[RE] System

by fyrokai

Original ONGOING Drama Fantasy Romance Tragedy Anti-Hero Lead LitRPG Magic Multiple Lead Characters Reincarnation Supernatural
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

Feeling lost and frustrated after being falsely accused and executed.
Connor was chosen and given away to the Spirit Rift, a fantasy world where
world war II is likely to happen and he is tasked to prevent it. 

He is reincarnated not as a human but as a system.

~
[You have one minute left to occupy a being before your life is forfeited.]

Additional Genre:
Action | Adventure | Seinen | Supernatural 

Additional Tags:
Weak to strong | Aristocracy | Betrayal | Business Management | Calm Protagonist |
Character Growth | Coming of Age | Contracts | Discrimination | Forced Marriage |
Hiding True Abilities | Kingdom Building | Politics | Skill Creation | Wars  

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Character Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Total Views :
  • 23,187
  • Average Views :
  • 1,449
  • Followers :
  • 296
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  • 57
  • Ratings :
  • 65
  • Pages :
  • 118
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fyrokai

fyrokai

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BinLox
  • Overall Score

Incredibly difficult to read

English is obviously not the author's native language, and is in dire need of an editor. The only way I could see myself reading any more of this is if he/she gets a damn good editor.

The story is pretty normal, person gets taken to another universe, reincarnates... and ends up in the absolute best host body they could. Pretty dull and boring. Oh, and there's infodumps all over starting in the third chapter.

 

In dire need of a wordsmith's polishing.

Nyanta
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  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Needs a lot of fixing

 Anticipated a good read based on the shot synopsis, and was sorely disappointed upon reading it.

The author speaks in broken English near constantly.

The setting in the opening could seem to decide what feel it was going for.

The characters may as well be cardboard cutouts for all the life they possess.

 

However, despite all of the glaring flaws, i would be tempted to read it if the writer gets an editor to look it over as the concept is pretty intriguing.

The Lost
  • Overall Score

The other side of the system

A new take on the system storys, with the main character being the system itself as of ch 11 it is quite good.

Martianflame
  • Overall Score

 It is an interesting story but the grammar, word choice, and exposition need a lot of work. Those three factors make this a difficult story to read.

argusthecat
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  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Not Just A Grammar Problem

Okay, everyone else has already mentioned the poor grammar.  I'm here to confirm that yes, that's a huge problem.  Word choice is sometimes just broken, typos are eternally present, and it takes serious effort to decode what's being said sometimes.

That's not my biggest problem here.

My biggest problem is that decoding what's being said isn't worth the effort.  The main character apparantly can't decide if he misses his murdered wife, or is on board with the whole 'being a system' thing.  One of the first things he does is comment on how shitty it is that the new world has slavery, but then he seems to mock the person he posesses for having an interracial relationship, and doesn't have any particular care about the nature of the slaves?  It's just super confusing.

Super confusing is honestly just the Big Mood of this story.  I have no idea what the *point* is.  Is he supposed to be a good guy trying to save someone and stop a war?  Or is he just a malevolent asshole who doesn't explain anything and harasses his only charge?  Spoilers; it's the second one.