Earth's Core

by Lonahora

Original ONGOING Action Fantasy Martial Arts
Synopsis by: Kory, winner of the Synopsis Competition!

A great shift in the rules of Nature have sent the world of man and beast to flee the surface. Below the Earth, a titanic network of caves become the new home of the two species. To preserve what life and peace they can the massive caves were divided, giving humans and beasts their own separate sovereign lands.

Years pass….

Suddenly, the discovery of powerful objects that empower those lucky enough to find them, leads the world of man to cross the borders and invade. Wars between the humans and the beasts over these precious “Earth Cores” begin. Technology and new resources begin to be used to strengthen humans, and the wars continue.

Years pass….

Three human generals reaching a new peak in their Martial cultivation rebel against the leaders of man, and lead “New Earth” to peace. An agreement is reached between the worlds of man and beast, and humans are slowly led into an era of enlightenment.

A new world of Martial cultivation begins, a world where every man, woman, and child receive an Earth Core of their own. Into this world is born the unique soul of a young boy; born destined, coerced, and forced into finding a new path to power.

As the entire New Earth below idly stares up wondering…

What has become of the surface?
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Lonahora

Lonahora

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Book 1 – Earth’s Core, Chapter 1 – Under The Surface Of The Earth ago
Book 1 – Earth’s Core, Chapter 2 – Two Beasts ago
Book 1 – Earth’s Core, Chapter 3 – The Next 849 Years – Part 1 ago
Book 1 – Earth’s Core, Chapter 4 – The Next 849 Years – Part 2 ago
Book 1 – Earth’s Core, Chapter 5 – The Next 849 Years – Part 3 ago
Book 1 – Earth’s Core, Chapter 6 – Zax Zel ago
Book 1 – Earth’s Core, Chapter 7 – Zetsa’s Inner Spirit formation ago
Book 1 – Earth’s Core, Chapter 8 – Three Types Of Children ago
Book 1 – Earth’s Core, Chapter 9 – Field Trip ago
Book 1 – Earth’s Core, Chapter 10 – Groundbreaking Vow ago
Book 1 – Earth’s Core, Chapter 11 – Training In The Manor Of Cave Twenty Five ago
Book 1 – Earth’s Core, Chapter 12 – A Doting Parent’s Request ago
Book 1 – Earth’s Core, Chapter 13 – Profound Improvement ago
Book 1 – Earth’s Core, Chapter 14 – Celebrations, Protests, Departure And Graduatio ago
Book 1 – Earth’s Core, Chapter 15 – The Young Mist Users Conference ago
Book 1 – Earth’s Core, Chapter 16 – Invitation For A Fight ago
Book 1 – Earth’s Core, Chapter 17 – Teacher In Life And Martial Law ago
Book 1 – Earth’s Core, Chapter 18 – Crossing To The Advanced Phase Of Level G ago
GLOSSARY! ago
Book 1 – Earth’s Core, Chapter 19 – Silver Lining ago
Book 1 – Earth’s Core, Chapter 20 – Qi ago
Book 2 – Black Core, Chapter 1 – Overview ago
Book 2 – Black Core, Chapter 2 – Amends ago
Book 2 – Black Core, Chapter 3 – E Level Mist User, Take Edomachi. ago
Book 2 – Black Core, Chapter 4 – Birthday At Grandpa’s And Grandma’s Farm ago
Book 2 – Black Core, Chapter 5 – Long Awaited Breakthrough ago
Book 2 – Black Core, Chapter 6 – A Bit Of Qi Utilization ago
Book 2 – Black Core, Chapter 7 – The Beginning of The Great Earth’s Core Pursuit ago
Book 2 – Black Core, Chapter 8 – Pursuing Earth’s Cores ago
Book 2 – Black Core, Chapter 9 – Earth’s Cores Are Peculiar ago
Book 2 – Black Core, Chapter 10 – One Of Three Options ago
Book 2 – Black Core, Chapter 11 – Losing It ago
Book 2 – Black Core, Chapter 12 – Becoming Mist Users ago
Book 2 – Black Core, Chapter 13 – Going Back ago
Book 2 – Black Core, Chapter 14 – The Dangers Of The Unsafe Zone ago
Book 2 – Black Core, Chapter 15 – Earth Shattering Brown Digger ago
Book 2 – Black Core, Chapter 16 – Black Core ago
Book 2 – Black Core, Chapter 17 – Diagnosis ago
Book 2 – Black Core, Chapter 18 – No Different Than A Cripple ago
Book 2 – Black Core, Chapter 19 – Lost In Struggles ago
Book 2 – Black Core, Chapter 20 – Choose, Staying Or Leaving? ago
Book 3 – Into The Wild, Chapter 1 – Into The Wild ago
Book 3 – Into The Wild, Chapter 2 – Martial Son ago
Book 3 – Into The Wild, Chapter 3 – Martial Father’s Teachings ago
Book 3 – Into The Wild, Chapter 4 – Principal Of Pain, The Seven Stages Of Bodily R ago
Book 3 – Into The Wild, Chapter 5 – A Year And A Half ago
Book 3 – Into The Wild, Chapter 6 – Savage Caves ago
Book 3 – Into The Wild, Chapter 7 – Leaving ago
Book 3 – Into The Wild, Chapter 8 – Twenty One ago
Book 3 – Into The Wild, Chapter 9 – His First Time ago
Book 3 – Into The Wild, Chapter 10 – Kill Or Be Killed ago
Book 3 – Into The Wild, Chapter 11 – Not One Ounce Of Effort ago
Book 3 – Into The Wild, Chapter 12 – Dealing With Core Masters ago
Book 3 – Into The Wild, Chapter 13 – Bizarre Friend ago
Book 3 – Into The Wild, Chapter 14 – Connecting The Pieces ago
Book 3 – Into The Wild, Chapter 15 – Brotherhood ago
Book 3 – Into The Wild, Chapter 16 – Out Of The Second Cave ago
Book 3 – Into The Wild, Chapter 17 – Closure ago
Book 3 – Into The Wild, Chapter 18 – Chaoyue, Zhihui, Shenghuo ago
Book 3 – Into The Wild, Chapter 19 – Omnipresent ago
Book 3 – Into The Wild, Chapter 20 – After Three Years ago
Book 4 – Conflict, Chapter 1 – Back To Kingdom Earth ago
Book 4 – Conflict, Chapter 2 – The First One ago
Book 4 – Conflict, Chapter 3 – Show Your Fucking Face! ago
Book 4 – Conflict, Chapter 4 – This Is My Demand ago
Book 4 – Conflict, Chapter 5 – Dealing With The School Principal ago
Book 4 – Conflict, Chapter 6 – Leaving For A Short While ago
Book 4 – Conflict, Chapter 7 – Predictions ago
Book 4 – Conflict, Chapter 8 – Leading On ago
Book 4 – Conflict, Chapter 9 – Two Questions, One Decision ago
Book 4 – Conflict, Chapter 10 – Zetsa Takes The Scenes ago
Book 4 – Conflict, Chapter 11 – Countering The Operation ago
Book 4 – Conflict, Chapter 12 – Zax Is Back ago
Book 4 – Conflict, Chapter 13 – Hendar’s Binder Formation ago
Book 4 – Conflict, Chapter 14 – Falling From Grace ago
