The Thaumatist Incident

by FootoftheHare

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

The towers fell over a century ago, and the Good King united the land. Under his voice the Thaumatists took the knee or took the sword. The University still stands, but for how long? 

This story is broken up into two parts.  Chronologically, the two parts overlap.


Part One

Emile, a girl with a Talent not seen since the good king's war as she tries to find help to save her beloved father from a cruel accident.

Julie, raised in a small farming village on her quest to become someone people will sing about.


 

Part Two

Wendel, a recent graduate of the University, an intense school that functions first as a police force to control the use of magic and secondly as an educational institution.

Demetrius, a servant at the school who loses his home and his safety.

 


Edits are ongoing.  Reviews and comments will only help the editing the process, and I am grateful for any and all input.


So, if you have been reading already, Jericho has been removed.  It's been brought to my attention that his chapters detract from the flow of the narrative.  They still exist, and are still going to be made available at some point in some way shape or form, but for the time being what happens with him and the king in Puissant city will be off camera so to speak.

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
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FootoftheHare

FootoftheHare

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Felias
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Strange places, curious people - worth a look

Overall 4,5
Sit around everyone, take a seat, we've got ourselves a traditional fantasy story on our hands. While it's a bit of an unusual endeavor for RoyalRoad, that's no slight for the writing quality and you know what? It's all good.
You're quickly thrown into strange cultures and meet a variety of characters. The quality of writing is good enough to draw you right in. If the author can keep it up, this is going to be a grand story spanning the width of a curious fantasy world.
 
Style 4,5
Good style, pleasant to read. There are occasional parts that distracted me and one part that made me pause for a bit. Other than that, it's a fluent read.
 
Grammar 4,5
I'm a non native speaker so take my judgement on Grammar with a truckload of salt (Express-Delivery, ran over some Isekai-MC). But with my limited knowledge, there weren't any egregious mistakes, maybe a couple of missing words here and there.
 
Story and Character 4,5
Look, I'm starting to repeat myself here. So far, it's setting up a beautiful world with several characters that have potential. This can go quite some places and the way it reads now, it's on a good course. I've taken half a point of because the story kinda drowns you at the beginning and because some characters can appear a bit one-note at this point.
BladedPen
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Overall Score: 5

The narrative as a whole is split into several interesting characters and perspectives. Each character gives us different pieces of the overall narrative; a nice series of pie slices. I found myself engaged immediately with the opening and the following chapter. Overall this is a story too look out for.

 

Style: 4.5

The way the dialogue flows is smooth and complete, making for an easy read. Some of the chapters have their own quirks to them that bring life to the story. Characters have a personality to them that instantly draws me in. 

 

Grammar: 5

It's one thing to write, and another to write well. The story flows well with a great choice of wording. There was nothing to break my concentration of reading. Overall the writing was superb. A solid addition to RR.

 

Story: 4.5 

The story begins with several different POVs, each one revealing more and more of the world.  Each had their own personality that kept me reading chapter to chapter. I now want to know more of these characters and their world.

 

Character: 5

Right away I liked them. From the red-headed Emile to the stern Jericho, they all have a personality that is full of life. I desire to know more about these characters. The author has created a very strong start.

The Thaumatist Incident is an excellent addition and one to look out for.