Original HIATUS Action Adventure Fantasy Sci-fi Cyberpunk LitRPG Magic Multiple Lead Characters Post Apocalyptic Reader interactive Steampunk Strong Lead Virtual Reality

Please leave reviews and votes so that i know how good or bad i am doing and what i can change ---------------------------------------------------------------------- This is a story about a normal high schooler who was framed and sent to jail on fake charges. Becoming depressed he was further thrown into dispair when the culprit caused his family harm and took his sisters ability to walk. Finally reaching the end he experienced a mental breakdown and lost his speaking ability to everyone and only reacts to his family. Follow him as he remakes his life with his little sister in the world of Etheria as a form of rehabilitation. Will he talk again or never again. Will he trust others or will he lived a closed life. Only time will tell P.S. Mature tag is mostly for language and gore that might happen in the future. I WILL NOT MAKE EROTIC STUFF IN THIS ON LIKE DEMON AND ANGEL OR ROMANCE AT ALL

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VRDraco

VRDraco

Den's Great Dungeon Lord

Achievements
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Word Count (19)
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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Chapter 1 Jail Bird ago
Chapter 2 Clockwork scrapyard ago
Chapter 3 Scrapyard base ago
Chapter 4 Tanks ago
Chapter 5 Jeopardy ago
Chapter 6 Queen ago
Chapter 7 Race Unlocked ago
Chapter 8 Upgrade ago
Chapter 9 Dwarven outpost ago
Chapter 10 Nova's First Gun ago
Chapter 11 Dwarven Clockwork tech ago
Chapter 12 Sizing up ago
Chapter 13 Dwarven Rampage ago
Chapter 14 The Next Target ago
Chapter 15 Familiars ago
Chapter 16 Boss Hunt ago
Chapter 17 Bandit ship ago
Chapter 18 Karma ago
Chapter 19 New destination ago
Chapter 20 Pass time ago
Chapter 21 Negotiation ago
Chapter 22 Beta End ago
Volume 2 Chapter 1 Virtual Space ago
Volume 2 Chapter 2 Rising Nation ago
Volume 2 Chapter 3 The Second Awakening ago
Volume 2 Chapter 4 Return ago
Volume 2 Chapter 5 Return Part 2 ago
Volume 2 Chapter 6 Payback ago
Volume 2 Chapter 7 Wreaking Part 2 ago
Volume 2 Chapter 8 Body Building ago
Volume 2 Chapter 9 Sky Whale Base ago
Volume 2 Chapter 10 Dungeon Theory ago
Volume 2 Chapter 11 The Clockwork's Wrath ago
Volume 2 Chapter 12 Crushed Pride ago
Volume 2 Chapter 13 Sky War ago
Volume 2 Chapter 14 Childish Chitchat ago
Volume 2 Chapter 15 Game Masters ago
Volume 2 Chapter 16 Willpower ago
Volume 2 Chapter 17 The Real Boss ago
Volume 2 Chapter 18 The Deadliest Weapon, Innocence ago
Volume 2 Chapter 19 Fame ago
Volume 2 Chapter 20 Air Assault ago
Volume 2 Chapter 21 Pirate Genocide ago
Volume 2 Chapter 22 The Patch ago
Volume 2 Chapter 23 Home Sweet Home ago
Volume 3 Chapter 1 Shock Therapy ago
Volume 3 Chapter 2 Crew Visit ago
Volume 3 Chapter 3 Curiosity driven ago
Volume 3 Chapter 4 Core Tech ago
Volume 3 Chapter 5 Management Unit #1 Fics Irons ago
Volume 3 Chapter 6 East Gate City Month 1 ago
Volume 3 Chapter 7 Core Tech Animals ago
Volume 3 Chapter 8 Gate One Complete ago
Annoucement ago
Volume 3 Chapter 9 The Shepard ago
Volume 3 Chapter 10 Velodrone ago
Volume 3 Chapter 11 The rogue class Branch ago
Volume 3 Chapter 12 ago
Volume 3 chapter 13 Divine Punishment ago
Volume 3 Chapter 14 Shifting Gears ago
Volume 3 Chapter 15 BULK SMASH!!! ago
Volume 3 Chapter 16 Cannon Plan's ago
Volume 3 Chapter 17 Kong Gun ago
Volume 3 Chapter 18 North Gate ago
Volume 3 Chapter 19 God's play ago
Volume 3 Chapter 20 Life Experience ago
Volume 3 Chapter 21 Attack Plan ago
Volume 3 Chapter 22 Surging Battle ago
Volume 3 Chapter 23 Core Races ago
Poll ago
X-mas special ago
Volume 4 Chapter 1: Arrival of the Clockwork ago
Volume 4 Chapter 2: Let the Negotiations Begin ago
Volume 4 Chapter 3: Irritating Familiarity ago
Idea/suggestion ago
Volume 4 Chapter 4 Sakura, Titan of Nature ago
Volume 4 Chapter 5 Ballad of Gentle Waves ago
Volume 4 Chapter 6 Construct Specilization ago
Volume 4 Chapter 7 Major Request, Major Trouble ago
Volume 4 Chapter 8 Confession ago
Volume 4 Chapter 9 'I just don't care' ago
Volume 4 Chapter 10 Partnership ago
Volume 4 Chapter 11 Military Recruits ago
Volume 4 Chapter 12 Twin Goddesses ago
Book 2 Published ago

