The Misplaced Dungeon

by palanca_preta

Original ONGOING Fantasy Non-Human lead

The gods on four worlds were in trouble, or rather the clique that had taken over those worlds development and refused to listen to the established but less powerful gods already in power were in trouble. Their mismanagement was causing four previously lush and pleasant worlds to become harsh and inhospitable.

So taking another leaf out of world building 301 they arbitrarily decided to seed the worlds in question with new dungeons they could control or at least influence.

One fine day Azurea, self declared Goddess of dungeons on those four worlds discovered a fascinating world; it was teeming with life, literally overburdened with teeming billions of sophonts. Even better in her view many were atheists and due to the rapidly expanding population many of those were brand new souls.

So without further ado she soulnapped one hundred of them for her cliques experiment.

This is the story of one of the randomly selected beings, a sixteen year old girl with anger management issues, in fact Mary Silvestre has been diagnosed a borderline psychopath by a lazy school system.

 

NB: This story uses UK English spelling.

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palanca_preta

palanca_preta

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Prologue ago
Chapter 1 ago
Chapter 2 ago
Chapter 3 ago
Chapter 4 (v2.0) ago
Chapter 5 ago
Chapter 6 ago
Chapter 7 ago
Chapter 8 ago
Chapter 9 ago
Chapter 10 ago
Chapter 11 ago
Chapter 12 ago
Chapter 13 ago
Chapter 14 ago
Chapter 15 ago
Chapter 16 ago
Not a chapter - Index of characters ago
Chapter 17 ago
Chapter 18 ago
Chapter 19 ago
Chapter 20 ago
Chapter 21 ago
Chapter 22 ago
Chapter 23 ago
Chapter 24 ago
Chapter 25 ago
Chapter 26 ago
Chapter 27 ago
Chapter 28 ago
Chapter 29 ago
Chapter 30 ago
Chapter 31 ago
Chapter 32 ago
Chapter 33 ago
Chapter 34 ago
Chapter 35 ago
Chapter 36 ago
Chapter 37 ago
Chapter 38 ago
Chapter 39 ago
Chapter 40 ago
Chapter 41 ago
Chapter 42 ago
Chapter 43 ago
Chapter 44 ago
Chapter 45 ago
Chapter 46 ago
Chapter 47 ago
Chapter 48 ago
Chapter 49 ago
Chapter 50 ago
Chapter 51 ago
Chapter 52 ago
Chapter 53 ago
Chapter 54 ago
Chapter 55 ago
Chapter 56 ago
A Collection of Interludes – No Mary in this Chapter ago
Chapter 57 ago
Chapter 58 ago
Chapter 59 ago
Chapter 60 ago
Chapter 61 ago
Chapter 62 ago
Chapter 63 ago
Chapter 64 ago
Chapter 65 ago
Chapter 66 ago
Chapter 67 ago
Chapter 68 ago
Chapter 69 ago
Chapter 70 ago
Chapter 71 ago
Chapter 72 ago
Chapter 73 ago
Chapter 74 ago
Chapter 75 ago
Chapter 76 ago
Chapter 77 ago
Chapter 78 ago
Chapter 79 ago
Chapter 80 ago
Chapter 81 ago
Chapter 82 ago
Chapter 83 – (Earth Mary) ago
Chapter 84 (Earth Mary) ago
Chapter 85 ago
Chapter 86 ago
Chapter 87 ago
Chapter 88 ago
Chapter 89 ago
Chapter 90 ago
Chapter 91 ago
Chapter 92 ago
Chapter 93 ago
Chapter 94 ago
Chapter 95 ago
Chapter 96 ago
Chapter 97 ago
Chapter 98 ago
Chapter 99 ago
Chapter 100 ago
Chapter 101 – (Earth and Earth Mary) ago
Chapter 102 ago
Chapter 103 ago
Chapter 104 ago
Chapter 105 ago
Chapter 106 ago
Chapter 107 ago
Chapter 108 ago
Chapter 109 ago
Chapter 110 ago
Chapter 111 ago
Chapter 112 ago
Chapter 113 ago
Chapter 114 ago
Chapter 115 ago
Chapter 116 ago
Chapter 117 ago
Chapter 118 ago
Chapter 119 ago
Chapter 120 ago
Chapter 121 ago
Chapter 122 ago
Chapter 123 ago
Chapter 124 ago
Chapter 125 ago
Chapter 126 ago
Chapter 127 ago
Reviews

