Of Corporate Core Competency Plans, Capitalistic Synergized Growth Projections and Lethal Target Market Analyses.

by WeirdWhirl

Original HIATUS Action Adventure Comedy Fantasy Female Lead Magic Portal Fantasy / Isekai

Shortened title: Core Competency Plans

Also, THIS IS ON INDEFINITE HIATUS!

Felicia is determined to never let a single aspect of her life slip from her grasp and some stupid teleportation accident is not about to stop her. Winn is trying very hard not to die for reasons his master archmage Talmanael keeps forgetting. A small gem is gleefully waiting to be fed while stuck inside a six-sided prison.

Do any of these things have anything to do with each other? Did the author plan anything this time or is he just writing by the seat of his pants, as usual?

This is my submission to the RoyalRoad Fifth Anniversary contest and NaNoWriMo 2018. Read at your own risk.

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Kingko
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Let me start by saying that I enjoyed both of your previous fictions. However this story does not seem chorhearent. At this time I have read to chapter 20. Both the abilitys and direction of your story seem hole but much of the reasoning and motivations are unclear. Spoiler. Let's take Fel you make her out to be a business woman who accounts for everything, however the incident that kills her could have been easily avoided simply by using the core to observe the arrivals before confronting them. She also lacks caution. She could have conjured much when speaking to canny. Such as that they were monitoring the farm, that they were in a farm at all and that they were not above killing anyone including children. As could be seen with their arrival. Anyone sent to the farm is expected to die. Right in the prolog she is riding in an armored car, clearly there she had some sense of danger, but after she arrived in a strange and dangerous place without explanation you would have thought that her caution would skyrocket but it would seem that she forgot it. The thing about high managers doing cost analysis and managment is to avoid dangerous ventures and maximizing benefits. Sorry for the rant but the main character stopped being compelling after being such a dumb ass for no reason and forgot her own original foundational personality. 

 

Allow me to explain, at this point I cant find fault in your literature and as such can be over looked and corrected but when a core factor of the story breaks down I think you need to take careful note where faults lie so that they can be understood and avoided in the future. 

As it is I think that this type of character fault is the easiest type to make but also one of the hardest to avoid. Some faults like this have margins and can be found in most works to varying degrees such times are bends and dents in the characters that can be later explained however in this case I fear that this is a shear. In such cases it might be easier to cut back to that point to go a different direction or add modifiers like desperation which can explain such actions.

To me it feels as though you had an outline of a story you wanted to fallow but you got caught up in the outline and overlooked the happening that was required to have a twist in your story. Try not to take my comments harshly these are simply my feelings on this.

Keep on writing, for stories are where we explore ourselves.

MoonlitJourneyUnderAForeignSky
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I'm sure this weirdo will whirl us into his story with puns even better than this.

happynslappy
  • Overall Score

I liked it when the [REDACTED] died and the business lady [REDACTED] with her motherfucking [REDACTED]