Every year, people from all over the world between late 14 and late 16 are chosen to participate in the legendary tournament held by Schwan Enterprise; The Rise of the Black Swan. With the aid of the newborn "Magic & Skills", the challengers every year pursue their desires. With certain limitations and rules, the "Participants" are free to roam as they wish.
The Siblings Engel and Brunnhildr Falsch, neglected by their newlywed father and living a life of trust in each other, decided to register in the Rise of the Black Swan Tournament to pursue their dream of an independent life. Both being sellected as participants, decide to aim for the top and win the Tournament... But they never expected their adventure to become an impressive race in other world.
PS: The [Prologue] is a little bit strange, please bear it and read the next chapter.
PS II: In certain parts, it may become cringeworthy so bear them too. 'tis my first fic after all.
PS III: There's a little part about incest, be warned.
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Okay, before anything else 2 things I want to establish:
1. I loved this story! I enjoyed the plot progression and the characters.
2. BECAUSE I loved this, I am going to be harsh, in the hopes that this will help you.
Style: Your style, while as a whole, is good, possibly even great, there are the minor issues that keep you from being PERFECT! This is achievable, but very difficult. What you do good: You write an engaging story, with (mostly) believable characters, with a few quirks here and there that make them a little less relatable. What you do not so well: At times when you are writing the story, you skip around, time jump, fall back into flashbacks, then move into the present, only to go back into the past the next chapter! At other times, you seem to be writing a separate storyline into the story that couldn't possibly be occurring at the same time, unless there was the theory of alternate realities. Plausible, but not stated. 4.5/5
Story: I got nothing on this. Keep up the good work.
Grammar: Sorry to be the Grammar Nazi here, but this is undoubtedly the biggest part holding your story back. At times, you mix up the ordering of words in your sentences, at others, you flip the way the word is spelled, so the letters inside a given word are all scrambled. Rarely does this interfere with understanding, but it requires one to pause and ponder upon the sentence. Other times, you use phrases that have similar english equivalents, but sound odd the way you phrased them. Finally, the curses you use at times are... odd to say the least. If you take each chapter and run it through an American or British English based word processor the quality of your works could increase immensely. Or, you could do what a lot of others do, and ask for an editor to help you edit your works. A lot of people would surely offer for a story as good as this one. But this part is the part that drags your story down the most. As a whole though, your story is still readable, it just takes more effort in certain parts, until you adapt to the writing style. 3/5
Characters: This part, is done pretty well. A few minor issues with fleshing characters that aren't in the main cast out at times, and others where the characters seem to blend together, and you can't really tell who is who, but these issues are largely mitigated by your frequently updated character page, so this part is much less of an issue/worry got you. 4/5
I like the characters and the plot, it seems alive somehow... dunno how to say it but its a great story.
I have read up to chapter 5 and will likely read a few more later but I just want to say that this novel has HUGE grammar issues. There are way too many misspelled words or awkward sentences throughout every chapter and it becomes very distracting. So far, every single review has praised the story for being interesting or having great characters, which is likely true, but I just want to let both the author and the readers know that a proofreader/editor is desperately needed. I implore the author to seek help or just proofread his work so that more people can enjoy his story. Every single chapter that I have read so far feels like a very rough, 1st draft copy.
“As I told that to everyone, all gathered around him with the interrgant of Engel in their heads.”
“Even if Engel strugged everything he could, this scientist guy scalated from his fingers to his elbows and knees… And…. Then after some days he started to sever complete limbs.”
“”People tell me a lot about it. But, if we are moving along the ropes, we won’t get where we want today. So, I must ask, what is doing, you majesty [Hakuhyou-Joou], here in [Muttsu]? Aren’t you suposed to be in [Hitotsu]?” I asked.”
“”I, of course and without a doubt will go with you.” Said Yozora with the slight doubt in his face, voice, mind and heart.”
The last one expresses clearly how improper wording can affect the readers. This line should’ve been written “… said Yozora without the slightest doubt in her face, voice, mind or heart.” Instead, not only did she turn into a he (“his”) but what she said contradicts how she is supposed to feel. Readers who read this might not catch this fact and come out thinking that Yozora was slightly doubting herself. plz, dear author, proofread your work!! other than that, I agree with your many readers, your story is great!
But its getting better with each character. I dont care if the MC is weak or OP, the important aspect is his mentality. He got it, now we have to wait for him to become strong! [ °O°]//
Really nice FF, will be following!
Its an amazing read, albeit with a few grammar issues. Nonetheless, the author tries to convey the story in an amazing way. Some chapters may confuse you, however what follows will be amazing. This deserves so much more attention, than it is actually worth. I mean come on, all the way from 2015 this author has been posting chapters. Amazing give this author a damn cookie for continuing on like a champ.
First.. This story is really good.. worth reading to
HAVE STRONG char too, esp the MC ( mental side / not naive ), and the story is pretty awesome..
and the plot is interesting...
Written at ch 6
this is something different in the "new world" genre. the mc isn't summoned or reborn like usual either. i like this new spin on the genre. now, onto the mc. i was kinda put off at first cause i thought he would be lame but we got to see his real personality pretty quickly and i quite like it. hes not cowardly like his appearance would suggest, hes quick witted and has a good leadership sense. we haven't seen much of the world yet but it seems interesting and i can see some stuff going on behind the scenes(loki) and im intrigued. though i do have one gripe and thats pov switches. they are abundant and its kind of a drag but i can put up with it cause the story is intriguing enough that i dont want to stop.
now to get back to reading lol
this story is filled with such colorful characters and has a wonderful plot. The wrighter exsentuate style character through a stark contrast of conflicts: conflicts with ones self, as well as conflict with the system of the ternement. Probably my favorite story thus far.
if you like OP MC, good fights, level ups and fantasy this story is for you, I definitely like it. It's a story how weakest and useless overcomes his weaknesses and cowardness and becomes strongest.
I really don’t know what to say other than its a good novel kind of like world gate online but more mature story and with a more op mc