The Good Necromancer
- Traumatising content
Hundreds of years ago, shortly after the Great Cataclysm which destroyed the Ancient World, was the Age of Heroes. One of these great heroes started off in the most hated profession of the time, Necromancer. Join him and his comrades as they accomplish the first of the Good Necromancers legendary tasks.
So, quick update for those who pay attention to this section. I'm finally coming out of finals for this semester, and I plan on getting the whole already posted section revised. It's taken me a while to change the necessary things, as I had to start all the way over, but I've at least got the rough drafts for all the revised chapters. These should be going up within the next week or so, still have to go to work, but I am here, I haven't forgotten or dropped the story. Just trying to make this the best work that I can produce.
P.S. I will be releasing additional stories. They are all going to be in the Good Necromancer world, however the others will give you an idea on how humans in other locations survived and have thrived. Or not. =)
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I thought I could handle it honestly. But I couldn't, not by a longshot.
The premise of the work is novel: What happens to the Necromancer that decides to do good?
Royal Road and many other places have seen Necromancers as selfish pseudo-slave-owners, but Daniel is trying to break the mould here with the author's insistence of him remaining true to the peaceful and devout worship of eternal rest.
The story moves at a distinctly rapid pace. Or, it would, if the author didn't love exposition so much.
So much information is crammed needlessly at the start of the story. I am reminded of reading through game guides or cheat sheets of information intended to be used in min-maxing a character.
The prologue is somewhat detached, from both the story and the style of writing. The first chapter, or should I say the first flashback, is riddled with exposition. If it would be spread better throughout the story instead of dumped all at once, people could maybe take a breath between reading upon encyclopedic explanations of terms.
The author often makes basic grammatical mistakes, usually in the form of misplaced apostrophes for possessives and plurals. Other times, we are privy to cut-off sentences or dialogue that could be formatted better. I'd say a proofreader could fix 90% of the grammatical errors in their first read-through. If that is fixed in the final, private version of the fiction (which I assume exists), then that is great. If not, I'd urge the author to start doing it.
The main character is decently built in the first few chapters, based on what little information is not exposition. His point of view allows for a good estimation of his character, but it doesn't provide much content beyond that, and a lot of what he says should be referred more in his mannerisms rather than dialogue.
The dialogue is messy, often too cookie-cutter and formulaic. The characters' dialogue sounds like a single person's sometimes. Sometimes they sounded like reading off a grocery list to me. A lot of dialogue centres on getting the reader up-to-date, but it can sound overdone, eerily reminiscent of NPCs in a game.
I'm conflicted about which score I should give. If there's a time when I revisit the start of this fiction (which I'm basing the review on, the first seven chapters), I'll also reconsider my score accordingly.
Very interesting magic system and amazing characters which have depth. Would recommend.
Read up to Alyssa's Flashback pt.1 (chapter 14).
5 starts is a perfect from me. Which nothing is. 2.5 is an average score. And I don't count grammar in the overall score unless it's atrocious.
Style: Author's style favors expostion. Which is fine. I think there's a good balance with the dialogue. I do however notice that everything is going the MC's way. Now I mean this in the sense that it's effectively Deus ex machina, so stuff will happen in a way that's convenient for the character (admittedly there hasn't been much so far, but I see it happening), or the author. The latter I think is a bigger a problem as the author is effectively writing his way around problems that don't fit his narrative. Examples will be mentioned in the other sections.
Story: Similar to many stories we're seeing now in that its main focus is a subversion of tropes in some kind of fantasy land. Not bad, and I'd like to see where the author's going as few authors manage to get anywhere. That said there are some issues.
First off, Electricity does not work. There's no explanation for this other than that's a consequence of the return of magic. Which is effectively an "I said so" by the author. This bothers me because electricity is, is really a fundamental part of our world. I have to make a lot of assumptions to deal with this and effectively justify the authors world to myself when the author should be doing that through his writing. I have to assume this accounts for lightning and static electricity too as I have a hard time believing people just gave up on it and threw the old world away like is depicted. And what about lightning magic? Is that a thing? Again, I'd assume so, but then why can't the just use mages as power generators?
A more believable option is the "magic EMP" scenario. The author mentions this, but discards it as "no one really knows teehee pero~" like it's a good excuse for writing out a fundamental universal force. Which tells me the author didn't want to deal with tech, and so wrote it all out.
Secondly, the class system if you can call it that. People get classes and mix and match them for special combos. This is a pointless gimmick as from all the class/skill descriptions it seems more like a job description than something that offers unique benifits to the user. There also seems to be a set number of classes which wouldn't be weird if they were all general things that people evolved with their experience and skills, but some are oddly specific, and some are things like "ninja," and "samurai" which don't fit the theme at all. So it's just a collective mish-mash of what the author thought was cool and everything else that doesn't get classes and is thus not part of his story.
But wait! Apparently there are still classes to discover! This just comes off as the author giving himself an out for people with special classes to appear when he was so specific introducing them earlier. Also it appears the guildhall has rooms for "every" class to advance. This doesn't make sense as one, it'd tell everyone what classes are available, and two, the building would need to be huge to just hold all those rooms. Should have just had a magic door that require a class "key" or something that then transports the user to the relevant test. There, one room instead of the mess it is right now.
