The Girl in the Abyss

by Lumia

Original ONGOING Adventure Drama Fantasy Tragedy Anti-Hero Lead Female Lead Grimdark LitRPG Magic Non-Human lead Reincarnation Strong Lead
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

Synopsis: The mysterious force known only as "God's Guidance" implemented a game-like system and rebuilt the planet using continents from five different worlds. Join Ellie, a young girl whose soul is filled with an ocean of love and trust. No matter how horrendous the circumstance or dreadful the suffering her kindness manages to shine through, but everyone breaks eventually. Watch as the horrors of reality slowly chip away at a pure soul until nothing but a monster remains and follow her down the path of despair as she finds a reason to live.

‘Our fate is one that always leads to suffering, but you can smile, I’ll shoulder everything else.’

Warning 1: This story covers very mature themes which I have listed here: Torture of a child (The MC is the victim), death, killing, slavery, and light gore. Nothing sexual ever occurs to the main character.

Warning 2: This is another apocalyptic LitRPG, has a brokenly OP MC, bad writing, horrible grammar, and garbage sentence flow. It is my first attempt at writing a story since grade school.

Inspired by my four favorite stories: Overlord, CLANNAD, The Arcane Emperor, and Tokyo Ghoul.

A note by me: This is not a world domination story or an action story. There is fighting but it's not the focus.

Another note by me: This is a work in progress. I’ll likely go back and change stuff a lot.

The cover art is by a friend who has encouraged me since the start.

Releases: The story is now on hiatus while I write volume two. As soon as its complete I will be back to post it in a similar daily fashion. I apologize for being unable to do weekly releases.

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  • 118
  • Pages :
  • 371
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Lumia

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BlackTarask
  • Overall Score

Good ideas. Mostly a good story but... Too rushed. Some interaction with characters seems fake since the Mc see the people only one time and there are already best buddy ever? Just make the events come with a little more time between them so relationship can be explain and don't make your Mc so trusty near the end (notably with the fayries, Divina and the demon girl) since she apparently can't know when other lie to her. It's not much but your story would transform of 'good to pass time' to 'must absolutely read' also make the statut page and skill near the end of the chapter most of them aren't important for the story and break immersion.

Continue I must say this story is a good one

Pineapple N' Onions
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I wasn't sure at first, but slowly, with each chapter, I felt myself growing to like the main character. She's such an earnest and heartrendingly selfless five year old girl. Without realizing it, I soon found myself on the edge of my seat excitedly speed-reading for what was going to happen next. A series of unfortunate events culminates in her death and eventual resurrection. And if that wasn't enough, she must battle for her very soul, turning her into some unholy fusion of opposing aspects. The whole mess really pulls at my heart strings.


Overall, I would say this story has some of the best RPG elements I've ever read about and the grimdark undertone really ties the story together.

This ladies and gentlemen, is a masterpiece in the making. I really hope you publish this story. People will be dying to read it and you'll get some well deserved money for your hard work and unique talent for writing.

Waytocool
  • Overall Score

Easily one of the best on this site!!!

 

yellyellyell

CyclopsSlayer
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'Only' 15 chapters, but wow, such chapters!

My only complaint is that the power growth seems a little too fast. However, that is balanced with a fascinating and fabulous story with a truly tragic MC.

The universe hates Ellie Noir, hates her with a passion beyond belief. But this doesn't stop her, oh no, just as heating a sword and quenching it might shatter it, surviving the quench makes the blade stronger.

Time and again Ellie is tempered to the very edges of destruction and always emerges stronger. But, that damned universe is always looking for some new way to shatter her, only to find her defying it and growing yet again.

Ghostlin
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A lot of potential and very few mistakes. Grammar is not perfect, but it's in the upper ranks for RRL standards and the mistakes that do appear don't disturb the flow. 

Give it a try, it's at worth a read, even though it's not a masterpiece and a bit rough at some points, it's still better than most story's on this site.

This has the potential to be on the top list if it doesn't get dropped. 

Hyeon
  • Overall Score

Best book i red on this site so far!

