Original ONGOING Action Sci-fi Non-Human lead Secret Identity Super Heroes Villainous Lead
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

Fortress City has Super Villains, who have evil lairs, and in them they make super weapons. But when a bioweapon is granted super powers of its own, will Fortress City be able to handle the Super Minion?

 

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Originally written for NaNoWriMo 2018 Royal Road challenge.

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Lawkz
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Exceptional, but too short

The beginning can be confusing since the MC doesn't understand or knows the name for various things, but it's all worth it.

My only complaints: TOO SHORT and interludes are a waste of time (for the author. For the reader they are kinda fun just nowhere near the main content)

amassie
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Whoa, this is really good!  Easily one of the best stories on RR as evidenced by it's sudden rise to the top 10.  The main character is great.  I hope we see a lot more character growth from the side characters as the story progresses.

precinctomega
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I'm pretty new to this site, so I hope this is fair comment.

I found the story incredibly compelling.  You basically owe my work a half day because I wasted their time reading your (Tofu's) story.  He is an outstanding antihero: sympathetic, interesting and intriguing, who feels like a hero but acts against the heroic archetype in such a subtle way (violence notwithstanding) that we almost don't notice.

This is a book that deserves to be published.  When it's done.

So, having said that.  It needs a *ton* of editing.  Not for the content, which is great.  But for the plot development.  Because at the moment, this reads like a TV drama: episodic snap-shots that are strung together to no other purpose than to hook the reader from chapter to chapter.  You do this brilliantly, but it's not a book.

The one thing it's lacking (and I'm not saying it's not in your head, but it's not in your narrative - and 29 chapters in, it should be by now) is an actual plot.

We had a brief glimpse, early on, of a plt when we met Mr Slick.  And I'm sure you meant to bring that back in by now.  But there's really no sense of what Tofu wants or of what obstacles he is going to face to get it, nor of an on-rushing major obstacle at the climax of the story.

Having said all that, I'm aware that you're writing this as you go along.  There's plenty of room and time for you to weave all of this back in.  And this is an incredible compelling story (it would make a great TV serial, btw).

Keep it up.  I'll follow along.

Chaeron
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Overall very enjoyable read, would recommend

The first time for me writing a review, so lets go with simple way:

Style: I'm not really sure what should be put here, but anyway: Style seems to be good without any visible problems.

Story: Story has a interesting original concept and a good flow, though everything might go a bit too fast for my personal liking, but that is of course completely subjective.

Grammar: Didn't spot any grammar mistakes, but I'm not a native speaker so I might miss some less obvious problems.

Character: The characters seem to be well enough fleshed out, the only problem I had was with MC apparently becoming more or less fluent from nothing in the spoken and written language from just a few days of mingling in the crowds. Sure, it could be explained with that mysterious Human.exe influencing things and the MC being some bio-supercomputer, but that still is botheringly fast... Maybe making the 'drones' in the beginning sometimes speak out loud when the MC is able to hear them?

James Mandy
  • Overall Score

This book is a masterpiece.I felt it has good bits in it. However I felt it couldn't compare with Watership Down as an adventure tale (that is another great book, surprisingly brilliant). My Grandmother ("on my father's side...") once said that I should read the book and put the old, incomplete cartoon into the video player. Intrigued, but didn't really get what was going on (the Black Riders in that cartoon are terrifying - scarier than the movie versions, and cost me some sleep!). later I sometimes considered looking at this book again, but was rather put off the idea due to it's imposing size and the apparent "unfathomability" of the tale in my own ignorance having not read it yet. Nor had my understanding of the cartoon improved. But, somehow in someway, the tale that had not been read just niggled at me from time to time. I met some good friends at 20 years old and they said, "you've not read it yet!? You've got to read it. It's so worth it - but READ IT ALL or you won't get the benefit!" Later that year I bought the one piece, bulky novel and got down to it... It has maps in it, always a good thing and gradually helped my immersion. Gradually, gradually. The first part, the first time, the super minion was kind of slow and for me, was an effort to read, I didn't know the characters, the lay of the land, the lore or anything. It had some tense and joyous moments. It was basically a deeper version of the world found in the Hobbit. But the English and sentence composition was exquisite in many parts. Didn't dig the singing though, for I knew not the tunes or hints! Then after the main character left the lab... Suddenly the book changes tracks! Whoa! It became a massive page turner, though the times I paused reading and was lost in my imagination about what was happening, where and to whom gradually increased in length and frequency. And THIS is what makes it great. You get lost in this world in your own imagination before returning to read the next paragraph... Suddenly the book ends. What an epic and what a fabulously cool ending! Such a good ending, When I read reviews of people complaining about the book, I can see from my own experience that almost all of them didn't get through super minion! LOL. For those who haven't read it yet, heed my old friend's advice, READ IT ALL. It becomes a page turner after the first part. Seriously. This book is awesome. The movies are great (I love them), but they are just like the images you see in the corners of the pages of old children's books. Wonderfully complimentary, but not actually it itself. Read it.