A note from Amsdoff

Another day, another post. Thank you all for reading!

I fell back, panting and sweating like I’d just run my ass off. No, worse than that. Like I just ran from a life or death situation, and my body forgot to feel pain or tiredness until the moment the situation ended.

And it hit all at once.

Not a single part of me is spared from the overwhelming burning sensation, but my head is worst of all. I can’t even will my eyes open because it feels like I’m staring at the sun even with my eyes closed.

It’s indescribable, and not in a good way.

My ears can’t make sense of anything going on around me, my sense of touch isn’t working very well, with only the heavy pressure of the ground beneath me telling me I’m on my back. It’s so much for my fucked up brain to handle that I barely notice the slight change in sensation as my body convulses and I’m certain I throw up. I belatedly turn on my side (probably) to keep from choking on it. Not that I could tell even if it helped.

I lie there, cringing and spasming for a long while. At least, for me it feels like an eternity of pain and simultaneous sensory deprivation and overload.

I really wish I could just black out and wake up later, when my body has recovered, but that is not to be.

I am *never* doing this is combat. Ever.

I am *only* doing this for serious payment in the future.

This guy better fucking love me after this shit, or else I’m going to use the hand I MADE FOR HIM to punch him in the GODDAMN FACE.

The disjointed sounds have diminished to a steady drone, much lower in intensity. I guess people left me to wallow in my misery.

God forbid they get a healer.

Except… I’m the healer. Fuck me.

It’s fine, I’m sure my Energy will heal me soon… except that I used it all healing Rav.


The general trend for people is that they appreciate things that look difficult a lot more than things that look easy, regardless of actual difficulty… and it’s not like anyone thought I was going to be able to regrow a hand. So doing that, at all, and *then* polishing it off by throwing up and entering a coma-like state *must* count for something. See? I can do ‘positive thinking’.

Though there’s something to be said by demonstrating your own power by doing the impossible and making it look easy…

That ship has sailed.

Not even sailed, more like a canoe with an outboard strapped onto it.

Just- FWOOOM off into the sunset.


What? My hearing is back? Oh, no, still just nonsense. But *I* didn’t have that thought. At least, probably not. Can’t really tell.


I… oh it’s the cathid. I try to nod in response, hoping the thing understands.


It’s funny, I had thought that our connection required sound… well, maybe it does, but it somehow manages to bypass my malfunctioning hearing. This whole ‘domination’ thing deserves more study.

My body involuntarily shudders, but it’s far less painful than before. The worst part is that my Health looks fine. I can get a sense of it just by thinking about it. Energy, still totally depleted. I think I might have overdrawn myself a bit… hopefully that doesn’t have lasting consequences. This experience is enough, please and thank you.

I’m certain I’ll have to… even *want* to do this again. Regrowing limbs is just too valuable. So, long term consequences would certainly put a damper on that…

While I can get a sense of the state of my body through Health and Energy, I can’t see any notifications.

Now that I have time to sit and pore over them, they vanish, but in the heat of the moment? Always there. Classic.

I can still think, however, and think I shall.

Nate. What the fuck is up with him. He tells me to do something impossible, and it becomes possible. Well, it goes from ‘very fucking hard’ to ‘moderately fucking hard’, but it was the last bit I needed to actually put the pieces together and make it happen. I don’t feel like he gave me the answer or anything. Hell, I’m positive he had no idea what I was doing, but he made *me* better at doing it. Like he… ‘buffed’ me for a specific task. No wonder he seems the de-facto leader, if he agrees with something and tells people to do it, they can do it better than if they did it alone. I’d sign up for that too, if the orders were right.

At the same time, that must make it way easier to do things that you’d normally be a bit reserved about. Like a soldier just doing their job in the field, but having trouble rationalizing it when they get off the field. But this goes above following orders… I bet if I had not gotten so caught up in the moment and checked my stats, I would have figured out what the game thought was most important for me to be boosted in. I’d bet Intelligence… maybe Will? But… Will is a weird stat, so maybe not. It’s super low compared with the others, and I don’t think I had it before I got a point in it. Also, it didn’t get upgraded along with *literally every other stat* when I used the body upgrade thing.

That’s telling. It also seems to dramatically affect Energy, and I can tell something changed there as well because my Energy bar… feels larger? I can’t make out exact numbers, but… unsurprisingly, I guess, forcing a fucking hand into existence involves a lot of fucking willpower. But…

I don’t know, something is wrong with that. It can’t just be willpower, it’s tied too closely with Energy, and everyone in this camp has to have *some* strong ass willpower to be alive after everything that’s happened.

Or really lucky.

Maybe that’s a stat too?


I honestly like that the menu seems incomplete from the start. Most games have a bad habit of hinting at the future by having bars, menu sections, bullshit you can’t access or use or understand until the game ‘dramatically reveals’ it. This way, you can live and die without ever knowing certain things exist.

Mystery is the spice of life, after all, and what fun would any of this be if it were easy?

Just less, ya know, terrifying.


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