(ON HIATUS) Immortal Mage

by edwardcastle

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Fantasy LitRPG Magic Male Lead Martial Arts Reincarnation Secret Identity Strategy Strong Lead Wuxia

ON HIATUS UNTIL REWRITE

ON HIATUS UNTIL REWRITE

ON HIATUS UNTIL REWRITE

Formerly an Origin Immortal, Aaron Ironblood went to a foreign universe, conquered a world in it, and went for the next challenge.

Now reborn in a place where magic reigns supreme, he must once again rise to the peak to save first the world and then, the universe itself.

Follow Aaron as he employs eons of experience to master magic, crush all opposition, and conquer all in his path.


OP MC is OP
- The main character has some morals
- Wuxia/Xianxia elements (including flashy martial arts later in the story)
- LitRPG/GameLit world with game-like windows and game-like skills (e.g. Check Level skill)


This fiction will never be removed from Royal Road.
Even if I decide to sell it as a book or something, all chapters shall remain available here for free, and keep being released until the story is complete.
Pauses might happen if needed, but I will finish the story.

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edwardcastle

edwardcastle

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Chapter 1 - Departure ago
Chapter 2 - Brave New World ago
Chapter 3 - Mana Pool ago
Chapter 4 - Spells ago
Chapter 5 – Firestar ago
Chapter 6 - Meeting the Competition ago
Chapter 7 – Magic Studies ago
Chapter 8 - On Artificing ago
Chapter 9 - Seeds ago
Chapter 10 - The Immortal Crusade ago
Chapter 11 - The Old Days ago
Chapter 12 - Ambush ago
Chapter 13 - The Truth ago
Chapter 14 - Looting ago
Chapter 15 - Covering the Tracks ago
Chapter 16 - Night at the Unleaving Forest ago
Chapter 17 - Demonic Energy ago
Chapter 18 - Angry Duke ago
Chapter 19 - Leaving the Unleaving Forest ago
Chapter 20 - Lamia ago
Chapter 21 - Shopping District ago
Chapter 22 - Interesting ago
Chapter 23 - Shopping Spree ago
Chapter 24 - City Lord's Men ago
Chapter 25 - Battle ago
Chapter 26 - Phantom Realm ago
Chapter 27 - A Moment of Respite ago
Chapter 28 - Night Visit ago
Chapter 29 - Planning ago
Chapter 30 - Onward to the White Sea City ago
Chapter 31 - First Training Sessions ago
Chapter 32 - Wyvern Pass Fort ago
Chapter 33 – Colonel Eminence Deadfire ago
Chapter 34 - The Wyvern Pass ago
Chapter 35 - On Energies and the Universe ago
Chapter 36 - Death's Shadow Mountains ago
Chapter 37 - On Prophecies ago
Chapter 38 - Asserting Dominance ago
Chapter 39 - A Test ago
Chapter 40 - Fly, You Fools ago
Chapter 41 - Chase ago
Chapter 42 - The Ancient ago
Chapter 43 - Supreme Dragon Slaying Formation? ago
Chapter 44 - Formation, Activate! ago
Chapter 45 - Flying Continent ago
Reviews

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Psiioniic
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Immortal Mage, Fatal Naivety

Review as of CH. 17

Despite the title, story avoids most cliche traps and starts off on the right foot. The tone is rather forced initially; however, it settles in well and is rather enjoyable to read. The caveat to that description is the worldview and personality exhibited by Aaron, the protagonist.

Aaron is a self described immortal, survivor of countless battles and manipulator of cosmic energies. Despite his supposedly advanced worldview, he falls for simple tricks and is rather out of touch with reality. The author has no trouble connecting the different parts of a complex world yet seems to run into a roadblock when incorporating that 'bird's eye view' mentality.

The author WANTS you to see Aaron as the reincarnation of someone who fought his way to the top of the totem pole in Earth's universe while surviving trials, tribulations, plots, and infinite tides of cosmic lemmings. While reading the story; though, the reader feels that he errs more towards the Mad Scientist archetype than the battle hardened immortal (Compare Ben, "The Immortal Scientist" with Dirge, "Devourer of Destiny").

Lastly, his reactions are all over the place. It feels as though the author has a personality in mind for the character but keeps superimposing their own personal morality over the top. Aaron is constantly hitting extremes in multiple directions when responding to situations. He brushes off the scheming of his teacher as 'for the family', then barely a sentence later vows revenge against that same teacher because his father was involved. This takes place despite seeing little emotional interaction between him and his family beyond the sacrifices they make to help Aaron gain power early on.

