Gamindustri! It is the prosperous world surrounded by the big sea, where four goddesses rule over their respective nations. Until recently they had been in conflict with each other, engaged in the eternal Console War, but after a peace treaty had been established, the goddesses (also referred to as CPUs) agreed to never compete with violence and armies again, but instead with technology and Shares on the console market. These four goddesses are-

Okay, who honestly clicked on this story and doesn't know even this basic stuff? Nobody wants to read through that boring introduction again. Sorry ever-changing narrator voice, we won't need you this time!

Let's go straight to the story!


The doubtfully prosperous nation of Planeptune was hustling and bustling in the reddish light of the afternoon sun. In about an hour the many retro game shops and supermarkets sprinkled all over the metropolis were going to close business and lock up for the night. The neon lights of the various Arcades and bars would light up under the approaching black curtain of night.

But not yet. At this moment everyone was still hard at work. Everyone? Not exactly. At the center of the nation stood the titanic Planeptune Tower, base of this nation's Basilicom. And somewhere inside that spacious building was the home of the CPU revered by her people as Goddess Purple Heart.

Normally a CPU would be very busy and taking care of her numerous obligations and work related business, but Purple Heart…

Neptune: "Take this!"

…was currently lazing about in her human form. And while she was belly flopping on a giant pillow, her hands were rapidly hammering on a rectangular controller with several big buttons. She was especially fond of the big red button that allowed the small purple spaceship on the television screen to shoot bolts of energy in rapid succession.

And she wasn't alone.

Noire: "Hey! That was my target! Stop sabotaging my score, Neptune!"

The raven haired CPU of Lastation said in an annoyed tone.

Neptune: "First come, first serve my incredibly naïve rival!"

The purple haired CPU was grinning mischievously as she kept hammering the irresistible red button. She was purposely shooting down anything that got into the black ship's target area. Noire was clearly frustrated, but didn't give up.

Blanc: "Pipe down you two… I need to concentrate- WHAT THE HELL?! That was my power up you bitch!"

Vert: "My apologies. You had been so clumsily circling the screen I had simply assumed you were just on a joy ride."

The blonde, big busted CPU of Leanbox was giving her small shorthaired Lowee counterpart a soft smile. Of course for a seasoned Vert observer it was obvious that her expression was conveying the message 'As easy as taking candy from a baby.' And Blanc was a very cranky baby.

Blanc: "You've been doin' this from the very beginning! Gettin' all the good shit… How many more rocket launchers do you need to front load your shitty tin can?!"

Her hat almost fell from her rapidly shaking head as she glared at Vert.

Vert: "My my, a lady can never have too much weight to her front, wouldn't you agree dear Blanc?"

Vert almost subconsciously straightened her back, creating small earthquakes in Leanbox Canyon. The wobbling motion did catch the brown haired CPU's unwilling attention.

Blanc: "What are you trying to say- HUH?"

A beeping sound signaled that the underequipped white vessel had just exploded due to impact with a meteor. Blanc's right eye had turned red alongside the small pixilated explosion.

Neptune: "That was your last life Blanc ~"

Vert: "What a shame."

Blanc: "You distracted me on purpose cowtits….!"

Vert: "Whatever are you talking about? A dedicated gamer should be able to hold a conversation while participating in a raid and power grinding in another game at the same time."

Noire: "These standards only exist in that dark room in Leanbox's Basilicom."

She said with dulled eyes while still trying to increase her score despite Neptune's interference.

Blanc: "I'm done with this bullshit."

Her fluffy jacket was spinning in the air as she got up and stomped off the stage. Lowee's CPU was as easy to incense as always. Blanc didn't fail to 'accidentally' get her leg tangled in Vert's controller cord though. With strength uncommon for such a small girl she pulled the cord right out of the console.

Blanc: "Whoops. I'm so clumsy."

