Original ONGOING Adventure Fantasy LitRPG Magic Male Lead Non-Human lead Reincarnation
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

Alex's life changed when it ended. Hit by a car and reincarnated into the core of a golem and then discarded he finds himself in a new world he needs to find his place in and figure out what life as a golem means. Starting small maybe one day he will be great.

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Geneticfreak
  • Overall Score

Interesting premise and I like it so far. Hope you keep it up. 

sdeligar
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Enjoying the story so far and I look forward to seeing what the author has planned for the future. There are the occasional mistakes that one expects from any author without an editor and as such I suggest the same fix that all authors should use. Find someone to read each chapter before posting. They don't have to be any better with english than you are the point is just to have somebody notice the mistakes that you have over looked. Usually small things like teh and he/she that you brain will gloss over because it assume it already knows what has been written. It won't help with the more common grammar mistakes that 90% of people miss but will help with the other more noticable mistakes that might lead to some people complaining about in reviews.

Pice
  • Overall Score

 Honestly, I'm just waiting for more chapters. The covers good, proper grammar is used, and it overall doesn't look to bad. I'm actually quite interested! But, sadly... it doesn't have that many chapters! But it soon will, maybe. After all, it has a good upload speed.

CrazyGuy
  • Overall Score

Loving it so far, though I’m annoyed I found it so early and can’t just binge through hundreds of chapters. Ever since the dungeon core stories started coming out I’ve been waiting for something like this, keep up the good work.

mio
  • Overall Score

wonderful idea, horrifyingly bad execution.

2 stars, just for the idea. the story itself is horrifyingly bad!

the mc is like a 5 year old kid, who is retarded, and can't make a logical decision if it would cost him his life!

i have never read such an unlogical, badly made-up sequence of events in my life! and that's with the amount of bad books i've started alone reaching in hte hundreds! 

the idea was so good though... truly a sad day for readers everywhere.

Goldenfield
  • Overall Score

dropped like the sack of shit story this is after reading the 12th chapter.

Protagonist is retarded because being a good person means you cant be a smart person, literally hands himself over to be captured and enslaved without even bothering to try and understand things around him or use even the slightest semblance of intellect, thought handing himself over to the villagers for defending himself from a cat was a good idea.

then he admits to being from another world to a gnome after he was caught, at what point is that a good idea when you know nothing? wakes up after awhile and gets utterly mindraped because plot and author ineptitude. author proceeds to defend mindrape in comments because the world has a history that the readers dont know! WOW! thats some smart writing right there!

classic RR novel fuckup, aint no amount of retconning going to fix this, probably going to be dropped after a few weeks when he realises most of the readers quit on this one chapter.

 

Ral
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nothing happens the novel

This is one of those stories that has great concepts but has no story to tell. It just meanders.

Style:

The storytelling style is on the bland side with a lot of awkwardness.

There is barely any description. If there are then it is not descriptive enough and blandly phrased. It does try but it just fail to create the image and the feel of what is being described. The description just isn't vivid.

Dialogue is awkward. Really awkward. Everyone talks so formally to the point that they sound robotic. You must understand, the characters we meet so far aren't some high ranking people where formal language is the norm. Worse, many would talk for several sentences straight without any pause. They just don't seem to need to breath. And every dialogue here just sounds so staged like they are reading from a teleprompter or something. It doesn't the spontaneous feel a dialogue should have. Just incredibly awkward dialogues.

And the writing lacks variety. It is constantly long winded with barely any short sentences to spice things up. Every sentence seems to be made with a dozen of words or more.

Another problem is something that is a pitfall with stories written in first person POV like this story. Sentences always starts with pronoun I. Seriously, the only exceptions seems to be the sentences that starts with filler words (which are not a good practice either) or are grammatically incorrect.

Overall, the writing just doesn't have any voice or a strong grip on storytelling along with issues that just makes the experience awkward.

Story:

Nothing happens. Well, things does happen but it tells no story. At most, the protagonist just killed some animals, but mostly the protagonist is just essentially having a tour in this new world. No conflict, no real goal. He just wanders everywhere. There is just nothing.

The setting is barely developed and this is a big problem Setting is very important in the Fantasy genre. Yu have to put a lot of work into world building when writing Fantasy. Here, there is barely any effort done. The magic system is wonky. There doesn't seem to be any form of culture. Rules and laws seems to be arbitrary. Government doesn't seem to exist. The setting us just blotchy with no real structure in it. It just seems to be build as the story goes.

The only draw the story has is its concept. It is interesting. A human is essentially reincarnated into a golem core. Reincarnation story is rather popular and is an interesting concept, but there is just no story behind it. Worse still, it turns out, being a golem isn't that interesting or unique characteristic in story.

Grammar:

This story is loaded with errors like comma splices, wrong words, missing or ambiguous antecedent and many many more. There are so many errors here.

Character:

One of the biggest mistake the author did here is to write this story in first person POV. To write in first person POV, you have to write in the "voice" of the POV character. The voice you are writing in becomes the part of the character. The writing voice here is incredibly dead. It has very little personality. This reflects onto the protagonist as having little personality too.

Not that the protagonist has any personality. No, he doesn't have any. Just, nothing. I can't describe it. I just can't describe a thing that has nothing to describe about.

And the other characters are mainly there as props. The most you can get are those characters who gives detailed explanation about things with almost no prompting from the protagonist. They are really just convenient infodumping devices.

The others characters are just there. All they do is fill the scene and setting. These characters aren't bad but this story is just so devoid any real character that we might as well talk about these guys.

~~~~~~~~

Overall, this story seems to be written with just the concept alone without any real effort to build a story for it. The author just find the concept of a human reincarnated as a golem core fascinating and starts to write with just that.

The Spectator
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The story's concept is the main selling point. Otherwise the MC is bland. I enjoyed how he struggled at the beginning, but at the end, MC became an idiot. Only for the sake of plot progression. After you edit, make sure MC isn't sacrificing his character.

Rate: 3.5