Putting on a facade every day, hiding his true thoughts and lying like we all do.
Not wanting to get shunned, not brave enough to voice his true intentions or ideas he is but another face in the mindless masses.
What is someone like him going to do when he has the option to be someone else inside a Virtual Reality Game.
Is he going to be a Saint? Demon? Or just his pure and untainted self not restrained by society and its rules?
Warning: This is going to be my first story on here, mature language, gore and explicitly detailed deaths will be included so be warned.
Sexual content with descriptive writing will also appear at a later date so if you can't handle it please skip this story.
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There have been no updates lately, Is this dropped?
As i keep reading this i cant help but think im reading some kind of fusion between Zhan Long and Legendary Moonlight Sculptor but the Mc personality is pretty much different he is not a complete scumbag and lost cause like weed and he is not a godlike martial artist with the looks like Xiao Yao but thats my personal view and im saying this even without knowing if the author have already read something about this two novels…
Im liking this so far but can get even better thats why my pre-review with no detail will be a good 4.5
Onwards towards the full review for those who actually read reviews before reading a fanfic.
First of all im gonna say im hooked already so its hard to stop reading something only because i dislike how the author can be predictible pretty easy, so for those reading this lets begin:
Pretty well done with a little bit of problems when our dear author is working for the plot sake i can say that we will see some Deus ex along the way but thats the minor problem of the author. He is working pretty hard towards the plot sake and not looking at the bigger picture, there are many ways to reach a goal but ita only for those who can get the bigger picture.
So the story... what can i say if not for the plot sake this could be 5 stars but lets be honest:
I believe im not the only one who's beend able to predict future actions in the fanfic and sadly once again its plot sake fault...its good to have it already in mind but sticking only to one way is just...not surprising anymore.
I have not a single bit of q.q about this topic, everything is fine as far as i've been reading.
Easy to read and smooth flow good job on this one.
Well i must admit that the issue with our MC took me totally unguarded but there are some points you need to know before building a character with his kind of problem. Im not gonna say anything more about this because as it was a good surprise for me i also want new readers to find it interesting.
Sadly a side from our Mc we only have secondary characters...1 rival/antagonist maybe even the whole guild (tyrant of the western chu is that you?) And the newly added B!TCH spot wich is perfectly filled with our main heroine? I wonder...(Coiling dragon: Alice is that you? Thank god she was never spoken of again after knowing she was working at the art gallery she got the full karma for what she did.)
With all that said i already said this in a post but im reading this for the vengeance sake i love when our Mc is out for revenge...in any fanfic with that kind of building you will always find me.
With nothing more to say i would lime for people to give this a try you will pretty much get hooked around chapter 5 and 7 and it only gets better...except for 'x' amount of chapters from the ending of volume 2 thats when i started hating the Author but by no means i hate the story so far so hope this would help some of you guys ^^,
Style: I’d say that your style is not unique, but has the chemistry of multiple elements. The story has elements from multiple areas of writing, and seems to be heavily inspired by other novels that predate it. This in itself doesn’t decrease from your own writing, but it creates the illusion that we’re reading those stories, and can sometimes lead to people viewing your writing as less your own, even with it’s own unique points. We can see some of your style points in the main character, or your choices in coincidences, and then we some other styles in your secondary characters, such as what seems to be a choice pull from Zhan Long. I found there to be a large amount of choice inspirations in your story varying from partial inspiration, to full blown “I like this idea, it’s mine now”.
Story: I’m sure many of us have found the plot line easily guessable, in increments. While I’m sure there were and are slight twists in the story, they’re minuscule and don’t full change the plot in significant ways. If I had one title that could summarize this story, it’d be, “A series of fortunate events”. We can see the Main character doesn’t have a lack of money, and doesn’t seem to have ever had one, we see his weakness is only a real life defect, however this doesn’t affect him in game leading to a very poor development of what seems to be his true only weakness, that and the occasional cockiness. I’d like to point out that this cockiness isn’t really well founded on anything, and seems to be the shallowest point of the MC. Other then his social anxiety, there doesn’t seem to be any sort of weakness to the MC leaving his vulnerability factor at an all time low, leading to a poor relationship between the MC and the reader base. This series of fortunate events seems to occur as if luck hounds his very heels, and only when it goes to take a piss does he even get the slightest of bad luck. His unfortunate events are far and in-between, with no real struggle. He’s even gone and 3v1’d a group who had just killed him before. This group of people who are all above him in level, and have a class up on him, where all taken down in one fell swoop, without so much as a close call. I find the story easy to predict, the only unpredictable twist is a different name for an event or skill, and hard to read because of this ease. I also find his misfortune to balance his fortune sorely lacking.
