The Minotaur Paladin

by l nimbus

Original HIATUS Action Fantasy Sci-fi LitRPG Multiple Lead Characters Non-Human lead
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content

Garok, a Minotaur, is summoned to modern day Earth from another world...right into the middle of an apocalypse.

His purpose ? To be a Boss Monster.

But Garok is a [Cleric], and decides to the Pit with all that.

Giving whoever put him here a giant middle finger, he goes right back to doing what he does best, kicking Undead ass and helping people.

 

 Credits for the cover goes to Sazer, the author of Impulsive: Descendants of the Gifted. 

Slight edits on the cover done by Nefarious, author of The Pale Orphan

 

 This is a semi Parody of the game Exiled Kingdoms. Several concepts and monsters are drawn from there. if you like this story, i reccomend checking it out. it's free to play on Android and available for full purchase on PC. It's an Offline RPG that i've poured many hours into, and helped me partially when writing this story. 

 

Note: despite some heavy content early on. this story will NOT be Grimdark.

 

If you like this, help me by pointing out spelling mistakes and typos, as well as letting me know what you think in the comments.

If you REALLY like it, take a few moments and rate the story. 

 

 

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l nimbus

l nimbus

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Not A chapter. Read before starting TMP. ago
1. The Summoning ago
2. A New World. ago
3. A New World 2 ago
4. Consequence. ago
5. Calm Before the Storm ago
6. Dungeon Dive. ago
Interlude ago
7. Dungeon Dive 2 ago
8. Aftermath ago
9. Becoming Sparklee ago
10. Ill Mind ago
11. Skeleton Vs Cultivator ago
12. Ambush ago
13. Dungeon Dive: Retry 1st ago
14. Dungeon Dive: Retry 2nd ago
15. Dungeon Dive: Retry 3rd ago
16. Dungeon Dive: Retry 4th ago
17. Dungeon Dive: Retry Finis ago
17.5 The Update cometh. ago
18. A few days later ago
19. I got mad Skillz, Bro. ago
20. How to rob ( A blood bank ). ago
Looking for a Proofreader/Cleaner. ago
21. Fact and fiction ago
A slight delay ago
22. Some planning, some snoring. ago
23. Breakdown. ago
24. Life ain't fair. ( End of Book 1 ) ago
Announcement for those interested. ago
Downloadable copy of Book 1 available. ago
Quick Update. ago
B2-1. World of emptiness ago
B2-2: The Long Night ago
B2-3: The Long Night 2 ago
B2-4: To the Void ago
B2-5: The Dead God ago
B2-6. Death and decay. ago
B2-7: Into the wilderness. ago
B2-8: ?????? B2-8 ?????? @*!^#(%*^W!^@!)*&!*# ERROR. ago
FANART THREAD! ago
B2-8: Hilgytr ago
B2-9: Snakes in the grass. Literally. ago
TMP DISCORD! ago
B2-10: Wicalla ago
B2-11: Truth or Lie? ago
B2-12: Old secrets ago
Ova Here! ago
B2-13: Show me what you got. ago
B2-14: The Order of the Blade. ago
B2-15: On the road again. ago
I'm not good enough for this. ago
Update. Nothing too serious. ago
The big announcement. ago
2nd last post: Time's approaching. ago
Don't Read: The Longest Chapter. Seriously, it's a stupid idea. All of TMP in one chapter. ago
Chapter 1 [HQ rewrite]: Garok. ago
Chapter 2 [HQ Rewrite]: Clair. ago
TMP Rewrite: Chapter 3: Garok. ago
Chapter 4 [HQ Rewrite]: Clair. [First Draft]. ago
Chapter 5 [HQ Rewrite]: Garok. [First Draft. End of sneak peeks] ago
Chapter 6 [HQ Rewrite]: Clair. [First Draft, I'm serious, NO MORE SNEAK PEEK CHAPS, OKAY?] ago
Reviews

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Rhodeworks
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  • Style Score
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  • Character Score

My First LitRPG Review

First things first, I'm going to admit I know nothing about LitRPGs beyond that they're fiction that combines textual prose with elements found in, say, MMO games. So, a lot of the specifics of this genre is lost on me. This is a review by an outsider to the genre, but I hope it provides some useful perspective all the same. Doing my best to avoid spoilers, too.

