up with the heavy stuff. My complaint is that while they're here, and prominent, they aren't given enough screen time and depth to make them as impactful as they could be.

 Insofar, the story itself has been enjoyable to read, and something just a little refreshing for a throat parched the staleness of most of RR's mass-produced fictions.

 That, however, is somewhat marred by the next section, style.


Style:

 I'll be honest, Iori, very brutally honest. Your style does you no favors. It works, and that's what matters, but it makes your story very rough around the edges and might drive away some of the more picky readers on RoyalRoad.
 
 Let me explain. When you state something, you immediately explain it. This style of writing isn't very appealing to older readers, as most like to put together ideas and form pictures themselves. Instead, everything is immediatly handfed to readers. Perhaps I'm being too harsh, but from a story of SP's promise, I fell this cheapens the effect. Here is one of the worst examples of what I mean. When asked by Tesla if they were friends, Heracles spouts off about France, something that happened years ago. Does he always do that, or just that one time, out of nowhere, so the readers get to hear it?

 The story also has an akward tense to it. Thanks to your grammar, which I'll get to later, it feels somewhere between present and future tense at times. Done right, this is very entertaining, but to me, it feels like this isn't what you're going for. At all.


Grammar:

 Alright. Very few misspellings, and most of these are just forgetting g to put an 's' at the end of something, periods in the right place and your exclamation and question marks aren't mixed up. You pass the basic level of my standards. As we get further up, it gets tricky, though.

 I myself have been guilty of run-on sentences and akward commas, an act that nearly got me banned from the ComicVine wiki by the assholish mods, so I'll be straight and tell you you have that problem too. Not as bad as I did, but it's obvious at times. If a sentence feels too long, or requeires more than, say, four to five commas in fourty - fifty words, slim it down.

 This is the tricky part. A lot of times, I noticed words that were technically correct, but either felt akward or threw off the effect of the sentence. This is also what I meant about tenses. For instance, Will and Would. Used in the same spot, those two can give very different feelings to a sentence. "She will do X" implies future tense. "She would do X" sticks to present tense. Whichever one you pick, make sure to stick to it. I heard endless complaints from readers when I was still staring out about me switching tenses and breaking immersion. Don't make my mistakes. I learned from them the hard way, with nobody to show me the right way to do it.

 Think of this as me giving you that leg-up.


Characters:

 I have opinions on this section. On one hand, a lot of characters are nicely fleshed out. On the other, some are caricatures and the fleshing out isn't always likeable. I get that not all characters are supposed to be likeable, but it feels to me like you might have missed a mark.

 Ellisa wavers between a likeable character and a hateable one. Likeable because of who she is, and maybe her ideals. Hateable for how she treats others. I get that a lot of her character comes from the environment she was raised in, and was heavily influenced by her mother, but to me, it doesn't really make her likeable. She gets points for standing up to bullies, trying to stop them, a maybe being a good person. On the other hand, her actions in recent chapters did her no favors. EG: Ganging up with others on people who did her no foul and who's only fault was that they worked far harder than her to try and win a competition, then lirding over them once they're down.

 Oh, yes, she got bitchslapped by Malacia a chapter later, but that was for endangering herself, not for her attitude. Again, this can be seen as Malacia's fault in the first place for how she raised Elissa, but this is never really made clear, contrary to your usual style.

 Other characters waver between fleshed out and flat. Don't get this twisted, but it seems to me that men are shallow. Skin-deep. Heck, many of the the characters come off like that. Men instantly fall in love with Elissa because of how beautiful she is...So do women.
 
 Many characters, I can't visualize, because more time is spent describing how beautiful and trendy they are than actual physical traits.

....You wouldn't happen to be a Resident Evil fan, would you? ..Ada Fong.



Critique and Criticism:


- Overreactions: This need to be brought up. It seems to me like many characters overreact to things. Awe, fear and the like are commonplace here, despite not being inspired in the reader. So...it might be because the people of Earth 2 are more emotionally wild than us? Huh.

