Fallen Immortal

Fallen Immortal

by Yintian

Hiatus and dropped until further notice.

I apologize as the plot line was confusing. I will do a better job on my other stories.
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  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
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  • Total Views :
  • 25,945
  • Average Views :
  • 3,243
  • Followers :
  • 116
  • Favorites :
  • 31
  • Ratings :
  • 15
  • Pages :
  • 58
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Author
Yintian

Yintian

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15 Comments
750,000 Views
1,500 Followers
Word Count (15)
Top List #500
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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
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FenTadama
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

 This isn't a bad story, not in technical terms or by means of writing. But the plot mixed in with MC just being, them. It's interesting to read, but not keep track of.

 

It starts out great in fact, but the things that happen after just completely cut me out of the story for some reason. Aside from the fact that MC is OP in the very beginning is fine, but what you did with it wasn't necessarily the best choice of events.

 

It could have gone better by doing something else with it, or at least using that fact and completely theming it into the story.

 

Just an opinion though.

Crituris
Overall

 I found your first chapter quite enjoyable, it had all the elements to keep me interested, and it made me feel quite curious to what happens next.  Can't wait to read the next chapter!

Greenfish106
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

This story has no idea what it wants to be

I wanted to like this story, but all of the characters are annoying or outright irritating. You started this story with a very heavy wuxia vibe, and that’s fine. But you immediately made the main character a complete asshole, who, for some reason seems to be incompetent. If you start with with the main character being someone important you shouldn’t completely reduce their rank and intellect. 

 

I say intellect because the main character has apparently been alive for 3000 years, yet he acts like a spoiled little kid. Add on that you immediately crushed any real wuxia themes in the story and set up the most awkward underdog feeling of any story I’ve read.

 

I feel like you wanted to have a main character who is powerful, yet starts weak. And instead you created a main character who acts like a little kid and is made weaker by randomly destroying his potential and then instantly introducing a different way he could be strong. This makes the story feel like a horrible roller coaster that readers want to get off of.

forseeti
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

True beast in human body

Quite a good FF. When i started i thought its gonna be another ff with way to op character but author managed  to turn it around quite well. Idea to make him l alchemist was quite a plot twist. i just hope he gonna be able to kick some ass later on. 

Generally story is quite easy to understand only issue i have is with all that reduction of his powers(cus of block or something) personally would like more explanation. 

Character is interesting as he rly act as beast in human body. i just hope for more development on some side chracters( like some freind or even partner/ enemy/beast from his 'past' life)

Overall if anyone is fan of this type of ff i greatly entourage to try it as chracter is quite interesting.

Raizen
Overall

You ruined it in 4 chapters

 It could have been a great story. It started out fine. He could have been able to use the elements he wanted without be OP until later, or no at all. Limitations could have been placed on how or what he could do with the tattooed elements. You have just turned this into battle through the heavens.  

RappStar
Overall

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