Someone asked for one, so here it is!
Garth Daniels is a nobody in a small Oklahoma town when our universe is impregnated with 2859 more of them. The venerial disease: Kipling. Flesh eating monsters that take over people’s bodies.
Garth manages a half-luck, half-daring escape and manages to roast a few of the bad guys on the way out of town, puncturing his feet and nearly getting eaten on the way.
That same night he’s visited by the gods and made into an apostle of Beladia, the goddess of love and getting knocked up. Needless to say he got lucky. And he got laid.
The next day he’s walking along the side of the river, contemplating what to do, when he meets Leanne, a young girl who is the apostle of another deity. She almost shoots him.
After they deal with the Kipling, they head out to the school on the edge of town in search of food and supplies. There’s a gunfight with other survivors, and they’re ambushed by a big cat. In the scuffle Garth manages to get a gun and scare off the last enemy...after shooting him.
The two of them, Leanne and Garth, wheel one of the injured men out into the woods and spend an entire day killing Kipling and eating their Heartstones, trading bullets for attribute bonuses.
Garth figures out how to use his Blessing and uses it to make his first rudimentary plant-based magic, leaning heavily on the Blessing to make it work.
On the last trip into town, Leanne fails to come back, and when Garth goes looking for her, she finds her surrounded by Kipling, trying to save a group of civilians.
Garth is ambushed by Sibylline, AKA the Asshole tiger.
When he makes it back to Leanne, they’re surrounded by aliens.
Leanne escaped, Garth is captured and carted off to civilization, and Garth decides to ride it out, escaping his restraints and eating all their heartstones until they make it to where they’re going.
Garth has a weird nightmare and starts seeing colors. On top of other colors.
Garth ambushes the slavers at the city gate and claims the reward, along with all of their possessions.
Once that’s done, Garth does what any respectable Isekai protagonist would do: he goes to the adventurer’s guild as one of the first humans in the region to make it to the outpost.
Goes on a blood-drenched date with a fine-ass Succubus.
Intermission with Itet suffering.
Garth starts wheeling and dealing around town, leveraging his ability to grow plants instantly to become the number one supplier of raw materials for the city and setting hundreds of farmers up with large farms in exchange for a small percentage.
He uses some of this money to buy spellbooks and equipment and funnels the rest into businesses.
Garth runs into Harold, the old marine with a stick up his ass again. They duke it out. Garth almost dies.
Flees the city like a bitch, taking Sandi with him, since she lost her job.
They head west, aiming to show her the sights of earth. The Dungeon cores start to fall, starting a gold rush-like frenzy to collect unspoiled ‘Mythic’ cores. Garth also loses the connection to Beladia.
They collect a bunch of cores, continuing their journey west. Eventually they get ambushed, and Itet shows up to lend a hand in exchange for a couple.
Garth buys a few verboten spellbooks, and registers the Tax Shelter party at the adventurers guild, composed of him and the two ladies. Every man’s dream.
They meet Clark, a veteran pot grower, along the way through Nevada. Garth tells him how to get his abilities, and some change to get started, and the old man treats the alien women to some pot and pizza.
In the middle of the party Garth and his adventuring party get summoned by the Inner Spheres, conscripted to fight deadly battles.
Garth’s first mission is relatively safe, supplying the castle with food and lumber, until the giant worm inside the enemy dungeon busts into the courtyard of the castle, followed by big nasty bad guys.
Garth helps fend them off with wood, fire, and evil pot, getting stabbed in the process.
Wakes up, gets a blowjob, then has to make a speech to see how many people want to follow him to the next mission. Not a bad time to make a speech really. If you had to choose whether to make a speech before, after, or during a blowjob, which would you choose?
Garth shares everything he knows about gaming the current system and proposes building a new city to the assembled people. He also asks people to mail him plant specimen in exchange for cash.
One hundred and twenty five people decide to follow him, out of the assembled three thousand.
They get sent to a jungle planet to hunt a mutated creature that’s been destroying outposts.
Rather than wander around blind, Garth loots the destroyed outposts, getting more spells and equipment.
They then figure out the outpost most likely to be next and pay it a visit. When they arrive, the governor is attempting to flee, having advance knowledge of the impending threat.
Garth beats him up and forces him to snort a lot of cocaine.
The fat, cowardly governor, on a cocaine fueled rage, rallied the guards and with Garth’s help, was able to neutralize the threat before it destroyed the city.
Aforementioned fat governor gets Garth’s foot in the door for interplanetary coke distribution.
Afterward, Garth meets Castavelle, the greatest wizard in the multiverse, impresses him with his ‘attack’, then dies in the fallout.
Cass, in order to undo the catastrophic damage, purges the time stream by sacrificing the equivalent of fifteen mythic cores and confronts Garth, offering to become his teacher.
Acting on Cass’s advice, they steal the scroll cases with their blood that the bureaucracy of the Inner Spheres uses to keep tabs on them.
They return to Earth, no longer forced to participate in battles against their will.
Clark, who they’ve kept in touch with, has started a small town, populated by the relatives of Garth’s army.
They settle in the town for a while as they prepare to clear the Kipling out of L.A.