She said as her voice returned to her usual quietness. A small smile was creeping up the sides of her face as she pretended to catch herself on a chair. Vert's green space vessel was now out of control and rapidly approaching a black hole stage hazard. No amount of equipped bonus weapons could keep her out of the gravitational pull of the dark abyss now that the joystick had been ripped out of the cockpit.

Vert: "…how regrettable."

Vert huffed and crossed her arms below her bosom. She never lost her cool, but one of her brows was slightly twitching.

Blanc: "Call it karma, I guess."

Vert: "I was not referring to the game. I was not expecting your personality to be that of a child's as well."

Blanc: "As well? What else is supposed to be childlike you meat balloon?"

Her fist was raised as she glared daggers at the taller CPU. Vert rose from her seat now and sighed as if she was above this. She leaned her cheek on one of her white gloved hands and walked past Blanc.

Neptune: "You still got two extra lives left Vert!"

Planeptune's small CPU called out from over her shoulder. Vert didn't seem to be interested though. That left only Neptune and Noire in the game.

Noire: "Just you wait. Now that I got more room I'll take down the next wave all by myself."

And just as she said that she rapidly caught up to Neptune's score. She had also picked up the best power ups that were left behind by Vert's former super-upgraded ship. If this continued she could solo the final boss of the stage!

Neptune: "This is supposed to be a co-op game, Loneliest of Hearts. Has your mommy never taught you to share the juicy bits?!"

Neptune's short purple hair was swaying as she vibrated on top of her pillow like she was trying to take off into space herself.

Noire: "Don't call me that! I'm not lonely at all!"

Neptune: "I bet you've been staring at the invite I sent you for the whole of last week and been humming while dreaming of this day!"

Noire: "What?! N-no way! I only came to visit, because of our monthly CPU meeting. I didn't want to play with you all or anything…!"

Noire's lips were shaking and she hastily pushed her right hand through one of her pigtails in a fluid motion while looking away from Neptune.

Neptune: "Seriously? Even the humming part? You're worse off than I thought Nowa."

Imagining the hardworking Noire cooped up inside her office with a dreary expression until she suddenly received a text message on her inbox, followed by her sparkling eyes gaining anticipation, was all too easy. Neptune had to chuckle at the mental image.

Noire: "Oh geez, just shut up!"

She was clearly blushing, but that only gave her more reason to spite Neptune and become the MVP of this session.

Neptune: "Alright! Then let there be war upon you Dark Heart! You are a hundred years to early to beat me at a Planeptune game! Even the spaceship design was created in likeness of my HDD form, ya know?"

Noire: "Don't make me sound like the Demon King facing the destined hero or something…"

She was actually pouting. In truth she also had just wanted to take it easy and play some co-op with Neptune and the others, but it always turned out this way. All of them were simply too competitive to work together for long.


The alarm went off and signaled the arrival of the final boss. In some odd distortions of the stage a gigantic creature spawned into existence. For some reason it was strangely eggplant shaped?

Neptune: "Nep-slash!"

The energetic CPU used her final move right off the bat! The eggplant monster had lost half its life bar on the first hit. Obviously the consequence of the game breaking first player skill.

Noire: "It's so like you to waste your best move at the start of the battle."

Noire rolled her eyes and kept shooting her upgraded rapid fire weapon at the boss's weak points.

Neptune: "It's kill or be killed in this world of ours, don't you know anything?"

Noire: "That's fine by me, but I will get the last hit in."

She smiled haughtily. Just as they were closing in on beating the creature suddenly the door opened right behind them.

Nepgear: "Sis, have you seen my N-Gear? I can't find it anywhere and I wanted to show Uni that video I took of y- I mean a few cat pictures I found."

The well mannered younger Planeptune sister had appeared unannounced at the worst possible time! Why did she have to forget to knock today of all days?!

Neptune: "Nep Jr.?"

She turned towards her little sister who appeared more like she was the older one no matter how one looked at it.

Nepgear: "Oh, hello Miss Noire."

She bowed a little when she noticed the black haired CPU sitting close to Neptune, completely immersed in the game. She only nodded without turning around.

