What young boy doesn't crave adventure? What young man doesn't wish to be a superhero?
But time marches on, and life grows dull with responsibility. Is it any wonder that old dreams are forgotten?
Welcome to The Law of Averages: In which a man is dragged solidly out of his comfort zone. Be careful what you wish for, you never know when it will come true.
This story follows Daniel Newman as he adjusts to a strange new world. One where superpowers are for sale, where heroics are frowned upon, and where life is constantly defying Daniel's expectations. Dan always thought that he was destined to be normal, but one world's normal is another world's special.
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First, ignore the first chapter. The first chapter gives you the idea that this fiction is mostly science-fiction - which it is not - which people may not want to read for many reasons. This is a Isekai story of an alternative Earth, where super powers are real.
It's well written, and the alternative earth makes mostly sense for the story.
My only problem is the main character. He is very... unstable. In one moment he behaves and is treated like a clown, in the next he is scheming and planning with the best. In one moment he is paranoid, in the next he acts like a vigilante in a world where they are treatet like Villians. He is supported to be the average American citizen, which I could not see anywhere... though, to be fair, I'm not American. But it's a freaking wonder that America still exists if he is the typical citizen.
Do you enjoy pathetic MCs?
Do you enjoy reading a story about the average person getting super powers, but the story isn't actually about super powers and more of the MC doing everything except his super power and just being a spineless, weak wimp with no actual aim in general?
Yea you will enjoy this story then, because merciful heavens... this MC is so useless and bland atm.
He spends more time going from one emotion crutch to another than exploring his powers. Claims to want to be the hero and change the world for the better yet stays spineless and wimps out too much. Has the ability to teleport literally across the solar system at will yet story is limited in any form of exploration. Instead of trying to actually write a story about an average person, author seems more focused on making a very realistic setting but unrealistically gimping the MC in every way possible. MC just feels bland and 2 dimensional in general, limited to the "lazy, lack of any drive and is a wimp but has OP powers " stereotype like some badly written anime protagonist, little character growth so far as of Ch 55.
Perhaps this may just be a slow plot, but this feels a bit too slow. Might take a few years for this story to get to the point where MC becomes actually fun to read.
I'm currently on chapter 24.
The biggest issue I have with Daniel is that he doesn't explore his power. He's always dreamed to be hero. And now that he has the power to do so, what does he do? Nothing with it. He doesn't try to come up with new ways or plan ideas around his powers. He doesn't see if he can try to make his power stronger. He doesn't think about what his strengths or his weaknesses are. The scientist had to force Daniel to experiment on what his power's limitations and Daniel complained the entire time. It feels like he's just waiting for other people to do things for him. I don't understand why he's trying to train his body (besides being a plot device to meet an obviously attractive woman to serve as his love interest).
It's possible that Daniel is written this way to show his character growth, but it's still really annoying to read. The writing is good, and it has potential.
Most of the story is interesting adventure, but there are some long period of bland drama that bring down the interest.
The numbers of characters is good, and they are fairly varied and interesting. The bad guys are pretty good, although I was expecting some stronger shades of grey rather than such black and white. Skill development of main character was alright but we aren't treated to much skill developments overall - the other characters held little interest in this regard.
His hysterical reactions to minor events seems a bit odd - you arrive at a different planet and see a news story about some people dying and you become an emotional wreck?
Overall a pleasant read, but I started skipping over the bland drama several times.
Review as of CH.16:
The author leads in with a well written hook, pulling the reader into a fleshed out world. They are versed in the use of proper spelling, grammar, and literary devices. The story lacks the feel of a professionally edited serial, but does maintain a high standard grammatically. The author obviously proofreads their work for any obvious mistakes, and it shows.
The style of the story is intentionally bland and boring to start off. The author does a great job of conveying apathy via tone rather than exposition. As of chapter 16 the story is starting to pick up slightly. Daniel starts to slowly morph away from his initial average, developing nice things like opinions and a spine. That said, Daniel does come off the starting line as a truly two-dimensional character. Forget redeeming attributes or interesting quirks. Expect a total lack of substance from the main character for around the first hundred pages. Despite the negative connotations this has, in context it comes across as intentional and leaves the door wide open for plot-shaking levels of character development moving forward.
The story is enjoyable to read, despite the long windup towards primary character development. Secondary characters have depth, motive, and interesting quirks; frequently moreso than Daniel. Despite the advent of superpowers being a slight Deus Ex Author with the appropriation of "Cosmic Radiation" as a cause, the worldbuilding forms a solid backbone to an already enjoyable story.
Overall, I enjoy what has been written so far. Points off in story and character due to the issues mentioned above; however, that may change in the future depending on the direction the author develops.
I look forward to seeing more of mcswazey's great writing.
Style: The writing style is easy to read and understand, not fancy but with decent phrasing. In short, it neither stands out nor detracts from reading.
Story: This pacing is slow, not buts about it. The extended prologue lasts for at least 10 chapters, I’d say even longer before any real action occurs in the new dimension. Also, some conversations last a long time, taking up a full or even beyond a chapter. But similarly, long trains of narration without dialogue or even action aslo occur. So some balancing is needed to make the progression more dynamic. The alternate world/dimension is interesting, but it feels lacking in parts. For instance, even though the worlds are said to be alike, it oddly feels like all the people know of Dan’s Earth far too well. Although I’m not so keen on the modern day superhero kind of story even though this has some sci-fi elements thrown in, the idea isn’t too common. But the idea of becoming that superhero rather than living an ordinary life is all too clear and expected.
Grammar: Pretty good. I can see the author makes an effort to polish his work.
