Chapter 12: A Piece of Solitude
Upon hearing the man's voice, an unknown force separated me from Reeve, bringing me to another dimension.
If she will, she could just disregard everything and just tear this place apart. Since she didn't come, I believe it's her intention to let me listen in and use my own judgment.
Apparently, I could play, pause and rewind the recording at will, in case there are some bits I missed.
[Someone once said, in this Multiverse, you will never be alone. The Multiverse brought those with the same wavelength together.
By allowing the ideals of the Multiverse through me, I shall never experience loneliness. No longer I need to stand on my own, in this never-changing scenery.
Nevertheless, it brought me to despair, in the end.
Why? No matter how hard I cried out, there's no one answering.
They lied; this Multiverse does not care for those alone.
Neither did I ever had a desire to extend my hand towards those in solitude.
In the end, my pride drove me toward my own demise.
I need someone to save me but I do not wish o bow down and ask everyone for their help. That way, they would force me to follow their beliefs, which did not align with myself, using the leverage of a 'favor' and 'paying someone's gratitude'.
It was enough. I'm okay, even if it hurts so much. As long I was able to keep the ideals I had, I wouldn't mind suffering a lot more.
Maybe, someone special to me will finally come. Someone who can accept me truly, as I am.]
It's a rather idealistic thought, but I don't wish to rely on anyone else. I don't want to count on a slim possibility, as compared to those in front of me. That's probably how I could stay content with all those time spent completely alone.
Ironically, I end up with Reeve and Thea by my side. Mitsuki too, if you count her in.
[In the end, no matter how long I waited. The others would not come. Was it true after all? For those of the same wavelength, they may not necessarily attract each other?
Especially if it's someone like me who refused to lower my pride. It's a wonder indeed.
It's people like us who didn't even know the meaning of friends in the first place. In our eyes, no one is comparable to us. Either we control them or they control us.
I couldn't be friends with you; that means you'll temper and brainwash me until I could accept and live based on your ideals. Even if our viewpoints are similar, I would never ever, submit my freedom. On the contrary, it's you people who should bend to my will.]
Does friendship really work that way or are you just being paranoid?
I wouldn't care that much.
I hate thinking of unpleasant matters. The only thing to mind is whether I could find a solution or not. If it's truly beyond my means or it's simply too much pain, there's no point worth brooding over.
Just focus on doing what you could—that's how you get things done.
[...but that much is a pain. What if I'm not strong enough to easily destroy them, the moment they rebel? What if my arrogance bit me in the end and left me enslaved for all eternity?]
Why must lord over others? Why must you try to become the strongest? It'd be too much pain, and the strongest you claim about was only in relative to what you know.
There's always going to be someone a lot stronger, far beyond your imaginations. When you're drunk from arrogance, they'd hit you in the back. Even the colluding weakling ones could showcase unfathomable prowess, the moment you underestimate them.
When you're in the hot seat, it'd be mind-breaking to always stay alert, of unforeseen threats from all directions. Sometimes, it's better to just stay low profile. Or like what Sun Zi once wrote, hide in a place where no one can find you. When you attack, do so as relentless as the rain of heavenly thunders—if I remember correctly.
If you just want someone to act as your puppet, why don't you write a story instead? You have so much time as a god, surely it wouldn't be too hard to train your imagination?
It's not like you're a mortal anymore—it wouldn't be far-fetched to say, your figment of imagination can bend reality itself. Why must go so far when a practical mean was already in front of your eyes?
Or maybe he just didn't see it.
Well, it's not like what works for me, would work for him. Not everyone should be the winner of the battle. Even if I know the way, in a real war, my lack of adaptability and social skills would make me a terrible general.
[Well, just forget about it. Just create a lot of pets. After all, I could toy with them as much as I'd like without feeling remorse.
...even have sex with them. They could not tell me if it's rape. If it's a fellow human like me, I would certainly feel guilt from their reactions—but them?]
I'm not sure if he's a furry or just a tsundere furry. As for me, I prefer if the beastkin had a mostly human feature aside from the ears, tails and such.
Not sure if they'd like me in the first place, after all, I murdered lots of them—not a single one of them look human though.
[They're just beasts, mere livestock; food; raw materials—you name it. We humans, a supreme being among the mortal race, are fated to exploit them as much as we could.
If they have an ounce of intellect, they should be grateful. Their sacrifices had made us able to live long and well.]
I end up killing the mass of animals you raised though.
Regardless, with every animal killed, I notice less and less unease in this world. It's like, my actions somehow liberated these bunch?
Now when I recall Reeve's supposed 'genocide', I didn't feel as bad. Maybe Reeve just went on purifying them and sending those people to a better place. Well, as the Goddess governing an entire Multiverse, her actions already went beyond right and wrong.
Even if they said her actions are wrong, I don't believe there's many in the world at large, who could match up to her. But then, I might be biased since I love big breasted futanari like her.
[Yet, in the end, I was so tired. I was extremely bored. I had continuously experimented with those animals for satisfying my desires—now their behaviors didn't feel real anymore. It's just a meaningless simulation with nothing much at stake
I was no longer excited. There was no way for me to contact the outside world. My memories from my past life were torn to fragments. I could only imagine the minimal amount of things.
