The Silver Mana

by cerealman

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Fantasy LitRPG Magic
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Traumatising content

I used to be a healthy, young guy with a normal life - I had a career planned in professional soccer, a girlfriend, lots of hobbies, and loads of fun. Until the accident. Which changed my life.

A few years later I had adjusted to my new reality, adjusted to being in a wheelchair, adjusted to having someone take care of me 24/7. And then the world changed. Old people and kids did not make it. And neither was I supposed to make it. But never count me out. If anything, I am tenacious.

This new world was different. People had mana. And there were monsters. And technology did not work any longer.

And what about me? I had mana as well. Silver mana. Which no one else seemed to have. Problem was, I did not know what to do with it. Until I really needed to. And then it changed my life, for the better this time. I hoped.

 

Author's note: I am not a native speaker and this is my first story ever. So if you have helpful comments or notice phrases/wording that seem out of place, let me know.

 

This may be a story for those that:

-enjoy a slower build-up to cool and powerful abilities

-like to have some background/world/magic system information slowly incorporated into the story (a bit more initially, somewhat less later)

-enjoy a character that is introspective at times, perhaps has moral thoughts/considerations, occasionally does not act very heroically or uber-smart (just like a normal, albeit smart dude). 

- there is some gore, but not extensive.

- don't need immediate magic solving all issues... the MC is decent/good with weapons and will heavily rely on that for the first 200-300 pages at least.

 

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
[Rewritten] Prologue ago
Chapter 1 – The Transfer ago
Chapter 2 - Stuck in Limbo ago
Chapter 3 - Beginnings ago
Chapter 4 – The Reaver Dogs ago
Chapter 5 – A New Beginning ago
Chapter 6 – Crush'Em! ago
Chapter 7 – Ménage à Quatre ago
Chapter 8 - The I’tish League of Cities ago
Chapter 9 – Bloody noses ago
Chapter 10 – Goblins ago
Chapter 11 – Stealing food ago
Chapter 12 – Who the &$^% likes Goblins? ago
Chapter 13 – Figuring out mana ago
Chapter 14 – The Throne Room ago
Chapter 15 – How to Deflate a Boss ago
Chapter 16 – Possession ago
Chapter 17 – The Ritual ago
Chapter 18 – Interlude ago
Chapter 19 – Healing ago
Chapter 20 – Leaving the Dungeon ago
Chapter 21 – Orcs and more I ago
Chapter 22 – Orcs and more II ago
Chapter 23 – The Orc Attack ago
Chapter 24 – Big Pete ago
Chapter 25 – The test ago
Chapter 26 – To run or not to run ago
Chapter 27 – The Vaporblade ago
Chapter 28 – The Shades of Algonquin Mountain ago
Chapter 29 – Return to Lake Placid ago
Chapter 30 – The Conversation ago
Chapter 31 – The Training I ago
Chapter 32 – The Training II ago
Chapter 33 – The Training III ago
Chapter 34 – Just another day ago
Chapter 35 – Mana ago
Not a chapter... just some discussion on the ending of the previous chapter ago
Chapter 36 – Level Up ago
Chapter 37 – RIP ago
Chapter 38 – Stinky Runes ago
Chapter 39 - The Motel ago
Chapter 40 - RIP BP ago
Glossary type thing ago
Book 2: Chapter 1 – Sunoco ago
Book 2: Chapter 2 – The Attic ago
Book 2: Chapter 3 – The Silent Killer ago
Book 2: Chapter 4 - Green ago
Book 2: Chapter 5 – The Bitch ago
Book 2: Chapter 6 – Sanctuary ago
Book 2: Chapter 7 – Mad Mana Skillz ago
Book 2: Chapter 8 – The Brood ago
Book 2: Chapter 9 – Outside ago
Book 2: Chapter 10 – The Chase ago
Book 2: Chapter 11 – Level 2 ago
Book 2: Chapter 12 – Hell’s Bells ago
Book 2: Chapter 13 – The Prince ago
Book 2: Chapter 14 - Shadows ago
Not a chapter... just a chance for your input ago
Reviews

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duhbigotaku
  • Overall Score

So, I think the writing is very good. I get a clear understanding of the world, the characters, the monsters, etc. But I have a few things that I think would really help the story.

First, more character development. To be more specific, more showing, less telling, when having your characters go through their arc. You tell us a lot about the characters, but they all read so similarly that I couldn't tell you anything specific about them that you haven't blatantly written out. 

