Lone: The Wanderer [Rewrite]

by Lone

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

Nine-to-five. The daily grind. Life. Painful years of school. Working as a slave for some undeserving corporate big-wig. The monotonous life of unemployment. We all experience this in one way or another, and we can all conclude one thing: it's dull.

Such a fact rings true even for the fabled Lone Immortus, a powerful nine-tailed Golden Foxkin. However, what would you do if your monotony was suddenly ground to a halt and you were thrown out of your comfort zone along with a young girl forgotten by time?

Perhaps you might have done things differently, been more organised, immediately died, gained control of the world in a matter of days, but this is Lone's tale, not yours.

Watching two insecure people struggle to survive and find their place in an unfamiliar land just might be enjoyable to witness. Who knows? One thing's for certain: it won't be an easy path for them to tread, and what could possibly be more entertaining than watching people endure hardships and grow?

I know of at least eight gods that would answer with, 'Absolutely nothing.'

I wonder, after seeing this journey from start to finish, how would you answer?

[Goal of 1 chapter per week, the only exceptions being announced breaks or emergencies]


The cover art is courtesy of the very kind and talented ssddx.


This novel is a participant in The Writer's Pledge

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Lone

Lone

The Scottish Slothy Sloth

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Prologue: Compatible Champion and Stupid Game ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 1: Building Depression and Sudden Change ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 2: Strange Screens and Panic Attack ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 3: Painful Coconuts and Teleportation ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 4: Mental Shock and God's Killer ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 5: Skill-slot and Apology ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 6: Sophie's Powers and Sophie's Nickname ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 7: Small Tracks and Surrounded ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 8: Stabbing and Fun-sized ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 9: Boots and Trust ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 10: Bravery and Experience Experiment ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 11: Ocean Koala and Bath Pains ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 12: Woodworking and Goblin Stirrings ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 13: Cooking Cartographer and New Encounter ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 14: Acting and Illusions ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 15: Lone's Worries and Hazel's Dismay ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 16: Beach Fort and Natural Weapons ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 17: Emergency Unsummoning and Tail Blanket ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 18: Dome Replacing and Attractive Frustration ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 19: Third Hunt and Goblin Magic ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 20: Crude Fireball and Stress Before Sleep ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 21: Past Nightmare and Other Side ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 22: Armour and Bones ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 23: Loving Thoughts and Utter Confusion ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 24: Retreating Paranoia and Sharing Problems ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 25: Pancakes and Past Recounting ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 26: Training with Sophie and Massage ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 27: Hobgoblin and Synergistic Mages ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 28: More Magic and Village ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 29: Rescue and Plans ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 30: The King's Rage and The Lucky Rain ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 31: Regicide and Dungeon Tokens ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 32: Hands and Not Disliking ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 33: Farewell Letter and A Snappy Encounter ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 34: Lightning and Second Ship ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 35: Lady Malik and Acting ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 36: Establishing Goals and Ros' City Lord ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 37: Shopkeeper and Angered Lord Griffset ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 38: Marking One Another and Eternal Bliss ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 39: Reading and Lightning Bolt ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 40: Acting Rank-Up and Matriarch ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 41: Phil and Blacksmiths ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 42: Agreement and Set-Up ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 43: Failing Frustrations and Lofakern ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 44: Peaceful Morning and Rowdy Afternoon ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 45: Guild Explained and Perfect Provocation ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 46: Icy Chill and Quest Accepted ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 47: Thoughts on Metals And Ducal Encounter ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 48: Bandit Custom and Childish ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 49: Light-footed and Henry Malik ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 50: Blacksmithing Worries and Battle Plan ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 51: A Crushed Lone and Panic ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 52: New Level Cap and Muradon the All-mage ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 53: Registration and Participation Test ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 54: Persuasion and A Margrave's Son ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 55: Spiders and Talks Of Crude Magic ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 56: Massage Success and A Heroic Encounter ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 57: Disappointment and Intermediate ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 58: Poison and Tails ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 59: Level-Ups and Time ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 60: Disbelief and Gilbert ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 61: Promotion and Intermediate ago
Lone Immortus Artwork + Release Update ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 62: The Hero's Rage and Slimes ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 63: Beggars and Displeasure ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 64: Communication Orb and Rotten Country ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 65: A meeting of Tails and Bastion's Arrival ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 66: Talk With Lossa and Resolve ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 67: Nausea and The Woes of a Noble ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 68: When The Bottle Bursts and Consequences ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 69: Mounting Worries and Daisuke's Pettiness ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 70: Axe and Compression ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 71: Conversation and Plans For The Slaves ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 72: Many Gains and Smoke ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 73: Tranquillity and Numerous Level-ups ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 74: Breathing Amnesia and Sophie's Impatience ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 75: Threats and Confinement ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 76: The Trick to Unsealing and Jade Stars ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 77: Irreparable Mana Organs and It Hurts ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 78: How Lone Appears and Confession ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 79: Lots of Bite and Not a Lot of Bark ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 80: Meeting Concludes and Pillow Talk ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 81: Instructor's Name and Most Valuable 'Item' ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 82: Platinum Pass and About This Much ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 83: Opposition and Chicken ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 84: Dungeon Contract and This Foolish One ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 85: Daisuki, Daisuke and Peter's Elation ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 86: The Fox's Winner and Just Peter ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 87: The Requirements and No One ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 88: Slow Progress and Applying Stats ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 89: Advice and Here We Go ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 90: Battle Royale and Tactical Waiting ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 91: Clicker and Ignorant Pride ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 92: Forfeit and Cunning Fox ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 93: Apologetic Eko and A Drum's Beat ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 94: Chance and Thanks ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 95: Angers Boil and balloons Pop ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 96: Blue Orb and Losing One's Mind ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 97: Tongue and Cheek ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 98: Royal Audience and Heavy ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 99: Eyes and Whys ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 100: Sophie's Lament and A New Approach To Torture ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 101: Murderous Missive and Eruptive Entrance ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 102: Duke Leston and Parting Gifts ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Chapter 103: Dukes Attack and Kings Chase ago
Book 1 Milindo & The Holy City: Epilogue: Command and Heavy Impact ago
Book 2 Stronghold & Secrets: Prologue: The Guild's Response and Summoning ago
Book 2 Stronghold & Secrets: Chapter 1: Tired and Cauterising ago
Book 2 Stronghold & Secrets: Chapter 2: Sleep and Travel ago
Book 2 Stronghold & Secrets: Chapter 3: Entrance Inspection and The Rusty Sprocket ago
Book 2 Stronghold & Secrets: Chapter 4: Limited MP and Dwarven Adventuring Rules ago
Book 2 Stronghold & Secrets: Chapter 5: Quest Choices and An Old Dwarf ago
Book 2 Stronghold & Secrets: Chapter 6: Learning Smithing and Manning the Counter ago
Book 2 Stronghold & Secrets: Chapter 7: Death and Teens ago
Book 2 Stronghold & Secrets: Chapter 8: Common Sword and Bitter Pout ago
Book 2 Stronghold & Secrets: Chapter 9: Induction to Steamforging and Familiar Quest ago