The Minotaur Paladin -- TMP from here on in -- follows the story of Garok, a minotaur cleric who finds himself on Earth, and Clair, a young woman who finds Garok. Garok finds himself in a world he doesn't understand and Clair finds herself in a world that is suddenly alien to her. Hijinks ensue.

STYLE

The style feels like a rough, comfortable YA sort of style. What I appreciate about the style is that there's an earnest attempt to describe things as opposed to just telling the reader. It's not always perfect and it could often be more precise or worded better, but l nimbus understands that showing is better than telling. I feel a lot of the action scenes are solid and easy to follow. Sometimes the story can leap into exposition mode but it's also not particularly onerous.

The one thing I'd point to the author as an issue to keep in mind is whenever the prose does something like: "Clair quickly explained what a [Language pack] was to him" when it'd be just as easy to have Clair and Garok have a little conversation: "I sent you a [language pack]." "A what?" "Look, I don't know how it works either but it allows us to talk to each other." "I see now, you have my..."

This can also go for the times where the story switches from 'showing' to 'telling'. You can usually tell when this is happening when, say, a character 'tries' to do something. Show us how they're trying, or what their mindset is like. This sort of criticism is not unique to TMP, though.

Chapter length is fine. Didn't feel too short or too long.

I do feel, however, that keeping the bulk of the chapters to Clair and Garok with dedicated chapters devoting time to other characters such as the various monsters or humans, might help the story somewhat.

STORY

I imagine the beats of the story are familiar to LitRPG fans. Garok and Clair complete quests, gain XP, kill monsters, and try to figure out what's going on. There's also an interesting edge to things by illustrating the apocalypse the world might fall into if an entity ever set video game rules over the world: it's basically a kitchen sink hell on Earth with out of control gangs and rampaging monsters. I appreciate that the author depicts a wide range of people (and monsters!) too.

I really liked the part where there's a list of transactions in the world-dominating System, and there's a few customer IDs who are basically pranking each other. And I liked how some of those things come back into the narrative later on. Similarly, the idea that people can pay money to force the world into particular scenarios is an interesting one. The story has some neat touches that you only notice if you're paying close attention.

GRAMMAR

The grammar is rough at points, but generally rougher at the beginning than it is towards the end of the current uploaded chapters. The errors I noted tended to be more often found in the earlier chapters.

The only things I'd point to would be making better usage of line breaks when switching between viewpoints, and maybe some formatting like bolding parts of the chat room/customer purchases sections. It just looks neater and I feel it helps prime the reader for the sudden change. As it is, it was sometimes jarring.

CHARACTER

The characters are fairly simple but easy enough to enjoy. Garok's a tough old minotaur but his Clerical empathy is an interesting side to him, as is his need to explain things more than once. He's like your overbearing dad, if your dad was a giant with a horns. Clair's a fun, impulsive foil to him, although she can be a bit too much at times. The supporting cast are all fine, too, but Garok and Clair are the stars of the show. Basically, everyone except Garok and Clair are okay, but I always wanted to get back to the two leads.

I had a soft spot for the Lich trapped under Tokyo. I share his dislike for rats. And his desire for friends. And his being trapped in a sewer.

OVERALL

The Minotaur Paladin is a solid LitRPG that shows developing promise. I think if l nimbus keeps writing and practicing, they may be able to create some very interesting works one day. I have a feeling that LitRPG fans will get a kick out of this work and that it will only improve from here. Keep it up!

McQueenSerialFantasy
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The Minotaur Paladin is a fantastic story, and by far one of the best examples of the game-based-adventure genre popularized on RRL. It's a great read and everyone should take a look and give it a chance to impress. It doesn't disappoint.

That's the short and sweet. Now, let's get down to the nitty-gritty.

From a stylistic perspective, The Minotaur Paladin artfully combines post-apocalyptic fantasy with the color palette of the game-based-adventure. The story begins with some broad exposition and then narrows its focus well onto the lives of the two main characters. The gaming elements are present without being obtrusive, allowing the story to come into its own while still satisfying the expectations of readers seeking the genre's signature technical flair. Character perspective is handled well, avoiding confusion, and the progression of the characters' abilities and relationships is realistic and feels natural.