Book 4 – Conflict, Chapter 15 – Keeping His Word ago
Book 4 – Conflict, Chapter 16 – Superintendent Ten ago
Book 4 – Conflict, Chapter 17 – What Is Right What Is Wrong ago
Book 4 – Conflict, Chapter 18 – A Few Hours ago
Book 4 – Conflict, Chapter 19 – Cultivation Inheritance ago
Book 4 – Conflict, Chapter 20 – Rarest Side Of The Spectrum ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 1 – Green Scales, Purple Mane Raroen ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 2 – Fifty Three Regrets ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 3 – Sparkling Blue Tower ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 4 – Grandmaster Kartion ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 5 - A Sitting ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 6 – Under The Pavilion ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 7 – New Regimen And Conditions ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 8 - Headlines ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 9 – Restoring Calm ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 10 – One Out Of Six ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 11 – The Origin Of The Hatred - Part One ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 12 – The Origin Of The Hatred - Part Two ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 13 - The Origin Of The Hatred - Part Three ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 14 – A Legit Formation ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 15 – Three Friends ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 16 – The Summit Of Eden Formation ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 17 – Jealousy And Scorn ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 18 – The Five Fingers Into Fist Formation ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 19 – The Pearl Of El-Eden ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 20 - Have To Make Things Straight? ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 21 - Soul Binding Formation ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 22 – Back To Training ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 23 – Third Form ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 24 – Two Out Of Six ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 25 – Simplicity Itself ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 26 – Months Go By ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 27 – Assassination Mission ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 28 – Unique Killing Methods ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 29 – Use Your Head ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 30 – Ginlin Arrives ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 31 – One Minute ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 32 – One Step Closer Toward The End ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 33 – Intelligence ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 34 – Besieged ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 35 – Briefing ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 36 – The Battle Commences ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 37 – Decisive Decision ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 38 – Blood Ties Formation ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 39 – Zax Versus Ilen-Tar ago
Book 5 – Horns, Chapter 40 – Only One Side Can Live ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 1 – A Four Years Summery ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 2 – By The Lakeside ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 3 – Introspection ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 4 – The Descent ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 5 – Scarlet Armor Bodily Refinement Technique ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 6 – Molten Core Causing Trouble ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 7 – Catching The Brown Digger ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 8 – Round One, BEGIN! ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 9 – Three Way Battle ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 10 – Azure Snakes, White Rings ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 11 – Razil’s Ploy ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 12 – Venting ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 13 – A Slight Change ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 14 – We Will Fight ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 15 – The Steps Of Kinetic Force ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 16 – Unreasonable Request ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 17 – The Different Faces Of Supreme Ruler Ariel ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 18 – One Set Of Four Rules To The Surface Of The Earth ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 19 – A Resolute Decision ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 20 – Informing Everyone ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 21 – Earth’s Records ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 22 – Unheard Of Third Type Breakthrough ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 23 – An Heir For A Legacy ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 24 – Two Subjects, One Mutation, Consequences ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 25 – Legacy Of The One’s Path ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 26 – Close Circle ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 27 – At It Again… ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 28 – Compromising ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 29 – Departure ago