Neptune: "Aaaah!"

With eyes as big as platters Neptune refocused her gaze on the game only to notice that Noire had used the short distraction to unleash her own super move and blast the boss to smithereens! The victory fanfare was playing to underline her triumph.

Neptune: "W-w—w- But! N-no fair!"

She was holding her head with both hands and shaking it from left to right.

Noire: "Fufufu. Who is the naïve one now?"

She raised her arms to the sides and shook her head arrogantly.

Noire: "Greetings Nepgear. I guess I should thank you, even if I could have done it without you."

Neptune: "Neeeeepppuuu!"

The owner of the game, who was allegedly unbeatable at Planeptune games, was currently rolling over the floor in disbelief. It was a sad sight to behold.

Nepgear: "Oh goodness… I'm sorry Sis!"

Of course the CPU candidate immediately apologized to her sister with waving hands.

Neptune: "….."

Neptune stopped her tantrum and kept lying on her back while staring at the ceiling.

Vert: "Is that my cute little Nepgear's voice?"

Her long blonde hair was flinging around as Vert moved from the back of the huge living room to the entrance where Nepgear was still apologizing.

Nepgear: "M-miss Vert?"

She was unconsciously backing away. The goddess of Leanbox had a tendency to capture Nepgear with her womanly wiles and it was like she was succeeding faster with each consecutive game. If she wasn't careful she would change allegiances by accident.

Vert: "I told you to call me big sister ~"

While those two were playing their usual game of cat and mouse, Neptune suddenly rose into a seated position. Her finger was ominously pointing at the raven haired girl next to her.

Neptune: "Objection!"

Noire: "Huh?"

Neptune: "That was totally not cool! I'm using my veto right as the protagonist to make that last one a draw!"

Noire: "Don't be stupid. I won fair and square."

Noire crossed her arms. Now that it had come to this she wouldn't back down even if it was only due to Nepgear's interference that she won.

Neptune: "Do you really want to be a lonely winner on top of your comrade's corpses? I never expected our fan favorite to be such a cruel woman! You got one game under your belt and now you think you can just get away with a conquest route or something?"

Noire: "What are you blabbering on about?"

She was seriously not following Neptune's meta jokes.

Neptune: "What I am saying is, and I want you to scrub your lugholes for this one, so you can hear me loud and clear: No wonder you got no friends with that rotten personality, Lonely Heart!"

She pointed her index finger at Noire's forehead while posing coolly on top of her pillow.

Noire stood up as well and pointed back down at the smaller Neptune.

Noire: "I said stop calling me that! I am not lonely and I have friends!"

Neptune: "Heh."

She was grinning and had a twinkle in her right eye. Noire had stepped into the trap once again. Too easy.

Neptune: "Oh really? You know Uni doesn't count, right?"

Noire jerked back and then caught herself with a cough. She looked the other way and huffed.

Noire: "I-I know that much! Uni is my wonderful sister. Family. Of course I wasn't talking about her."

Neptune was giving her a knowing grin.

Noire: "Don't look at me like that! I have plenty of friends other than Uni!"

Nepgear: (So she does consider Uni her friend...)

She had long since lost to Vert's grappling attacks and was caught in a tight hug. Now the two of them and Blanc who had looked up from her book were watching the usual argument scene with mild interest.

Neptune: "Present the evidence then defendant ~"

Noire: "E-eh?"

Neptune: "If you got piles and piles of spare friends lying around then you can totally give me a name or two at least, Madame workaholic?"

Vert: "Now now, there is no need to put her on the spot like that. We should just graciously accept her words."

She tried to diffuse the situation while still having Nepgear's face pressed against her chest. Sadly her words had the opposite effect, making Neptune chuckle.

Noire was visibly sweating and seemed to pull back for a second. But the victory drunken Neptune was not prepared for the following words.

Noire: "W-well… there's K-sha. She's my friend."

