CORE: The Volcanic Dungeon
by Ace Arriande
- Sexual Content
Other Tags: Evolution | Kingdom Building
A dragon, severely injured from the wounds she suffered after being ambushed, returned home to the center of a volcano. Her injuries exposed the vast amount of aether within her which flowed out like blood from an open wound. All of this energy found its way into an ordinary rock – into me. Her aether turned me into a dungeon core that would convert the entire volcano and beyond into my territory, and that is only the beginning of my many legends.
This is a story about how I turned from a rock into a dungeon core and, eventually, into the most powerful being alive. Well, some might debate that last part, but they would be wrong. Probably. Yeah, definitely. Of course I’m the best!
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I really don't like the story, and I like most dungeon-core style works. I don't like the writing style, I don't like the stone-is-obviously-into-tits-and-thighs meme, I don't like the game-style mechanics and the windows, I don't like the repetitiveness of the chapters, I don't like the way the story is told, I don't like the character of the dungeon.
However, the story does have a harem tag, the grammar is without issue as the author is clearly an experienced writer, and the story's writing style is unique & original. I don't like anything about it, but the author is very open about it, and I can imagine someone liking it. So, I'm giving an overall score of 2 because I really have not enjoyed it, but I'll give full ratings on the rest. Not sure if this is the correct way to do reviews, I'm really conflicted.
Hmmm, i have mixed feeling. Mostly of how the story is writen, i liked theme : dungeon build from scratch with a near 0 IQ core. But it hurt to see some chapter feel like a feeler because of how much random rambling there are.
I kind of liked the mixed Humour there and there, but too much of it and it made me feel like a old neighbourhood rambling about how the sky felt not right yesterday, it can make you smile at first but 1hr straight and you just want to smack her head.
I didn't mind the Waifu love but did we really needed a full chapter of how pretty she is ? And the lame escuse of because they were juste kill slug ? Please ... if it wouldn't be interressting to reitterate the same things you juste need to time skip it.
Same with the talking dragon, do we really needed to read her talking ? The first one can be interresting to put a "sample" of how random her topic was to feel it annoying. But wasting an entire chapter on it ... it feel just not right to me.
Humour can be interresting and light if you use it correctly, when you wrote too much of this its more a comedy skit than a story.
As i hope you will still strive for your own style.
The formative years of an infant consciousness is always an interesting read but this fic botches that premise by being a narration of said years by the future consciousness of the sentient rock in question. Now, this wouldn't be such a bad thing if the narrator wasn't such a long-winded rambler. It held some promise in the fact that hints are dropped regularly about how awesome the dungeon is in the future and why we should read on to find out. But sadly, even that lost its charm when it was overdone. Almost every alternate sentence was a 'hint' and then stuff like ending a sentence with "- spoiler." began to pop up.
I am sorry. Your fic is well written but due to the above reasons, I could not enjoy it.
Current Chapter: A Dragon's Torture
4 .5 / 5 Stars - Great start! I like the way it's built up, especially the style and how everything is slowly being fleshed out. I love how while our rock learns about this world, we aren't being left behind especially with those reminders every now and then. If you're looking for a dungeon story, this one would most likely tick all your requirements. (Although being a dungeon story that focuses on structural beauty and having a defined dungeon structure forced by the system aren't one of them.)
If your looking for something somewhat lighthearted, comedic, has some pretty cool dungeon building (Not the artistic kind) with maps!, and has a pretty funny MC and unique style, then this might be for you. (I'm watching that sexual tag closely. Don't dissapoint.)
I forgot how to write reviews after not making any in a long time, so I'm going to try to keep it short and concise. Please bare with me and my really badly structured review, need to get back into this.
-The way the 'system' works is pretty cool and kinda unique, 'Traits', 'Research Tree', and especially the way to build and expand the dungeon. There are so many dungeon stories with the same, "I imagine it and it just happens" kind of building. With this, it's basically a game with a ghost building showing up in your vision too preview what it would look like if you actually built it.
-I really like the first-person to third-person writing style, with some quick snippets of the present day life 'accidentally' get leaked. The trolling is fun too, but then...
-Red coloured menus! With underlined titles!
-Probably the most important point, this book SHOWS and doesn't TELL... most of the time. What do I mean by that? So many stories are ruined by the author having to describe every god damn reason for why a character feels some way.
Heres an example from the abslute atrocious novel 'Shovels in Spades' that fails doing this by telling me EVERYTHING and never showing!
"Mmm, you're right," Daz replied. He then turned to face Lyle. "It's strange. Ever since this apocalypse started, I've been finding it harder and harder to repress my unusual urges. One such urge is asking about anything that mildly interests me. Please don't let it bother you, Lyle. I value you far more than the Richie's," Daz declared much to Lyle's surprise.
'He's struggling to hide his true nature? Is that why I'm experiencing this... my true nature, huh?' Lyle thought before his face took on the usual business-like smile that he wore in almost all situations. "Thank you, my Lord, that means a lot."
Instead of giving us some sort of event that shows the readers Lyle struggling in some way or some kind of description like character reactions to certain dialogue, it just literally TELLS us Lyle is also struggling in hiding his true nature, show us! God damn, it's even worse when instead of telling us in some other way, it's completely direct, with us able to read all other side-characters thoughts too for no reason.