And my second recommendation sort of ties into the first one, which is to give your characters more agency. I lot of things HAPPEN to them, but they don't really take any actions. Sure the main character is strong willed you tell us. And sure, he fights back against death time and time again. But really, he's just sort of stumbled into these deadly scenarios one after the other, with no choice in the matter. Sure, he's made dumb mistakes, or chosen to fight for food, or actively controlled his mana. But he didn't REALLY have a choice. He had to do those things in order to survive or escape. Same thing with the towns folk above. They have a lot of things happening to them, but ironically the only character who I feel actually makes decisions and has a character beyond woden person with words stickied onto them, is the head of the biker gang. He chose to murder someone to control the town, he chose to trap the only healer and force her to heal his thugs. You don't need to tell me that he's cold ruthless and evil, because his actions tell me that way better than your description of his eyes ever will.

So to tie it all together, my final suggestion is one that I feel a lot of stories need to get better at, but I think yours will particularly benefit from. And that is a rest. Let the towns people get in a big fight, lots of them die, but spend some time on their recovery. Main character beat the first level of a dungeon? Awesome, now give him some time to heal up (maybe not fully) and master some skills. Give your characters space to breathe, develop, and grow. It will not only help with character growth, but it also gives the readers a break. A lot happens in a short time, and the intensity is a great way to hook your readers in. But if you keep going at this pace, the readers will get burned out. You should have some waves in the story, with dips and crests, with a big climax before a fall. I know that sounds like basic highschool literature stuff, but it does genuinely work.

Again, I think your writing is good, and I like your concept for the story. But the meat of any good book is the human element, its what the readers connect to. Often, and in this case, that element is the characters. So give them some more life, time to breathe, and I think your story will improve dramatically. Good luck, and I can't wait to read more.

Bulwark
  • Overall Score

As of chapter 30 I have to say I think this is potentialy one of those hidden gems. It isn't a quick start and the mana side of things can take a while to develop but it seems to be a somewhat unique system with an interesting mc.

Other characters could do with being fleshed out, but quite a bit of the story so far has been with the mc on his own.

We haven't seen too much of the wider world yet but there have been glimpses, mostly through the adventuring party that shows promise.

As it stands though the world is pretty interesting, the mc is likeable, the system is somewhat unique, events tend to progress in a logical fashion with just a few little issues that seem slightly forced, the grammer or writing style is solid and the story so far has me anticipating the release of new chapters :D

I would advise anyone who is a fan of lit-rpg (so anyone on rr) to give it a read and form your own opinion. From what I have seen of the bad reviews here they haven't read much of the story and have pre-judged it harshly. 

ZekromZZ
  • Overall Score

Love it! Hope we get a more indepth view of the magic system soon!

Beyogi
  • Overall Score

Decent writing, but wasted potential

To begin with the setting it's overall a pretty standard system apocalypse. Only here the weak don't get transfered to the new world to be killed for extra gore, but are culled from the beginning.

That's where the MC comes in. As a paraplectic he's obviously going to get culled. But thanks to plot powers/willpower he happens to survive the culling process and gets transfered to the new world anyway and a (minor?) cheat code out of it.

Now the situation is rather interesting. Everyone has new magic powers. The MC manages to organise some people to defend against incoming monsters and then the local Nazi Biker gang decides they're now in charge. Overall an interesting setting to explore wether cooperation or tyranny of the biggest club will come out on top.

And then the author kind of blows it by turning it into yet another standard MC power level apocalypse story. The MC loses his cripple status and promtly levels up (largely his physical stats) in some convenient dungeon. Also some powerful outsiders arrive to further complicate the situation.

Meanwhile we've seen very little from the MCs special mana and he seems largely a physical based fighter. If that was the goal, why the hell start out with a cripple? And then push the "moral" "only the strong survive"? I kind of like that the MC doesn't seem to have the ultimate I-win button, but if that was the point a less special protagonist would have been better.

Overall decent writing, I'm just sad the few unique parts of this story were left behind in favour of RR standard fare. At this point it's a pretty standard system-apocalypse with a non-OP protagonist with a decent but as far as I can tell not-OP cheat.

kraken2018
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Its not bad but the story's progress is too slow.

I am here just to thank you for this story, but i guess i need to give quite a long review to post this thing, so here i go.