Grammar: While reading the story up to the point I’m at, I have noticed very good grammar, and while there were small points that were lacking the appropriate spelling, leading to a misinterpretation, I found that in most cases, I read right over them, understanding what you were going for.
Character: The MC is the only so far fleshed out character, while our side or secondary characters have names, and maybe one attribute that defines them, it isn’t much to go on. We know the MC is rich, his parent(s) are paying for his living situation, likely for his college education, and they also bought him a game. We know the MC is slightly selfish person, like the rest of us, only willing to stay in contact with his parents to get something, showing a spoiled countenance. His weakness are small and shallow, while his strengths seem to only apply to his game character. He lives a double life, but not in the way most would expect. His double life is that all the things he wants to do in real life, he does in game, well not all, there are somethings such as his ability to stand up for himself(against really popular guys) that doesn’t seem to be affected by his social anxiety, which seems to only be affected by women. His weakness is to girls, big surprise, and he doesn’t seem to be overly dense, but many of his misfortune is caused by things within his control. For instance, once he bought the copper greaves and pushed past a certain rival, he then soon left the city, not even bothering to think about this event and not thinking that someone who was willing to threaten him might take it a step further. He also behaves in a cocky fashion in the game, although this isn’t at first based off of skill, and just seemed to be a plot point to lead him to be a careful and calculated person soon after. The secondary characters are very flat so far, and have no qualities that would give them any sort of a spirit. Their features are sometimes described, however they’re often just a passing point in the story to boost our characters ridiculous feats and personality. I find the MC to be lacking in depth, he seems to be overly shallow, and very reminiscent of Weed, while our secondary character are even shallower, bringing nothing to the story other then what feels like cardboard cutouts of people.
Overall, I found this story to have an okay style that brings in inspiration from other stories, while still trying to keep itself unique in some aspects. It has a boring story that’s easily predictable, with little to no world building other then it’s a virtual world, with some cities. It’s grammar is good, but it’s characters are a little shallow, lacking in both thoughtful exposition, and in their descriptive behavior, the story remaining in the background seems to its fate.
On one hand this is really cliche. On the other hand I read it all so you were doing something right. The snake lady stuff as well as his crazy rampages feel... off. He didn't react to them in a way I could believe. Screaming to the heavens sounds very dramatic but his personality didn't change that much after it.
Why am I reviewing a dead story? Because I read it and had something to say.
I really enjoyed the read... the MC has bloodlust issues, i wouldnt be surprised if he was a mass murderer like Jack The Ripper. I noticed some grammar mistakes but nothing big.
The story its epic in my opinion, the MC is starting to asimilate with the game character fusing the 2... i wonder if its only makoto or others players are having the same issue... A few words to describe the MC would be "Righteous Bloodthirsty Madman".
The Character of the MC is both pure and dark at the same time... its like you can kill something just like that, without any evil intent, you just killed it and nothing is wrong LOL
I don't ever comment on other peoples works; Its just how I am. Well, that and I hit a wall with my story so I'm kinda ducking peeps till I get back into it.
First, I just want to say I started reading chapter 1 today and finished all 38 chapters. Good thing it was the weekend or I would have had to call into work. I'll just say it kept me drawn in the whole time.
One thing I hate is to read the same story over and over again with just a slightly different twist and a few slight changes to a characters . I am insane about a very unique trait displayed in a character. It sucks so bad when humanity is so different , so diverse but when we are dribbled on to paper only a few pathetic traits of the common schmoes is repeated again and again. Oh, sorry about the rant. Just saying I love your MC and hate most everyone else s.
I'll leave it with this last note. What always bothered me about allot of VR genre is people are afraid to through their character into full plate or heavy gear because who doesn't want to be that spritely little fucker running around the battlefield chopping things up and never getting hit. Oh, but surprisingly when they do get hit by a massive blow from a boss they could brush it off better than proper armor and not get squashed like they should. Again a rant but I'm sorry. I like how you put your MC in some armor but also show him almost dying from one massive hit even though he is not a squishy. Even in a normal fight you show that even in armor you can get beat up. I like the better realism. Just so everyone knows I like to play a rouge most of the time. Yes I like running around the battle field chopping things up. If their is a way a to swords or axes duel wield style in a game with a rouge or similar avatar, i'll play that. From experiences most hits in most games aren't kind to the leather wearing folks even with high evasion/ reflex/ resistance/ whatever. Shit sorry... I dragged my self really deep and had to cut my rant and delete most of it. This should be about this author. Nice job dude.
