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***WILL BE CONTINUED BY TheJuggernaut***WILL BE REMOVED FROM HERE TO THERE***
What are we but a collection of memories? Each, defining who we are and what we think.
But, what if we lost that mental capability, it being shattered almost beyond repair? Would we be the same people although we haven't 'experienced' anything? What would happen when an ordinary man dies, his memories of everything he cared about and loved taken away from him. Where only great pain and suffering could help him remember?
This is the story of a man who is named Azeal. Losing everything he was, he reverts to being a child. Yet, the world he lives in is not kind. It a dark world filled with death and destruction. Follow Azeal as he walks a path of mental and emotional instability as he finds who he was and accomplishes his greatest goal; to protect his family from evil and darkness.
Amazing cover was done by Wizard-Hunter on Wattpad! Simply Amazing!
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The writing is okay (the tone is a bit too melodramatic for me sometimes), the premise seems good, but there is very little story progession and the story is told by sometimes 3 different POVs in one chapter. Most of the characters' POV don't add much to the story and the charcters are not memorable (probably because there are just too many that are crammed in too close to each other).
I did not read all of the chapters that are out (32) and stopped at 22, because the whole chapter was another POV from a character that hadn't been introduced or alluded to yet, after the last chapter ended in a POV from a different character that also had not been introduced before that. So in 22 chapters there were POVs from at least 9 different characters, excluding the MC.
What I remember:
Goddess, Harold, daughter 1, daughter 2, Undiel, throwaway mercenary, some king somewhere, some slave somewhere, and whoever was in ch 22
That is just too much. I woudn't be surprised if there is more text from other POVs than from the MC.
This story could be amazing. Could.
The constantly shifting POV is annoying to say the very least. Most of the POVs do server to broaden the world, but there is a huge amount of telling in that.
There biggest problem I have is with the style. I don't even have the words to decribe it. It reminds me of a bible. The same older, prechy kinda of tone.
I would score it lower, but there is a story trying to claw its way out of the language. It gets a decent score for effort, and the author has made serious comment on trying to improve.
(To the Author: Focus on the characters a bit. Each one has the same tone. The dialog is in the exact same style of the narration. Which is fine if its a 1st person.)
Think of this as a walkthrough. A guide that tracks this story through it's chapters, noting the flaws and improvements. Instead of doing a review that says "It gets better later on", this will instead provide insight into the story.
Chapters 1 - 10.
These are the roughest parts of the story. The author is blatently still a beginner here. Despite very obvious grammar issues and plot events that will leave you wondering whether you should read forward, there is also potential in the background. There are, however, many points on which i could criticise Kazi here.
First is the issue of telling and not showing. For instance, in one chapter, we're told about an army being so and so large, but with only numbers. This woukd have had a much larger impact if he had used expressions in order to convey that size, but instead used only numbers. I found myself pondering and wondering about many other things in these chapters too, many of which were tropes i disliked.
For instance, i had already pieced together one of the big reveals that came in chapter 8-9, even though two entire backstory chapters had been dedicated to it and it was clearly supposed to be important.
The main character has a slightly vague, but important backstory. He in turn.....well you could either classify him as childish or excited here. I'll go with excited.
Kazi uses a style that focuses on both the MC's thoughts and actual speaking. It was confusing st first, but careful rereading did help it along.
Another issue was lackluster grammar and akward wording. The main issue here was the usage of the word "due". It got the job done where it should have, but coule have been replaced with better words or with a short sentance to have much greater impact.
But, despite that, i found myself soldiering on.
Chapters 11 - 20.
Gigantic improvements. That all that needs to be said. Azeal Neralum has taken a spectacular upswing in both quality and uniqueness as of these ten chapters. Introducing characters, antagonists and new possibities. The grammar has vastly improved, mistakes now being seldom, if rare.
In short, it had become enjoyable. Azeal himself has become much more fleshed out. It has also delved into things most of these stories don't tend to explore in their self-insert power fantasy ways. Emotion. Morality. Conscience. Azeal is a person, and is portrayed like one. I like that, very much so.