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Reviews
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santory
Overall

Congratulation For The Rebirth.

I tried to read the old version of the story before but i could not and drop it after a few chapters, but this rewrite is a solid novel that deserves to be red. the only thing i want to say is about your schedule, you should flip it and write the main story once a week until you catch the rewrite with it, because I think the only one reading the main story are the people who got stuck with it from the beginning, I do not think any new readers can read the old version a specially after reading the rewrite.

After I finished reading the rewrite of the novel, I thought to complete reading the novel from the old version but man ohh man, it is very bad. I could not even read one chapter, I felt the same feeling I felt when I read it for the first time, it does not deserve even to be rated. So I understand your feeling when you said “I refuse to keep the old versions up” because I feel the same way. You have developed your writing by a colossal margin from story, style and characters. Over all I will not be reading the old version I feel embarrassed reading a novel like that. I have confidence to say that you earned a place up there (writers’ heaven).

 

Heralder
Overall

I haven't read the previous version but I'm loving the story. I keep wanting to continue the it with the old version and I can barely stop myself.

I'm certainly coming back for more.

diegohna
Overall

Rewriting done right

 I really can't read the original after reading this, a more mature and fresh take on a good history. So much more dep for the MC relations. Lone please give more love for this rewriting, here you can show how much more mature autor you are now

Flying F-Salmon Extraordinaire
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Year long ramblings, so skip to the bottom if you want my verdict.

 SPOILERS!, mind you

I've read both the original AND the rewrite... And what can I say? The original... kind of... needs... to... well not die, but (it really needs to die) I feel like people ARE right when they say that this should become your main focus. I actually fret reading this, because a lot of the times rewrites turn out to be weird, if the author fixiates themselves on their mistakes too much... But seeing how it was you, I finally picked up the rewrite AND... Damn. Despite some logical flaws which might not strictly be any depending on what kind of gamer he was (In this he seems more like a Momonga).

The whole routine of "You get to choose some unique and potentially fucken overpowered skills YOURSELF" leads to a lot of problems.

