Original HIATUS Action Adventure Drama Fantasy High Fantasy Magic Martial Arts Strategy Supernatural Wuxia Xianxia
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
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  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

Put on indefinite hiatus.

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  • Pages :
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Author
Raskaro

Raskaro

Taharkus

Achievements
Group Leader (III)
2nd Anniversary
75 Comments
Word Count (14)
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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
0-The New Home(Rewritten) ago
1-Star Library(Rewritten) ago
2-Manuals(Rewritten) ago
3-Cultivation(Rewritten) ago
4-New Neighbor(Rewritten) ago
5-Return(Rewritten) ago
6- Night(Rewritten) ago
7-Peaceful ago
8- Empty ago
9-Converse ago
10-Freedo(o)m ago
11- Tomb ago
12-Dark ago
13-Bright ago
14-Long ago
15-Help ago
16-Target ago
17-Monster ago
18-Design ago
19-Poetic ago
20-Poor ago
21-Analysis ago
22-Hide ago
23-Fast ago
24-Great ago
25-Eye ago
26-Arm ago
27-Ripple ago
28-Flesh ago
29-Incoming (1) ago
30-Incoming (2) ago
31-Incoming (3) ago
32-Incoming (4) ago
33-Incoming (5) ago
34- Incoming (6) ago
35- Last Fights Of The Era (1) ago
36- Last Fights Of The Era (2) ago
37- Last Fights Of The Era (3) ago
38- Last Fights Of The Era (4) ago
Notice-(Non-Chapter) ago
39- Last Fights Of The Era (5) ago
40- Last Fights Of The Era (6) ago
41- Moment Of Calm (1) ago
42- Moment Of Calm (2) ago
43- Moment Of Calm (3) ago
44- Shrine Of The Raven (1) ago
45- Shrine Of The Raven (2) ago
46- Shrine Of The Raven (3) ago
47- Immortal Of The Forest (1) ago
48- Immortal Of The Forest (2) ago
49- Immortal Of The Forest (3) ago
50- Immortal Of The Forest (4) ago
51- The Raven's Offer (1) ago
52- The Raven's Offer (2) ago
53- The Raven's Offer (3) ago
54- Conflicts May Rise Out Of Nowhere, But Your Heart Will Have To Be The Same (1) ago
55- Conficts May Rise Out Of Nowhere, But Your Heart Will Have To Be The Same (2) ago
56- Conflicts May Rise Out Of Nowhere, But Your Heart Will Have To Be The Same (3) ago
57- Conflicts May Rise Out Of Nowhere, But Your Heart Will Have To Be The Same (4) ago
58- A Talk Under The Stars ago
59- Not Afraid Of The Future ago
60- Cruel Crescent ago
Notice 2-(No chapter, again.) ago
61- The Chase Of Three (1) ago
62- The Chase Of Three (2) ago
63- Traveling To The Region Border (1) ago
64- Traveling To The Region Border (2) ago
65- Traveling To The Region Border (3) ago
66- Riders Of The West (1) ago

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Tana Nari
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Reminds me of high school.

Reviewed at: 20-Poor

That is to say long hours of forcing myself to memorize information while surrounded people I don't much care for. It's not that the story is badly presented, it's just that it's a whole lot of tedium that even the characters of the story don't seem to find all that important.

That said, it has all the other elements. A thought out system with a writer who doesn't resort to lazy tropes, can convey ideas well, and has some top-notch worldbuilding.

If it had a plot and a more refined writing style, it has excellent potential. But as-is, you're in for a slog.

 

Characters: The main character is likable enough, if you like the sort of bland self-insert character archetype. While not necessarily a bad person, he has no discernable goals or drive or personality to call his own. Given how long it takes for anything to occur within the story proper, this is a bad thing.

The setting itself makes for a much more interesting character. It is clearly thought out in great detail, with its own customs, idioms, and belief systems which strike me as both creative and believable. Aside the supernatural aspects, I would have no trouble believing that these were real-world practices from some foreign culture.

That takes a level of insight and planning which few writers ever accomplish, and deserves to be praised.

Story: Join the story of someone from the literal backwoods going to a xainxian school and... that's it. There's nothing in the first twenty thousand words which resembles a conflict to be resolved, or a goal to be accomplished. The main character's Mysterious Origins (tm) exist, but don't mean or do anything. He doesn't make friends, there's not even a tournament arc.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that the story avoids the tired monodimensional cliches of asshole professors and idiotic bullies, but if there's nothing plot relevant occuring, the story could just start later when the plot arrives. There's no need to start him off as the "new kid" when instead the story could start at "third year student on his first important task" as an example.

As is common of new writers, the addage "delete the first three chapters" is in effect. This time, it's the first nine chapters. You can start at 10 and lose nothing of plot relevence. And even then it's an adventure the MC is dragged into, rather than one that he has personal stakes in.

Style: A rather minimalist style that wastes little time with purple prose and numerous details- such as character features.

It is, however, clear that the writer is lacking confidence and still trying to find a personal writing style. A great deal of passive-voice permeates the work, which dampens the impact of the story and makes the story feel more like a summary of events than a proper tale.

What's worse is the tendency to jump from scene to scene with little, if any, indicator of the transition and no strong indicators of time jumps or perspective shifts to distinguish one scene from another.

Grammar: Needs some work. While I didn't notice a single spelling error, there are occasional missing words, redundant statements, and run-on sentences. Flaws which I think would be fixed as a side effect of the author finding a comfortable writing style.