Book 6 – Legacy, Chapter 30 – The Blue Sky ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 1 – Explosive Entrance ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 2 – Virgil’s Pasture ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 3 – Manifestation ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 4 – Unwelcome Guests ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 5 – Zax’s Expertise ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 6 – Welcome To Glorious Ground ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 7 – Invitation ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 8 – Proposition ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 9 – High Rankers' Trials ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 10 – Gathering Of Experts ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 11 – Demirva Ridge ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 12 – Alternative Endings ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 13 – Eventful Night ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 14 – Helpless ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 15 – Aftermath ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 16 – Opportunity Within The Folktale ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 17 – Entering Demirva Ridge ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 18 – First Harvest ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 19 – White Dwarf ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 20 – Proprietor? ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 21 – Cinder Mercenary Band ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 22 – Dark Attribute’s Essence ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 23 – Time Is Running Out ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 24 – Collaboration For The Perfect Dark Attribute’s Essence ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 25 – A Trade ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 26 – Entrapped ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 27 – All Parties Converge ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 28 – Resolution, Heart And Mind ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 29 – Alive ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 30 – Unbound ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 31 – Dark Titan Storm ago
Book 7 – Ercas Mir, Chapter 32 – For The Road Ahead ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 1 – The Top ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 2 – Blind Direction ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 3 – First Time At The Beach ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 4 – A Sea Adventure ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 5 – Robbed ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 6 – White Coated Menace ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 7 – Dewgong Family On A Lock Down ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 8 – Deal Or Not Deal ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 9 – Between The Hammer And The Anvil ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 10 – The Sea Is Dangerous And Full Of Treasures ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 11 – The Five Oceans ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 12 – The Earthly Crater ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 13 – Galu The Violet Knight ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 14 – I Know What It Is! ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 15 – A Stride Toward Evolution ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 16 – Finding The Third Black Core ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 17 – The Scythe And The Mace ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 18 – Old Rivals Reunited ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 19 – Three Out Of Three ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 20 – Joining Sinister Chain? ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 21 – Truths, Goals And Bringing Up To Speed ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 22 – Fate ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 23 – Top Twenty ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 24 – Shitty Brat ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 25 – Bone And Muscle Transformation ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 26 – Reinventing Oneself ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 27 – Returning Home ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 28 – Coping ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 29 – A Family Reunion ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 30 – Barbecue ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 31 – His Beloved Anet ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 32 – Scary Voice ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 33 – Meeting The Martial Family ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 34 – Incredible Realization ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 35 – Back To The Savage Caves ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 36 – The Hurdle Of The Second Savage Cave ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 37 – Testing The Limits ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 38 – The First Stage Of The Three Stages Of Hyper Physique ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 39 – Leaving To The Elite Tryouts ago