There are still my gripes on the story itself. Though, these are my finicky tastes. Character overreaction, while not comical anime levels, is still here. So is the vaguely descrived combat. I find that fight scenes would have much greater impact if they are described more in depth. Sometimes, the descruptions, while vivid, come off as too much. Again, my own tastes, so feel free to ignore it.
If Azeal Neralum continues to increase in quality at the rate the last ten chapters have, then i expect great things from it.
21 - 23.
Still great so far. Nothing really more to add to the earlier comments.
Though, i have one final suggestion......Everyone seems to be TOO emotional and melodramatic here. Just saying.
Just read through all the chapters and been surprised by the quality, especially later on. There's a few smaller problems which prevent a perfect score for me, so on to the details:
Style: The style goes from rough at the start, to slightly repetetive halfway through, to accomplished in the most recent chapters. The speed of improvement is amazing, actually, since the newset chapters read as well as a print novel. Guaranteed full marks if the author ever rewrites the older chapters in the current style.
Story: The world feels large and well thought out. Rather than just rush through the plot, the author spends time to paint out the details. Many classic fantasy tropes are fulfilled, but there's easily enough new ideas to keep even veteran readers interested. There's a system, but it mostly takes a backseat and lets the characters and narration tell the plot. The overarching story has been barely revealed so far (as of chapter 26), but I'm engaged in both the close threat which the author has set up over the past few chapters as well as the epic endgame story looming in the distance.
Grammar: Grammar is rough early on, but gets much better later. Sometimes there's still mistakes which break up the reading experience for me, but it's not too bad overall.
Characters: The author tries his best to make his characters seem three-dimensional. Everyone, even the smallest side-characters get their own back story. As a result, the world feels rich and populated, but sometimes, it feels a bit much to me. Characters also have a tendency for the melodramatic and overemotional, which is fine for most, but I wouldn't expect a general or mercenary chief to be this lyrical. Still, at best that's a nitpick in an otherwise strong area for the novel.
If you like fantasy isekai, you will like Azeal Neralum. If you like emotional stories, you will love Azeal Neralum. Highly recommended.
In a stroke of genius this story deals with something that is barely even acknowledged in most others, Emotion. The protagonist has a very unique way of observing the world and it is a central part of this story but every other avenue of plot developement looks just as tantalizing. And lo' and behold he's a guy with actual morals and principles which often gives food for thoughts. Overall he's a well thought up, likeable and easy to relate to character and the same seems to go for the supporting cast. The worldbuilding sets a very wide scope and the occasional pov switch always fills in more information in an entertaining way. 'Show don't tell' seems to hold true for this author. The world is full of the magical, bordering mythical, and feels alive and thrieving instead of being a mere background.
The only grains of salt I have with this story are the grammatical chaos which is found in the unedited chapters and the sometimes too theatrical 'woe is me' moments of its characters. However, neither detracts from the pure enjoyment that is reading this piece of art.
This story dates the thirsts of many kinds of readers, be it the power addicts who love watching total domination, or the romantic who enjoy watching the struggle of emotion. None of the side characters are two-dimensional, each one having a n unique backstory, and they interact in a way that seems human, with each having their own personality, even the antagonist has a unique flavor, someone obsessed with power, not quite infallible, but able and competent.
[It seems that no matter what I say, there is an audience that actually enjoys yuor work so don't take my criticisms as the only possible thing that you have to limit yourself to. You have full control over what you write.]
I really did try to enjoy this story man. You have the potential to make a great protagonist and his story is indeed quite interesting, but everthing around your story just keeps falling apart as you write it.
I have read up to chapter 21 and I cannot read any more of it primarily because of your use of POV shifts.
Before I even go into why I didn't like your POV shifts, let me rant about something horrible that you have been doing from time to time. When you do a POV shift, you need to keep it actually interesting. It does not mean you take one scene, and then have two or three characters give their POV of the exact same event. It is wrong because:
- We have already scene the scene. It is not new, and only small bits of information actually come up.
- It is lazy because you couldn't come up with a more suitable way to write the scene that conveys everything you wanted to.
- It is jarring because we have to read the same thing again and risk getting lost for a bit with the flow of the story.
- It reduces the reader's ability to imagine the story from their own interpretations. Why should you tell us exactly what they are feeling from their POV when we can sometimes think of it for ourselves.
