Original HIATUS Action Comedy Fantasy Romance GameLit Magic Male Lead Strong Lead Virtual Reality
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

Removed.

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 0
  • Average Views :
  • 0
  • Followers :
  • 927
  • Favorites :
  • 261
  • Ratings :
  • 204
  • Pages :
  • 0
Advertisement
Remove
Go to Table of Contents
Rate it
Fiction breaking rules? Report
Advertisement
Remove
Author
Daecrist

Daecrist

Achievements
350 Comments
Word Count (12)
250,000 Views
750 Followers
1st Anniversary
Top List #1000
Advertisement
Remove
Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date

Leave a review

Reviews
Sort by:
Bence491
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

A great idea, but the characters do not work

I really like the ideas both about the MC being a master of exploits and a corporate taking over a game world, but the MC and his friend in the game act like some 12 year old brats. It really hurts because I truly loved the begining of the story so I just could not leave without wenting my disappointment.
Gave it up after chap 24.

(I gave 5 for grammar because I did not remeber noticing any mistakes, but I did not look for them at all)

SPOILERS
These are just the few things that were too much for me:

MC wants immersion and does not check forums, OK I get that, but a corporate taking over THE groundbreaking game would be an unmistakable news in the gaming community. Also MC not keeping tabs on his nr. 1 enemy? really?

MC (and friend?) should be professional in exploiting games which means also in playing them. Why the hell do they act so f...king cocky, in noob gear when they can't even tell where they are, or even just how strong the pay-to-win boys are.

In their first confrontation they clearly encounter people who they have problem with and then they act like a**holes towards the person who saves them. WHY?! Did she do anything aginst them other then calling them what they are? They just started the game. They are worse than Jon Snow, they ARE noobs. She seams to know what is going on, they don't, why the attitude?

They meet and talk to the NPC goblin who acts like a real person, and then they see the most realistic town ever and still end up with the conclusion that NPCs are primitive and not woth speaking to? 

The goblin clearly said that the guys who attacked run the town so when MC and friend arrive they decide that they can do whatever they want? What kind of logic is that? They are told that it is an opressed territory and the a**hats from before rule the place.

Is this really how the master exploiters behave?
It just does not work for me, and it make me sad because the story clearly has a bunch of potential and the writing is good as well.

Anyway this is only my opinion if you where interested by the given summary just give it a try, and you can decide for yourself.

Faruel
  • Overall Score

started great with an intelligent MC before it devolved into stupidity. why would a master game-breaker who has by the stories account exploited multiple systems act like a first day of gaming noob? he enters the game and checks NOTHING! he does not bother to see what can harm him, how stats affect damage/hp/speed/reflexes or if he can dig/jump/climb and instead starts collecting flowers without even knowing their properties. yet I'm to believe he is used to deciphering systems to the point he can exploit them?

Author, I like the way you want to give personality to your characters and your basic world building but if you have set the case for the MC to be a game-breaking intelligent badass HE NEEDS TO ACT LIKE ONE.

qfarjad
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

You can practically skip entire chapters and not miss a thing. Here's the prominent stuff after reading for 20 chapters. Shitty excuse for banter, cliche brain dead villains, "lotus online is so realistic omgomg", MC is so amazing and a quick thinker omgomg. Even the most obvious braindead scenes are explained after the fact excessively, glorifying the amazing MC for his amazing quick thinking skills. No grammar problems though.

emberwing
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Contrived, bland and boring.

The character motivations often don't make sense or are so blindingly stupid it's insulting.

The banter is bland, boring and adds nothing of value to the story resulting in entire chapters being pointless.

The few things it does get right are lost in the overall mediocracy.

Arcane_Pozhar
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Good series with a pacing and language issue.

Title brings up my key points.  This is a good series, the writting is well done, the setting is interesting, the characters have some depth.  However, the descriptions of various things feel like they get repeated a lot, sometimes awkwardly.  The cursing at points is a little over the top, it looses it's dramatic effect when it's used this much.  Also, I feel like at least a few of the plot twists are fairly obvious, and it's kind of sad the MC is wearing his idiot hat for some of this stuff.  With all that said, it's a fun series, I look forward to more.

KoboldPatrol
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

interesting ideas but with significant flaws

(as of chapter 35)


Style: The story is told in first person style from the point of view of a teenager in a dismal part of town in a bleak world.

Story: The premise of the story is interesting; hyperrealistic VR games are a staple on RRL but the protagonist's campaign of revenge, his (planned) use of little exploits to get that revenge and the evil megacorp taking over is new. On the other hand, the development of the first chapters feels like taken directly from every story ever written ( Spoiler: Spoiler

 ). In accordance with the hyperrealistic game world the story takes place in there are many scenes where details are described but those scenes sometimes feel like they are there only to show that that detail IS there (Story floating along -> detailed scene detailing how much detail there is in all the details -> story continues to float along.)

Grammar: Very good.

Characters: Contradictory, immature (well, they're teenagers so it fits) and stupid. The protagonist and his best friend behave really stupid. It is said that they are very very experienced gamers but they show almost no professionalism while starting the game of the century for the very first time. Instead of keeping an eye on their surroundings, like they should after just making very powerful personal enemies, they trade paragraph after paragraph of useless circle-jerk banter. In general they have a very aggressive way of talking to each other; I'd say it's strange to hear that they are best friends but apparently that's indeed how teenagers talk with each other. By now I tend to skip part of the dialogue to protect my sanity. My other problems with inconsistencies and how the characters behave have been described excellently by Bence491 (currently the top rated review).

This review ended up sounding much more critical than I planned. I really like the idea of the story and the implementation is not bad but there are flaws that I just can't overlook that really reduce the quality of this work.

EddyB
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

High quality Fantasy LitRPG

I look forward to each chapter more than any other story here (and I am following over 90), the quality f the writing is very high, the plot is good, it is aimed at the teen/pre-teen reading age, but as an older person I am enjoying it. The pace is a little slow but that just enahces the enjoymnet.

SGK8
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

The first few chapters came and went like any other character development portion of a story, which was fine. Until all of those points kept repeating themselves endlessly into the first dozen-and-a-half chapters... After getting into the story and the game itself, things finally picked up and were more than arguing or complaining or threatening.

shykarn
  • Overall Score

Decent but needs work (spoilers)

The story is ok. MC is trying to get revenge on mega corp that is able to trigger a kill switch in the VR technology somehow. Grammar is excellent. I made it to chapter 18 or so but couldn't really go any farther. My main issue is the constant references to WoW, DaoC, etc. throughout the story in what can only be a dystopian future where people live in ?Megacities? or whatever. Honestly that's the biggest turn off. Second, the MC, who is a strategist and planner who dives into games to find exploits refuses to look at the forums on this new game  that is supposed to be the greatest ever?...Its the protagonists defining characteristic.

Nurr
  • Overall Score

Interesting premise

I'm intrigued at where this is going. That is if I've got it correct. If nothing else it might serve to remind people to read the game quick start before playing. 

 

It will be interesting watching the author pull this off. I hope he does.