Me saying that he seems like Momonga (AOG from Overlord) doesn't fit well... He was more of an Rper... Anyways... Mr. Mccullen being one of the servers best players might be... a little hard to believe, but given your personal experience I am willing to let that slide. Not every MMO out there has overpopulated servers and not every server has Omegawhales and powergamers galore. 
Now mind you that all of this isn't a big problem. Only slightly unnerving as I personally only ever fought against such low powercap servers in cross server events and... perfect powerfantasy, but it gets boring REALLY quickly. Where was I going with this?


His whole character is believable and written quite well (emphasis on the quite) now, but his base just seems so... ew. Looking at it from an authors perspective, having some Deus Ex Machinae, even if it is explained as "Choose your own unique skills",  is rather handy and to be honest, very much understandable. I believe it is fun for both the author as well as the reader to find possible applications for them. And an easy way to fill plotholes may seem cheap, but honestly... No one likes to see the author struggle. And some easy fixes can be better than unfixed plotholes out of frustration. 

But my personal problem with them is that mister Elite gamer chad over here doesn't know how games work. If I am remembering correctly, "God" explicitely tells him to win this game for him? 

And even if he wasn't debriefed like that... 

Mister gamer chad should at least be smort enuff to know that his unique abilities will lead to him snowballing out of control. For that, he doesn't even need perspective. Or rather: he has perspective right from the start. His partner gets skills like immortality...

Him having Creation magic. From the moment on where he found out that he could potentionally recreate nuclear warheads or ABC weapons in general, in combination with Descartes "I eat therefore I level", he should've gone with the basics (storage+Immunity to nonmagical weapons+ Immunity(or resistance) to magical weapons+Resistance to magic as such and... Anything really. My first though was an instakill ability, so yeah.)

 

But if that would've happened, we'd have a whole nother story on our hands.

Now. I've complained quite a bit now... About one VERY specific point... But it just REALLY irks me. (And yes. I do enjoy playing Monks with wings and Mystics) 

But apart from that? 

This rewrite is a TREAT. After chewing on a lot of the aspects for a few days I have to tone my own opinion down a little though. I actually believe that this fiction needs a little... More oomph. Can't really explain it, but it lacks... something. Tension? Kinda, but not every fiction needs that. Decisions like goving someone enough gold... feels... really shitty. Creation magic is a beast. No doubt. And the decision to let the MC become a minigod can be well executed... BUT! butbutbutbutbutt<3: One has to smartly counteract that. And decisions like: "Rubies are easily created while eyes K.O. our MC".......... Nani tf? I mean. Yes. Eyes seem a lot more complex, as they consist out of 9 million parts and Hell would I hate to be a god, if I had to manually construct neurons in order to build a nervous system. Gems might not seem very complicated, but just making them requires a LOT of pressure, diamonds needing a literal fton.  In addition to that, to make them as pure as these kingdom buying coins need to be, that'd probably a lot more work too... AND. What I really CAN'T under no circumstances, whatsoever, No, never believe, is that coins, that can buy you LITERAL KINGDOMS, have no magical signature whatsoever. If any thousand year old smith exists, which they presumably do, holy hell does the economy get crashed every ten years or so. There is no way, crafting such currency should be possible. There should be OODLES and OOOOODLEEEEES of rune arrays (and noodles) or whatever guarding and marking every single one of those coins. Eh. Enough rambling.

Now it may be only me, but I've picked up on maybe two spelling mistakes and three potentially weird phrases, but then again, I'm only on Royalroad between 0 and 5 am AND english isn't even my third language... So I believe myself to be in no position to critizise that.

 

The story? Love it! Actually keeps me on my toes. Can't say that about a lot of fictions these days. Be they from Royalroad or other websites/books.

Swearing? A little too few cursewords or rather... too nice ones in my opinion. Might also just be me. I strongly believe that one of my ancestors must have been king of sailors.

Gore? Eh. Some... I guess. Cutting off some arms is quite... normal, all things considered. If your life was ever in immediate danger you come to understand how erratic ones thinking can become. 

Traumatising content? No Isekai without slavery! We have some pedos... 

Oh yeah. Ageism, speciesism and so forth... 

Eh... I'm desense(i?)tized but hey, new readers probably aren't. 

Did I miss something? Probably. I'm tired af rn. 

 

This fiction contains a lot of cliches. Was that what you wanted to hear me say? 

If you don't like cliches, you probably don't like genres... Damn I start rambling...

ROMANCE! Yes! Very important! 
It IS called hentai, after all. And yes, it is art.

