Shaking the world

by Astrocore

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Fantasy Magic Male Lead Martial Arts Strong Lead Supernatural
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

Crossing from one universe to another should be an exciting adventure right? Well for Daelos it's nothing but a bother. Losing his hi-tech lifestyle and having to a adapt to a magical fantasy world is only the start of his problems.

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Character Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Total Views :
  • 17,745
  • Average Views :
  • 555
  • Followers :
  • 94
  • Favorites :
  • 21
  • Ratings :
  • 27
  • Pages :
  • 264
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Keifru
  • Overall Score

Each chapters feel like points the author has plotted out, but without all the chapters between each plot point connecting them. This makes character changes jarring, and without proper info many people come off as holding idiot balls so a situation comes to pass.

Ex:

 

Josh_Williams
  • Overall Score

Training arc man, Confusing a bit

This has alot of potential, Dont screw it up. Grammer is great, flows smoothly. The story so far seems to be a lot of time skips, and training "arcs" aren't that good to be honest. The 3 month training is litterly just a 3 month time skip with no explanation for why it planted a seed of corruption inside our MC. All that was described was that it was "hard", and theres also no training in the academy section either. Its a bit lacking there but other than that I think the character was done well, being an anti-hero and all that I mean. I like it personally but you should probably stop with time skips and actually do the training, even if its only one or two chapters. The other thing that bothers me is I don't really get why lila is avoiding him, I get the reason but I'm not sure if i really like it. Other than that, story is great. Don't fuck it up please.

Overlord1
  • Overall Score

A good opening to the story line, the story continued to the next stage on character introduction