The Undead World

by Martin Chain

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Fantasy Tragedy Anti-Hero Lead GameLit Magic Male Lead Non-Human lead Portal Fantasy / Isekai Reader interactive Strategy Villainous Lead
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

Dantalian is a 17 years old student. He was a normal high school student until he and his friends suddenly got teleported with the whole school to another world. In this cruel world, it is either kill or be killed. Follow Dantalian as he fights his way through his enemies and survives perilous situations! Or is it going to follow the story of Dantalian?

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This isn't going to be your average Grimdark Harem MC, Mature content included (Read at least to chapter 4, to know how the story will be going)

Doing this for the fun, I ain't-a grammar expert. I'll try doing a chapter per two days but this depends on school.
(Thanks to some friends for supporting: Ace, Hegao, Sep, Renzo and Nav

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BoredBeyondBelief
  • Overall Score

 I like grim stories, but it's too forced.Like a bad horror movie.I'll sum up to give idea,

Spoiler: Spoiler

 The author seems to be trying to improve, so my suggestion?Scrap it, and try to come up with something better, this is just a edgy cliche isekai, but you can probably do better.Read overlord for idea's maybe, or play some rogue-likes.

Windborne
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Interesting, but overly Dark

Plot: This is a typical Isekai/LitRPG but it's much too dark just for the sake of being dark. The current big go to genre word in the fiction community is "Grimdark" and every newbie author is just tagging it into their stories just because it's the new fad. Like Twilight and all it's ilk, most Grimdark stories are utter trash and this one is not much different. 

Example: Not only does the MC get NTRed in the first few chapters, which is always a mark in the negative for me, but he loses his first friend he makes after dying. Why? Just because the author felt like being a dick and trying to be dark. There are ways of creating conflict without killing off every other named character or making every MC an edgelord. Go read some of the classics like Lord of the Rings. Of the main characters only 1 dies for good, and even then it's after being a dick and betraying the party that said character dies. 

Characters: Our main dude Dantalian or what he goes by now is not interesting to read about and about as 3-dimensional as a sheet of a paper. The rest of the cast is no better, and most character are either killed off or just forgotten because they're no longer important at all to the Author. Heck even the weaponsmith that Dantalian meets in the Undead City is unnamed in a later chapter. Classic sign of laziness by the author right there.

 

Grammar: For being a non native English speaker and this being their first work the author's writing here is about the only good thing I can give this story a plus for. It's not amazing grammar, but I've read worse. Still needs a lot of work, and honestly it could use a few editing passes at the very minimum just for grammar. 

 

Overall: Steer clear, it's a blatant attempt at trying to get into the writing business by jumping on the latest genre fad, Grimdark. Honestly if you've read any of my other reviews, be it here on RoyalRoad, on my blog, or on my work site you'll know how much I despise the genre. None of them are worth reading. 

 

Meonator
  • Overall Score

Il a du potentiel ne le jugé pas a tort

J aime cet histoire meme si elle est simple , parfois une histoire simple suffis alors je mets 4 étoile (g enlevé une car maya est morte putain je me sens encore mal , tu es vraiment sans coeur)

 

Ps: je suis belge aussi enfin j y vis (bruxelle)

 

yobyoby18
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Didn’t read more then 5-6 chapters or rather couldn’t. It’s written in such a way that you have to reread each sentence a few times to understand what it’s saying, which is a shame; this story seemed decently interesting. I thought the author might want to get an editor, but I found an editor’s note, so I have to say GET A NEW EDITOR!!!! 

Joary
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way to forced. it does the now almost-as-classic-as-truck-kun in the dark isekai genre of "betrayed by lover," with above average excecution (not hard, was readable).

then completely dumps it in the trash and mind wipes the mc as we follow his corpse around, until he makes new friends, but this time it goes outside of its genre and pulls the wuxia classic of "how dare you trash touch me" and he gets left behind as a meat? shield. He survives because after being throw into the wall, he played dead via semi unconsciousness and lack of mobility, so the big scary thing just chases his pals. Then he escapes and finds a little vampire girl who he protects and helps grow up, o ly to end up being, yet again, paralyzed and semi unconscious, but this time theres rape, did i mention she is little girl sized? like 8year old body?

lets count our trauma so far:

  • paralyzed while NTR'd and stabbed by his best friend
  • paralyzed and told to respect his betters who tried to kill him cause they have power and it went to their heads
  • paralyzed and left fo r dead with man eating spider and other monsters
  • paralyzed and sees adopted daughter (8yo sized) get raped

then! he goes suicidal, and stumbles.upon more wuxia inspired bullshit: the i heritance of the god of death, and goes from a mook's mook of the undead (tier 1), to the big shot of the big shots (tier 5) and reverses the mindwipe straight outta the author's ass. MC's soul already moved on, his brain was destroyed by monsters and adventurers and time as a corpse, so how did he get his memories back? who the fuck knows?!?!? and instead of getting revenge on the assholes who left him to die, or the two "friends" who killed him, the corrupt humans that summoned him there, the elves that raped his daughter in front of him, or even just give a middle finger in passing to the bullies, he starts kingdom building, and leveling up because his race can "revive someone," but incontext it is implied to continue " as a vampire servant"

short and simple, the story is a mess, the characters are either plot devices, painfully stereo typical, or so incredibly unimportant that you can't appreciate that they are actually more complex characters than most of the cast (such chaps include: undead blacksmith(barely qualifies. he "fil ls " the father figure role, but his presence is negligible, basically just to act as the one good part of the situation), maybe the human princess?, elf adventurer party leader #2 electric boogaloo (carriage gal), elf ranger girl: cave edition). also, he goes from barely sentient to fully sapient in the snap of a finger (not part of death god asspull, between betrayal 1&2) and then the tier 2s his age that he meets a few chapters later are only kinda close to basic sapience, nothing like our MC with human-tier sapience as a tier one corpse muncher. garbage fire.