She said with quite a bit of pride in her voice. Usually that wouldn't have been any reason for the room to get quiet or for the unbelieving stares that were now aimed at the twintailed goddess. Yes, for any other person having just a single friend was no big deal.

But this was Noire we are talking about.

Neptune: "Whozat?!"

She was totally caught off guard and was just blankly staring at her fellow CPU while pointlessly waving her finger around.

Nepgear: "'Sha'…"

That immediately rang a bell. The other two CPUs also showed signs of recognition.

Blanc: "K-sha? Isn't she that gunslinger of Gold Third?"

She mumbled. Noire nodded.

Vert: "S-sha's friend, hm?"

Uni: "Nepgear, have you found the N-Gear yet? Rom and Ram are getting a little impatient when you aren't around."

In the middle of the revelation Uni walked into the living room as well. She was also moving her hand through her twintails, which were shorter than her big sister's. Seeing Neptune in the middle of a meltdown and Noire blushing a little made her raise a brow.

Uni: "What's going on big sis?"

Noire: "N-nothing special Uni-"

She deflected the question, but was interrupted by Blanc.

Blanc: "Hey Noire's little sis."

The way she called her was a little depressing to Uni. It was like she was nonexistent except for being Noire's sister.

Uni: "Yes, Miss Blanc?"

Blanc: "Is it true that K-sha is her friend?"

She pointed her thumb at Noire who was clearly nervous. Uni tilted her head.

Uni: "Yeah sure. K-sha is my friend too by the way."

She added intentionally. They did start get along after the crisis with her trying to kill Uni was behind them.

Nepgear: "Eh? A friend of Uni's? I didn't know about that."

The purple haired CPU candidate managed to wring herself out of Vert's death lock and walked over to her friend.

Uni: "I-I don't have to tell you everything Nepgear!"

She crossed her arms in a very Noire like manner. Nepgear looked a little dejected.

Nepgear: "So I'm not dependable enough. I just want to know more about my close friend."

Uni: "C-close...?! D-don't get the wrong idea! K-sha isn't… we aren't that close. She confessed to big sis, not me!"

Another nuke just went off almost casually. Like a weird doll in a horror movie Neptune's head twisted around from Uni to Noire. She dramatically jumped on top of the sofa table.

Neptune: "I can't believe you Noire! You fraternized with our enemies that usurped our nations? You seduced her with your body? Is this the big plot twist event where an old party member switches allegiances- NEPPU?!"

Out of nowhere a golden-red boot kicked Neptune's defenseless face. It was a magnificent R*der Kick! The distortion of Neptune's fluffy cheeks in slow motion was quite a sight to behold. In an instant she was slammed into the table.

B-sha: "The hero of justice has slain the villain!"

The golden haired former member of Gold Third announced cheerfully. She was wearing a strange black eye mask that didn't hide her identity in the slightest.

Noire: "T-thanks?"

B-sha: "No problemo. Neptune is a meanie to call us her enemies."

B-sha nodded seriously.

B-sha: "That makes 1000 credits."

She stretched out her gloved hand towards Noire as if it was natural.

Noire: "…huh?"

B-sha: "You aren't a kid or elderly, so I will charge you for my services."

Neptune: "Now you've done it. Trampling on the protagonist… you have only made me stronger!"

With a jolt Neptune jumped up from the ground (her forehead was red from the impact) and pushed B-sha off balance. The small girl had been putting her boot on Neptune's back, so she was tumbling over like a twig in a storm.

Nepgear: "Sis, you know Gold Third was just being manipulated by the evil half of Uzume."

Blanc: "Kurome Ankokuboshi."

Memories of their final battle with Uzume's dark side in the Heart Dimension were still fresh in everybody's memory.

Neptune: "I knew that. I never forget any of my games' plots."

She was back to normal already.

Neptune: "So she wasn't a friend after all. Just one of your stalkers."

Noire: "Excuse me?"

Neptune: "Only nutcases and creeps fall for our poor Lonely Heart after all."

