You know what sucks about mission-critical jobs? It’s when you’re in a goddamn hurry. And Sin and I raced against time. Why, you may ask? It’s all in the tasking, assigned by my new boss, Amony. Who knew that she was super rich, had Sin employed under her, and now me. And I’ve been working for her behind Amelia’s back for weeks now.
Or at least I think Amelia is clueless. Women tend to know more than you think. It’s virtually impossible to hide things from them for long.
I forced open another Middleburg University dorm only to pop in on yet another couple having two-in-the-morning sex. They didn’t even look at me—not because of our guise as special agents or whatever the hell Amony called us —but due to a spell. A spell from a troublesome demon known as a succubus.
“I hope you’re using protection,” I said as I slammed the door shut. Never mind the STDS some humans carried. If he seeded her, he’s done. Fucked for life. I opened the last door in this hall. The master key card Amony gave to me was cool at first but after witnessing more than five hundred different sex positions, some I doubt are safe at all, I just wanted to kill myself. It’s going to take days to “un-see” some of the strange shit.
Luckily there was no sex happening in this room. Just a confused ginger girl in a nightgown.
“Uhm, hi?” she said.
“Yeah, sorry about this,” I said. “Just doing the job—you know, security check.”
“Normally, security won’t burst into a girl’s room unless someone reporter her dead,” she said, suspiciously.
“There was a report,” I lied. “Why do you think I’m here?”
“Oh my god, is it even safe to be on campus?”
“Everything will be fine, but we have to conduct the sweep,” I said
I glanced at the flat-screen TV on the wall. A brown-haired woman wisecracked on stage, laughter from an unseen audience sounding in response. “Have a great night,” I said, but before I could retreat, the girl grabbed my arm.
“Wait,” she said, eyes glazing over. Her breathing changed. “A really hot guy breaking into my room—it’s a big fantasy of mine. Humor me, please.”
For the love of…To be honest, I considered it, just for a second, before shaking the fuzz of temptation from my thoughts. If I let myself get absorbed into the succubus’s spell, she’d get away.
“I’m sort of in a hurry,” I said, not lying. I wanted to get paid for this job.
“Please,” she said gripping my arm tightly. I could’ve sworn the woman on the TV beamed at me before cracking another joke to her audience.
“Look, I don’t—”
The girl kissed me. I froze, feeling a noticeable difference between her kiss and Amelia’s kiss. A tiny twinge of guilt nudged within me. I tried to pull away from the girl but she grabbed my shirt, attempting to uproot it off me.
“You’re provoking my wild side,” she whispered. I’m not going to lie, it was amusing to watch this human make a fool of herself. The falsely horny but innocent girl couldn’t help it, the succubus’s call too strong.
But something about this setup and her behavior tipped me off to the location of our target. Why this room? Why make this girl aware of me? I added up the possibilities, drawing a conclusion.
Time to try out a new trick of mine. Well, I learned a little of it from Amelia and just practiced until boom, perfection.
I charged emotion, placed my hand on the girl’s forehead, and flooded her with shame. She blushed hard as she pulled away.
“I’m so sorry, I don’t what came over me.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “You’re probably just tired from being up this late. So turn off the TV and get some rest.” The ginger nodded, face flushed. The woman on the TV looked pissed, cursing at her audience. The TV did not shut off when the girl hit the power button.
“That’s odd.” She tried the remote but that didn’t work either. I chuckled. Target confirmed.
“The campus administrator is in the office. Can you tell him that agent Epex called?”
The girl slipped into a pair of flip-flops and trotted off innocently. I glanced at the shield-shaped badge Amony had pinned to my shirt before sending me on this chase. Human symbols of authority were too damn abusable. I dug into my pocket and pulled out my silver-coated smartphone. I hit the fancy speed-dial button which put Sin on the line in seconds. “Found her.”
I swear I could hear him grin on the other line.
“I’m honing onto your location.”
“Got it,” I said, then ended the call. The TV shimmered like crazy. “Come on out and surrender. You thought that would seduce me? Pathetic. You suck at gathering sexual energy.”
I was steeled. Amelia attempted seduction nearly every morning and failed. Of course, if it wasn’t for how super-easily impregnated goddesses were and if she accepted casual rather than following the goody-goody ways of Paradise Realm, I’d have taken her some time ago, with protection.
The shimmering stopped and she appeared right in front of me, arms folded across her chest.
“I do not suck!” The succubus was a dangerously gorgeous woman with long wavy brown hair down to her waste. A super-enhanced version of the woman that ran the comedy gig on the TV moments ago. Her hotness actually matched that of a goddess: perfect rack, perfect everything. The only difference is that succubae tend to wear anything that sexualized them. So, it was no surprise to see her dressed in a miniskirt and half-shirt.