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The Defenestrated Typewriter
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Interesting to start but bland over time

As of chapter 56 and getting that far became a drag

 

Starts of okay and with some interesting idea, but then it just gets kinda boring. Too many characters and things to easily keep track of many of which felt repetitive 

The plot feels thin and rushed, ideas without the detail or the background to properly set up events. stuff just happens quickly then move on to the next thing with little explanation

 

some of the characters' behaviours are just weird at points. 

Mighty Moushie
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Style: Everything is far too rushed. Descriptions get glossed over, conversations are summed up, and so many small time skips in the first four chapters just killed it. Don't do a five minute time skip to avoid a conversation, you are missing golden opportunities to build your world and characters.

Story: You have a wonderful concept, I was really looking forward to it.

Grammar: Not abysmal, but there are enough errors to be annoying. 

Character: They all have potential, but they fall flat because options to build them are glossed over. We know no motivations and no desires.

tomereader
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A Fun Read with Some Problems

The Misplaed Dungeon is an enjoyable read, if you can accept its flaws.

The format of the novel is a little strange at first; every chapter is begins with the main character's point of view, followed by up to three interludes, which can be almost as long as the main chapter in a few cases.  In a few chapters the interludes were very distracting, and at a few points it almost seemed like the author was planning to make a different character into the main protagonist.  Despite being nominally a LITRPG/Dungeon Core novel, any discussion of game mechanics (levelling, classes, experience, etc.) is minimal (Whether you see this as a positive or negative is a matter of personal preference).

The main character is a Mary Sue, and grows incredibly powerful quickly enough to seriously push the boundaries of suspension of disbelief.

Spoiler: Spoiler

That being said, she still does interesting things which can engage the reader, and sometimes it can be fun to read a book with a character who is ridiculously powerful.

The main plot of the book is traditional fantasy fare, a war between the gods.  It's isn't a point for or against this book.

There are quite a few grammatical mistakes in the early chapters, but far less in the second half of the book.  The author has clearly improved, and at no point do grammatical mistakes make it impossble to understand a sentence or paragraph.

The Misplaced Dungeon has some problems, which at times get truly annoying.  However, if you like dungeon core or LITRPG, I suggest you at least try this novel, because it can be an entertaining read.

TheOneTrueHero
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Unpolished and i really don't like this MC

I think that if this story was just proofread once or twice it would improve a lot. The interactions between characters are rushed and are often summed up in one or two sentences, which makes it that they feel flat and uninteresting. This isn't helped by the fact that there are many sentences that don't flow well. Coupled with the tendency of the author to leave out many details (such as a character getting introduced, but us the readers not knowing what race or age the character is nor what he looks like, not knowing what the main character thinks of this new character, etc) makes it so that the story feels more like the framework of a story than an actual story.

Then there is the fact that the MC can do anything. Manipulate DNA, turn sand into glass, turn limestone into marble, design a castle, kill people in cold blood and somehow remember the DNA sequence of a maritime dinosaur? Without any explanation beyond: "She's smart."

And the MC is apparently only 16 years old. She should be renamed to Mary Sue, because it seems to me that the world was build to accomodate her needs.

Also, why is the MC foul-mouthed if nobody ever reacts to it? Is it just to show the readers that the MC is a child that insults everyone she talks to and gets away with it?

Anyway i would not recommend this story.

Baabaablack
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*Updated Review chapter 41*

 OKay where this story really fell on its face for me is in chapter 39.