The style of your writing is not bad, the grammar is quite good , the story is good but could be better as the chapter goes on by making more influencial people involve in either worlds, the build of your character is not bad.

for me the progress of the story is a little slow but still good.

Well this review is preety short.

 

Prinny Knight
  • Overall Score
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It's dangerous to go alone -dood-

This, much like a grand many other storys reaching a specific threshold of quality, start out slow -dood- If your patient, this story will sink its fangs into your attention, keeping you from simply moving on to the next random story of undettermined goods. -dood- You'll find this to be up there in quality right by novels like; The Iron Teeth, Super Minion, Mother of learning, Shield Hero and many others -dood-

Story- A brand new, fresh and unique "system". Simply put, I can't recollect seeing somthing like it. -dood- Neither good or bad, it exists as it should. I like it. -dood- A real nice twist of an isolated apocolypse, nice beans. -dood- 5/5 Prinny marks -dood-

Grammar- Truth betold, too invested to notice any mistakes, which says alot seeing I'm easily bothered by that stuff -dood- Full marks. -dood-

Style- Not much I can say here, doesn't have a lot of flare -dood- But being subtle is a strong style in itself. -dood- Ones death doesn't always come running down the hill beating a drum, somtimes the best ones creep up on you like a bee in a car -dood- 4.5 Prinny medals -dood-

Character- He's human, what else is there? -dood- He's imperfect, stupid, cautious, brash and a bunch of those human emotions that he is so unfortunately cursed with. So he is almost perfect by being completely flawed, the only really bad thing that can't be excused is him on being a prinny, but that can be solved after he dies -dood- 4 Prinny dingles -dood-

titulusfeles
  • Overall Score

I love fantasy and this is a very interesting premise. Also, if you enjoy a story then tell other people ahout it. 

Cestarian
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A nice yet poorly written story

The story is a fairly basic, weak to strong isekai power trip, where in this case the 'summoned' are an entire town. The grammar is fine but the writing is quite bad in other ways.

The pacing is horrible, at least 50% of the writing is just wasteful, theorizing this, training that, irrelevant side characters this, etc, you get the idea. There's also a fairly large number of chapters that move away from the main character, usually positioned poorly too.

In a nutshell, we have a good story wrapped in walls of meaningless text. A boring read that could have been good with better writing.

azarth
  • Overall Score

This is great. I am in love with the concepts and the not instantly OP mc. Keep up the great work.

monoliith
  • Overall Score
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Has potential, but has a ways to go.

I'm gonna take the time to do something I rarely do, give an advanced review. There will be spoilers.

Style.
The style is pretty standard, nothing outstanding. It jumps back and forth between a character I kind of care about, and characters i literally care so little about i can't remember their names. Which isn't great.

Grammar.
Not great. The sentence structure is fairly well done, however; paragraphs are WAY too long, there are way too many of them.
The stories pacing goes from one 10 paragraph inner monologue about how "I cant do this magic-> Lets test this magic -> that didnt work, lets try this way! -> that worked! -> oh no, i passed out!" to another, either him plot armoring his way through fights, or using some new special magic to plot armor his way through fights. I will give an example here
   - Can barely fight a goblin -> Immediately spends 2 weeks exterminating goblins with little to no injury -> next fight, gets the absolute shit kicked out of him by an orc because of his "weak body". Very VERY inconsistent.

Character; That last bit belongs here as well as grammar, alongside....
3 POV character's so far. MC guy - No development
Nurse GIrl - No development, but shes only had 1 POV as of when i stopped reading.
Invader douche - No development beyond "asshole"
So, since the characters are, mostly, consistent with their starting state, but since they have had LITERALLY no development at all, 2.5/5.

*I am going to get a comment about how the MC has grown. No he hasn't. He's gotten new magic powers. That is not character growth. That is power, not character. He started as a strong willed cripple, became a strong willed weakling, and is currently a strong willed weakling. 

Story.
Stories fine so far. Very standard. Nothing outstanding. I've read the story before, System Apocolypse, Genesis System, Randidly, Shovels, VoTW, a dozen other stories on Zon and RR. Not saying this as a bad thing, it's fine to put your own twist on a story. Just know, it's in the same vein as those. So far it's not done anything excpetional though. 

But it does have a neat twist on Cultivation instead of using a basic magic system. It is WAY WAY WAY WAYW AYWAYAYAYAAAAAY overdescribed. But it's neat.