Those words hit deep. She wasn't wrong though. Noire was grinding her teeth and glaring at the triumphant Neptune.

Neptune: "Getting confessed to by a crazy girl… It's definitely an upgrade from stalker robots. Good job Noire!"

Vert: "Oh dear. She won't live that one down too soon."

Nepgear: "If only Histoire was home today."

She was unable to stop Neptune once she really got going, but Histy might have been able to end this squabble immediately. Sadly the Oracle of Planeptune had decided today of all days she would go to receive maintenance. It would probably take 3 days.

Neptune: "!? My nep sense is nepping!"

In under a second Neptune's teasing face turned white and she looked at the upper windows close to them.

Noire: "Would you stop it with the "neps" alreadyyyYYYYAAAAH?!"

Noire shrieked as Neptune came flying towards her and landed with a loud crash. The world was spinning for a few seconds and then they ended up on top of each other. More precisely Neptune was sitting on Noire's bare back while the twintailed goddess face planted.

Vert: "A sniper?"

She looked at the hole in the window. Something had put a small hole into the glass and then hit the table where Neptune had been standing. B-sha who had just gotten up again froze as she saw the small arrow stuck in the wooden surface between her legs.

Blanc: "Hm. There is a message attached to it."

She pulled the arrow out nonchalantly and ripped open the ribbon to read the message aloud.

Blanc: "'Next time I won't miss.'"

She read with a raised brow.

Neptune: "That's cheating! If you just attach that to every arrow then you can never lose."

Noire: "…ouch… why is it always me?"

Neptune: "Hahaha what can I say? My tush and your back are just totally compatible ~"

Blanc: "There is more… 'Don't insult my Noire or I will punish you. I'm not afraid, even if you are a CPU.'"

Hearing those passionate words coming from Blanc's quiet voice was certainly off putting.

Uni: "Oh K-sha…"

It was painfully obvious who the marksman was. Uni put one hand on her face in exasperation. She took the arrow and checked it out.

Nepgear: "What's wrong Uni?"

Uni: "It's a poisoned arrow. If that hits someone it will paralyze them for 16 hours straight."

Neptune: "No way! I almost became, like, the cutest lifelike wax figure ever…"

Neptune's face was a little blue now. She jumped on to her feet and looked around carefully. Of course she was still standing on top of Noire.

Neptune: "Not afraid, eh? I'm not buying that from a cowardly sniper. Someone could have gotten hurt."

To emphasize her point she slammed her fist against her hand and stomped down.

Noire: "Urgh…"

Uni: "Big sis?! She is losing consciousness!"

Neptune: "It's time to catch that camper and fight her mano a mano. So just let me go HDD!"

Uni: "Could you first get off of her please?"

Before Neptune could make good on her threat though, a shadow jumped through the already broken window. The dark figure landed on the ground in a cool pose that was pushing her on one knee and stretching her right arm to the side.

Uni: "Have you been out there this whole time K-sha?"

She asked already knowing the answer.

K-sha: "I was just… around by coincidence."

That obvious lie went over her small lips way too easily. Her cute voice was in stark contrast to her somewhat scary facial expression. Where did she pull that Uzi from?

Neptune: "That high school girl is supposed to be my assassin? I have seen that plot somewhere before."

K-sha was always wearing her red and black school uniform, but her silky black hair was a little chaotic right now. Probably because she had been on top of the windy Planeptune Tower for a while.

K-sha: "I-I'm no assassin."

She stammered.

Blanc: "Would be more convincing if that thing wasn't in your hand."

K-sha looked surprised and hastily hid the gun behind her back. Her awkward smile afterwards was not helping.

Neptune: "This stalker klutz must be Noire's crazy suitor then."

For some reason she felt the need to snicker while saying that.

K-sha: "S-suitor?! Do I really look like that? Me and Noire…. Ehehehe."

Neptune: "Woah, she's blushing. She's totally nuts."

Nepgear: "Sis, that's not polite."