Spoiler: Spoiler

As the novel is written I believe that author doesn’t made any real structure on how their fantasy world works. They it make up along the way as they write. It’s painfully noticeable.

 

Review as of chapter 32 (Three stars at the time)

The 1st 15 chapters I got to enjoy Mary as she struggled as a new dungeon at vicious odds with her maker. She is snarky, abrasive and easily distracted. Fun aside, the issues with this work rear thier heads the further on I read. The biggest one is that Mary is not presented with difficult challenges. There are no  clever opponents, the adventurers are weak and none of her plans backfire.

So... While fun there isn't a challenging dymanic to enrich this story.

j03man
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Interesting concept Awful worldbuilding

The style is acceptable.

The grammar in this story is great although the spelling and possessive plural confusion are an occasional problem. Easily fixed with an extra round of editing by the author.

The characters are clear but very shallow.

The story concept has potential. However, the world and rules that the story take place in are very poorly conceived and undermine the potential challenges and stakes faced by the main character right out the gate.

Demonic Spoon
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An entertaining and engaging read of an ocean based dungeon. I find the development of new creatures interesting and wish there was more detail in it. The indirect interactions between Mary and the various natives, priests and other assorted folks is interesting.

 

There are a few grammar problems and incorrect word choices, but nothing that majorly detracts from the story.

 

However, the main problems comes in with story flow, sparse worldbuilding and somewhat stilted dialogue. 

 

Often it feels to that the author skims over things I would like to know more about, like the octopi mages and gives me exhaustive detail on dungeons moving around in desert mountains and goat herders investing their finder's fees that I don't really care that much about.

 

The Dungeon Mary communicates in single sentences and as the story continues we rarely get the opportunity to experience her viewpoint, which is slightly frustrating as we don't really get a feel for what the main character is actually doing and planning.

 

I do find myself confused about how Mary, her soul ripped from earth, told by a blue haired woman she was a dungeon now and left in freefall over  a strange planet somehow immediately knew what mana was, and how to use it to make such things as telescopes and gliders. It was presented to us a fait accompli, with no explanation of where this sudden manna mastery of Mary's came from.

 

I'm also not sure how Mary magically smelt out that the guard captain was an earthling like her, beyond simple forced plot contrivance.

 

I am intrigued about the earth sub-plot with the system apparently making itself at home, and am looking forward to where the author goes with that.

Varkath
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Well Planned with underrated start.

First off, many comments seem to take issue with character dev (i will get back to this), but from what I see it has been done with intent that gives a flow to the story and avoids getting stuck in drawn out dialouge chains.

If you are looking for something that will quickly tell you all there is to "know" the world then you may not find this to your tastes.  Many times part will be shown about the world while the other part is hidden, and this fits well with how no single individual will really know how all parts of their world really interact.

Style: On the note of above, the general style is trended much more to letting characters actions slowly let you understand both their nature and the world bit by bit.  This is great at avoiding an info dump and has allowed the author to add to the world smoothly as the story progress.  Many stories rush to define the entire world and ends up messing their story up  with contradictions.  Here we get to see the interactions and how many parties are out for their own goals.

Story: Well developed original idea and good use of reality aspects in various events.  Why build a target when they probably wont find MC core is a good example.  Also unlike other "dungeon" stories, unique use of the ability to "run" if they can manage it.  Full rules for the "Gods" hasn't been shown, but author allows the reader to imagine and presume details which enhances immersion without dropping long drawn out segments that make you jus want to skip forward.

Grammer: For a first story, only some minor issues along the way that occasionally annoying don't really bring down the ability to read or understand the story and author intent.  Some proof check and/or an outside editor would pretty well resolve this.  Also, if you look at many well written storys and even translations this sort of issue happens many times as the writer estabishes.

