Original ONGOING Action Adventure Fantasy Sci-fi Grimdark Male Lead Post Apocalyptic Strategy Strong Lead War and Military
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

600 years have passed since the fall of civilization. The earth went through massive changes and core beasts now reign supreme. All that still exists of mankind are ruins and a scattering of walled cities. Festering pits of the worst humanity has to offer, protected by "knights" clad in mech like technology called armor. Nobles rule over everyone, little more than warlords. The middle class wants to make a buck and become nobles. And the rats want to survive. But everyone wants a piece of the ancient technology lost to mankind hundreds of years ago. Find one piece and it could change your life forever. For better or worse.

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IncredulousPrime
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dark but good. grammar issues.

I'm going to be honest. I made an account for the express purpose of making this review. I feel like the review before mine needs a little balancing out.

The reviewer makes several good points. All within the bounds of reason... Besides one.

YES. The story has some spelling and grammar issues. The author has improved noticeably after the first few chapters though. He also tracks down mistakes as they are pointed out to him. He could obviously do a better job, but he is working on it.

The grammar is also not story breaking or all that awful. I still enjoy the story a lot. The mistakes don't break the story for me at all.

Onto the story elements.

It IS a little overly grimdark. I can see what the author is aiming for, but he can lay the grit on a little too thick at times.

Pacing is pretty good if a little slow. Things seem to move at a good pace, if a little slow. If you are looking for lots of action, maybe wait for the author to squeeze out some more chapters.

The author seems to use the first 10 or so chapters to lay the foundation.

Characters... Besides the MC there are none. They exist, but they don't. I would enjoy a little more characterization of other characters. The MC is obviously the focus, but it's weird how he doesn't try to interact with others. I am chalking it up his state of mind in these early chapters. Hopefully, the author introduces some more characters later.

 

Style.

The author has this in spades. I like his writing style. Plenty of detail is used. The mc's thoughts make sense. The author doesn't talk in circles. He doesn't use overly simplistic methods of pushing the story forward or use overly complicated ones either. The story flows well and scenes don't feel awkward.

 

Overall a good read. Lots of potential. A little heavy on the darkness, but I like it.

 

If you like grimdark and sci-fi give it a try.

wheresJerZ
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Interesting world building, great character design, but needs some clean up and editing before a final cut. Love the direction so far and can’t wait for more chapters. Great use of emotion and urgency to build action, there is still more room to fit detail for how dark and desperate this world is. You keep repeating his motivations on how he hates the nobility and it s wonderful foreshadowing, but it feels staled after the third or fourth time needs some more clean up.

Goldenfield
  • Overall Score

writing is solid and the story is tasty, the protagonist has character and depth and isnt 2d, 12 chapters in and the worldbuilding is also better than most other novels, the chapters are looong as well so while its only 12 chapters right now it's probably 30 by rr standards.

Bullets and Baristas
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Before you read this review please know that English isn’t my first language and that some of this may be biased around my preferences. And take note that this is my first ever review in this website, but I'm pretty sure no one cares about that so let's start.

 

Style

There is barely anything wrong with your narration style. But the perfectionist inside of me tells the inconsistencies with how you handle the paragraphs. Just like in final paragraphs of chapter 4, there is a big paragraph with a next sentence between spacing. Some are too long and too short, and sometimes you just forget to add spacing

Then there’s your narrating style. You’re not exactly flexible when it comes to that. Please take this advice as it is beneficial in the long run: Do not depend on using “I”. Or at least don’t start every paragraph or sentence with “I”, because you’re using it too much to the point where it has become repetitive in some chapters.

Let me give you some examples that might help you:

I looked up. I saw winged monsters diving down.
>Looking up, there were winged monsters diving down.

I saw her in my dreams.
>She appeared in my dreams.

I froze. I was filled with fear.
>My body froze, I was filled with fear.

Remember. “I” isn’t the only thing you can use in every first person stories when writing.

 

Story

There are some minor inconsistencies. If this is grimdark, why would people be disturbed about grave robbery just like in chapter five? They can feel a bit of shame, but loot is loot nevertheless. And I know I can’t expect perfect narration, but you could’ve atleast told the audience the veteran scavengers who died in battles are looted for their guns and equipment by rats.

The worldbuilding is quite lacking. The recent chapters only describe what it’s like to live in that world, and that’s just it. But maybe that’s just because the recent chapters revolves around the “danger zone”. If he goes home somehow, and hide his mech somehow, maybe there’d be more content about the lives of others and the event that goes there.

Overall, there is nothing wrong with how the people act, except about what I said earlier. The aristocrats and knights are uncaring a-holes, which correlates to the theme of this story where morality is almost absent. People are desperate to survive, and people die for the sake of the storytelling.

 

Grammar

I can forgive the author on this one. English isn’t his/her native language and that everything is done in his/her mobile device. It’s hard to type everything there you know? But I do think the author can atleast use a grammar checker app or something.

 

Character

In all honesty there isn’t anything special about the main character. I bet the background characters would be more interesting to write, because in all honesty he isn’t much different from the others.

And I think that bring me to his strongest point: his normalcy. He is just your average Joe just trying to survive in a world where everything kills you, your average guy who was put into situations no one wants.

He isn’t exactly sociable, I can tell. But just because he took advice to that veteran scavenger where you don’t give sentiments to others who’ll just die, doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t have to talk to others. He is human nevertheless and people talk.

 

And I think that ends my review. Keep in mind that while there are others that have similar theme and genre, this has its own potential. And this review is a sign that there are some people who want to see that potential.

Thefurb
  • Overall Score

This is one of the true gems that make this site such a great site.  Great character Developement and a perfectly paced story really make this story worth your time.  I highly recommend giving it a a try.

Sly Rhyder
  • Overall Score

 I think you've got a great imagination and the whole books so far is awesome.  I love it and I love the gritty side of life after the fall from the peak of human civilization.  Amazing talent.  Keep it up pls :)

Ebisou
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Really enjoying it so far

Grammer = Excellent

World building = Great

Dystopian world with mechs left over from the previous civilization.  

ObviousPseudonym
  • Overall Score

An interesting story, let down by horrible editing

If you’re thinking about reading this, check the first chapter to see if the author has corrected their spelling mistakes. If it still has “thier” instead of “their” and similar spelling mistakes don’t bother reading it. 

The spelling and grammar varies hugely, with repeated spelling mistakes, missing spaces, etc. The author ignores pointed out spelling mistakes for over an month and a half, and doesn’t go back to correct them. 

They start correcting mistakes (e.g. using “their”) later in the story so they are aware that it is wrong, but the lack of care shown by not making sure the basics are done is a horrible sign. 

It’s a shame because it’s a decent story, if extremely grimdark and dystopian. There’s minor things which can be ignored such as scavengers both carrying nothing more than clothing and a weapon, and at the same time all having long coils of rope and lights. 

It’s quite a fast paced story with a good idea (at least for now) of where it wants to go and chapters are a decent length. 

The things letting it down are the editing and the story trying to make the worst society possible to make the protagonist into the lowest of underdogs and as such having no relatable or sympathetic characters.

I would recommend it if you want a post apocalyptic dystopian story, but only if the editing of the story improves.