As the story goes on, the gaming elements begin to take over a little more than some might find comfortable if they were looking for a traditional read, but in the end the tale is a game-based-adventure, and one could hardly expect the opposite.

The only genuine stylistic criticism worth pointing out is that time is spent developing anscillary elements and plotlines in areas far from the story and its characters. While these segments are well-written, they take away from the narrative in that they draw the reader's attention away from what counts: the developing friendship of the lead characters and the world they inhabit.

On the subject of the world: It's great. The post-apocalyptic scenario is beautifully presented. The game-based catastrophe that brought about the fall of civilization is neither banal nor over-the-top. The author shows the reader a realistic depictions of what might actually take place were such an event to occur, and the result is gripping. Although if truth be told, the world towards the beginning of the story (scrapping around for food and looting dungeons set in shopping malls) held attention far more tightly than its later incarnations after the "System" fully asserted itself. There was a certain desperate intimacy about the main characters' shared struggle in those early chapters, and as the characters became more established and more of the world felt "safe," those feelings slowly bled away.

Grammatically, there is little to criticize. There are a few errors here and there but nothing that can't be forgiven by the fact that not everybody has access to a dedicated staff of professional editors.

The brightest points in the narrative are the characters, and that's important. Great stories aren't just about what happens, they're about who they happen to. Garok and Clair feel like genuine individuals, each possessing their own thoughts, feelings, strengths, and faults, and their evolving friendship is filled to bursting with moments of humour, struggle, anger, relief, differences of opinion, and just enough playful colour to make one wonder if there's a romantic arc somewhere down the line...

Okay, okay, he's a minotaur and she's a human (mostly) but it's fantasy fiction, and stranger things have happened. If they were both the same species they would make a great pair intuitively, but oddly, the counter-intuitive chemistry between them (platonic as it may be for the present) feeds both power and balance into the engine that drives the story forward.

All in all, it's a wonderfull read. Take a look. Give it a few chapters to really get rolling, and you're sure to love it.

Rhythminthemind
  • Overall Score

Getting better with its writer.

Right. The Minotaur Paladin. Okay... 

This is surprisingly hard. See, TMP is, to my mind, not the best of stories. It is by no means bad, but it's not great. Why is this hard for me to say? Simple. Because it could be great. If I'm honest, reading this feels like watching a teenager write the Hunger Games. Cool concepts and engaging characters, but marred by the written execution of an inexperienced author. This might sound like I'm being unkind, but I want to be as clear and honest as I can when I say the following: 

The writing needs work. READ IT ANYWAY. 

That being said, let's get on to the nuts and bolts of the review. 

If you've read this far, then you'll already be aware that I think the writing quality is lackluster at best. There are some good turns of phrase in here, and the dialogue and internal processes of the characters are well executed upon, but the overall writing from line to line is deeply flawed. You have misspelled words, failures to capitalize, and grammar that is choppy at best, a problem that lessens in later chapters, either because the writer found a decent editor, or because they learned a little more about consistency while they were writing, but still flawed enough in the early stages to make getting to the good bit a slog. 

I shall stop looking at the writing here. Suffice to say that the flaws in this story's execution are severe enough that I would usually withhold a recommendation... Were it not for the following: 

The characters made me laugh. Not just your typical "oh, what a zaney situation" laughter, either. Proper, engaged in the actions and mindsets of these characters laughter. It made me care, and it did so in a startlingly short amount of time. I was empathizing with these characters as early on as chapter three. That's a hard task even for a pro to do. I'll give you a line from the story to show you what I mean. It's from chapter three, too early for spoilers. 

"The Demi-Lich was lonely. All it wanted was someone to talk to." 

One concept. One concept, and Nimbus made me care. This sort of writing is scattered all across TMP; these tiny, unimportant side notes that make me sit back and think of these characters as PEOPLE. Whether it's a boss monster trying his damndest to be a good person in spite of what reality is pushing him to, a system administrator who's just DONE with every server user's s#!t, or a Demi-Lich who only wants a friend. This kind of characterization work is what can make or break a story for me, and TMP has it. Gold star.