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Myriad
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The premise was good, but lot of small problems.

I heard about this story just recently. And as I write this review I’m well into the second book.

This story started just fine. The world was vast with a lot of potential and even though it was slow build up, I could hope for something great.

And as I read... I noticed that what I was wishing for never came and instead there were always issues that came up and kept aggravating me.

The characters are both great and awful. The MC and the side character build up at the start seem fine. But as you follow the MC you start noticing a certain pettiness about him. How he holds petty grudges for no apparent reason other than self-satisfaction.
Of course, one could argue that with how the MC was portrayed and his hard early life, it could happen. But there's also inconsistency in how he acts normally. Sometimes acting extremely mature for his age and sometimes wanting to pay someone a hundred fold for a slight slap on the wrist.

He was slowly turning into a bad Wuxia/Xianxia protagonist. Nobody wants that...

I found the side characters to be a lot more likable and I was looking forward to another point of view of those more than the MC. Even the person that ruined his life was more entertaining than him, even though any sane person should hate that person.

The author also tries to break the fourth wall sometime with his narration, and it's not something I really like in this particular story. It doesn't always happen, but when it does, it doesn't add anything.

Now for the grammar... As a non-English native myself, I can understand common grammar issues and what not. But here, for the first time in my life, I actually get frustrated from grammar issue and finally understood why some people dont like that. It may have been the fact that I actually tried so hard to like the story too...
Oh also...let’s not talk too much about punctuations; do you even know they exist?

The story is the main redeeming feature of this work. The world building is great and the potential is there. The world is vast and interesting and it's really what makes you want more of it. My only issue with the “story” was how it felt like the author didn’t know where he wanted to go for a couple chapters and just drifted here and there until he got an idea.

 

Now, maybe the author did manage to improve in the books 3-4-5. But I don't get my hopes up. It may sound like a bit of bashing, but I really wanted to like the story and see how it ended up. But I couldn't make it through all those problems as I’d just end up frustrated if I read more.

 

raven_datura
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A book I cant help but come back to...

I love this book quite a bit. Thats why after neerly 2 years of hoping against hope for an update, i diligetly cheack to see if today is the promist day...to no avail. This book is definitly in my top 5 favorit books on this site. sadly dispite the authors claimes that he will come back to it, im still very worried that this one will be perminently dropped. but enough of that lets get on  with the review.

im not a grammer nazi and am not very versed in juging styles of writing, so i wont talk about that much here. I will mention however that there is a fair amount of blue word boxes. I myself like them though, they make sence and feel at home since the setting is a vertual reality game.

there are two things i realy love about this book. One is the setting, and the other is the characters. the setting is a vertual reality game world with a twist, cleverly mixing a high fantasy world and a somewhat futeristic world on the verge of experation... its basicly what would happen if a classic high fantasy world existed for too long and wars between variouse magical and/or scientifical races destroyed almost everyting leading to a "ruind world" for the players to try and fix. and the game itsealf is very well thought out with a mutitude of races and the players actions (sucsesses or falures) have a serious impact. and certain machanics of the game such as crafting also become highly important as well since all things crafted in the game (magical excluded) can be recreated in the real world... so much potential. I realy love that about this book. 

the charactors are definitly the best part in my opinion. the main charactor might start of as a mialdly Cliché depressing charactor finaly given a chance for revenge or whatever, but thats not the case. he has a depressing tragic backstory and a multitude of psycological problems to work through. the story doesent focus on the need for vengence or have him work twords that as a goal. no instead this is a story of him and is paralized sister finaly having a chance to experience life together. instead of vengence its healing (very slow and natural progresion of healing). aside from him neerly every other character is also well made. even the antagonist. (the one who destroyed his life) gets her recompence and begins to grow as a person. i dont truly simpathise with her, but she had real motives and regrets that made her seem like a real person and not just a villain for the sake of filling a role. i realy respect that. 