Book 8 – Element, Chapter 40 – Gid Chu’s Plan ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 1 – Stirring The Elite Tryouts’ Preliminaries Finals ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 2 – Sweeping Away The Competition, Assassin’s Style ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 3 – The Official Elite Tryouts Start ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 4 – Shelter Of Heroes ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 5 – Earlier Than Expected ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 6 – Stelero Mars ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 7 – Incarnation Scouring ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 8 – Commencing The Operation ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 9 – Fame And Riches ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 10 – Wishing One Could Pay With Limbs ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 11 – Down Ocean ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 12 – Diluted Element, Blessing Or A Curse ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 13 – Assistance ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 14 – Meeting Second Leader Yurnal ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 15 – Inharmonious ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 16 – Sought After And Found ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 17 – Unexpected Message ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 18 – Difficult Decision ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 19 – Reviewing And Fairness ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 20 – Payment ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 21 – Danger At Home ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 22 – Assembling ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 23 – Enemies At The Gate ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 24 – Kloky’s Decision ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 25 – Gidon’s Dawn And Dusk ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 26 – Panic! Godly Retribution ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 27 – Second Oath ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 28 – Ranks Of The Immortal Realm ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 29 – Joining The Convoy Plans For The Future ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 30 – Distress And Cohesion ago
Book 9 – Eruption Chapter 31 – Green Snow ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 32 – Huland’s Request ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 33 – Alone ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 34 – Plans For The Future ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 35 – Messing With The Village’s Kids ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 36 – Formations ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 37 – Seeking Conviction ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 38 – Making A decision ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 39 – Cannon For A Gunslinger ago
Book 9 – Eruption, Chapter 40 – The Seventh Power! ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 1 – Battle Of The Strongest ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 2 – Worldwide Commotion ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 3 – How Long? ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 4 – Informing The Martial Family ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 5 – Meeting The King Of Beasts ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 6 – To Be The Heir ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 7 – Committed To His Word, Again! ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 8 – Final Act Of Despair ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 9 – Template ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 10 – Satisfactory Potential Heir ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 11 – Blue World Estate ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 12 – Beneath The Surface Of The Water ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 13 – Spirits ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 14 – Tying Up Loose Ends ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 15 – Cannot Get Back ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 16 – A Way Out ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 17 – Three, Two, One Leaving An Impression ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 18 – He Is Warranted ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 19 – Lensi And Zel ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 20 – Up Up And Away ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 21 – Crisis ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 22 – Reason And Solution ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 23 – Moving On ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 24 – The Wrath Of A Father ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 25 – Snatching Collateral ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 26 – Close But Dare Not To Step Forward ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 27 – The Unseen ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 28 – Plain Refusal ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 29 – The Second To Approach ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 30 – Senior Ohar ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 31 – A Second Inheritance ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 32 – Bin Bin’s Desire ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 33 – Hundred Years Mission ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 34 – Getting Up ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 35 – Sentient And Awakening ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 36 – Audacious Four ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 37 – Waiting Patiently ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 38 – Acting Up ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 39 – Shouldering ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 40 – Their Path ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 41 – The Five Powers Leaving ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 42 – One Less Contender ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 43 – Princess Of Veiher ago
Book 10 – Immortal, Chapter 44 – They Are Here ago
Reviews