The plot? Yeah. It's okay. It goes to some very interesting places with the way it handles the integration of the core concept with a human world, pulling a more realistic feeling portrayal of a world subjected to the whim of pure individualism than most have been able to achieve. I'm not sure if Nimbus realizes the critique their setting makes of Randian individualism, but if they do, then well played. 

That being said, the villain groups aren't anything new. Particularly at the start. Some drug cartels, a white supremacist group. Nothing that an experienced reader won't have seen before. The story wins back some points by opening into snippets of some tertiary groups that really helps expand on the world building, but the villains themselves feel a little boilerplate, at least early on. I won't get into it further, because spoilers, but yeah. All in all, I'd call that pretty good. 

So. TLDR. The story's good. The writing needs work. The style's fun, and the characters are great. Nothing too out of the ordinary, right? 

No. 

See. Here's where I might have to start getting a little philosophical, so take what I say from this point on with a grain or two of salt.  

Every genre, over time, will take on story after story and back up trope after trope until it feels like you've seen everything you come across a hundred times before.  

TMP doesn't do that. That, more than anything, is why it carries my recommendations. When a genre grows old and stagnant, there is, almost invariably, something new that comes along and turns everything we have learned to expect on its head. For Mecha, it was Evangelion. For Shounen, we had Hunter X Hunter. TMP isn't there yet for Isekai, nor for what I will hesitantly call LitRPGs. But it could be; and with a little more experience for the writer, then by the will of The Three, it will be.

starburst98
  • Overall Score

it is really hard to get into this becuase it jumps around to side character stories instantly, i know it may be important to the plot later but you really need to make us, the readers, care about the main character(s) before adding too many plot threads so we have a firm grasp on the primary plot thread that the side ones weave around.

Sazer
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11 chapters in...

... and this is the opinion I’ve formed of The Minotaur Paladin. Note that I’m not an experienced reviewer and the purpose of this review is to simply offer you, the author, encouragement and some room to grow and maybe an external perspective for potential readers – so take whatever I say with a grain of salt.

Story – It has an action-packed premise and I think fans of the genre would be happy with the amount it delivers consistently. It’s based off the game Exiled Kingdoms and mainly follows the journey of Garok through a post-apocalyptic Earth, so it may start off as a little confusing and difficult to keep up with for people who are unfamiliar with the game, but the story does have enough originality to be read as a standalone later.

Characters – The main characters, Garok and Clair, are interesting and well-developed with an enjoyable dynamic, but I feel the other characters introduced have not really left an impact on me so far and I wouldn’t call them memorable. Perhaps you could work on them a little more in up-coming chapters.

Grammar – The grammar and descriptions are on point. There are a few typos and punctuation mistakes in each chapter but the author is well-aware of them and works on fixing them regularly. I will probably modify the rating once it's more polished.

Style – The style of writing is unique and I quite like it. My only complaint would be that sometimes the pov switches too quickly, so it gets a bit hard to stay immersed. The dialogue could be improved a little, just in a way that would make it easier to distinguish who is speaking.

Overall, a story I have enjoyed so far and would recommend as well and props to the author for keeping me interested despite the fact that this isn’t my preferred genre. You’ve done well!

All the best for the future, L.

wslwrites
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Minotaurs have feelings too. (Spoiler alert)

There is alot of good things to be said about this story - the action flows well, the characters are empathatic if not sympathetic. The part where the minotaur takes control is golden, a very nice subversion of the genre.

I think you have done what many try to accomplish but fail to do - there is a sense of wonder, of worlds to explore within your story.

If I had any suggestions it would be that your some sentences have a tendency to start with action, and the way it is structured tends to be the same. But I would say this is on the verge on nitpicking.

Thomas Loud
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Crude, Funny, and Well-Written

The Minotaur Paladin is also action-packed by the way. Anyway to get onto the review.

Style: A unique writing style for sure and I honestly love it. The different ways in which the world is fleshed out make up a fair bit of the entertainment and comedy for the story and it's beautiful just how well it works.

Grammar: Few mistakes here and there, but nothing that ruins or really affects the overall experience in reading this story.

