Reborn as a Tentacle Monster

by ghostybones

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Drama Fantasy Anti-Hero Lead Grimdark LitRPG Magic Male Lead Non-Human lead Reincarnation Supernatural
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

A young scientist who is near-blind is reborn into a beast that can see everything. But will what he see with his new vision? Will he see the truth of the new world he is reborn in? Or will he see his past life flash before him as his body changes into something ghastly? In the world of Zareth, one thing is sure. And that is the glory and honor of hunting down a Beast Born. A beast that has a human mind and soul. 

Every reincarnation comes with a price.

 

Side note: The content warnings are there for a reason. 

 

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  • Pages :
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ghostybones

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MicaCraft
  • Overall Score

Great potential, extremely poor execution

Frankly, i have no clue how this made it onto the weekly popular list. The story is so fast paced that, combined with the aweful flow of the story, it is hard to make sence of anything. The character change their opinions so fast it is like they are bipolar. The story needs to be slowed down fleshed out way more. As it is now, i would call it a draft/outline rather than a story. Dialogue between the characters needs to be way more. People don't make life and death decisions based on one sentance or action. Literally. Girl wants to kill monster after it saved her. He saves her again. He is her lord and savoir which she will defend without questin. It is seriously painful to read. I would call it readers whiplash.

 

That being said, this story has a lot of potential. The author needs to completely rewrite it so that the pace is slower and more fleshed out. Decisions need to be slower and thought out. Not everything needs to be so immediate. Also, the story needs to show information as actions rather than the mc or system thing just informig the reader. Show not tell and all that. If this happens i would love to give it another shot.

Wick Quizzes
  • Overall Score

I have opened a portal from the void to say I have high hopes for this novel

Kuronekko
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Seems interesting, but feels like a rough draft.

   This could be kinda interesting as the title implies, but it really feels to barebones to be considered anything more than a draft. The lack of any real punctuation hurts it a lot, and it needs a whole lot more to make it to anything close to a readable novel.

  As far as the grammar and style goes the initial chapter really struggles to make any sense, drive, or interest for me as a reader. Punctuation and pacing is really lacking as sentences run in to paragraphs and then back in to sentences without making any sense, and with no indication of where the two diverge. An example for this would be the scene where "Steelarm" is attacked by the severed tentacle - I had to read it twice to understand what had happened and how the scene played out, whereas if his gloating was a separate paragraph from where the tentacle begins to regenerate, with a lot more flavour, it would be a more fluid and engaging scene.

   The characters in the introduction leave me with no attachment or any real pull, nor any wish to see where they go. Sure, most of them are 'redshirt' characters that are there to just die for the sake of showing off the big bad protagonist, but if you're going with the sacrifice speel it really shouldn't be so dry. I don't dislike Steelarm as I believe I am supposed to, as he and any of the other characters haven't really made any impression on me, they're boring. My advice would be to flesh them out a bit more - why does the witcher apprentice care about Fig at all? Maybe they've been getting to know each other on the treck? Why does Steelarm want all this glory and/or gold? Maybe he's going to try and impress *insert foreshadowing of big group/family/business here*, or use it to promote himself in *insert local kingdom/state here for reference*. This way he comes across as more genuine, and he becomes a plot device to give us some more insight, and draw us in to your story more.

 

   It's a pretty common thing to see on RoyalRoad so I don't really mind it too much, but it is still pretty jarring to see all of these spelling errors. I've always thought that it can't be a bad idea to copy your script off of RR and paste it in to a service such as MSWord, just to use it's very competent spell-check feature, and I would recommend that you do so at some point.

 

   Good work for going further than most and actually doing something, making something, and then sharing that creation of yours with others. I hope you continue your work and don't lose heart.

I don't dislike your work but I do feel it needs some serious improvements for it to really stand up as it's own story, although that is simply my opinion.

Barenyfranky12
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This story can be good if edited.

This story has a lot of potential, but it needs to be edited. So far the story is still building up. I usually write reviews after a good amount of chapters are uploaded so I can't say much about this story right now. If the story is properly edited than I will come back and give this story a proper review. 

Overlord1
  • Overall Score

 Good job  Good job Good job Good job Good job continue