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When Karson and Ax learn of their father’s murder, they are out for blood. But of all the places they expected to wind up in their quest for vengeance, hunting cultists in the Age of Mythology of ancient Greece wasn’t one of them. The brothers are in a world of might and magic, and must build up their own strengths if they want to have any chance at survival and revenge. But revenge is a two-edged sword. Will the brothers lose everything?
Volume I: Fury (COMPLETE)
Karson and Ax are out of their depth. They wanted vengeance for their father’s murder. What they got instead was to be thrown into the world the cultists came from. Now they must figure out how to navigate this new world, find allies, and grow strong enough to resume their hunt. But they are in dangerous times, where the Titan’s hunt mankind with few gods on their side. Karson and Ax are prepared to vent their fury, but will it cost them their lives?
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First of all I really liked your novel, and I recommend it.
Now, I will try for some constructive criticism.
If there is one critique that comes to mind, it is how easily your Ancient Greeks are swayed by "modern" thinking. Way too easily, I think. The part about slavery for exemple. They have different values. Just presenting them some other ones should not lead them to think and behave differently, or it would at least need to be more gradual and selective.
Making Hades female, why not ; with the whole play about her singular place in the power balance between the gods and the differences between dimensions, it is coherent in your story, which is the more important. But please do not make that a habit and make other mythical or heroic male figures into beautiful women - it would be anime-like in the worst sense.
About the choice of two 1st person narrators in an epic: making a story with multiple narrators (whether with a 1st or 3rd PoV) is useful in terms of worldbuilding. And a lot of epics do this. However, keeping a narrow focus helps in terms of tension, and emotional investment of the reader in the protagonists, when we only view the story through their lenses. We know less of the world at large and are therefore surprised longer. There is also a play to make for the author in the bias of the narrator about what happens around him. All that to say that you shouldn't dismiss out of hand the PoV used in the 1st book, there is interest in both approaches, and it comes down to what strikes your fancy.
And lastly the characters: you are aware of the problem, the lack of relatability with the two protagonists. A possible solution could be more interaction with the main secondary characters? It is not to the point of telling and not showing, but sometimes things seem to go a little too swimingly, and it feels like they are playing a gestion game more than ordering flesh and blood people. Keep in mind that for people of a different mindset and culture that you, organizing them is more like herding cats than a well-oiled machine, particularly at the beginning. So maybe throwing a few petty struggles at those times would be a good idea? To make them look more alive.
Ah, yes, one last thing, that you tell but don't really show. The influence of their background on their take on the world around them. Even if they got out of the ghetto life early, they stayed in contact with it so there should be more traces of it eitheir in their psyche or their mannerism. Not to the point of falling in the known clichés, but at least some more than just explaining that Ax favorises brawn over brain.
I'm running out of steam so I end my nitpicking here, good luck for the following books!
Disclaimer: As there aren't enough chapters to go off of and make firm judgments on individual ratings, I'll keep this review to a simple one. Once you've written some more, PM me and I will gladly update it and make the review more detailed.
But first things first, I highly recommend reading this novel. It drew me in instantly with a very fast paced murder sequence in the beginning. Then, it takes you on a journey with the protagonists, Karson and Ax. You don't even notice it's an isekai straight away if you dive into the story; it's that well done of a subversion of the trope. Only if you read tags, reviews, or the synopsis (which granted you should have done unlike me) do you realise it is one.
As for the story itself, so far it isn't the typical isekai. It does its own thing and does it well. Again, not much to add to the other reviews as there are not many chapters, so I'll keep readers curious with my vague talk of it.
My critique is that characters need a bit more "oomph". A bit more emotion in the characters. Though not bad, it does need that little boost to make them great characters. That's pretty much it in these early stages.
So yes, I highly recommend reading it even if there's not much to read so far.
OK so I just have to say that this is an excellent start to a trapped in another world style story. Or if not trapped then simply transported to another world story. This however is not one of those anime style stories with a goofy plot or MC that doesn’t seem to understand anything. No one was ran over by a truck or a bus or some other large vehicle while they were pushing some innocent girl out of the way this is thankfully a much much better way of sending characters from our world into another. Instead of all the crap we have cultists and who doesn’t like fanatical cults? The answer to that question is Karson and Ax. I assume they don’t really care for them after all their adoptive father was kind of tortured by one of those a holes, which leads them to falling in a magical well that sends them into a very different place and time .
This is all handled very very well with lots of descriptions without it being too much fluff. My personal writing style tends to be a little more info dumpy however I enjoy and find there is something quite nice about the less fluffy filled story writing presented here. It allows the story to have a great sense of pace and progression.
It’s also nice to see it be two brothers sent to a different world and not an entire class from some for Garden high school of boredom or just a single character less MC designed only for self insertion.I was this is only the start I have yet to get a good feel for how the characters are in their true personality is however what is on offer is quite good and I wholeheartedly recommend reading this I personally will be following and waiting to see what happens next.
