Omni-System User

Omni-System User

by Chaos Leader

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Traumatising content

It is said when the omni system descends a new legend will rise. Lefu Delano awoke after being struck to discover the system has descend onto him. Now along with the system can he rise to the top, but the will the creatures in the dark allow it?

 

Chapter release will be Thursdays and Saturdays

Please note that this is a rough draft

Each chapters will be around 1.7k to 2k word in length.

I do not own the cover and currently looking for a new one,

 

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 133,261
  • Average Views :
  • 3,807
  • Followers :
  • 331
  • Favorites :
  • 108
  • Ratings :
  • 83
  • Pages :
  • 232
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Author
Chaos Leader

Chaos Leader

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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
Reviews
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D4nte
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

story seems interesting, worldbuilding and scene setting are completely missing,grammar is atrocious and the story is just a senseless succession of actions

 

but it has potential

FrostPrism
Overall

Intresting enought to keep me entertained as of chapter 12. Only issue is with grammer, it doesn't make reading impossible just a little more difficult.

Dustyacer
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Note: 2.5 is average for me. 5/5 is perfect, like the best book ever.

 

Okay, this is a weird one.

 

I just finished chpt 11, but it doesnt seem to be going anywhere (as of yet). The beginning makes it seem like its preparing for the greater story with small hints of each character. Kinda reminds me of Durarara. 

 

Alot of the time people act like the typical japense anime where girls shoot knives at people in anger and hot women uses whips to train people.

 

The story might be good, but its hard to tell since its slow and its not getting anywhere. 

 

The characters are mediocre, they have no real defining traits that are memorable. Most of my points in characters are from their mystery, and why they act the way they do. But, if it does not have a significant reason, then the score for the character could drop to like a 1/5.

 

Grammer and Style are normal, some mistakes here and there. But nothing that really affects your reading too much.

Douglass69
Overall

That is one strange first name but I will still bite!

ssddx
Overall

Somewhat intetesting though too early to tell how this will pan out