What a great first volume! Superb writing skills and grammar compared to other novels on this site, the story is an absolute emotional rollercoaster and i loved every second of it, i hadn't one moment in which i was bored in anyway. The mc and side characters are not one dimensional and their actions are understandable. Im really looking forward to the second volume. Keep it up!!

Karakazz
  • Overall Score

Literally one of the best novels I've read so far. 

FLAME05
  • Overall Score

In the name of god-howard himself it just works.  It really shouldn't it has all the markers of a terrible story, mc so overpowered nobody (even death) can really harm her, yet bad things constantly happen anyway cause story.  Very little in the way of character development for any of the side characters and all the skills in the world (literally pages of them).  BUT somehow author-san has pulled it all together in a way that makes it enjoyable to read and generates suspense for the pages to come.  I give it a 4 star because while the author has fantastic ability, the story itself needs drastic revision and a great many larger changes to the direction it takes to truly shine as something great.  I feel that the author will make SOME relevant changes but I'm not sure if he/she will go the full nine yards as that would require months of work and changing the core premise of the story.

P.S. Author, if you read this then I just want to tell you that you utilise the skills and rpg nature of the story as a crutch.  If you work those systems into the background and focus more on the story itself, I personally feel it will immediately improve the entire thing many many many times over.  I love stats and skills but your story is dragged down by them.  Your writing style pulls readers into the interactions between characters (an absolutely fantastic skill to have and really this does half the work towards a good book for you).  The focus on power through numbers really takes away from these interactions.  I agree that they are a nice easy way to explain a quick rise in power but I feel they are too central to your story.  By shunting them into the background and having them be a far more passive part of the adventure your story will feel far more organic and... well, simply more complete.  Sorry if this bums you out but those are my honest feeling on the matter.  

Inbetweenaction
  • Overall Score

edgelord extrem delux version.

wow, there is alot of edge here. fairly decent gramar, and litle to no spelling mistakes.

 

just... if you do decide to read this, be prepared for edgelord extream. no good things can hapen to the MC for more than a chapter, then everyone has to betray her again, or push her down into further missery, just so she can be even more edgy and evolve faster into a higher ranked demon/angel hybrid. when it hapens once, fair enough. secund time.... meh, sure, she needed to get away. but third time in under 5 chapters? not even tuching on slave torture dungeon prolog. there is such a thing as to tragic a backstory. atleast let her rest or setle into her new resting place before you destroy it. or she loses pretty much nothing, she wasn't even free 1 month before you sent her back to the torture dungeon.might as well not have her escape in the first place. you became so enamored in destroying her happines, that her missery got in the way of you telling us her story.

Sparrtoi
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Read up to chapter 11 so far and I've found that this story was really fun to read laughing, if a bit fast paced. Also my first detailed review, so don't treat everything I've typed here for granted. 

Style: Chapters are nice in length and spaced well, generally easy to read. No issues in this area. The biggest problem I found was with the litRPG additions of skills, stats, classes, etc. Don't get me wrong, I like litRPG for the game-like atmosphere it can give readers, but its just that due to the faster pace of the story and large amount of skills that the character has that it starts feeling cluttered as skill after skill, level after level is achieved. Other then that, style is fine. 4

Story: Plot-wise the MC's journeys are kind of wandering between different objectives. Shes on various quests, but I feel like her main goal in this story is a little vague. I don't mind though, her journey thus far has been entertaining. The biggest issue with the story is that I feel like the pacing is a tad fast, but still tolerable. 4 

Character: Probably the best part of the story. This MC gets insanely OP into the story pretty quickly. At the same time, for all the insane powers the protagonist possesses, she often seems helpless, unable to change what has already happened. Aside from her strength, she is well fleshed out with a tragic story, and we can see how it has influenced her as she develops and gains in power. The side characters are well... decent? The dedicated ones that she meets later in the story have detailed backgrounds, however, we also have a slew of other characters that are made to seem significant but simply disappear afterward. It's a minor issue though, overall I find the characters to have distinct personalities and easily identifiable in the story. 4.5 

Grammar: I don't make a huge deal about grammar, but overall the story was very easy to read. Maybe a misspell or syntax error here and there, but nothing worth noting here. I'll leave a 5.