I laughed at the comment. “I don’t believe you. Now, we can do this the easy way or the hard way.”
Sin walked through the door, pleased look on his face. “Can’t believe you found her first. You’ve got some good luck. How was the sex?”
I shook my head. “You’re a sick bastard, my friend.”
“What’s the easy way?” the demon said, her eyes locked onto me. She probably had no idea what to make of the appearance of both a demigod and a demi-devil. I had doubts that she could fight us. My thought process changed when she knocked Sin and I to the ground with force and bolted for the door. I grabbed her ankle and yanked, causing her to fall on her face. The succubus yelped. Sin, dove on top of her, restricting the succubus with a pair of ordinary handcuffs. We waited to see what would happen. Sure enough, in a second, she went incorporeal, cuffs falling to the floor. Perfect. I pulled off my sheath and smacked her hip with the deity-trapper. It connected, forcing her back to corporeal. I felt fear flowing from her like rivers. I smiled.
“When you asked about the easy way, I was kind of hoping you were going to be the first smart one of your kind.” I shook my head. “Guess not.”
The succubus simply stared. “What are you going to do to me? Two guys at once?” She gave a half-smile. I cringed.
“I don’t know about Sin here, but I’m not into the whole two dudes, one chick thing,” I said.
“Why not? I can take you one at a time, or at the same time. As rough as you want.”
Sin seemed to cringe, too.
“No. And you’re not doing a good job of masking your fear, Succubus. So, let me spell this out for you. Give us the information or die. And trust me, I can smell a lie from a mile way.”
“Succubi are demons who are not born of Hell,” I said. “You’re from the human world. But if you die, you know where you’re going.” I winked. “Conus won’t even give you two looks before bouncing you down.”
I could see a tremendous amount of fear in her eyes. No sympathy. There were two types of succubae in this world. One kind preyed off sexual energy. The other fed off men, seduced in either real life or in the dream world. Most of them preferred the real world. Fairies had already made dreaming men their territory.
“What do you want?”
“Tell us where we can find Sunset,” Sin demanded.
Her eyes widened, giving us confirmation that she knew something.
“I will know if you lie.”
“Wh…why do you want to know where to find them?” she said, nervously.
“Because the point of the stupid jobs we’ve taken is to locate their hideout,” I said. “You’re well-informed about the underground. Get us to where we need to be.”
I could see conflict in those eyes. She wasn’t sure if she was more afraid of Sunset or us. I decided to remind her. “You know, when I was in Hell, thousand-degree winds scorched the shit out of my face every day. The demons were savages. They beat the shit out of me, crushed everything in my body, balls included, restored me, and repeated the process. I’m pretty sure they’d do more than just rape you. You’ll be enduring the agony of hellfire, combined with brutal torture. Probably forced into a Hell whorehouse for demons with razor-sharp spiked penises.” I held back a laugh as she was on the verge of crying. That didn’t serve as payback for anyone she pestered with her succubus mojo, but it would do for now. Sin was grinning evilly. I formed a knife-hand than thrust three times into the air. “Giant, billion-spiked, who knows?”
“All right, dammit. I’ll tell you, but you didn’t hear this from me.” Her voice almost broke as she held back tears of terror. I didn’t blame her for fearing Hell. For her, it would probably be several times more brutal than I had described. Succubi bodies stop aging in the same way as mine, but they weren’t immortal. If they were killed, it would be off to the afterlife. There were some extremely rare cases where a few of them lived goody two-shoed lives. Conus turned those individuals into angels. This wouldn’t be the case here.
“Glad you see it our way,” I said. “Let’s go to the car. We’re going to take you to our boss. She’ll be thrilled to know that we’ve finally, for the love of fuck, got a link to Sunset.”
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Bio: Alvin Atwater is a man of humor, a starving author. With a unique writing style that can outshine even Jim Butcher, Patria Briggs, or Kevin Hearne, he is a character-driven lovable lump of mass. Born in Florida, he's on a mission to defeat his arch nemesis, Florida Man, once and for all. Don't be shy. Give him a wave. A read. And maybe whisper, "waffles," because the man loves his waffles. It's a miracle his keyboard doesn't have maple syrup all over it. Best of all, Alvin Atwater can be found all over the net. Read some seriously funny things from Webnovel, Wattpad, Penana, Scriggler, StoryStar. Author of the Blood for Soul series and a secret coming-of-the-age epic fantasy. https://www.patreon.com/syr456/ (Advanced Chapters) Newly-made discord channel: https://discord.gg/t2qVaAR