First POV of Dr. Daniels eating a kid.
Harold shows up, gets crucified. Third time’s a charm.
After a few months, Sandi’s parents are going to visit: they want to see the father of their grandchildren. Garth meets them and makes a nice family get-together, then goes into town to buy food for her mother and sisters.
Mission hijacked via mind-control, as the Dan Ui guild has been sending people to mind-control earthlings and figure out their specialities, to get them ready to conquer. Sandi’s lure is destroyed, which sends her into shock.
Garth kills a bunch of Dan Ui recruits and brings Sandi back to her family, who nurse her back to health.
Spurred on by the close call, Garth makes some enchantments to help with fighting other wizards and embeds them in his larger bones.
Garth begins to clear out L.A. by creating Grass and spreading it criss-cross over the city. In the process of clearing the city out, he comes across another group of clan members taking slaves for their purposes.
Garth picks a fight, and it’s a close one until Jim shows up, wearing armor with a six pack on the front of it, and I think we all know how I feel about that.
Another Dr. Daniels POV.
Time goes by after that, and on Cass’s information, Garth goes to a temple of Beladia to be reconnected to his deity.
The give him a quest that would theoretically make the connection stronger, if he could pull it off.
Garth vs. forest….FIGHT
Big epic arial fight with lots of explosions, and then Garth takes a solid hit to the dome, blacking out his long term mem-
Garth wakes up in bed, ritual begun to reconnect to beladia.
Garth gets second patron, shadow-enigma person Pala.
Garth goes home and everything seems cool when he accidentally wets the magical bed with his new, stronger fertility powers.
Everyone who had any chance of being preggers in the town carried to term, all at the same time, creating a huge problem, with every single person suddenly becoming a full-time parent and a lot of extra mouths to feed.
Garth’s distributor, Tyler, makes a power play, expecting the people from Dan-Ui to take him out of the picture.
Garth takes most of them out before their master kicks his ass.
Cass kicks her ass, then Garth removes Tyler as his primary distributor.
Garth makes Ms. Banyan to deal with the baby problem, Ms. Banyan is a single God-blessed Banyan tree with hundreds of trunks.
Each trunk can make a single woman who looks exactly like a wooden replica of Jess, the stacked PAWG with a heart-shaped face. Each Ms. Banyan is connected to the central root, they are all one entity, and whatever one of them knows or experiences, all of them do.
She likes nothing more than taking care of children.
Meanwhile forces in distant realities begin to converge on Earth.
Time goes by, and Garth starts ever more intricate experiments on what he can do with his body, trying to optimize in case he needs to kick ass again.
Itet becomes a queen.
Garth and Sandi leave the kids with mom & pop for a few weeks while they go on a dungeon delving date.
They get promoted to gold-ranked adventurers through a test and a hefty bribe, then go dungeon delving, having a generally good time wading through a dungeon full of regenerating creatures.
They fight a Hydra, make it to the bottom of the dungeon, and Garth goes all Wuxia on the guy who made Sandi tear up, before letting him off the hook, in exchange for peddling his drugs.
Itet chapter where everything goes to shit.
Dr. Daniels POV, on his way to Earth after being kicked off the other one by Irios. He’s a bad mother, basically like The Thing.
Dr. Daniels gets another sidekick, a black dragon named Sassy. He changes her to a human form and enjoys exploiting her naivette.
When Garth and Sandi get back from their trip, they find Dr. Daniels beating the crap out of Jim.
Garth and his doppleganger come to a tentative agreement and live in relative peace, both of them silently stocking up on nuclear deterrents against each other.
A year and a half goes by,
There’s a short scene with Jamal’s daily life, raising the volcano outside of L.A.
A bunch of thieves try to steal the newly formed city’s GDP, and wind up slaughtered by Dr. Daniels.
The next day, shit goes south as Argus and the interplanetary fuzz show up, asking nosy questions. Garth almost throws them off the scent before a big old fight starts
Garth loses the magical duel after a few moves, then the outer wall of the city explodes, riddling the army outside with holes and turning them into madmen.
Dr. Daniels ambushes Garth’s captors, frees him, and the two of them beat the shit out of the assembled army with a little help from Jim.
As Garth is waterboarding Argus, Elder Dragus shows up, looking for Castavelle, aforementioned greatest wizard in the multiverse.
Dragus wipes Garth off the face of the earth like a bug on his coat.
Wilson, whose core is a mythic core based on housing a soul, and flesh is based on the Immortal Sundew Garth accidentally created, goes supernova, burned along with Garth.
He melts together with the dungeon’s original core, and the process creates a Phylactery.
Due to the dungeon’s collapse, it took eight hundred years for the tree to get enough air to successfully incubate the new bodies. In the meantime, Garth has been chilling out in Beladia’s afterlife, alternately putting his heels up with a lemonade on the beach, or going balls deep.
Eight hundred years later, when the bodies are finally complete, Garth is dragged out of the afterlife into the first available body, landing on the dirt in front of a bizarre ritual.
He’s surprised to find that after his death, all of humankind’s problems have retroactively become his fault, and that he is considered the epitome of evil.
Satan of the new age, basically.