Thankfully, the only type of tell in this story is basically the tiny world building snippets that the MC lets out (which is completely fine and is actually a pretty good way to do so) and when a new creature or skill appears and a detailed description of them is given to us. (This is fine too, especially since the MC usually adds his own opinions and extra info midway through these sorts of info dumps, keeping us readers interested.)
-The map! Not many dungeon stories feature the essential map for us readers to look at and compare our imaginations to! Especially one with good quality for being made somewhat on the fly, while also suiting the theme!
I remember you asking for opinions on how to expand the map but not show details on things we shouldn't know yet. Like when you want to expand a hallway 50km's north but not show what's next to it since we shouldn't know about it yet, add a 'fog of war' around it and all other sections we don't know about. Just make it simple, either just black or a grey wispy smoke surrounding all known areas.
-The chapters man. I can never understand why someone releases parts of an entire chapter, besides wanting to have more 'chapters' in the statistics, to get more time to edit or create chapters, and farming read count. I really hate it especially since the parts come out at different times, so I'm there reading Part 2 and I have to wait another hour or so for the next 3 minutes worth of reading. Although the reason I dislike this is mainly because I'm usually out on my phone, so I have to repeatedly turn on my Wifi then go to the next part every 2-3 minutes.
(Apparently they are soon going to change to weekly chapters, as the part system was only temporary)
-There are few grammar errors every now and then, but everything is perfectly readable and if you do ever come across an error, it's very minor and you might just read past it without realising it. (Like I do all the time...)
Well, I would like to say more somewhat constructive criticism, but I'm running out of time and memory of what I dislike about the story, which is a good thing! Anyways, I hope this helps to all new readers and our author.
Quick summary, read it if you like dungeon stories. It's got maps man!
Grammars fine, story premise is intriguing. MC rambling is barely tolerable, then the Author starts introducing the harem elements. In the process of doing so he purposely antagonizes the reader by specifically stating how we wouldn't want to read gratuitous superfluous details about elements that currently make no story sense.... and he was right, I don't, dropped.
A very promissing start, I will be looking forward to seeing where this goes in the future.
Read up to vol 2 pt 19 and couldnt be bothered to read the last few chapters currently available.
I have the feeling it's more an exercise in writing than a novel aimed at readers.
It starts kind of interesting with a rock learning to think and things feel challenging enough to not be boring. The writing itself is excellent, good use of grammar and good spelling.
The author seems to be experimenting with a specific style and it annoys me to no end. Maybe I just like my foreshaddowing a little more subtle, maybe I dont like the writer pointing out all the writing tidbits.
The ramblings can be used to show more depth to a character, which can't be shown yet in the story, but may leave you wondering what events shaped this person to change them. Unfortunately the ramblings only reinforce that the MC wont change. I'm sure he is amusing to some. His arrogance and stubborn attitude certainly can be, but it gets old and overused quickly.
I'd appreciate it if at least the ramblins at the beginning of the chapter can have a marker somewhere to show where they stop, so I can skip them. It's almost completely irrelevant to the current arc, repeatedly the same exposition of the harem to come or further inflation of MCs ego. Either make it relevant to read, show me where it ends or cut it out, please.
Characters so far are about as one-dimensional as it gets. We have our stereotypical harem members popping up here and there, supposedly comically stupid opponents and other various stereotypes. The creature that has been given the greatest amount of variety in it's character was in my opinion the now-dead pyre emperor. It had more motivation and actual character than the main cast. This may have been due to its inability to speak. If it had uttered some cheesy lines like everyone else seems to do it would have ruined it.
Writing is smooth and clean, the story is constant if slow, and all introduced characters have solid enough personalities.
What I cant Abide is Core's rambling and the format of narration since the whole story is written in a past tense from Core's perspective, it means he keeps dropping annoying spoilers, the writer or should I say core addresses this as 'he thinks it's fine' but it isn't, it is aggravating and is a killjoy.
Spoilers should be laid out carefully, with meticulous care, to heighten excitement and hint at future events, not blatantly state what's coming.
Alas, this is all due to the fact that Core is a massive windbag and blabbermouth, so he loves to narcissistically talk about himself, it fits his character and the style of the story, but I hate it.
Core wastes so much time going on and on about stuff we should find out as he progresses in the story, that the story begins to feel like my delirious and old uncle, Going on another one of his spiels.
The story is in no way bad, it is good, but if you don't appreciate rambling and obnoxious rock filler, this story will be dead to you.
Also, the harem is a bit of a pace killer, it feels kinda tacked on almost, but then im not into harems, they are lame and unrealistic for self-respecting women.
At least thats how I see it.
Style: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah I love that arrogant fuck stick and I could read him rambling all day long.
Grammar: Never had to think about grammar while reading it so 5/5
Story: It's almost just a boring dungeon story but then the dragon is still there and the people are showing up and I wanna know what happens and those freaging gosh darned turd walnuts hurt my golem and I need to see them pay.
Character: Jesus fuck there needs to be a way to give more points the main character is like a bollywood star that just does anything with pinache and style and the golem is so friggen cute I want to give her a hug.
And don't even get me on the kobold
Edit: revenge was had - -.5
Not so much right now, but its by ace so its gonna keep getting better (and probably sexier hehe) from a really good and interesting start. Nothing much more to say, just read the first chapter and the tags and you will know if you like the story.