Stronghold In The Apocalypse

by Apocalypse Defender

Original HIATUS Action Adventure Fantasy Romance LitRPG Male Lead Martial Arts Strategy Strong Lead Supernatural
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

The world is facing an incoming Apocalypse, as Earth is under going another Evolution. 

Mankind will face its greatest crisis in the face of the Destructive Apocalypse with Zombies, Mutated Beast and many more. 

Follow Leo, as he became the last hope of Mankind, using the most awesome cheat System given to him by Gaia. 

Will he fall or survive as he rise to the top? 



Art by: jbrown67 

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Apocalypse Defender

Apocalypse Defender

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tempest86
  • Overall Score

Villiage builder stories are great. This one isnt at all. As someone else (MFF_ZEWS) put it is a Qidian novel, and very typical of that style. It appears to be based in England so I assume a native English speaker/writer, sadly it reads as a poorly translated novel. 

There are mentions of guns, quite a lot actually, which clashes with both the fact that all fire arms are illegal, apart from very serious restrictions on shotguns for farmers and the like, in England, and the first few chapters which states that firearms will be unstable.

It's just a poorly written and thought out story. (I stopped at chapter 4. Just could not continue.)

argusthecat
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Full disclosure; I have some personal, somewhat cultural, biases that have gone into my rating of this story.  Specifically, that I don't really enjoy seeing narratives that treat women as prizes, or objects.  And wow, it didn't take long for this one to get to that stumbling block!  The main character's first 'main questline' literally promises him someone as a girlfriend for completing it.

That is, without question, kinda gross.

The rest of the story does nothing to make up for it.  There's no tension, no sense of escalation.  The MC just plows through any obstacle like it's not even real, then everyone praises him for it.  The language is hard to follow, sentence structure is a mess, and it's just a headache to try to parse half the time.  And even if you do, it goes nowhere.  Just a meandering, senseless mess.

Skip it.

HamsterDesTodes
  • Overall Score

review as of chp 15 - cringeworthy :(

When I read the description, I thought we'd get something similar to "The Defective Hermit", one of my favourite stories on RRL. Unfortunately, while the premise is similar, the execution is terrible.
The "preparation" consists of loving descriptions of weapon systems, slapping down a base during 3 whole sentences, and picking a girlfriend. So, gun porn, base building and romance are set!
Sadly, the guns don't make sense (sure, a Stryker is driving through "Los Angeles city", because everyone knows Americans are weapon crazy, right?), the base building is so ridiculously short it may as well have been skipped, and the fact that "the system" literally awards the MC a woman who doesn't even know he exists as a girlfriend is kinda creepy. Also less romantic than the ordinary he-rescued-me-I-must-love-him "romance" in most stories, which I didn't think possible.

I'm deeply disappointed that the premise of the story (sigh. why did you leave your story unfinished SciFiAddict?) was dragged so low. Maybe the author grows up a few chapters further, maybe after the introduction arc is finished this will be a tale worth reading.
Leo may stop being an awkward moron, may have to actually build stuff instead of being able to buy everything premade from the system, switch from his crush on Amanda to Michelle and gets to know her before they come together instead of winning as a friggin quest reward (which he actually failed BTW), maybe even works at forming a community and is required to put some effort into reconquering earth.
Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe I'm missing a gem in the rough. I don't know, but hoping for the best and reading on is more than I can stomach right now :(

chakfor
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Creepy and poorly written wish fulfillment

The storyline is inconsistent. The MC is creepy (he wants a hot and famous girlfriend, so the system gives him one). Grammar is awful. Sentence tenses make no sense.

 

I couldn't get past chapter 5. This makes the Twilight series look like War and Peace.

riles656
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..........time.......wasted

Story itself seems interesting. I’ve always liked base building stories. This one, however, finds a way to ruin it. 

Spoiler: Spoiler

 Don’t waste your time guys. I was bored and decided to read a bit into the story and god derm it, was that painful to read. Just don’t. Even wuxia stories and them being cookie cutter stories are better than this.

shader009
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Yes, this story has potential. But its got problems.

1) Grammar- Now I'm not a grammar nazi and in all honesty it's not that bad. A good edit/editor should  clean it up nicely.

2) Characters- Almost all stories of this nature tend to have one dimensional support characters. The M.C. gets some fleshed out backstory along with a good helping of plot armor, but this creates problems for the support characters, who tend to become boring extras whose names are usually forgotten. The sheer number of support characters only adds to the problem. Just start with a smaller group and only add to them once the original gang has been fleshed out in detail and have their own irreplaceable role.

3) Harem- I'm not against this genre, hell i love it, but just like the problem with the support characters, if you keep throwing women at him within a short period of time, we'll probably forget about them or not care. Take it slow and steady. Also in respect to both the previous point and this one, try to find a balance between adventuring and some slice of life stuff. Too much of either becomes boring.

4) M.C.- Don't have the emcee solve every problem. Leave the random stuff for the support characters. Even if he is one punch man level op, use the support to atleast build tension by cleaning up the small fries and stalling the boss for him.

These are the major problems i can see right now or am anticipating soon. Now as i said these problems are solvable and for all know you might already have a grand plan that makes my views moot.

Either way your story is enjoyable and I eagerly await your updates. Good luck and I hope that you'll continue until the story is completed.

Jknott
  • Overall Score

You should work on your sentence structure. The flow just isnt there. Your word use needs editing. As an example. You wrote stole instead of steal. Theres more but i dont want to go into greater detail.

cws
  • Overall Score

I’m only giving this a 3 star because I don’t know what is going to happen in the future. I like the idea of building a stronghold and being “Humanity’s Last Hope” but is he going to build a super stronghold that he has to constantly repair and keep everything inside his stronghold safe? Anyway, I hope you do well with this story and I’m looking for more.

DarkOne
  • Overall Score

Apocalypse Genre is great!

Story is awesome! More please! Ignore the haters because they can't write a good story or their story's sucks!

Yosha
  • Overall Score

Nice Job. Too Short for Anything Else.

Nice work for now. I cant say wether the story is very good right now, but the idea and your expression of it is wonderful. However, please edit your work before posting as there are many grammatical and spelling errors in your work. I hope you continue to keep up the good work.

4 stars for good idea and execution.