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bakuoni
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Just binged my way through all your chapter gotta say it’s good compared to other Web Novels.
4.5 stars why i didn’t give a 5 is just mainly some minor grammar errors and the long intro to the story.
Just my opinion but i think the setting of the background to your story was a tad too long and slightly confusing on who the MC would be.

I liked how you went the route of instead of using strengthen one strengthen all where you split up the cultivation routes similar to Desolate Era e.g. Body Refining and Qi Refiners= Ki Refiners though yours don’t seem to use magical treasures so that’s different.

I’m surprised that for ethics in your story you went the route of Old China Xianxia where higher society can stamp on the poor and nothing will happen to them, considering your time period is 5000’s.
I had presumed initially the moral code would be something similar to Swallowed Star where there is a set up police system against abuse of power, though i know this diminishes as people get stronger, but then the Martinez family didn’t seem that strong so yeah didn’t expect them to so easily casually kill civilians.

Conclusion keep up the good story telling and i hope to see whether he becomes a rank B or stays a rank C when he returns to society soon.
HueHueHueHue i hope to see him dominate cave 25 soon with his strength.

Tekuzub
  • Overall Score

greatlt enjoying this fiction

 Hi just wanted to let you know that I am enjoying this story and to keep it up

Illumengata
  • Overall Score

 This is just a brief review based off the two chapters I've read.~

Story: The world building is wonderful, though I would recommend adding more "butter." By that, I mean adjectives! (E.x. In the prologue human and beast had fled into tunnels beneath the earth.) Now with EXTRA BUTTER!: The surface world was changing, forcing humans and beast alike to flee; deep beneath the earth's crust, into a recently uncovered labyrinth of tunnels below. (lol maybe too much butter!) Anyways, I always recommend adding extra adjectives! (Don't worry about it :D) 

Grammar: I'm not a hypocrite, so I won't preach about: comma placement, sentence structure, blah-blah-blah. What I will recommend, is a quick web search on the uses of have, has, had, will etc. They can be confusing(English tenses usually are~), yet a brief review of these and what tenses they infer; would hopefully help author-chief with maintaining a solid base for past, present, and future sentence writing! 

Anyways, back to reading! :D

lolwaffles258
  • Overall Score

-1 Grammar

 

Everything else about it is fantastic. Seriously, I really like this ff.

FirstDragon
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Great potential but the execution is somewhat off

The core elements of this long-form fanfic are all here. An extensive, well considered backstory, thoughtful world building, a variety of characters, a decent set of potential antagonists, etc.

However, after reading all the chapters up to Book 2, Chapter 13, I am left with a somewhat disgruntled, off-kilter feeling – a sense of everything not quite coming together.

As other readers have mentioned, the start of this fiction suffers greatly from a vast dump of exposition. Too much history and world building buries readers like an avalanche. And then this cycle is repeated. Though I understand the urge to explain a nifty world and try to establish the “foundation” of the setting, I feel this approach does a disservice to both story and reader.  The story – much like life – isn’t something that benefits from having everything laid out at the beginning. Part of the joy of fantasy and sci-fi is the process of discovery and synthesis: the reader enjoys the opportunity to put together the “puzzle-pieces” of explanation placed by the author. Understanding the universe becomes a process that parallels the characters’ adventures. Like going to school, you don’t learn everything at once but rather bit by bit. I think a good fanfic explains just enough for the reader to understand what’s going on.  From the readers’ perspective, a massive info heavy opening poses a big obstacle. If they don’t just drop the story entirely, too much upfront backstory may encourage the reader to just skip or skim the provided info, which then negates the whole point of detailing it. Furthermore, for many readers, this kind of opening isn’t as “entertaining” – sure they want to understand the setting, but they want to be drawn in and excited by the work too…generally textbook lessons aren’t the kind of thrill a casual reader seeks during down time. 

The later parts of this work suffer from a much more difficult to describe problem. As such the following comments are going to be less useful / constructive and i apologize in advance, i’ll try and edit them later to clarify if i can.

1) style – Something about the style and pacing just doesn’t click with me.  The pacing is off, though the plot itself generally flows in a logical fashion. Most chapters just aren’t exciting but rather feel like I’m being presented with what’s happening but not quite sharing in it. Sometimes I feel like the best parts of the unfolding events are glossed over and the less important ones receive extra attention. The plot advances but it feels kinda like plodding rather than Wow! More great adventures or Zowie! Another crazy conflict with complex implications. 