Story: The story of this Lit-Rpg is quite interesting with how the main focus is of Garok and Clair, yet we're constantly bouncing over to other events that are occurring while they do their whatever.  While the constant shifting of perspective is a bit hard to understand at first, adjusting to it becomes much easier as the story progress. With that said, these other events going on around the world as Gorak and Clair remain pretty street level with their adventures are all quite interesting and fun to read. This also serves to flesh out the world and what's going on pretty authentically. 

Characters: I honestly love all of the characters presented, they're all quite interesting and unique in what they're doing and it's wonderful. You have the aforementioned Clair and Gorak who have built up a pretty unique friendship so far in the story, the Goblin King (by far my favorite) who is quite an empathetic figure struggling with building his kingdom, and a lich who just wants some friends and hates rats. These are just a handful of several entertaining characters in The Minotaur Paladin, and how they all interact with the world and other characters is just perfect.

This is something I can't recommend enough, even with the few issues it does have.

Doctor Zero
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Excellent Storytelling

I first noticed L Nimbus from his reviews.  I enjoyed reading them, so it seemed logical to try one of his books.  I was not disappointed. I would recommend this book to anyone, but especially to people who read a lot.  I believe surprise, mystery, and novelty are what makes fantasy worth reading. This book delivers. Every chapter showed me something new.  Truly excellent storytelling.

I'm going to end this review with a bit of technological advice, and a few lines of encouragement.

If you are writing on mobile, use Google Docs.  It's free, it has a grammar checker that's almost as good as a human proofreader, it has decent voice-to-text when you're in a hurry, and it automatically saves to Google Cloud so you can easily switch between mobile and laptop. 

The average web novel loses 50% of its readers by chapter six, 75% by chapter twelve.  And it just gets worse from there.  It's not easy to check this on Royal Road, but check out Scribblehub or Wattpad.  Even the most popular web novels bleed users heavily in the early chapters and only 5-15% ever finish a book.  Traditional publishing has the same trajectory with multi-book series. It's just how things are. Don't stress about why people stop reading your book.  They do this with every book. It's just how people read books. It has nothing to do with the quality of your work.

If 90% of people love your book, and 10% hate it, that means it's interesting.  People are different.  I like books that are complex, original, political, and fast-paced.  Someone else will find that same book confusing, off-genre, offensive, and rushed.  You can't get a good review from both of us, it's impossible. You can mitigate bad reviews with your book description (tell'em what they're in for!), but the only way to eliminate them is by writing something so bland that it's not even worth trashing.

In conclusion, you are an excellent writer and an excellent storyteller.  I thought your first version of TMP was great.  I think your re-write is great too. Just write the story you wish you could read, and it will turn out awesome.  

I’m gonna go read Invincible Canadian Hermaphrodite Goddess Cultivator now.         

JayQue
  • Overall Score

I really want to love this

...but I find now I can.. I like the premise, and recently the writing has drastically improved, much easier to read and flows much better. Author is actively looking for an editor which should also improve the work further. Excited to see improvement!

 

Edited: 10/08

CrimsonEclipse18
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Shouldn’t this be The Minotaur Cleric?

Why Minotaur Paladin when the minotaur in question is a Cleric? It’s nothing big, just wondering. Anyway, moving on.

 

Grammar: There are plenty of typos in the novel, and not just the ones caused by a mobile. 

Story: It’s nothing new, and in fact, tries to incorporate these old ideas (cultivators, litrpg, other worlds, systems, etc.) and crams it all together in the novel. It works, somewhat, but it feels very, very bloated at times. Nothing special, but is better than most things here.

Style: I like the style of the story. The shifting perspectives can be a bit jarring at times, but it provides us with more information regarding the current events and gives us insight to new characters.

Character: This is the part that felt flat to me. Garok and Claire are fine, though I didn’t like how Claire’s backstory feels too forced and rushed, but the other characters are mostly unnecessary. The evil Cultivator guy who’s just showed up and start being evil, the goblin king who in a span of a month at most has created an underground kingdom and conveniently was transported with all of his servants, and the other human POVs that feels too unnatural and weird at times. I like the lonely Demin lich, voyeur Noble, and the pervy goblin who died too quickly, so there’s that.

 

Overall it’s just a rehashed plot and setting with a few nice twists here and there that could use better characters and character interaction. It’s nothing new, but it’s better than most.