- Pigs: I've got a bone to pick with Elissa's Character. Chapter 7. Why, exactly, are guys 'pigs' for sneaking a peek at girls while they're changing, but the girls are doing the same thing (It was never stated they weren't) and it's okay? Guys get an eyeful and are called pigs, but girls do the same thing and nothing is said. I don't know if it's the characters or you, Iori, but but stripping and changing in front of girls isn't "no big deal" for guys. So, if you dish it out one way, make sure to do it the other way too.

 Fuck it. For that matter, why are all the male antagonists or most of the male characters sexist pigs? I can name four characters that aren't. Saladin, Heracles, Donovan and Tesla. Every other male is blatently sexist, has pseudo-harems or just wants to fuck Elissa after two glances. I'm serious with this. What the fuck? As a guy myself, this isn't exactly swell to me, when the majority of males in a story are depicted as sexist pigs. One or two of the Antagonists? Sure, cool, I'm rooting against them all the way. But four or five of them? I'm seeing an uncomfortable trend developing here.

Skin deep: I think I said it above, but I'll say it again. Many characters and their actions come off as skin-deep. This could be easily fleshed out and given depth with some practice, and I want to see you do that. Remember, worth isn't assigned based on physical beauty. At least I don't. Can't speak for the rest of ya'll.


Closing:

 That's all I'm going to say. I read through Superhuman Princess for the sake of this review, and found a good story, despite it's flaws. It could be improved greatly with a few steps, if one is willing g to put in the work. My advice? Do it. Take the time and perfect your craft. I look forward to what you'll create once you've done that.

MrZombie
  • Overall Score

Got cha! Hahaha....wait, stop! before you go. Place this one in your to read list because i got a feeling that this story is going to be good.

Great world setup.

Good grammar by my standard.

I already like the character, especially Elissa.

A superhero story! Come on, you know that there are going to be good fight scene in here.

Imp3rium
  • Overall Score

Blend of Superhero and Fantasy Genre.

Always been a fan of blending fiction. Looking forward how both systems of magic and Superpowers fuse together.

Fun read so far. Give it a try guys! Superhuman Princess!

Luneder
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Really good novel that is leagues ahead of most novels that pop up on RR.

The story universe reminds me of The Legion of Nothing just that it focuses more on magic side that The Legion of Nothing skims over.

While there is not that many chapters yet the length of the chapters are 4-10 times longers than average to make up for it so that it is expected that each chapter has a decent amount of content.

One thing I think the author should be cautious of is political and social movement and agendas. The more that it is seperated from RL politics the better because one the readers generally want to get away from those topics and two the people who peddle these agendas tend to have one sided bias made to support only their view and gain power and money from them rather than to actually persue the agenda.

skydragonknight
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Good cross-genre blend of fantasy and superhero science fiction of a powerful young girl growing up in a world not her own, trying her best to be happy when she is even more different than your ordinary superhuman. Somewhere in Elissa's mind she knows she is different from other people, as some of her relatives are literal demigods among men, but she cannot begin to imagine how truly unique she really is or what destiny awaits her, or rather what destiny refuses to wait for her as it slowly creeps into her school life, making her wonder who her parents and herself, truly are.

Author writes in 3rd person, focusing mostly on the female lead, but will show other points of view primarily to foreshadow future events. Female lead is attracted to both genders, though seems to attract the wrong kinds of guys and right kinds of girls, not to mention she attracts trouble in general. :)
Her father is a man you can respect and her mother may be the scariest person on Earth (in a good way) while her sister may be the cutest thing that will literally kill you with kindness backed by herculean strength. Remaining cast is diverse in personality and author plays many classic tropes well while subverting others, and all characters have reasons for the things they do. Author is non-native speaker but is very fluent in English and continually improving her grammar. If you see a mistake that made it through, just point it out and help her get even better.