Grammar: It's fine. Nothing glaring that makes it unreadable, or annoying to read.
Characters: Personality wise they all seem okay. None are cookie cutter tropes (so far), and they all seem fairly distinct in the story. The main issue I have is how days after meeting the main character EVERY SINGLE ONE is like "How do I become a necromacer dur hur." When we've just read through chapters worth of material describing the challenges nercomancers face personally, and how the world currently views them (hint: not well). It's some kind of BS that's all I'll say.
A better option would be to partially force them to become necromancers in the city when they realise just how inadequate they are to deal with the threat with the MC being the only reason they're still alive.
Review as of Ch.13/Pg.108
Daniel takes a great approach to a classic genre pick: How will a morally upright practicioner of dark magicks face the adversity of a changing world. Let's find out.
The author creates a narrative that revolves around current events interspersed with flashbacks and memories using a first person point of view. Daniel does a wonderful job of diving straight into the action creating a wonderfully bleak landscape populated by well rounded and emotionally fleshed out characters. The initial arc brings the reader in seven years after the world changes; a wonderful stylistic choice that has allowed the story to avoid many of the cliches that plague others in the genre.
The author clearly has a well rounded grasp on the English language and is able to use it to convey the story to the reader using wonderful imagery and a wide vocabulary. Grammatical mistakes do exist, despite being few and far between. They do not significantly detract from the reading experience, and are simply a result of a lack of consistent editing. The score in this category would be bumped up if the author came to grips with more advanced literary devices and punctuation conventions. The story is well written and of a far higher quality than most, however; implementing the items mentioned would improve it further.
The setting, power system, and history have all been well thought out and feel natural in context. The decisions that the characters make fit with their portrayed mentalities and motives while feeling cohesive and creative. Daniel's choice to timeskip to well after the apocalyptic adjustments to society and catch the reader up as the story progresses is done well. It allows the story to flow within an apocalyptic scenario rather than focusing on the upheaval and change caused by a magically merged earth. The hybridization of traditional mythology and classic fantasy magical elements with fresh magical means and occupations makes for a good read and avoids the stale feel that many stories fall into due to a lack of creativity when writing a magical world.
The characters that readers have met so far during the story are well written with consistent motives. Often times characters are given depth through a memory or flashback of an event they feel strongly emotional about giving readers a sense of their alignment and personality beyond simple description. They act within the readers expectations given their portrayed motives while maintaining individuality and emotional awareness. The author also avoids the mistake of introducing too many characters too quickly and any short term characters are given greater impact due to the well thought out emotional responses they elicit from the main character. There is still room for improvement in character development, especially for the main character. Little is seen of his backstory beyond magical training and a vague impression of his emotional character from his responses to events. The story is only a hundred pages in as of this review, and this may rise or fall depending on the direction the author takes the story in the future.
Awesome Take on necromancers, I have high hopes for the future of this story.
Awesome story. Good writing. Keep it up
Love the story! Its great that we dont need to read the full training arc and that you started the story a couple of years after the emergence.
Furthermore I highly recommend reading this story to anyone who enjoys good grammar and an original story line.
There is very little I can find wrong with this story. To the point that if I were being really nitpicky I might find slight grammar mistakes. Honestly though it's something that I easily missed and only noticed if I looked for it.
The author places a lot of thought in how everything fits together. I especially like his take on necromancers and the amount of variety in development he came up with. To avoid ruining the whole thing I'll just mention briefly that the story determines that a necromancers real job is to put the dead to rest and that most cases involving actually raising the dead tend to be against the rules of necromancy. That isn't too say bringing the dead to life is ALWAYS evil, just that there are rituals and circumstances that must be observed before the act is allowed.
This is just ONE small facet of the detail involved in the story. If you pay attention you can spot many things that normally never even get mentioned in a majority of stories on this website.
If I were to say one thing that might not be as enjoyable as everything else in the story, it would be that the prologue is an infodump to give the history of the world and catch readers up to current events. Chapter one is an infodump as well, but it is more appropriately written. It gives you the information but did a better job at feeling like the story then the prologue does.
So far the main character is just meeting his future companions and they are just getting to know each other, so I can't say much on character development yet. However, even the small taste I have had in the first 10 or 11 entries of this story are teasing at a lot of possible backstory.
There seems to be a lot of potential for adventures and trouble in equal measures for them as well. Racism... er classism? Well, people hating other people for stupid reasons, monsters hating people for selfish reasons, and generally not enough love is going around for the world our friends are in for things to be happy--go-lucky for anyone, and I'm excited to see what the author has planned for our main characters in order to solve this problem!
I definitely recommend reading this.
The class system is in-depth and well explained. I really like the magic system you have implemented and your writing style really complements your story. Overall this is a great story that I highly recommend and I hope it gets many more chapters
Theres a couple of things that aren't so great. The story so far has bern pretty heavy on exposition, but there is only a few chapters so far, so i hope that its only a beginning thing.
The other thing is the changing of perspective. Sometimes we get a first person perspective, at others a third person. This is often pretty confusing, and will throw the reader off for the first few sentences.