Character: Dan is the complete opposite of OP MC as it gets. Countless times the reader is reminded of how plain, boring and lazy of a man he is without ambition. This makes it feel very staged in and of itself as well as the actions he take which are sometimes opposite of it or simply deviates from this crafted image. To me, he comes across as actually somewhat childish in his reactions. He gets easily annoyed, bored, frightened, and pleased, literally like a child including the lollipop he took. He has spurts of wanting to be more than average, to be a hero. But in his first attempt, he throws up and knocks himself out and somehow knocks out the armed offender too. At the very least, this attempt is realistic in terms of the narrative we are told of him. But it doesn’t make it any less inconsistent in how his character is being described. It all feels very staged. Now in a sense this ‘plain’ character makes for good character development, but rather than development, this is more formation of one as Dan never really had a sound character and understood personality in the first place. The story attempts to delve into his mind and past a little, but to little success or significant content gained. Most of the time it’s the rehash of average life, kinda want to be more than average now because I have powers.
Overall: The ideas aren’t bad, but unfortunately the characters aren’t gripping and act in staged ways. The events and characters actions as well are expected and therefore lacks excitement. There’s some humor, but it often feels stale or not taken complete use of its potential. This story DOES get better as one goes along. But it’s quite painfully slow when it doesn’t have to be even while keeping the idea of step by step narration and plain to hero character development. In short, I’d like to continue, but if a story after 20 chapters still moves in this slow manner without anything to really to thrill (suspense, thought provoking, surprise), then I’d rather not spend all the time getting to when the story really begins. This happens to be one of them where the subpar execution unfortunately detracts from the greater potential of the story.
While I enjoy the story kinda like how one enjoys junk food, we know it's sucks but we continue anyway. So many of these entries to the story are a paragraph spread out across eight chapters. The most recent one being a good example. We learned next to nothing new and read absolutely nothing good.
Mcswazey, my guy, you need to learn how to cut out filler. 3 years of writing this story and your (unfortunately) only getting worse! What would have been 1 chapter 3 years ago is now an entire 30-60 chapter story arc! Okay that's a bit of an exaggeration,it's more like 6-9.
This is something I'm struggling with while rewriting my story as well. Figuring out how to maintain good pacing for your story. It started out slow and it's only getting slower.
My advice? Speed things up. Waiting 1 week+ for a "chapter" that is only the beginning of a chapter for literally every other book is insane. By speed things up I don't mean release chapters faster just cram more stuff on there. You already have a great world to work with, so stop building on it. The most important thing in writing (to me) is to know when to start, and when to stop. Right now you NEED to stop. Less is more, give us less detail and more story.
I bet that if you do this you'll find that writing your chapters is faster and keeping your readers is easier. The whole conclusion to the Dunkirk arc from the point he starts making a deal with Dan to when he is thrown in jail could easily be one chapter.
Another thing, GET RID OF UNNECESSARY POV CHANGES!!! They slow down the story even further and just add nothing but filling to the very bloated pie you call a book. We don't need Galeforces POV on the fight he had with a mutant if your going to tell us what happened anyway the very next chapter making everything you just wrote pointless.
Id recommend you stop and read your own story from the start to where you are now. This will give you time to think of what direction you want to go with it. So far the entirety of your book can easily be condensed down to 80 chapters just by scooping out all the filler that drags it down.
Now on to the MC, Dan. Oh boy does Dan drag the story down. He is like sandpaper while the rest of the characters are cotton. Cotton is soft and fluffy (the characters are enjoyable) but full of pointy seeds(flaws). However with time the seeds can be removed to make the final product (the story) the cotton makes enjoyable. But the sandpaper (Dan) wears everything down. It's use degrades the final product worse. In other words, Dan needs to go back to the drawing board. His personality is all over the place. One moment he can barley stomach violence, the next he blows up a house with a tree and rips a mama organs right out of his body.
Now you can't say I didn't read your story so I can't understand what your trying to make. I've been keeping up with the books updates for the past year and a half. As of right now I finished reading chapter 134. As someone who enjoys the story (however subtly, bloated, and slowly) your trying to tell please take my criticism not as hate but as a way to improve. My first draft for my story (that I'm still working on) sucked. But with criticism from family, friends, and the occasional stranger at my writing group my story has worked on all the negatives until they become a positive.
thanks for reading my long review and have a excellent day.
I had such hopes for this story. There is so many good ideas and the characters are quite good with interesting relationship. When I started the story I was hyped but just nothing happened.
I stop at Book 2, I'm just bored reading this. Most of the chapters are useless and could be easily replaced with one or two phrases. And the few times something actually happen, the consequences vanishes after 5 chapters or just take ages to appear (with random training, side quest, etc.. in the middle).
This story is really good but it really need an overall plot to make the character move, and the plot need to move quicker than something interesing every 20 chapters.
Apart from that the story is good on every point, it just need a plot.
As of chapter 14 there hasn’t been a lot of action. This is on purpose, in the world the author has created, while extra human modifications are popular, downright superhuman powers are considered gauche are restricted by the government. Action involves villains and society wants none of that.
Enter Daniel, a man who has lucked into having a full blown teleportation skills, not just the common line of sight. Daniel dreams of being a superhero but this world no longer wants superheroes.
It is a fun story so far. More character building and world building than action scene after action scene. And while it does show a sign if picking up, I have to admit I like the quiet pace of self-improvement and introspection so far.
The MC is a dishrag for all the agency in his life when he is, ostensibly, one of the most powerful supers in existence. This is when he's not reacting to something with the emotional maturity of a toddler.
A literal anime character was added for seemingly no reason, and he's plot cancer. He exists to push the MC into more situations because natural escalation of events isn't something that happens in this world.
Speaking of the world, it is filled with cardboard cutouts masquerading as people. They are generic stand-ins, surface deep at best.
All of this would irk less if it wasn't so painfully slow.