Oh yeah before I forget. Most games shit (Yes, SHIT. Feel my contempt) out a dragon egg or dragon pet. Hopefully you haven't forgotten your spider egg because if its gonna be a pet, I am so glad it won't be a dragon? Seems like anyone can get a dragon in a story these days. If it is a pet, I can't wait to see it's personality.
I talk more because I really like your story but the one thing that bothered me was... AHhhhhh Fuck. Can't really find anything yet. I will be watching for it though. Mwa..Mwa...Mwahahahaha!!!
A good read, I like the characters inner struggle and his willpower over the beast inside him is exceptional, despite him losing it a few times. I remember him have nasty dreams with a voice telling him to rip and tear at flesh, could it be that this seemingly normal guy has an incredibly dark side to him? obviously lol.
Grammar does have issues but I think you should concentrate on just writing it all out for now, PR's and Editors come later. there were some spots where I felt the story moved too quickly, like how he actually got the game in the first place. I know how, but I feel like there should be more meat to that.
try not to throw away good supporting characters or antagonists, they are hard to replace lol.
The story is rather good and pritty well written and for my part atleast the author tryes his best with this darker theme and while he dosent really grab a hold of the whole thing, it is still really intresting, and a joy to read. i am by no means able to find any fault in this story alas just a tad repeatable at times, but that is fine i guess, but just as much dark emotions that shows i like that he puts in that "good" part now in the later chapters aswell :) all in all a well written and recomendable fiction :) over and out// a swedish fan
The style I enjoy it's very easy to follow for me (maybe not for others).
The story is interesting, however a few things seem to be a bit dull so a small reduce there nothing majorly dull though. You can still enjoy it.
The grammar only has some spelling errors and some other few things here and there wrong. It is easily readable.
The character is interesting as he has his kinks.
Also shuiko for the love of god why would you even compare works? That is not even fair to authors. Especially when comparing works to FC and Until Death? which are 2 of the best works on royalroad. Seriously don't do it.
Every author has their style and every work flows a different way. Don't compare works.
Instead of hating this story and downvoting peoples reviews that enjoy this story, how about you actually help the author and give feedback on why you dislike this story. If you're an author that made an account just to downvote top rated fictions because yours sucks compared to this, you really are despicable.
The way the story is written is absolutely amazing. The omotions of the character feel real and quite distinct. The way it is written is easy to understand and it's quite amazing that English isn't the authors native tongue.
The story is where this falls kinda short but with the most recent developments this could change dramatically. Though the character is naive at first and is easily betrayed, the way he reacts to it is the things that keeps the real world aspect of the story almost as interesting as the virtual world. But, the best thing about the story is that it focuses on character development. Though gaining items and stats is interesting and a part of the story, the way the main character learns from his experiences and the knowledge he ultimately gains is in my opinion one of the best parts of this story as a whole. The main character isn't perfect, and in fact is far from it. But, the story focuses on shaping him and molding him according to his experiences and this is the most beautiful aspect because the person he becomes is determined by these factors.
I haven't really seen any problems with the grammar, spelling, sentence structure, or paragraphing in this story. This area is sqeaky clean really.
As one of the most important parts of the story, it is also one of the best parts. The character acts like an actual college student would towards others. He is slightly perverted and his actions and feelings towards the other sex is realistic and entertaining in the same way. But, one of the biggest factors of his character is that he is kind of fucked up. He does some pretty cruel things and even though this seems random, the backstory to it is reasonable on why he acts like he does. The main character his many flaws, and these flaws are what makes the main character feel realistic because these flaws aren't uncommon and makes the character feel like a real human being. Yes, the main character is naive at first but through his experiences he learns from it and changes from it. Even though at first the main character seems overpowered, although his class seems OP, it comes with many weaknesses that are exploited. If you're looking for an OP main character, although this may tickle your fancy a bit, he still dies from things more powerful than him and doesn't kill any final bosses as a level 1. If you're looking for a good guy main character this isn't for you either. Though he does kill those who deserve death, he ultimately becomes a monster himself when killing them and doesn't deliver them justice right away and instead sometimes cruelly and brutally lets them die through other means. Ok saying the main character is batshit crazy at times is true but that's what keeps this main character fresh and intersting.
Overall and whether this is worth the read
Yes this is worth the read. The fact that I hesitated before reading this makes me feel somewhat depressed and I hope you don't make the same mistake. It's well written, the main character is interesting, and the story is pretty good. Though it is somewhat frustrating at some parts it is still good nonetheless.