Original HIATUS Action Adventure Fantasy Tragedy Anti-Hero Lead Grimdark Harem LitRPG Magic Male Lead Reincarnation Strategy Strong Lead Supernatural
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

Currently re-writing the first few chapters, stay tuned!

Renya Coeles is a cynical 24-year-old businessman, who, after being killed by a school bus, gets a second chance at life. After an amusing conversation with 'Satan', he awakens in the world of 'Maledictus', which 'Satan' called a cursed fruit. Renya gets exiled after being blamed for the death of the schoolkids and, after coming near death once more, ends up being enslaved.

Follow Renya as he becomes a beautiful demon lady's personal toy and does his best to enjoy life, meeting interesting people along the way, with the goal of getting revenge... or so he thinks.

P.S: He wants to meet a goth vampire loli.

 

 

 

 

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Bjorn Dragonwing
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BEST REVIEW EVA!!! YOUR WELCOME!!!!

Alrighty, this review is for my boi katsy, so you know we’ll have to find some way to justify this .5

 

Style: Okay, so being written from the main characters pov, a style I am somewhat unfamiliar with, I am not quite sure if there is anything wrong. However, be sure to continue showing the reader what he is thinking and more importantly feeling. Also, try not to be too reliant on … to show the tone, syntax, and diction will also help you with that. More than this, try to add more descriptions, it doesn’t need to be anything specific, just enough to give the reader a framework to fill in with their imagination.

 

3.5/5

 

Grammar: Not much glaringly wrong with this, some odd sentence construction at times, a very small amount of spelling\punctustion errors.

 

4/5

 

Story: So following the main character's journey into another world, a couple twists that make it interesting, among which is the mc’s odd personality. However, I would say to maintain consistency, why is the demon lady he meets, both very powerful and afraid of entering the forest. As well as

 

4/5

 

Character: This is where there are some problems, the MC is barely introduced in depth until the flashback chapter, sure, we get to see how he acts and what his thoughts are, in order to make him seem relatable we need to see his emotions and different sides of his character. This is done a couple of times, but it should be throughout the story, as it is from his point of view. The side characters seem cliched, Rui, or contradictory and need to be developed further, the demon lady.

 

3.5/5

Seraphirate
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It is good. It need more chapters! Thanks!

 

<Oh shit it needs more than 200 characters for advanced review>

 

I was wondering. The main character can easily kill things does he has experience in killing living creatures before? Especially human? How does he feel when killing human the first time, with his own hands? Would he be Criminal? Is he a supervillain? 

BlazingImp77151
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Interesting premise. I can't say that particularly enjoy the MC, and I definitely hate the ones who caused this (The kids and king, not the god). The story is Ok so far, and I always enjoy a good LitRPG. You have a very good grammar, I haven't recognized any mistakes so far.

TL;DR: THis is a nice story, and is mostly enjoyable.