The only real downside I see as of yet is some of the dialogue feels a little emotionless at times I think this could be fixed by simply adding more expression to how the characters are saying something like describing the way they look when they say it but that isn’t a terrible thing and it doesn’t detract from the story that much.
Keep up the good work I will be continuing to read this as you post more chapters!
I love this series that hits all my favorite tropes. I feel like this could very easily be a 5 to 10 book story. The grammar seems to be on a professional level compared with the other stories I see regularly on the site. Well worth the time this was red at chapter 32.
Overall 5/5: The story was solid. The premise was bizarre and interesting, with two brothers from the modern day ghettos being dragged to ancient mythical Greece with revenge on their hearts. A compelling story, likable characters, and a clear goal makes for a great narrative. Got to give this one max props to the author with some very strong writing.
Style 5/5: From the very beginning it kept me compelled to continue. There is a lot of showing, not telling, which is key to good writing. Bonus kudos to the very strange story of mixing two brothers from the American ghettos being flung into the wonderland known as ancient mythical Greece.
Story 5/5: While the start is your revenge plotline, the story goes off the rails by sending the would-be vigilantes into ancient Greece, loaded with magic that only a demigod would have. The ancient Greek landscape feels authentic, with a war brewing between titans and gods; and the brothers in the middle.
Character 5/5: So far, Karson and Ax are both compelling characters with their own tangible personality, hangups, banter, and brotherhood. They both have their own unique powers that compliment one another well. I expect good things from this setup.
Grammar 5/5: Pristine, without a flaw that I could see. All are signs of good attention to detail.
So what are you doing? Go read it!
Story seems decent, but the whole pushing of idelogies was kind of annoying.
Bla bla, women are equal to men
Bla bla, slavery bad
In a country that has no modern technology, and probably just barely started using wheels to their advantage, with magic heavily hindering their technological advancement.Slavery would in both theory, and probable actuality would work, in a modern world where a vehicle is 10x more productive than a human, it doesn't.
Then, the gender part.Self-explanitory really, women aren't as strong as men, it's a hormonal thing.Go look at average's amongst children, even a scranny kid is probably stronger than the average young girl.So I see no reason for them to suddenly believe in such a remark, especially when born to the ideas.This is why in socities that enlisted women, they taught them martial-arts instead of more strength-dependant training.
That's mostly my personal issue, I don't like sex in stories to be quite honest, but it didn't seem widely emphasized.Grammar seemed fine, style wasn't really note-worthy.I didn't read too far due to the lack of interest, but the characters honestly don't seem like people who'd say "Women are just as much capable as men."
Continue and give the date of release for next story. Or are you going to release it on amazon? If you can find a nice book cover it would sell pretty well.
This review is part of a review swap and valid as of chapter six.
Two brothers are transported from modern day to fantasyland. Sounds familiar? It is, but fantasyland is ancient Greece; with magic.
It all starts as your usual backstory leading up to where the main character dies and is reincarnated into somewhere. In this case there are two main characters, and the backstory is great, and the main leads don't really die, so I'll dump this one into the transported into another world rather than reincarnated into another world -style of stories.
The story is written in double first person point of view, each main character having his own section of the story. I personally abhor multiple FP stories, and while this one does it very well it does nothing to alleviate my dislike of the solution. Third person limited would have been better.
That said, it's absolutely fantastic to see how the narrative changes depending on which one of the two characters hold the PoV. Sure, it's kind of stereotypical to have the brains contrasted with the brawn, but six chapters into the story it still works. I have to admit, though, that it could become old after a while.
Did I mention six chapters? The story hasn't left the beginning at all. I'd expect it to stay solidly in the beginning for at least another six chapters, but I could be wrong.
Now for the stars.
Style is a solid four stars. While I most definitely dislike multiple first person point of view narration, in this case it's done very well.
Grammar is all but perfect. A no discussion five stars.
Story delivers exactly what it promises to do. You want a transported into another world style of story? This is the delivery. Progression follows the growth of the characters and I have no reason to yank any part of the stars. Five stars.
Character should be more than archetypes. While the two main characters most definitely have their own personalities they're also firmly bound into their archetypes. Thus they become the supremely most important supporting cast in what's supposed to be a story about themselves. I fully expect them to grow into full five star characters later, or this story will die horribly.
Overall I'll assign this, the beginning of the beginning, a four and a half star. This is neither praise nor bashing. I've reviewed tihs story at its inception. It could become a very good read, but it could also go horribly wrong. It's too early to say. For now, stick to it until you know.
Loved it. You really don't realize that it's an isekai because of just how well the story flows and while the characters do seem a little flat I like the interplay between the brothers. The different characters do have their own motivations and reasons. Only one big thing and that's where in the heck did the author go?! He was talking about writing more last I saw but his last post/response was two years ago!! What happened and if he is still writing where lol. Needs it!!!!!!! I did finish the story but not while logged in.