Well, I just knew a bit more about animals since I used to study about them—it seems; even my knowledge was superficial.
Most of the application resulted in creating places I visited in my past life. Not caring where I placed them—I could just teleport everywhere within this world; how this place looked, in general, was outside my concern.]
It seemed like his imagination only go so far. I could understand why he would become bored. After all, there's not a single notion of him reading books at all.
Even his context of 'studying' was pretty vague.
He didn't seem to be a story writer too.
When you could bend and shape your imagination, even as a mortal, you could create your own world, the way you want to. It's a lot of fun. Not saying I wrote stories in the first place, I think I once had a friend who wrote them—ah yeah, I remember Thea. She wrote perverted things.
[I love to go shopping; browsing up these goods every day and spacing off from time to time with a lot of things to choose.
The appliances like stoves, washing machines, toilets, refrigerators—I created them all inside the building. Especially the stoves, I figure it'd be rad to endlessly cook by regulating the world's energy with the reactor I made. I also made other appliances work similarly. Better than thinking up how to create a power source.
With teleportation, I could just live among the clouds and enjoy the peaceful scenery while looking down on those critters.]
Nothing of importance in here, I was pretty bored at this point. Window shopping?
Best buy everything online! But then, did this Multiverse at large had some kind of online shopping. I hadn't visited the internet too. Maybe I'll borrow Reeve's PC or find some ways to get my own and connect to the net.
[In the distance, there's always this giant tree growing bigger and bigger.
There were some plants I knew of, but in my mind, only a single tree afresh in my memory—the strongest existence beside me.
It pained me to say this, but our strength was equal, but as a relief, this tree completely submitted to my will.
I'd make it so it would grow whatever product it deems convenient.]
So that's how the tree and the underground plantation came about. I have to thank him for that.
[Without any further source to learn and continuously isolating myself, I was unable to attain joy in life. Even my past memories could only create a boring world.
No such outside help ever come. I was completely isolated when I didn't even reach out.
Is it okay to give up and open myself to the Multiverse?
No. I simply could not. My powers were far too weak to compete against the worlds at large. That's what I felt. An isolationist without any outside inspiration, only stunted growth would ensue.
I was afraid to be trampled or forced to follow those stronger than me.
Nor I wish to better myself by working hard and going beyond the ideals I cherish so much. I didn't want to change—I want to keep going at my own pace--yet it hurts to keep staying the same.
Others would simply get stronger while I would just keep getting weaker in comparison. I'd be humiliated upon.
I'd be laughed and mocked at since I didn't have talent and power.]
I could understand why he acted that way. After all, I know full well how painful it was, going by the pace of others. But then, it's not like you have to suffer from despair and boredom if there's no Hero coming to save you. Even if you don't have the knowledge, don't you think as a god, you can use your abilities to form a new knowledge?
...but that's just me, I guess.
Hmm, I got to ask Reeve about this sometime. So, if you kept hiding from the Multiverse at large, you'd get to enjoy an eternity of peace like this, without anything discovering you?
In this case, how did Reeve find me? I wasn't doing much different than him though.
Well, maybe since my genderless self looks like a Trap and I'm ripe for the pecking. It gave me a higher priority.
...and my ancestor might just be some plain and ugly guy, but then, there's always a fetish for that bunch. Otherwise, why would almost a lot of hentai doujins feature them? Plus points if they're fat and also stink a lot. Not that I love that genre.
I prefer if the guy turns into a cute girl and they'd do extremely gay things as both girls.
Oh well, let's just cut off further assumptions. If you're wondering why I know so much, you can say, after my awakening, all those dormant knowledge somehow popped up and I could recall things easily.
As for my past life, it's all blurry and fragmented. Though, I could surmise—it's a bunch of tiring and heart-wrenching experience. Better not recounting it too much.
[That is why I had always been alone. Someone like me didn't deserve to own a world in the first place.
Regardless such a long time passing, even I didn't feel any signs of aging in my body, I felt my soul itself approaching its limit.
I yearn to experience something out there. Leaving everything behind and start anew. While I might face a lot of dangers, I believe, it would always be within my own powers since I didn't have something they covet.
...and that's fine.
The only thing I understand the most, after all, was just being a mere mortal. Live and die like one.]
Whether I deserve it or not...huh. It's also one point I had been mulling. Why did I become a goddess in the first place? Why must it be me?
Why am I able to live so carefree for so long?
Others may think of it as a trial, or torture to live alone and chilling about—but it's a blessing to me, who yearned for a long time to rid myself of the stress residue from the previous life.
Whether or not someone deserves it, didn't matter in the long run. Everyone can gain power; a lot of people can be born with talent and all the good things, others who don't have it will scream—it's unfair. But you know what, life is unfair in that regard. It just happens.
Mulling whether or not you deserve such power is probably meaningless. You did receive it—so why not utilize it the best you could? Your benefit comes first, of course.
But then, we've heard of fallen geniuses every so often. Everyone can be born with incredible gift and talents, but not every single one of them able to utilize it to their own apex.