one of my favoret things about this though is the mc's choice of race, its so niche, so right for him, and i've never seen it anywhere elce. Clockworks... as a fan of steampunk culture I cant help but really love this choice. and the lore that surrounds this race was realy well made too. I loved that his choice to be a clockwork was meaningfull and that it impacted more than just his looks and starter location. being a machine, a being devoid of organic matter is very interesting, and the machanics of that are well explord. this is one of the really interesting and unique things that makes this novel so great to me. every once and awhile a shead a tear because i may never get this itch scrached again. 

all in all this book is really worth a read. although you might die a little inside once you run out of chapters and meet the truelly depressing cliff hanger. the sad part is that every now and then i find another great novel only to realize that its by the same auther, and that it will probably get the same treatment when he sudently come up with another great idea... oh well   

sleeping novelist
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Style: Personally, I DO think its rude to comment about writing style. NO offense meant to anyone who does. For me, writing is some kind of expression. And a writer has the freedom to choose how he present his expression. In short, no use on commenting about it. Like you don't need to comment on a painter's chosen medium. The end product is art either ways.

 

Story: I rated it on max since i personally like the story development so far. But honestly, I almost skip reading Jeopardy's scenes. I simply don't care much. But I can see you're giving her a space for growth and that may or may not be vital to your story. 

 

Grammar: Here we go. You're a bit inconsistent on your "tense". But not always (just on SOME chapters). There are some minor error on grammar. But nothing a PR can't solve. I just want to NOTE some recurring mistakes.

- then and than

-their and there

These are but a few which I already mentioned on my comment after volume one. Please be mindful of them. The meaning of a good sentence can be spoiled by such small mistakes. 

 

Character: Honestly, while reading the plot, I almost drop it. Make no mistake. I'm a Shakespeare fan. So I enjoy every dark stories. But I read some stories with the cliche: tragic MC; little sister. Either the sister will be revealed non-blood related and fall in love with MC or MC become the usual idiotic love-struck. This is regardless of how tragic the beginning is and how distrusting the MC is. Some worse plot will be MC falling in love with the girl who hurt him before. Something like that. I'm getting carried away. *coughs*

BUT i saw the P.S. so I gave it a try. And again, make no mistake. I'm not against romance. I just like some adventure/ VR story without all the drama. (or if there is, at least at the minimum like Coiling Dragon) Personally, I chose the exciting stories then ended up unfollowing it because MC slowly become some love-driven character. Instead of the excitement and adventures, love and romance become the major trigger for character developments. When this happens, I lose interest.

 

What i want to say is: "I'm seriously looking forward on how the story will be further developed. Most importantly, how the characters will develop." :) And yeah! Congrats on the book!!

 

FolgeAvHule
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The story dynamics and plot are rather intriguing, and the characters are interesting if at times a bit flat (basically everyone except the protagonist), but the therapists that the protagonist visits around the end of vol 2 made me naseous and I couldnt read it anymore, that level of manipulation and restriction of free will is very disturbing to me (calling it 'therapy' is no excuse it is just sick) and the main characters reaction in that scenario was a bit too unbelieveable I can not and will not read beyond that point due to this factor. The virtual reality aspect was well constructed and thought out. The class dynamics were very unique. The plot had a few inconsistancies in which the author stated one thing and changed their mind halfway through. Those things were mostly rather irrelvant but still were rather distracting. If you can tolerate the few flaws this story can serve as a very entertaining read.

13lack12ose
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Clockwork is awesome, my only wish is that VRDraco begins to update it again!

bulltrollape
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extremely good until vol3 which in the first chapter made me stop reading completely. i felt that the character built until then was changed too greatly emotionaly and menatly in too short a time and thus changed my look on the plot devices used in the story.

SciFiAddict
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I like the story but I wish the real world situation for the MC would be cleared up.  However it has only been 157 days, according to the author with volume 4 chapter 3, and in the real world that isn’t enough time for those type of situations to be cleaned up, if that ever happens, it could take years, real world time.  But the MC is experiencing years of wrongful virtual-world imprisonment and I find that point very disturbing, for that reason, I am giving the story and character only 4.5 stars.   

LordSaucy
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This an amazing fic, the characters are interesting, the setting is amazing. My only real complaint is that the MC is a little more Tsundere than untrusting. i think it would have been more interesting if he didn't have a voice box, and instead when they scared Nova the sound was like his pipes all creaking and wailing.  Im very glad that the NPC are included in his distrust though

WordsOfLight
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As someone already said, the concept of the story it's truly a fresh breath for VR stories, and i find fantastic your ideas and narration. The basic idea of how clockworks work is (as per title) wonderful, i can't wait to see how and what Techno & Co will do within the restarted game.

1dbzfanjake
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Great beginning and original concept

Couple of typos and grammar mistakes, but not too bad. I like the story, and hope you keep writing. :) |Thanks!