However, I do give the author uber-credit for pacing the MC’s power growth and showing his training / development in a realistic fashion. 

2) as for characters, I can’t say that the main character really evokes much sympathy or interest. A few side characters have potential, like the sister, but mostly I feel the overall development / depth / appeal of the characters in the fiction is lackluster. The dialogue is decent and there are several spots where I smiled at the character interactions. I wasn't a huge fan of the MC's behavior patterns / choices during the "core hunt" arc so I've incorporated that judgment into my low score here.

3) the grammar - it's solid and the descriptions are pretty good. Comparatively, this fiction achieves a happy level where spelling and sentence composition errors don’t make readers slap their foreheads while trying to untangle the words. 

4) the story – a boy grows up in a post-apocalyptic xianxia underground world (and will likely venture forth and kill monsters and investigate the surface) is a fine framework. There are appropriate training and school and friends & family arcs. Outside of the painful opening, I won’t level too many structural criticisms here. 

Sleiphnir
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A story that is pleasant to read

It’s a new feeling for me to read something that takes away the redundancy of too quickly over-powered characters. It has good pacing, a good flow, and it to me it feels that the characters have a life of their own even when they aren’t mentioned in the chapter. Time continues with the other characters even when they aren’t being focused on without the need to mention it.

 

My rating for this is not concrete, especially ‘style’

Style: 4.5

Paragraphs only focus on one thought per paragraph which eases confusion between which character ‘talks’. It show who does what and what does who ? (I’m messing with you)

Story: 5

There are only a few stories like these that show actual cultivation of power without having a ‘cheat’ blessing or characteristic. Where “no pain, no gain” applies. Where this ‘cheat’ item is actually available for anyone in the story to have. Gaining power through hardwork, under the supervision of a teacher. Time lapses showing realistic progress in the character. Not with the ‘leap and bound’ bull. but with actual measurements.

The story is not in a hurry to get somewhere

Grammar: 3

Error commas not found. It’s a very itchy feeling for me. Some quotation marks that indicate that a character is talking is sometimes used improperly. Plus some conversations have no comma.

Ex: “thoughts” should be ‘thoughts’

Ex: “I said a thing,” this person said.

Character: 5

I give you 5 magnificent home-grown potatoes for character development and realistic character powers based on the settings of the story.

Time-skips for unimportant parts of the story. Summarizing what happened. No major relationship or major elevation in power during time-skip. Point of view show only for major characters which is mostly MC.

rwnrmdn
  • Overall Score

For me, its appealing...


It's like reading Coiling dragon and stellar transformation, with a sense of swallowed star all together....
nice approach on the prologue (thumbs up). A bit of the world and story background, which accommodate for the main story development...offer all... a beautiful story...

Xing
  • Overall Score

great story keep it up

Grammar could use a little bit of work but nothing I can't live with

Chosen
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It is a great novel but confusing at the history chapters etc..

Mkill
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Well developed story, worth reading

The tale is about a boy born in a typical men vs environment world, where strenght and and nobles rule above all, despite a bigger danger existing.

 

Nevertheless, the story still manages to be unique, specially the way the author develops the strenght progression of the main character (perhaps MC is being rushed a bit in his power progression, though there may be a reason for it that we'll see in the future).

 

I'd say the main flaw in the novel is grammar, because sometimes (rarely) the author means one thing and says another (for example, instead of thought, he uses taught ), though one can notice that the author really steped up his game throughout the novel. That said, ponctuation is well used, and the story is overall easy to read and fluid.

 

Character progression is there, but sometimes I wished he touched a little bit more on the side characters (mainly MC's sister). A side story about her childhood would perhaps bring even more charm to her and the relationship between brother and sister. There are hints though, that this will be done in the future.

 

If you have ever read CN Xianxia novels, I have no doubt you'll like this story. It has a well thought martial arts and cultivation system, with better characters and world building than most.

 

I took a long time to start reading it, mainly because some people criticized the beggining of the novel, where the author introduces the world, and I can say I regret having payed attention to that type of comments. I wished I had read it before. This definitely has my recommendation.