The Perks of Immortality
This story will no longer be updated.
After living decades and dying hundreds of times, Kegan has learned that he has finally passed some test that the cruel spirit had given him. Now, Kegan has the ability to gain “perks” that can make his life much easier. He is looking forward to finally having an easy life with the new perks he has earned.
Rules to keep me honest for the perk system:
I want to avoid one of the pitfalls I see for other LitRPG stories where the game elements barely relate to the story, or offer very little information. If people are skipping over and not reading the perks then I'm doing things wrong. So I promise to try and make the perks interesting, sometimes humorous, informative, and relevant to the story.
Cover art by http://dertypaws.com/
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Author is doing a really god job of slowly building the world and how things work. There are no info dumps but you learn a little more each chapter.
-reviewed at chapter 13
This is one of the best stories that I have read on rrl.
There is little in the way of grammar or spelling errors altough you may see some weird sentence structures every once in a while.
The world building is paced perfectly except for one chapter which was comparatively speaking still less of an info dump than some normal chapters of other stories.
The main character has no silly personality quirks and reacts like someone in his situation, though he may come off as flat if you take the story at face value.
The dialogue is well writen.
What’s this story about? It’s about a competent barbarian character with -8 to intelligence from existential mind trauma.
It’s a GameLit story so my first thoughts were “it’s some sort of game world”, but after a few respawns it’s very clearly some kind of garish nightmare torment.
It does get better though. So is gri dark tires you outa d makes you die inside this isn’t too bad. We haven’t given up on humanity yet in this story.
But that’s all mostly just the style, the true meat comes from the character. If you think an uncivilized musclebrained feral with memory problems is the blandest flat minded personality than Kegan is here to blow your mind. He’s got that feral cunning going for him that lets you know he’s boss even when he’s cooing over the “shiny rocks” the village people have that make better spears than he has. He’s an intelligent idiot, and he will rip out your intestines and eat it if you dare him.
He needed that +5 to wisdom to compensate for his addled brain. He’s badass. He’s even figured out how the Winter bonus level works! You have to prepare beforehand in anticipation of threats! Genius!
I really like this. It's a super simple concept that has the freedom to go almost anywhere. It's a story that can become however many different stories the author wants to tell. Right now it is a fantasy action-adventure, it can change to a mystery or romance or almost anything else. It's a super flexible plot premise. The main character is also very interesting to follow.
Character depth and realism is definitely the weak point here, but even that is better than the majority of stories on this website. As a popular reference point, would say character realism it's about as good as Randidly Ghosthound, It's not on the level of Worth the Candle or even Mother of Learning, but it's solidly better than average.
Ok, so the begining pretty much is about MC being a barbarian (he is smart, but his memories are pretty screwed up so he doesnt know a lot, and he is basically hulk at this point therefore Barbarian) and its just him getting ready for the story to start, and it is great.
Story is great, Grammar is pretty good, lots of violence and gore (Love it), Meme Review would give it a 10/10
So i found this story and read through it as of chapter 16. The main character feels very tabula rasa and i love it! I think i’ve only seen one other story where the maim character was supposed to be a blank slate and it didn’t do it near as good as this story. The story feels like watching a scared child grow into a brave warrior going out to face the world. It almost feels like watching how humans began life and learned how to survive and adapt. Anyways i’m rambling at this point. The story is great give it a read and find out for yourself.
An extremely well done plot where everything is slowly, carefully being fleshed out as needed in a rewarding manner.
The story follows a barbarian stuck in a loop. He's exactly how I imagine one to be. Following his POV with out switching and breaking flow to another. Theres only perks and no status points or levels. Each life he's able to retain his abilities for a price. Learning magic through believable ways. Finger fire from being burned, berserk from his slaughtering, and blood magic by ingesting monster blood. However, he only retained the fire magic. This system he uses is unique based on what little he knows. Striving to understand the world and his ability to loop creates an interesting plot for the lonely barbarian.
This is a wonderful story that is very well written. The MC seems to be living in an endless loop. I don't know if it is a VR experience he is trapped in or some sort of Re-Zero/The One (multiple existences of himself) that he keeps getting a restarted at some point by taking the place of another one of himself from a past self. Anyway like Mr.Meeseeks says, "Existence is pain."
The idea for this story is right up my alley so I may have a bit of a bias, but it is honestly good. Challange, game-like but keeping it (sort of) real, actual progress. All good stuff that makes this story a worthy read even among the heaps of others following the same lines.
Kegan is, for all intents and purposes, boring and dull. But he has a certain charm to him. The sort of charm you would find in a really stupid, small and ugly dog. You know what I mean. He serves the purpose of the story and makes it unique besides so I overall have no gripes with him. Hear that Kegan? We're buddies.
Other characters feel a bit empty but it is mostly due to Kegan not being in contact with any for long periods(or the author not writing many, either way, it doesn't matter).
I won't spoil anything but the story is centred around Kegan so the plot mostly follows his whims. This has the effect of both the overall plot not mattering much in terms of planning(on the author's side) and not leaving too many holes in the story due to not expanding it much. This either makes the story better or worse depending on your viewpoint, I like it.
Grammar and style are the biggest deterrents to the story(as is with most, admittedly). Grammar, being the most severe issue, makes some parts of the story grating to read. I won't post a picture but if you highlight certain keywords(goblin, Kegan, javelin, spear etc.) in chapters your whole screen will light up. This is a problem. Imagine if someone talked to you about his house and every time he mentioned anything about it, let's say one to two times each sentence, he would say the word 'house'. I don't know about you I would not be able to hold a conversation with that kind of talker and the same goes for a book. When you read the same word over and over and over, it ruins the reading process(you read books, not enjoying reading a book makes it hard to read it, yeah?). There are some other minor grammatical issues which I propose to use a program like Grammarly or something of the sort if only to learn from your mistakes for future writing.
I don't have much to say about the writing style. It's dull. After reading so many webnoves I have become used to it, but switching from a published book(even the bad ones) to a webnovel usually makes it read like a children's book. I honestly do not have enough knowledge in writing to say what you, or anyone, should fix. I recommend you read some articles on the subject or even simply make use of a thesaurus.
Lastly I have some plot-related issues. Spoiler warning(if it wasn't already obvious).
I am not sure what happened when he got all the "game-like" skills removed by the golden spirit. I don't know if it was meant to be from the start or you, meaning the author, just removed them after a change in thought (which is what I think happened so correct me if I am wrong) but it makes for an abrupt change.
Another thing is how inconsistent the prices for perks are; they go from being cheap at the start to even cheaper with the golden spirit and then really really high after he killed the sorceress. It feels forced, too forced. Especially when you account in the fact that he literally killed a world-level threat and barely got a few thousand points.
It is also strange that for all the shit he did back when he killed the sorceress and her army he didn't get any new perks. No new fire perks, which I feel should have been obvious with all the stuff he burned. And overall barely any relevant perks to his actions.
Anyway, these were just some things I found wrong in the story, I may just not be seeing the bigger picture here, but I hope this helps.
I know I said the plot-related spoiler was last, but please keep writing. This has been a fun read and it is quite interesting, so please do not give up on this. If you do end up doing so I just hope you start something new and just as good.