Those geniuses had their fair share of problem, namely their environment.
Because your talent is known, your family will force you to learn in a way they deem the best—and not always what you truly desire. Besides, what would guarantee, the talent you have, is definitely the one you had the passion of? What if you happen to be the best at things you abhor?
I heard of geniuses who ended their life early by committing suicide. The geniuses with no free will of their own. Only exist to be exploited by those with power.
If you have a lot of talent and were raised in a competitive society, there's always a strong desire to fulfill the expectations of others. Yet, it might cause one to lose sight of what's truly important. I believe, that kind of nature is a fatal weakness of a human being, as social creatures.
Just a well-placed appreciation can turn someone into your slave.
I believe, only those average people had a blessed life. No one cared about average people.
Because no one cares, they are free to pursue any kind of endeavor in their own way—although they may not be able to sculpt masterpieces to humanity. In the first place, I believe such things are meaningless. Anything that stems from the acknowledgment of others, rather than the fruit of your own aspirations—it's the one I shall disregard.
Yet, if others can hear what I think about, they can think of millions of other reasons to say: the appreciation of others is important. Without it, you can never become anything.
...but then, in this life, you never really have to become anything.
You don't even have to be yourself. Does it matter what you become in the end?
In the end, as a mortal, the only thing absolute is your death.
...even this god also opt for his own end. As for myself, however. It does not matter. Trying to become something may just lead me away from becoming what I truly yearned to be.
[To those who would take over me, I will bestow on you this legacy; whenever you'll be able to visit my home, you will hear my words and only it, I shall leave.
"Legacy and succession are meaningless, just do whatever you want. You'll end up being better than me because I believe, unlike me, you won't be a loner.
I held hopes: that you can view others as an equal but most importantly, able to trust them like they're a part of you."
That's roughly what I've said to my rightful successor.]
Well, it appears your actions aren't meaningless in the end. I happen to be that kind of person. Back then, I stuck with all the simple things I could achieve, so I'm not as reliant.
...but for the more troublesome things, I have learned to rely on others as well. I do not dislike social relationships, I just dislike the kind of relationship which felt more like an obligation than those of free-will.
[For the others, however, I told them such:
"Legacy itself is pointless and succession is meaningless. A new person should follow the path they paved themselves.
I will tell you this and only this: there is value in stupidity and laziness. Because I'm rather stupid and too lazy to leave you something worthwhile.
Just do whatever you want and I don't want anything to do with this world anymore, goodbye!"]
Well, what you're saying before was basically the same thing, just with a different wording.
[I view you as my successor since you embody my solitude, but in the end, could cast those beliefs away. After all, you had attained something precious, such as Love.
My successor, I didn't do this because I care about you. This was my act of self-interest, by sacrificing my own power built after a long time so you would become strong. So in the end, even with all those emptiness, I could feel alive.
I wish for your happiness, so you wouldn't ever experience miserable things like I did. That's the only way I could finally free myself from the void that's eating my soul apart.]
Hmm...i retract that back. It seems this god has a soul of an artist, for leaving behind such a legacy. Of wanting to be remembered, that even when he passed on, there's going to be something that will benefit the future generations.
It's definitely something noble, but I'm too selfish and lazy for that. I don't think, even with time, I will embrace the idea of altruism.
[At that time I kind of regret to tell them one thing; loneliness could also isolate themselves from the Multiverse and keeping them safe if they weren't confident in their abilities. Though the only way for it to work--if you had no attachment or any desire to make friends with others in the first place; basically viewing others on the equal ground.]
Now I understand how the world become isolated under his reign. As for mine? Did I ever think about making friends in that period, which end up attracting Reeve?
I don't really remember much, let's just ask Reeve later. Now that's three questions.
The most important one is about the PC and the Internet, of course.
[...but thinking about it, that would be the best to keep silent. It'd be the worst if they end up walking the same path and getting the same result. Worst still, if they actually forced another to walk an endless legacy of solitude; spiraling over until this world was corrupted beyond repair.
What would happen to this world then? It would be them which suffered the most and it'd be far worse than the exploits I put them through. When I finally regained my mortal self, I felt regret.
I just hope, whoever came after me, would gain reliable friends who wouldn't commit betrayal. Those they could earnestly trust their heart and soul onto.]
Just some boring part.
Well, I don't believe this world would be in wrong hands. If someone able to acquire this Legacy in the first place, they're at least able to learn something from it.
Or in the worst case, just sleep the entire way. To be honest, I found the overall content boring.
[Well then, my time here was over.
Let's go back to being the mortal I would always be used to.
Thanks, for listening to this Legacy. I hope you could derive something precious from it.]
I admit, I have learned something valuable through this encounters—it may be crucial on actualizing myself as a goddess. From my ancestor's past mistake, to name an example.
There weren't many transitions across sceneries with show-and-tell approach.
Just lots and lots of explanations, with that same background of lively verdant plain.
The moment I returned, I was back in the cloudy ground. Reeve was playing games on her phone.
Noticing me approaching, Reeve stopped her game and asked me over, devoid of any motivation.
"So...any ideas on forming your World Tree?"
My mind went blank.
World Tree? What is it again?