Lore of Hegira

by TonyaRMoore

Original HIATUS Action Adventure Sci-fi Female Lead Male Lead Multiple Lead Characters Strong Lead

Hegira, a leviathan ship, is home to thousands of alien races. The ship of legend, left behind by a nearly extinct race of beings called starchasers, is a powerhouse barreling across galaxies. There are many who seek to take control of this rare jewel, but to rule this ship, one must control her pilot. 

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TonyaRMoore

TonyaRMoore

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Onch
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An Interesting Sci-Fi novel

The grammar is nearly flawless, the author cares about her work and it shows. The setting is truly unique and interesting, a massive old spaceship flying around the universe while collecting various species is a great idea. It has great potential, and it raises many questions: Why does the Hegira exist? What’s its destination? I hope the author explores this great setting properly.

The worldbuilding is great: We learn about the world through the eyes of the characters, there’s never a large exposition dump. The world is revealed to the reader organically, it always flows well with the story and never feels forced. The descriptions are great and detailed; they help the reader to really feel immersed in the story’s world. Each character has a distinct personality and feels real, they are not bland cardboard cutouts and it’s always nice to see.

However, the author is sometimes too wordy and certain paragraphs feel like they're just here to inflate the word count.

Mopps
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Keep in mind future readers and author, I write as a hobby so take my words with a grain of salt.

So first off the grammar was excellent didn't see any flaws/misspellings. The story is pretty good so far, I'm immersed in the setting, the pacing is good, I'm enjoying the world building and such of the sci-fi-ness of it, and it is introduced naturally but there is a good amount of info to digest. The characters were interested but a few moments felt flat at times, but overall I enjoy what they do and think and say. Again with time they will be more fleshed out and enjoyed more often as well with the story which I think is good, and exciting for the story. The style score was half/half for me, the prose was great it was descriptive but the problem was it may have been TOO descriptive/wordy. The first paragraph even I had to slow down and digest everything which slowed me down and pulled me out (although I may just be a little slow if it pulled me out that much it may be better to split the sentences up a little better! If the author worked on the wordiness, in general, it would be better, in my opinion, to get through it, but the words were important and the variety was excellent just the amount was a bit too much at times! Was an interesting read and look forward to future chapters!

theyank
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A sci fi story for the intellectual

Lore of Hegira is a complex sci-fi with a wide cast of characters and an interesting concept, clearly written by someone with an advanced understanding of the english language. However, it is not without its pitfalls.
Grammar: 5/5
Starting with the easiest to critique. No complaints here, didn't pick out any mistakes from my read-through.
Story: 5/5
The fiction is set in a unique sci-fi world that the author has clearly put a lot of thought into. There is a lot of underlying lore in the narration, and each of their alien races possess their own unique characteristsics. I also like concept of the ship and all its alien races. The plot itself has yet to unravel, but what I've read so far seems promising.
Character: 4/5
Here is where things start to fall flat for me. Although each character has their own unique traits, they are simply introduced too quickly (especially in the opening chapter) for me to connect with them. I think this is mainly because of the actual writing itself, which was the biggest gripe I had with this fiction. I will expand on this in
Style: 3/5
The diction and word choice itself is solid, and the flow is decent. There are a few paragraphs and sentences that try to cram too much into them, but otherwise, it's clear the author knows how to string together a good description.
The main reason I didn't like the style is that too much info was exposited at once, especially in the beginning. A sci-fi world itself is already harder to describe and ground than something like a fantasy, since fantasy is mainly based on medieval european settings, whereas in sci-fi you need to describe things from scratch. In the space of one 3000 word chapter, I, as a reader was exposed to several important tidbits regarding specific factions, locations, important incidents. I was also introduced to several characters from different alein species (each requiring their own descriptions and backgrounds).
It was a very dense read that only got better towards the inciting incident. I feel that if more time was taken focusing on the characters and dumping the world-building later, it would have been a better read. It wasn't immediately clear what the goal was for the main characters (or even who the main characters were, for that matter). This was slowly cleared in further chapters, however.

wslwrites
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I like your writing, and I like the concept.

One suggestion I can make is, I'm constantly being introduced to terms that I have no idea what it means. Just taking from your first chapter, right off the bat, There's stuff like  headhunter, Lloran, Koros tower, Molokai woods etc. And it goes on. I don't know what they are, some details I can glean as I read through but most are never mentioned again. There is hardly any context to them with regards to the narrative.

How does the Koros tower and Molokai woods fit into the story, or any of your other names/places?

This could make any inital read kinda empty - theres so many holes to fill, with regards to how a reader visualizes/internalizes what's written.

The one thing I can compare it to is when an expert talk to you about a subject that he specializes in - he uses alot of terms a layman wouldn't understand. Only those in the know would get it. First time readers would not be in the know.

But one thing's for sure - you definitely spent alot of time worldbuilding and creating these places and people. I get the sense that there may be some notebooks filled to the brim with details about your world. But for me to appreciate that, you need to dumb it down for the layman.