Now, that's just that one little rant. Let me now tell you why I was dissatisfied with your multiple POV shift style.
You introduce this story as a protagonist driven plot in your synopsis, yet the fact that you have an overload of POV's makes it seem like a world driven plot. For a story about Azeam Neralum, there's an awful lot of focus upon other characters.
The second thing that you would do well to consider is the purpose of your POV shifting. What do you want as the author to convey to the readers that they absolutely can't formulate out of their own imagination, and also something that is important enough to diverge from your entire focus of the story? I'll give you one example for this.
You have 2 interesting characters for this. That Harold dude, and the prince. Harold was interesting because we see him as the first being of power, a noble, yet he is different due to his tendency to tire of Royal politics.
You halso have the Prine dude with that one POV that you gave him a while ago. His POV was made interestind due to the fact that he was able shed light upon just how much the Royals were mucking around.
_______End Politics Example
You then shift POV to the king and his greedy duke , Lana (or whatever) and her Elf affair, and then you give us a small letter from some random bandit dude as if we are supposed to care about them? They have no emotional setup, nor should they necessarily have emotional setup. The fact of the matter is that if they are not absolutely crucial to something that you as an author are trying to use to develope the story, the main character, the world, and the [IMPORTANT] side-characters, then they have no relevance to the reader's emotional attachment.
If we examine Lana's affair POV, what does it tell us? Look, an affair between master and slave? How scandalous indeed! But, that is something a reader should be able to infer considering that a slave trading world exists in the story. Furthermore, what is the significance of this knowlege of an affair to the development of the main character?
If we found out about this naturally, instead of getting a dedicated POV section for her, then it would have been an interesting tidbit to read about, but that's merely it. I know I haven't read past chpater 21 and don't know how the author develops it, but you could have handled this point better.
I think I have beaten this dead horse enough. Your POV character shift is the greatest obstacle that has prevented me from enjoying the story as a whole. The combination of random characters, info dumps of said random characters, and generally pointless POV characters are what lets this story down for me.
There's certainly more for your story to improve upon than just POV shifting, but I'll let your other readers help you with that.
Good luck writing.
There are a few stories on RR that are complete published book level stories and this is one of them, as much as I can tell so far.
While we are not exposed in depth to the world as of yet, we can already tell there is a rich lore behind the world. A rich story behind everyone. From bandits to the Gods, everyone has a story and purpose. The author goes out of his way to bring a depth to all significant characters in a way that doesn’t feel clunky or overdone.
Our MC of the story is also well written with his own motivations and depth but also this amazing potential for growth. While some may dislike him for being a bit childish and emotional in the beginning, you quickly realize that it has its own charm while you see him grow and mature in a raw and organic way.
From what I can tell so far, this will be a very story driven novel with intense action and fighting. The fighting and magic in this story is very intriguing and I hope the author explores it more in the same organic way he’s been doing so far: through the story and obstacles the MC faces.
As a long time reader of RR I feel very spoiled as there have been a lot of great stories that have come out lately and are updately regularly. Keep it up author! You’ve got the making of a great story here, just don’t forget to have fun writing it ;)
First off, the story is amazing, and the characters are extremely fleshed out. If you are looking for a sort of OP white knight in a very cruel world, this is it. My problem comes in cause I was expecting a super gorey and violent story with a smart, strong, ruthless MC, and I instead got one of the best romantic novels on the site (except where the MC just loves everyone even tho he is super scary). Summary is a little misleading, made me think this was gonna be like a typical grimdark with ruthless smart people, but we have the biggest softie main character I have ever seen (not that its bad, just unexpected). Overall, a reallygood story, but it isnt a grimdark/bloody violent novel it was meant to be (or at least a normal one)
Hey I've just read up to chapter 28 and have revised my ranking of this fiction. When I first read the description, before even reading it, I immediately gave it a a half star, because, I mean, really, how arrogant do you have to be to write a description that starts off how it does, right?. But I did end up deciding to read it, and was glad that I did. You can tell the author definitely put a lot of thought and work into this story and it shows. It can be a bit long-winded at times, but the long-windedness does tend to fit. All up, 4/5 stars!