Character: As mentioned at the start, I find the author's method of slowly devloping the characters and letting their actions to really define them over just relying on dialouge.  The main risk being the quantity of semi-main and side characters can be a risk of loosing inclusion of them but so far author has been good at keeping them in there persona's and showing in several cases how they are influenced by their gods and/or preconceptions with how the world runs and a dungeons role in it.

 

HamsterDesTodes
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Interesting take on the dungeon core story. In fact, it's kinda inverted from the ordinary tale.
In this story the dungeon itself (the rooms and caverns) plays a secondary role, it's mostly about the interaction of the dungeon core (the personality called Mary) with the rest of the world.

We're not treated to descriptions of rooms down to the milimeter and endless number-expressed attributes of various denziens of said rooms, nor adventurers crunching through them and the description of every blow exchanged between these two sides.
Instead it's more a tale of high politics, of kingdom building. Not the nitty gritty of leveling, discovery and close encounters with death we're used to from other dungeon cores, but a fast paced developement of a new power in the world and how she spreads her influence across the globe.

In addition, we have side characters that are more or less unconnected (some very much more so, see *spoiler*) to Mary-the-dungeon-core, that fill in the story around her at times rather limited point of view.

Be warned, the first few chapters are a bit bumpy, especially since we readers are thrown pretty much in the deep end without a lot of explanations, but once the author finds his stride, this is a 5 star novel. I took away half a star for the begining nonetheless, wouldn't do to give anyone a big head ;)

Ttae
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[As of “Chapter 39”]

So, if we’re talking pure enjoyment factor, I rate it a 5, although i do realise there are problems which hold this novel back a bit.

General:

While this technically has a LitRPG style system in it, we aren’t really ever shown it. Its mentioned in passing rather than having blue boxes every third line. How should i word it . . . Its used to justify some of the happenings in the story, rather than actually being a major focus.

We also have an ocean dungeon, rather than some of the more widely done goblin/kobold caves. Its certainly nicer to read about, and I believe it allows for a range of more interesting creatures.

Also, the connection between the two worlds is rather well done and adds for some interesting depth (ocean pun?) to the story.

Style:

Well, i’m still not entirely sure what style is, but i’ll give this a go. The author crams multiple perspectives into every chapter, which allows us to easily see what is happening in multiple places at the same time. Although I feel we have to many perspectives, as a lot of the characters we hear from are somewhat insignificant. I do quite enjoy this method of story-telling, but i think it would be better with less perspectives or just with a larger focus on Mary.

Story:

I was originally thinking that there wasn’t a whole lot of story to this, and that it could essentially be summed up by the description of the novel. I think it might be developing a bit of a more serious story lately, and i’m rather enjoying where this is heading. So, its a little slow to kick off, it seemed to be more focused on building the world to start off with, which is perfectly fine.

Grammer:

I don’t really remember any glaring problems with the grammer. The whole story is legible. I do remember getting confused by the wording occasionally, but i feel that was more my fault than the authors. So, pretty good grammer

Characters:

The character development is rather . . . absent in this novel. Not to mention we are not given much information about the characters in the first place. Its taken a while, but I think there has been some progress on this front. It seems odd, but we get more thoughts from the side characters, leading them to have a much more defined personality than the main characters. The more central characters seem to be to busy doing things to tell us how they are thinking. So while we are given a good idea of how they act, their thoughts are a bit of a mystery.

I would say this is because we simply have to many characters, I can’t keep track of most of them. Often when a name comes up in a chapter I end up asking myself if its a new character or not, as i am unable to remember all these names. The lack of development comes from the fact that we are to busy jumping around through different perspectives to actually learn about the characters. 

Not to mention, that a lot of the characters are rather redundant so far. Mostly the other dungeons and the people involved with them. I don’t mind hearing about them, but there seems to be too much focus on these characters. Although, we haven’t from them so much lately, which is good. Means there is more space for the more important stuff.

TL;DR

So:

- Grammer = Good

- Style = meh, i liked it

- Story = alright, but its getting better

- Characters = passable, needs more work

= Its a good novel and everyone should read it.