Anyways. This rewrite has some of the best (Cutest? realistic? Dunno tbh) erotic scenes I've seen. Then again: I've seen probably 3 good erotic scenes in ALL MY LIFE! 

I'm sorry but I do get rather passionate about them. They can utterly destroy ANY fiction. Just like the fight scenes in the old star trek series... Ugh.

Anyways. Romance is handled rather well, even if it is a little arid for my taste. Romance and Sex scenes can indeed be handled both realistically AND steamy. 


I should really come to an end. 

 

Lone has improved this fiction to something I care about. Only two other fictions on this site have made me care about them and one of them ended three months ago. 


My verdict: Read this. If you like Isekai (Miss me with that SAO shite) you will probably enjoy this rewrite. But be warned: If you want to read the original at some point, don't touch this until you've done so. The moment you read the rewrite, you have a 95% chance of not being able to to advance into the original. 

Lone has advanced as an author. And I like this story. Very much so. 
But please. 

 

 

 

KILL THE ORIGINAL ALREADY AND GIVE US ONE TO TWO CHAPTERS OF REWRITE ALREADY, AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHH! (Hey, I'm a pirate)

Luke Scheffe
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

The rewrite is much better than the original. I tried reading the original and found that the MC was way too much of an asshole to appreciate the book. In this, however, he is actually reasonably compassionate and doesn't act either bipolar or like a sociopath. He actually considers other peoples opinions and even sometimes takes them.

Sigfreid
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

It's a second draft and you can feel it the story pulls you along with characters that feel they are growing a style all its own decent if not perfect grammar and a story that flows.  My only criticism is the female characters age etc feels creepy particularly the initial reaction from the mc.

ReadingIsLife
Overall

I dont have a lot of experience on this site, and I tend to like almost everything I read, but I got to say this is one of the best. I haven't read the original, but I am really into the rewrite. I noticed on a recent chapter that you said you were feeling unsure about the rewrite. I just want to say I really hope you continue with it. The interaction between the characters is better than most of the other stories I've read, and I feel like the relationship building is done pretty well. The pace seems to be moving forward at a good pace. Every chapter has a development with either character growth or story. While there really isn't a plot at the point I'm at, I am sure one will present itself later with how long the original is. The combat, while clunky at times, is enjoyable to read and it doesn't stick out as something bad or retract from the story. I noticed a comment about how you struggle writing those scenes, and I feel the need to say that it is some of the better writing out fof the few books I have read. I really enjoy the story and I am hoping you continue with the rewrite. Almost all the other books I enjoyed got canceled, so I am really hoping, and I am sure I'm not alone, that you finish rewriting this outstanding story.

Chaos_Seed
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Thank you so much for rewriting this! When I began reading the original version of this it hurt so muh trying to get through it. All I could think was, "This story has such a great idea!" but I wasn't able to keep reading. The conversations were too awkward and quick that it just made it painful . 

Now to the compliments, this rewrite is MUCH BETTER! I admire how much you have obviously grown after writing the previous one, and cannot wait to continue reading the rest of this. 

Here's my explanation on the loss of a couple half stars... 

There are still a few grammar issues, but not nearly as much as in the original. Yet another thing to show the authors growth. Lastly, for the Characters, the conversations are still a little too formal, which kind of breaks the illusion that you create about the world in your mind, but once again it is far far better than the original. 

I look forward to seeing the rest!

Robs511
Overall

This is a much better written story of its previous version. The characters are nicely fleshed out and seems much more real than its 1st edition. The world is more decently explored and interactions between characters feel more natural. All in all, the comparison between this story and its previous version is like comparing heaven to earth. But beware! Only read this if you have enough patience and endurance to not be aggravated by the large no. Of people who walk over the mc. I'm giving this a 3 star because the author has messed up his story tags. This is not how an anti hero behaves, you've read the previous one? Thats what an anti hero is. No matter how bad the mc is compared to this one, he was a true anti-hero. The thing is, I was searching for a decent story with an anti hero mc and started reading this. And boy, was I dissapointed with the mc. Lone in this story never felt anti heroic. Of course, it's not a bad thing and many people love his new character changes but you have to admit that it is very miss-leading to tag it as 'anti-hero'. Remove that tag and I'd give it a 4 or even 4.5 anytime cause this story deserves it.

CJoker3221
Overall

I just read this today and I can't bring myself to read the original when there's so many stuff that are just adding on/missing from the rewrite. Ughhhhh..as much as I want to know more about the story, I can't read the original now! Why must you do this? ;w;

Is there a way for me to continue to the Original without missing the stories from the rewrite?