The grammar and spelling is of a fairly high quality, despite the lack of proper editing. The style and execution of the story is well thought out and includes interludes from other points of view throughout. The story is currently being held back by the lack of secondary character development and the lack of proper short term goalsetting for the protagonist.

Despite these flaws, the story reads well. The concept is well thought out with complex worldbuilding and plenty of room for development in the future.

I look forward to it.

Ibskib
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Flawed, repetitive writing, telling not showing

The variation on the reincarnation trope is neat, but the story has a lot of problems.
As the author say, he's not a native English speaker, which is painfully obvious in places, with awkward sentences and weird word choices (Unleaving forest...really?), not to mention the grammar errors (such as mixing up on - in). He needs a proofreader or two that can point out when something doesn't work in English and to criticize characterisation, story-flow, catch repetitive language etc.

   The writing is really repetitive, for one he keep mentioning the ranks again and again, yes, I get that this world has a rigid caste system, but it seems like the author is so busy mentioning it again and again that most characters have little personality outside their power level, continually telling the reader how powerful someone is, rather than just showing it through their actions.

It makes combat really boring, both because of the nonsensically long spell names, but also the constant list of everyone's levels, something that adds nothing to the scene, but just breaks the narrative flow.

I get it, that the protagonist is OP, but that's no reason to turn him into a Gary Stu where the author spend every chapter telling the reader how awesome he is, and how much more he is than he is showing.
Just boring... and that's not getting into how much of an idiot the protagonist acts as, if he's supposed to be some kind of ancient immortal mage, he must have alzheimer's.
The characterisation is all over the place.

Frankly if character wank and talk about power levels were removed there would be less than 10% plot and actual characterisation left. And a little bit of honest dialogue, but not much since most dialogue are just wankish monologues in some form or awkward attempts at humor that create tonal whiplash.

cheeto97
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Interesting start that isn't common in most reincarnation stories. The author goes into just the right amount of detail to explain the magic and leveling system without simply saying 'because magic' or wow that's too much detail. The explanations were thoughtful and made a scientific sort of sense.

This is more a gamelit story as the leveling and skills are minimal but that makes sense for the character and how the world is set up. Don't expect large status windows with a lengthy list of characteristics and points. However there is a status window with basic attributes.

Roxt
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While looking for more to read this cought my eye, I expected to grow to hate the protagonist fairly quickly... so far, not yet. ;)

Thanatos010
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I read the first version and I thought it was fine, the characters are not bad and if the mc was fairly focused on research i could see how some stuff slipped past him, so far the new version seems about the same, but with slightly better decisions. I like your book and hope you continue the good work. This book has an interesting and fairly well thought out cast of characters and an intriguing story, the endgoal and how he gets there seems very interesting to me. I have not noticed any major flaws in the grammar, but its been a while since I read most of the book, and there was a rewrite. The style is not bad, but I didn't find it particularly unique. Overall a pretty good story.

Waffle(est)
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Story is held together by plot armor only.

The mc is disadvantaged to the point that he simply cannot survive without plot armor. It is hard to attribute any success to the MC because so many of the things he does rely so heavily on luck. When he does survive the method is often barely explainable by logic and comes off as a forced contrivance.

The mc is of course born with knowledge from previous life and has an intrinsic advantage, the author seems to be trying to compensate and is overdoing it. In an effort to add tension, I would guess, there are enemies way beyond his league who learn of him early (so that the reader can feel the pressure) and yet wait just long enought to act that he somehow survives (its impossible for the MC to beat them yet because their entire point is that they are overwhelmingly powerful yet the MC must survive for the story to continue so they simply take ages to respond and send underqualified underlings to deal with the issue).

Also, i read the beginning before the major edits and altho having the story change after you read it is a bit annoying the edits really were needed. Having the ancestor randomly set up and betray the MC is just nonsense that defies comprehension. (theres need for more really but definitely moving in the right direction)

DaruneAlbane
  • Overall Score

Very good setup nice to have an OP MC where they still need to work hard and with the setup you can keep on "reseting" the story

Pietje1324
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I actually liked this story up to 29/9/2018 chapter 18, when chapter 19 came out the author changed multiple plotpoints with it. This made the story, that up until then had the MC come off as somewhat more human because even our almighty MC could get blindsided, seemingly turn into the standard know it all that is in control of every situation when he doesn't seem to have the right to.

Hence my 1 star review, maybe a bit low. But the potential entertainment loss make me kind of bitter about it.

dougs
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enjoying the story - just read the first 25 chapters !  Thanks for posting

Sky3Fall
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I really like the concept and direction you're going in. The backstory you wrote leaves a lot of wriggle room, which is a really good thing in a story. I can't really say much more due to there only being the prolouge and two chapters, but keep it up :D.