Neptune: "She did try to paralyze me to do who knows what to my supple body, Nep Jr. Politeness is the least of my worries."

K-sha: "Who cares about your childish body?"

Her retort was so completely honest that it almost crushed Nep's pride right then and there.

K-sha: "Please step off my Noire! You are hurting her."

Neptune: "Say whaaat?"

She only now realized that she was still standing on a Noire shaped cushion. The grunts from below should have been a sign…

Uni pulled her sister up from the floor. Noire was rubbing her hurting back and shoulders with an exhausted expression.

K-sha: "You are just a big bully Miss Neptune."

Neptune: "I'm not! Anymore! I changed my ways since Victory."

Nepgear: "So you admit that you were bullying me back then, Sis?"

The purple haired CPU and the former Gold Third member were now glaring at each other from close up. Noire finally decided to stop this fight and pushed them apart with her hands.

Noire: "It's fine K-sha. Neptune is just being… Neptune."

K-sha: "B-but Noire! She said you have no friends and only weirdoes could love you."

Noire: "Did you really have to repeat it?!"

K-sha put one hand over her mouth and looked pitifully at Neptune. Neptune's white hairclips were blinking.

Neptune: "What's with that look that says 'I would put you in the back row for the whole game and never grind your levels'?"

K-sha: "I see now. You can't handle Noire's friendship. She is just too good for you, so you are dragging her down to your level."

Neptune: "Eeeh? C-come again?"

Vert: "They do say love makes blind."

Banc: "Heart shaped eyes reduce vision…"

K-sha: "Noire accepted me as her friend despite all the things I did… Then what does that say about you who is still not her friend?"

Neptune: "Neppu?! This is slander! My friendship power is far beyond that of a newly introduced side-character! It's a protagonist's main resource to save the world."

Nepgear: "P-please let's calm down Sis."

Neptune: "You don't get it Nep Jr. My pride as a main character is brought into question. What will the fans think?"

She made big gestures as if this was a big deal now.

Neptune: "K-sha, was it? So you are Noire's friend, righty?"

K-sha: "Y-yes!"

That made Noire's heart jump a little. It was nice to hear it no matter how many times it was repeated.

Neptune: "Weak sauce. If you're her friend then I will just become her Best Friend!"

Noire: "What?!"

K-sha: "W-well then I will be her Best Friend Forever!"

Noire: "Ahahah?!"

The twintailed CPU was losing it in between the rapid fire of words those two girls were dishing out. She shook her head repeatedly to regain her cool.

Noire: "I'm right here you two. D-don't think I am just some easy girl…! I decide who becomes my friend."

Why did she have to say it like that? Now she would be drawn into this fight and made to choose. She inwardly scolded herself.

Neptune: "It's on! Let's compete for the socially awkward tsundere goods then. Nobody gets between me and my monthly dose of fun."

K-sha: "Understood."

Sparks were flying between the two unlikely rivals. The others were just looking at the mess with sweat drops running down their heads. This sounded like it was going to be a bigger problem.

Nep suddenly turned towards the direction of the screen and gave a thumbs up.

Neptune: "Next time, same Nep hour, the same Nep channel: The war over Black Heart's lonely heart begins!"


Blanc: "Did she just…?"

Vert: "Yes, that was the preview for the next chapter."

Blanc: "I think I'll sit this one out."

Vert: "I find it quite amusing actually."

Uni: "Nepgear, what about the N-Gear?"

Nepgear: "Ah! I forgot. I gave it to Uzume and the other Neptune."

Uni: "You're so scatterbrained sometimes."

Nepgear: "I'm sorry."

Uni: "N-no I don't really mind. Rom and Ram are probably going to be disappointed though."

IF: "Okay, okay, that's enough. Will you just let this end already?"

Nepgear: "IF? When did you arrive here?"

IF: "You're drawing this out so much that I had to come back from the next chapter to stop you. Seriously you guys. That's all. Go home now. See you next time."

To be continued


About the author


Bio: I write stories sometimes.

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